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Deep Sick of it all.

I wonder why NONE OF THE SUICIDE AGENTS that aren't painful are available

and realize I live in NAZI GERMANY
fuck you HITLER I HATE YOU TRUMPF
^^
Everyone is so mean.
meanie meanie meanie.

what's your sign.
i think i know why.

but maybe i really don't.
it's all that long term
non-blackout.
 
Went and took 2 doses :/ Its already gotten a bit better luckily.
oh you should be relatively OK man

I knew this group of mdma loving peeps who would get the 200mg pure MDMA tablets, tested and everything, they were *strong* I've only had one press stronger my whole life, and these kids would take 5-10 spaced out through the night; one of them took ten in one go and obviously had a not-so-pleasant time. one of 'em would take it every day like, every, day they could.

I think you'll be feeling great soon again man. <3
 
Those sound wild as fuck doses. I remember when I took mdma first time and dosed 450mg total. Had a fun time helping my friend move out the next day :ROFLMAO:
 
Those sound wild as fuck doses. I remember when I took mdma first time and dosed 450mg total. Had a fun time helping my friend move out the next day :ROFLMAO:
Dude at 200-ish MG my eyes are wiggling uncontrollably and euphoria waves. At 450mg I would have cardiac issues I AM SURE.

2g and I would be one of those "dead dehydrated ravers".

Fuck MDMA just do meth IMO. Way better. MDMA is terrible. MDA, on the other hand.... :love:

for some reason

amphetamine < methamphetamine
MDMA < MDA

[in terms of MDMA and MDA]
MA = methamphetamine
A = amphetamine
MD= methylenedioxy

Go figure? Maybe sekio wanders into words and gives me a [metaphorical hetero] towel slapping on my bare buttocks. NO ERECTIONS just a brief smile.

[no homo]
 
Does mda affect serotonin so much? It would propably work better for me too. And yeah meth is leagues better than amph, since meth also makes what you do fun.
 
Does mda affect serotonin so much? It would propably work better for me too. And yeah meth is leagues better than amph, since meth also makes what you do fun.
I don't know the diff. but

when I IV'd MDA I had a IV DMT - like experience and it was

SO EUPHORIC and

SO BEAUTIFUL

and was more "lovely" and less "Deep".....

only words I can use.

IV 100mg MDA (this could kill someone DO AT YOUR OWN RISK KNOW YOUR HEART HAVE SOMEONE SOBER YOU TRUST WATCH YOU OK?) and I don't know what dosage IV DMT (sorry? i eyeballed it)
 
when ppl tell me how "great" MDMA is, I think, yeah that's how I feel with oral 20mg 2c-I or IM 5mg 2c-E.

MDMA is like eye-shaking weirdness. 8(
 
I want to try methylone. Dont think I have ever had it. When I have had 2c/ drugs they have always put me in a mental tetris/pac-man trip 😂
 
I am insecure, self hating and extremely impatient with myself. I have been and will continue to work on these things.

[now I'm trying POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS like those work LOL]

but I did survive in some of the worst moments and creatively made a new music project so that's cool and exaggerating the negative thoughts/intrusive images what not, through sentimentalism and what not was very cathartic and it makes me realize "if I'm not feeling this bad today, then I am improving".

Like with words drawing a figurative sharpie line around the missed shot. Of a mental disorder.

Haha.

What beautiful imagery. I'm sure only injecting drug users would love that one.
 
I can work on my issues even if it hurts to, and even when I do and feel bad afterwards it still means I'm making progress or at the very least, trying to and that does count for something.
 
If I wake up feeling the same way it's OK because it won't be that way every day; for then I would realize I am no longer alive. Life often renders emotions continually moving and that's part of the ups and downs and joy (remember your Aus friend who said something along the lines of this) and you have to wait for the ups. IT IS COMING. Good things are COMING.
 
Some depressive mood disorders might have an positive effect for creativity. Upon identifying several studies and analyzing data involving individuals with high levels of creativity, Christa Taylor was able to conclude that there is a clear positive relationship between creativity and depressive mood. A possible reason is that having a low mood could lead to new ways of perceiving and learning from the world, but it is unable to account for certain depressive disorders. The direct relationship between creativity and depression remains unclear, but the research conducted on this correlation has shed light that individuals who are struggling with a depressive disorder may be having even higher levels of creativity than normal people, and would be a close topic to monitor depending on the future trends of how creativity will be perceived and demanded.

aaah. makes sense.
 
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