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Think I need therapy

Sirena Oscura

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Jul 22, 2020
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1,048
Mmm... Look, no contest verbally berating someone or being passive aggressive (which make no mistake, “taking the piss” the way you have described it is just passive aggressive) is below physically damaging property or harming someone/physical assault. It doesn’t mean it’s “good” healthy or constructive though. Humour is indeed a defence mechanism but when used in this way to mock and shame a person is not right.

Not trying to tell you what to do- by all means, that is YOUR way of dealing with situations. Just saying what a psychologist would say about that behaviour and what they consider to be “healthy and constructive” is assertive communication (not aggression or passive aggression). No one is perfect, not having a go at you, mate. Just saying.

I get that it’s hard to tell people how their behaviour makes you feel and having a serious conversation with them- it makes you vulnerable, they could mock you, and humour is a good way to deflect the seriousness that nobody likes and bonus by mocking them first they’re less likely to mock you. Especially in some circles this is the most and often ONLY way of communicating with others. It makes sense. It’s just not what a trained professional would call healthy and constructive. (Passive aggression rarely works)
 

AutoTripper

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Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
1,842
Mmm... Look, no contest verbally berating someone or being passive aggressive (which make no mistake, “taking the piss” the way you have described it is just passive aggressive) is below physically damaging property or harming someone/physical assault. It doesn’t mean it’s “good” healthy or constructive though. Humour is indeed a defence mechanism but when used in this way to mock and shame a person is not right.

Not trying to tell you what to do- by all means, that is YOUR way of dealing with situations. Just saying what a psychologist would say about that behaviour and what they consider to be “healthy and constructive” is assertive communication (not aggression or passive aggression). No one is perfect, not having a go at you, mate. Just saying.

I get that it’s hard to tell people how their behaviour makes you feel and having a serious conversation with them- it makes you vulnerable, they could mock you, and humour is a good way to deflect the seriousness that nobody likes and bonus by mocking them first they’re less likely to mock you. Especially in some circles this is the most and often ONLY way of communicating with others. It makes sense. It’s just not what a trained professional would call healthy and constructive. (Passive aggression rarely works)
Ultimately, I can't logically disagree. We should practise love, compassion, empathy always.

I have just always been a natural born joker at heart. It's written into me.

If you knew me personally you would see I have a very good, well balanced, natural sense of humour.
 

Atelier3

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Joined
Sep 28, 2019
Messages
4,178
Ah yea dedffo have loads im quite fucked up when people first meet me they think im a sound dude intelligent creative kind normal work and that always up for partying and having a,laugh but the more you get to know me you realise how crazy I can be thats how ive lost most relationships its dosent take long to see my crazy side and its not pretty but when I calm down im the nicest person feel bad and a bit ill and disappointed for any anti social behaviour
That really dualist kind of personality sounds familiar. I’ve never been violent but I was basically cool, calm, polite and friendly most of the time interspersed with periods of seething anger and hate at anything and everything at which point I’d go on a drug bender or other kinds of extreme and risky behaviour to deal with it. After seeing a few psychiatrists who all said it was bi-polar exacerbated by very heavy alcohol consumption which stemmed from childhood trauma I just went with that. Eventually I mostly got rid of all the nasty and crazy with a few meds, quitting alcohol, and getting lots of therapy. Have you looked into any kind of psychiatric explanation?
 

AutoTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
1,842
That really dualist kind of personality sounds familiar. I’ve never been violent but I was basically cool, calm, polite and friendly most of the time interspersed with periods of seething anger and hate at anything and everything at which point I’d go on a drug bender or other kinds of extreme and risky behaviour to deal with it. After seeing a few psychiatrists who all said it was bi-polar exacerbated by very heavy alcohol consumption which stemmed from childhood trauma I just went with that. Eventually I mostly got rid of all the nasty and crazy with a few meds, quitting alcohol, and getting lots of therapy. Have you looked into any kind of psychiatric explanation?
Well done and good settingban example and sharing with encouragement.

Will power, desire, maybe MOST of all, Belief, are so fundamental.

Hence positive, successful testimony and encouragement is so important.

Happy a happy as New Year yourself, big respect always to you mods for your selfless work. From Bedford UK lol! Me and mum here alone it will be.

No indoor or even garden mixing is legal in UK atm, so it's well tough for pretty severe anxiety and mental health cases like my own.

Just hanging tough. Thank God for Kava, Cannabis and Etizolam for now.

See you on the other side I'm sure.
 

Sirena Oscura

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Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
1,048
Ultimately, I can't logically disagree. We should practise love, compassion, empathy always.

I have just always been a natural born joker at heart. It's written into me.

If you knew me personally you would see I have a very good, well balanced, natural sense of humour.
I’m sure you’re lovely :)
 

Sirena Oscura

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
1,048
That really dualist kind of personality sounds familiar. I’ve never been violent but I was basically cool, calm, polite and friendly most of the time interspersed with periods of seething anger and hate at anything and everything at which point I’d go on a drug bender or other kinds of extreme and risky behaviour to deal with it. After seeing a few psychiatrists who all said it was bi-polar exacerbated by very heavy alcohol consumption which stemmed from childhood trauma I just went with that. Eventually I mostly got rid of all the nasty and crazy with a few meds, quitting alcohol, and getting lots of therapy. Have you looked into any kind of psychiatric explanation?
Oh yeah, that reminds me of what else I was going to say (not to you Atelier sorry)

So there could be a lot of underlying conditions that could cause this... which is important to work out in terms of treatment approach, but just throwing this out there because this is the *vibe* I got with no actual evidence to support it... (and this could also be as a result of an underlying issue or drug use) but OP talks of a sudden explosive rage like it comes out of no where- which may be the case, maybe they have intermittent explosive disorder BUT- OP also mentioned events *leading up to* the episode of rage they gave as an example. I posit that, the rage may not so much have come out of no where... but as a build up, which the OP may or may not have been aware of. Lots of people have trouble identifying emotions, it’s quite possible OP was experiencing some anger before lashing out and therapy could help you to learn to identify those feelings when they’re low or at a tolerable level before they get bad and respond to them appropriately, like talking assertively with the persons involved.

It’s like a well. You ignore the feelings and they just build up and up and up until they overflow, which in this case means becoming physically aggressive.

Again, talking out my ass cos for all we know the drugs and alcohol just make you more likely to “snap”. But if you do notice things happens that you don’t like and don’t say anything until it gets worse and THEN you flip... probably better to talk to the person before that happens.
 

Atelier3

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Joined
Sep 28, 2019
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4,178
Oh yeah, that reminds me of what else I was going to say (not to you Atelier sorry)
I think you make a really good point. I’ve met a lot of people that are calm or quiet 99 % of the time and you think they are super chill but then they suddenly snap as their suppressd and unprocessed negative emotions eventually boil over when they are stressed or affected by drugs an alcohol.

My father is a bit like that - suddenly goes into a foul mood for no discernable reason every few months. He is otherwise conflict avoidant and an emotion-free zone.
 

Drspazz69

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 31, 2020
Messages
3
Really glad I found his thread, dont know how when I searched for "heroin single use" but still glad. At 24, I'm coming to terms that my anger is exacerbated with some to heavy alcohol consumption. In recent months I have lashed out violently at my SO which has never been a common trait for me until recently. Usually 99% calm and happy but under stress and being poked I find myself amping myself up into a violent rage of screaming and bashing my head in with my fists. I cant count how many times I have tried to hit my skull in as hard as I could with my fists or hit my head on the floor and through a door, many nights going to sleep with a concussion hoping I dont wake up. Recently I believe I blacked out in a violent drunken rage just the other week and may face legal repercussions from it. I've seen a therapist for almost 6months now and a psychiatrist for 4 who's placed me on lexapro and 600mg of gabapentin daily. Although I have not been taking the lexapro due to fear of ED, I've had negative effects from zoloft and another SSRI I've forgot the name of. I've lossed my friends due to the abuse of my SO, lossed them officially and have broken their heart numerous times because they've always believed I would change and as much as I thought I've worked on myself and have went couple months of no blow ups I have failed them once again. My dr.s have not diagnosed me with anything other then anxiety and mood swings. I will be checking myself into an "in out " facility next couple weeks to have a real eval of myself and show my SO and their family that this is the better choice that I've needed for a long time rather than jail time. I'm really hoping for change within myself this 2021 despite how bad things will get, just my prediction. Just needed to vent BL, thank you.
 

Higherfocus420

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Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
166
Location
uk
That really dualist kind of personality sounds familiar. I’ve never been violent but I was basically cool, calm, polite and friendly most of the time interspersed with periods of seething anger and hate at anything and everything at which point I’d go on a drug bender or other kinds of extreme and risky behaviour to deal with it. After seeing a few psychiatrists who all said it was bi-polar exacerbated by very heavy alcohol consumption which stemmed from childhood trauma I just went with that. Eventually I mostly got rid of all the nasty and crazy with a few meds, quitting alcohol, and getting lots of therapy. Have you looked into any kind of psychiatric explanation?

That really dualist kind of personality sounds familiar. I’ve never been violent but I was basically cool, calm, polite and friendly most of the time interspersed with periods of seething anger and hate at anything and everything at which point I’d go on a drug bender or other kinds of extreme and risky behaviour to deal with it. After seeing a few psychiatrists who all said it was bi-polar exacerbated by very heavy alcohol consumption which stemmed from childhood trauma I just went with that. Eventually I mostly got rid of all the nasty and crazy with a few meds, quitting alcohol, and getting lots of therapy. Have you looked into any kind of psychiatric explanation?
yea i was diagnosed with adhd as a kid and was sectioned when 19 and the doctor thought I am bipolar but I always questioned it as I was on a lot of drugs then a lot more than I am nowdays and drinking deffo excabate the situation and is a trigger it's new years eve tonight and I've been invited to a gathering but am scared to drink it seems to be getting worse
 

Atelier3

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Joined
Sep 28, 2019
Messages
4,178
yea i was diagnosed with adhd as a kid and was sectioned when 19 and the doctor thought I am bipolar but I always questioned it as I was on a lot of drugs then a lot more than I am nowdays and drinking deffo excabate the situation and is a trigger it's new years eve tonight and I've been invited to a gathering but am scared to drink it seems to be getting worse
I followed the directions from the psychiatrist for what he said was bi-polar (and also ADHD) for about 7 years. Took all the meds though it took a while to find the right ones as they all have side effects. With therapy, after about 5 years during which I was clean from all illegal drugs I felt like I was a completely different person and my life became much less chaotic and I began to have a few successes. Then I gradually wound back the bi-polar meds and only took the ADHD meds. By that point I simply had no desire to drink anymore and I had no real anger or rage any more either. I did slip up and get hooked on meth for a while but even that didn’t bring back all the anger I used to have. I don’t think the label a psychiatrist or psychologist gives you matters very much so long as the problematic thinking and behaviours are correctly identified and worked on. Psychiatric meds can also help you change and they are definitely not a life sentence. Gradually you can learn to do without them.

In Australia every social situation is well lubricated with alcohol and it seemed impossible and social suicide to me to not drink. But it turned out to be pretty easy to just say you don’t want a drink and to tell people to get lost if they keep insisting that you do.

I wish you the best of luck working through this. As you can see from the responses to your post there are quite a few people here who have support to offer too. Whatever happens on NYE, it’s just another night and you can start moving forward a day or two later if it turns out to be a big night. Tomorrow is always another day and another opportunity to start making changes. Yesterday is history. Best not to dwell on it too much.
 

Higherfocus420

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
166
Location
uk
I followed the directions from the psychiatrist for what he said was bi-polar (and also ADHD) for about 7 years. Took all the meds though it took a while to find the right ones as they all have side effects. With therapy, after about 5 years during which I was clean from all illegal drugs I felt like I was a completely different person and my life became much less chaotic and I began to have a few successes. Then I gradually wound back the bi-polar meds and only took the ADHD meds. By that point I simply had no desire to drink anymore and I had no real anger or rage any more either. I did slip up and get hooked on meth for a while but even that didn’t bring back all the anger I used to have. I don’t think the label a psychiatrist or psychologist gives you matters very much so long as the problematic thinking and behaviours are correctly identified and worked on. Psychiatric meds can also help you change and they are definitely not a life sentence. Gradually you can learn to do without them.

In Australia every social situation is well lubricated with alcohol and it seemed impossible and social suicide to me to not drink. But it turned out to be pretty easy to just say you don’t want a drink and to tell people to get lost if they keep insisting that you do.

I wish you the best of luck working through this. As you can see from the responses to your post there are quite a few people here who have support to offer too. Whatever happens on NYE, it’s just another night and you can start moving forward a day or two later if it turns out to be a big night. Tomorrow is always another day and another opportunity to start making changes. Yesterday is history. Best not to dwell on it too much.
yea cheers thanks for shedding some wisdom and support 2020 has been a a right shitstorm for everyone so I hope everyone has a banging new year with lots of love and laughs sending good vibe to everyone 💗
 

RowdyMic

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 16, 2020
Messages
135
it is odd that your spiritual and all that but have anger issues.. seems like you might be bipolar.
 

Xorkoth

🎨 ARTministrator 🎨
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Feb 8, 2006
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In the mountains
Bipolar is characterized by longer fluctuations between lows and highs. Sounds more like borderline personality disorder or another personality disorder spectrum thing to me. These disorders are the result of unresolved childhood trauma generally, and result in "switches" in the personality which, when tripped, cause extreme behavior and emotions.

To the OP, it's good that you want to change and address it and feel bad about it. I definitely think you need to seek therapy, if you work at it, you can eventually get to a better place where you aren't lashing out at people like that.
 

December Flower

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Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
443
I can practically feel the spirituality stab me with a rambo knife.

Kidding aside, I can absolutely understand your fear, choleric "anger attacks" run in my family. When I was younger, and in a blind rage I would punch a wall until my fists bled. I never hurt a living being besides me, but I know the fear of doing so - main reason I never wanted kids, my father could not refrain himself from letting his anger out on us kids, when he had an attack.

What helps me personally is stimming. Self-stimulatory behaviour. I close my eyes and force-feed myself a rhythm (really concentrating on tapping that rhythm with my feet or fingers), usually shutting myself entirely from my surroundings, for around 30-60 minutes, depending on the attack. A fidget spinner also helps, or a stress-ball or sth, it's all the same idea.
It doesn't always work perfectly, but it does work to just use all that anger to focus on something repetitive and self-stimulatory.

That might not be your personal way of stimming, you can try around a bit to find something that really relaxes you, some ppl like running their hands across soft surfaces, some ppl rock back and forth, or blink their eyes, or repeating certain noises/words.

This is to block environmental stimuli, and as someone who has Autism: trust me, it works. You can make yourself entirely zone out with this, I often do it just to space out and be able to calmly think about something.

Once I'm further down the anger-tree, and I can meditate, I usually do that to make the rage disappear fully.
 

Keif' Richards

Moderator: BDD, OD
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Diyarbakir, Turkey Sept. 2020!!!!
Violence is like a drug, yes. I know, there's not one among us who can honestly say they didn't murder a hooker or two during their Rumpspringa only to return to framing houses and fucking goats back in the cornfields as if nothing had happened. We have all been there.

I'm not serious and I agree that some of the most that there are some pretty serious issues going on here as an observer just trying to understand. If you indeed want to talk to a therapist, I'll help you find a good one or even a psychiatrist who is willing to fulfill both roles?, PsyD's appointments have gotten shorter in length and longer on money to the point that you typically talk to a person for less than 10 minutes an appointment, when you could easily talk to someone for hours and hours about the most minute of situations.

I'm not denying that you don't use drugs. In fact, I would wager you do, simply because that's what statistics would indicate. I don't wish to analyze you but I want you to know that there are a lot of folks out there struggling with the same feelings and emotions. I mean anxiety and loneliness, desperation etc. I'm not necessarily violent, but violence is in your head and it's up to you whether you act upon it or hold back.

Anyway. I'm going to move this from Basic Drug Discussion because it really seems to be more of direct Mental Health concern. Let me see if I can find a better spot for it.
 

Atelier3

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Joined
Sep 28, 2019
Messages
4,178
The other thing I found to be connected to my anger problems was ruminating. Obsessively thinking about the same issue without ever processing it and resolving it.

Sometimes it was things that hapened to me as a kid amd my parents not protecting me. At other times it was some perceived injustice I suffered at school or work. Basically just stewing in my own juices endlessly.

My psychiatriatrist labellex it Obsessive Only Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (just the thoughts and not the repetitive behaviour) and prescribed Abilify which really helped.

However, my psychologist said it had no label and I just needed to be ‘mindful’ of when my mind was in a negative loop and constantly practice diverting my thoughts to something happy and constructive. That took years to learn but now it’s basically automatic and I don’t take the Abilify any more. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy takes a long time to learn but it does many things SSRI’s and anti-psychotics do without any side effects.
 

psychlo0015

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May 26, 2015
Messages
102
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California
first things first get all of the knives and weapons out of your possession... only have butter knives and spoons and forks... get therapy for sure it will help change the way you react to certain situations but most of all you need to come off of the drugs. You sound like you have a short fuse due to being highly reactive and volatile due to drug use. You need to come off all of the drugs if you want to have any chance in hell otherwise it sounds like you will end up in prison where you will be forced off the drugs... you wont be able to drink or smoke weed or anything like that.
 

G_Chem

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Apr 17, 2015
Messages
3,065
I used to be just like this.. Fuck with me and I’ll get you back 10x worse kinda person. What turned me around was realizing that karma is real and any time I’m wronged if I can keep my cool it’s just one more way to accrue positive karma.

Since realizing this every time someone does me wrong and I keep cool and move on, I’m rewarded for my patience. I can think of many instances where a lot of good came to be afterwards.

I also had too many times younger where my anger got me in trouble, getting arrested for fighting and what not.

That said, if I’m physically threatened or anyone close to me is I won’t even hesitate to drop whoever. I just don’t blow up over something like a stupid insult or getting cut off in traffic.

-GC
 

Atelier3

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Joined
Sep 28, 2019
Messages
4,178
It also helps to mentally put 99.9 % of people in a box labelled “really not fucking worth the effort”.

Then just get on with living your best life.

For most decent people the actual risk of physical harm to you, your friends, or loved ones will only come from the 0.1 % anyway. Most such people already have lengthy records.

If you are a stand-up citizen and are unlucky to interact with one of them and find the need to assault them in self-defence you’ll likely get off at worst and be thought a hero at best
 
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