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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

hydroazuanacaine

bluelighter
Joined
May 17, 2007
Messages
7,954
i have not been a good person. using drugs that make you confused while my dad is sick in a confusing way. from this point on i will not use anything except to taper off what i have to. i am sorry. all i want is for my dad to be ok. all i want is for my dad to be ok.
 
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Gloomp

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 2, 2020
Messages
473
My spiritual nausea with the human race has finally crossed over through my blood-brain-barrier and down my spine into literal, guttural nausea. Gudrun Von Tevenar, some Northern European fagioli sounding intellectual, published a journal article on Friedrich Nietzsche's conceptualization, and intellectual discourse of hurling vomit. Reading the papers abstract, something abounds to a moonstruck conclusion of fanciful bullshit: i.e., Nietzsche literally had bouts of severe nausea and worked it into his writings. And now here I am, nauseated from my hyperthyroidism complications, name dropping and throwing shade at Northern Europeans. "Eternal Reoccurrence" anyone? Ya ... no one will understand that reference ...

On top of being nauseated, my insomnia has gotten so bad that i'm bearing difficulties holding my mental faculties to its frayed ends. Thank glad-happy-smiling -buckets-of-kittens im on copious amounts of Klonopin. My .... *says affectionately* ... Klonie's. Come here, Klonie! Oh Klonie! Sing to me! ♫♪♫ Meow! Meow! Purrr. :3

And oh ya, my $900 worth of cannabis has all been smoked (medicinally — $900 of medicinally charged, you know ...). And the dispensary I get it from is closed for about a month or longer due to Covid-19. So we're on the freight train to Fuck-All Borrough's, baby! Straight into the fucking dirt! We're not going anywhere, anymore, ever. This mindset garners only the unzipping of my pants. I refuse to let other peoples ineffectual misery override my effectual volition of my own misery. I call it, "Nausea's Novelties." I can go on all night long confusing suffering for sex, but I don't think many-a-women's 'lipped, moist lady parts' would last a minute or two. I am a fucking monster.
 

Gloomp

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 2, 2020
Messages
473
i have not been a good person. using drugs that make you confused while my dad is sick in a confusing way. from this point on i will not use anything except to taper off what i have to. i am sorry. all i want is for my dad to be ok. all i want is for my dad to be ok.
Your dad wouldn't happen to watch iCarly habitually on Nickelodeon, would he?
 

hydroazuanacaine

bluelighter
Joined
May 17, 2007
Messages
7,954
the corona virus. good joke. sorry if not in the right mood for humor. though even if i was funny, that one went over my head.

best with overcoming your insomnia. i know how maddening it can be. especially if it goes more than one night.
 

Gloomp

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 2, 2020
Messages
473
the corona virus. good joke. sorry if not in the right mood for humor. though even if i was funny, that one went over my head.

best with overcoming your insomnia. i know how maddening it can be. especially if it goes more than one night.

Aw, thanks. Much obliged. I deal with my quarantine by imagining i'm the worlds greatest electric guitarist and pretend im in front of thousands of horny teenagers. In reality, im alone in my apartment just doing dive bombs with my tremolo with an illegal amount of wah-wah pedal. Then ill stub my foot or some shit.

Neglecting your dad for drugs? That does sound like something I would do, but you obviously seem to have a better relationship with him. What're you tapering off of?
 

hydroazuanacaine

bluelighter
Joined
May 17, 2007
Messages
7,954
i'm not neglecting him. i call everyday. i'm not allowed to see gim because they have to keep the virus contained. but i am using drugs so that if he were gonna die, getting there would be more complicated because i'd get drug sick on the way. but if he is going to die, i don't care if i get it the virus and/or drug sick; i'm going to seem him.

i'm tapering off benzos and opiates. again, if his situation turns worse i will get on a plane or hitch a ride or anyway to get to him to see him, whether i'm drug sick or not. i was saying i'm not a good person because right now i'd be drug sick when i went. that's not how i wanna see him last. they say he is supposed to pull though. but in case. i need to be ready to go see him. and i will be. one week i'll be off all this shit. if during that week he gets better, thank grace. if he gets worse during that week, i'm going to see him no matter what.
 

Atelier3

Moderator: DC
Staff member
Joined
Sep 28, 2019
Messages
2,480
Waking up to the fact that six months of one week on / two weeks off is less recreational and more prolonged and inevitable drawn-out disaster.

Needs to be like this final week on / rest of my already shortened life off.
 

Noodle473

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 25, 2010
Messages
829
Found a dead chick(en) today. It was under the floor board where the other chicks lived.
 

Luminaria

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 8, 2020
Messages
50
Um.
"I think after the abuse you endured, you've grown sensitive to when people mindlessly say negative things to you in an angry tone. You need to grow thicker skin."
Ooookay. You've been my therapist for years and you suddenly tell me this. Okay. Like I get it, but.... something about the whole session didn't sit right with me.
 
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schizopath

Moderator: Music
Staff member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
12,070
Location
Dimension XYZÖ
I guess my apartments owner/landlord, cant remember the word, doesnt like me. He gave me a fucking warning cause my apartment was mildly unclean. He legit started raging and shit. Anyways now I need to clean it once a week(every 2 weeks) so I dont get kicked out.
 

kaosisallwesee

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 14, 2007
Messages
616
Location
uk
I'm getting fucked off with this lockdown (UK). I'm all for it but not when half the nation doesn't give a fuck. Everytime I take my daughter for a walk around the block to get her to sleep I see groups of pensioners stood face to face chatting away, when we go shopping older people again ignoring one way systems, coughing all over the place, and generally ignoring all the guidance in place to protect them. I keep seeming news articles about young people ignoring the lockdown advice, yet the elderly are the ones most at risk and they're the worse ones for it!
Secondly, Ive paid into our tax system for almost 15 years. I've always worked and only claimed incapacity benefits once for 2 months since the age of 18, I'm now 32. I was made redundant a month back because of the virus. I immediately applied for universal credit hoping all those years of contributions would be worth it. Nope! They asked me how much my rent was and gave me £300 less that I needed, they left us with under fifty quid a week to support myself, partner and child... They don't care if we can afford food, or bills, or to keep a roof over our heads. They take and take, only to offer a shitty deal when we need their help. Some how £500 billion was found during the banking crisis to bail the banks out of their own stupid decisions, but we're only worth 2/3s of that.
Finally, I'm sick of employers claiming the require staff urgently and then taking 2 weeks to get back to you! I'd start tomorrow, if someone just got on with it and hired me without the weeks of bullshit before hand. I've spend over £50,000 and years of my life in education studying pharmaceutical science. I've had a few Lab roles from basic lab tech stuff to more senior positions. And the pay is terrible, I've never been on more than £20k a year, even after climbing the ladder, the responsibility would increase but the wage wouldn't follow. I earned more working as a screen printer than I have as a scientist. There is money in it, but it takes a decade or more to get to the position where you're earning over £30,000. Wish I'd just learned a trade, plumber/electrician/builder/carpenter, thats where the real money is. Science is over saturated with degree educated people, the demand for workers is there but theres no need for companies to compete over salary offers. And they all offer marginally above minimum wage. My most recent role of Assistant lab supervisor only paid £18,900, after tax that's ~£1300-1400 a month...
Done.
 

THECATINTHEHAT

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
7,327
I have asked in an email, he just ignored the question. He knows I have a history of addition though so I'm not surprised he sidestepped it for the moment. I chose not to press the issue because I don't want to fuck the relationship early on by hassling him for benzos in every mail I send him. That said if I am still in this situation come monday morning I'm going to call him and essentially demand some. May possible even try the out of hours clinic at the hospital near me to see if they can help, was hallucinating fairly hard the other day before I got a couple of hours and it's just about starting again.

He switched me to straight dexamfetamine rather than lisdex so I will be on that from tomorrow and hopefully that will help. Not optimistic about tonight though, was feeling sleepy and now I'm suddenly almost rushing again.
 
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