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  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

.....the downward spiral.....

Soma:
I've spoken to people who have been iv users of smack and speed, and they said speed was the worse of all.
A friend who has been using smack for 15 + years and finally got off it last year is now on speed. She can't believe how bad she feels compared to smack, both on it and trying to get off it.
While I've never had smack, I know what IVing speed on a regular basis can do. 2 weeks off it and you still can't concentrate properly, you're snappy and can feel like your world has no borders or structure to it which can be very fucking scary. Trying to deal with a full time job and other commitments...there's no motivation and you're constantly dealing with emotions that come from nowhere. Trying to rationalise them...then you find someone has been talking to for the last 10 minutes and you have no idea what it was about. The pause in a phone call lasts 30 seconds and the client is wondering if you're still there. The panic..."aah..umm.." then just repeating what you said last...if you can remember.
friends in "the scene" drop some round in your lunch break. others judge harshly and/or don't want to know. There are 2 people who will properly listen but sometimes that's all you need.
lowman how is it going now?
Click to expand...
 
Man I say good on you for being able to pull yourself out of it. I know exactly what you went thru man, you start taking a bit each day just for a little xtra sharpness and before you know it youre hoovering back $40 worth a day because you NEED to feel that wired. The thought of coming down scares you. You feel yourself slowing down and all you can think about is doing another line to keep that alertness about you. You go for days at a rime without sleeping, your body is tense 24 hours a day and your muscles start to twitch. Your eyes start to look sunken and you lose alot of weight from not eating. You start to think maybe you should cut back a little, but youve got shit to do and you need your wits about you, so you do another line. Eventually your stash runs out, you spend all your money on it. Your nose is shredded to pieces from railing so much crystal, it stings every time you put something up your nose but still twice a day youre racking up....
Yeah I Been there man, its a shitty shity place. Glad you managed to get out of it.
 
Hang in there man. Everyone is special, and people every where will support you. Even when it all seems hopeless remember that your friends love you, and will always be there for you.
Be courageous and the rest will come
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to over come fear itself."
And keep us posted on how you are doing.
[ 30 June 2002: Message edited by: Sllip ]
 
I too salute you, Lowman.
I have a close friend IVing speed at the moment, he's been doing it daily for many months now, and admits that he can't see a single realistic way out of it. I was in a similar position, but got out of it almost by chance when circumstances changed. I now see how lucky I was. This friend of mine also used to be a smack "addict", but finds speed a lot harder to live with. Or live without. I'm sure you won't mind if I email him your post.
Thankyou and congratulations, friend. :)
 
Heya lowman,
Its very couragous of you to come here and admit to something so terrible. The worst part of it all is admiting it to yourself, congrats on getting past the most difficult stage.
I personally have never had a problem with drugs, but I know what it is like when you know that something is wrong, that you know that your doing yourself harm, yet somehow you cannot admit it to yourself. Apathy sinks in and soon you just don't care anymore.
Just also want to mention, this problem isn't just with the illegals(drugs). It also involves alcohol, gambling and any other behavious that when taken to extreme becomes self destructive.
Well done,
Best of luck with the future!
:)
 
I just saw this had been recently replied to. So for those of you who are wondering, this is how the story ends. :)
Just after starting this thread I started using again. A bit at first, then more. Then I realised the stupidity of it and stopped entirely. For good. :D
Meth is a horrible drug to use for extended periods. I was sleeping one day in three, and not well even then. I dropped a LOT of weight. Hallucinating was normal because of extreme fatigue. My spine was glass. My kidneys hurt. I couldn't think except for half an hour following a line. You're probably asking how someone could let themselves get like that, but believe me, it isn't hard... running on that extreme level of exhaustion seriously fucks up your reality and perspective of things. To me, everything was to blame but the drug. When I did go to sleep, the last thing I would do is prepare a line for the morning to 'help wake me up'. Sounds bizarre, but in my mind it was normal. Now to me it looks like classic junkie behaviour and nothing else.
So yeah... I reached a point that most speed addicts will - an emotional and personal crisis where you either go straight up, or straight down. I was lucky... I went up, mostly because I still respected myself enough to try saving myself. I imagine if I went downwards I'd be stealing my grandparent's TV right about now.
This thread made a huge difference to me. At the time it was one of the few lifejackets I had that kept me thinking it was possible to be normal again. It was also the only outlet I had about this. Thanks heaps to everyone that replied... I used to read this thread over and over.
So how does it end?
I got back with my partner shortly afterwards. The final time I stopped, I finally brought myself to tell her about my situation. I expected feelings of intense humiliation. Instead, all I felt was intense relief. She never asked any questions and wasn't anything but compassionate... she helped me bring my head back above water, and keep it there.
I also got myself back from a horrid situation at uni to pass most of my units. I didn't do brilliantly, but I bailed myself out enough to have no further trouble there, which was more that I deserved from the amount I had neglected it. :)
I can see that she kicked me out because I was halfway insane at the time, and on the borderline of a nervous breakdown... kicking me out was all she could do to show me what was happening, plus I was acting like an insane person. I know she didn't do it out of selfishness, or any bad reason, because she cried with relief when I asked for her help because I wanted to stop.
That's the end of my story. Everything is better now. More than better... everything's fun again :D
*****************
Now this last bit for anyone in/near the position I was:
The only way you can go is up (you could go down, but if you're interested in yourself enough to read this far, going that way isn't an option).
It isn't as hard as you think. Trust me on that.
Support makes a huge difference. You don't need to tell everyone. You just need to tell someone.
Do the things you used to before this. Go to the beach. Go to a beautiful place and enjoy the scenery. No drugs can give feelings like this, especially one that makes you feel like you're dying most of the time. Not one that makes you feel like a bunch of nerves all the time. I have nothing against amphetamines when used recreationally, but they're a real bitch when you use them all the time.
When people quit smoking, they need to relearn normal life... and that doesnt include all the situations which were little rituals of nicotine absorbtion which eventually became normal to them.
Similarly, learn again how life was. It didn't include regular lines or a crack pipe. Those times might seem boring to you now if you can't imagine not having any drugs, but they weren't boring to you at all then, and they wont be once you learn that you enjoy them better without drugs.
You're not as far away from normal as you think, if you want to be. Hell, I'm nothing special, and I got there/here, so you can too.
And from here, I can't understand why it took me so long. :)
Good luck. I really hope this helped someone out there. :)
::lowman:: out... thanks for everything Bluelight. :)
[ 30 August 2002: Message edited by: lowman ]
[ 30 August 2002: Message edited by: lowman ]
 
The biggest, massive, warmest, most crushing bear hug to you buddy.
It's a fucking long hard road coming back from the brink by your've done it.
Big hugs.
 
Hey lowman, glad to hear your doing well. I can relate somewhat to your story, though I have never been that heavy a user. Still, I have been using speed about once a week for 5yrs and in my eyes that is addiction. I feel way better on the odd weekend when I don't take any but it doesn't take long before i'm using again. The drug is all around me, with 80% of my friends using it. It's difficult to go out and make new friends when you just can't relate to normal social activities. Plus, i'm happy with the friends I have now, they are there when I need them and agree that I need to stop. But in the end it's up to me. Its not that my situation is critical, just that it's been going on for so long and it's slowly eating away at my mental and physical health. In my opinion meth is one of the worst drugs, it's cheap, makes you feel so good but so bad and it doesn't really have any short term bad side effects. By that I mean that it's very hard to overdose. Only after you've been on it for a long time or your using alot does it show its bad side.
[ 06 September 2002: Message edited by: *NRG* ]
 
Much respect lowman.
ohh and can u plz change ur user name from lowman...to HIGHMAN. :)
 
This post really hits it home for me, battling a long term meth habit its sometimes good to know there are others out there who've struggled just as much as I am.
Admitting the problem was the first step for me, but to really get through this a complete change of lifestyle is what's required. Your story has inspired me lowman, this time I will follow through....
 
Tridentual:
I'm new here, but as this inspirational thread shows, it seems there are many people here to offer you support and advice.
I haven't experienced first-hand what you are going through, but I'm rooting for you and wishing you all the strength you need to get through it. Most important: Believe in yourself. Always. You will succeed! :)
 
bumping this. will help anyone who might be going through similar experience at this moment.
*smiles at lowman*
 
Hey lowman, hang in there, I'm glad you've realised the problem and are taking steps to rectify it.
Let's just say that I understand what you're going through..
Best of luck dude.
 
just thought of you. Read this again and thought it'd be a good time to bump this. xoxo
 
lowman said:
Meth is a horrible drug to use for extended periods. I was sleeping one day in three, and not well even then. I dropped a LOT of weight. Hallucinating was normal because of extreme fatigue. My spine was glass. My kidneys hurt. I couldn't think except for half an hour following a line.


Now this last bit for anyone in/near the position I was:
The only way you can go is up (you could go down, but if you're interested in yourself enough to read this far, going that way isn't an option).
It isn't as hard as you think. Trust me on that.
Support makes a huge difference. You don't need to tell everyone. You just need to tell someone.

You're not as far away from normal as you think, if you want to be. Hell, I'm nothing special, and I got there/here, so you can too.
Click to expand...

I understand even more now what you went through.
 
I've had nothing but a couple of drinks in the past 6 weeks now but even me wanting to take a pill was enough to piss off my girlfriend, or ex should I say. I'm still going strong though, fuck her, well not anymore:( ;)
 
Girlfriends come and go, but drugs are only around for a limited time!@ ;)
 
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