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Social The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

I sometimes feel like I am destined to be alone. I have lived alone nearly my entire adult life, and most of my youth. Family wasn't around much, and when they were it was maybe a day if even that. Drugs and booze didn't help much and honestly at the time I really didn't care. Wanted to fill that void.
I have tried multiple dating sites. (everyone you can possibly think of) and have spent hard earned money to try my attempt at finding love on there with no luck.
I'd like to think that I am doing something wrong, but after checking and rechecking I don't think I am.
Just not really sure where to go from here.
 
D's said:
I sometimes feel like I am destined to be alone. I have lived alone nearly my entire adult life, and most of my youth. Family wasn't around much, and when they were it was maybe a day if even that. Drugs and booze didn't help much and honestly at the time I really didn't care. Wanted to fill that void.
I have tried multiple dating sites. (everyone you can possibly think of) and have spent hard earned money to try my attempt at finding love on there with no luck.
I'd like to think that I am doing something wrong, but after checking and rechecking I don't think I am.
Just not really sure where to go from here.
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Being alone can be great, unless you find yourself to be in a bad company.
 
If i fail at turning my life around this year as i go back and try get on track again i will just load up the 12 gauage and transcend this planet to live in the one consciousness by blowing my brains out. Giving myself one last chance this year and if i just can not achieve my goals im leaving this planet by the force of my own will by removing all my stupid attachments to this life which i feel is just a bad dream compared to the bliss that awaits on the other side.
 
TripSitterNZ said:
If i fail at turning my life around this year as i go back and try get on track again i will just load up the 12 gauage and transcend this planet to live in the one consciousness by blowing my brains out. Giving myself one last chance this year and if i just can not achieve my goals im leaving this planet by the force of my own will by removing all my stupid attachments to this life which i feel is just a bad dream compared to the bliss that awaits on the other side.
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I hope you find a turnaround not just in life, but in this great depression youre feeling. Maybe Id work on feeling better first. It seems to me in life that the mind comes first and then the rest of life follows.
 
Generally lost in who the fuck am I. Basically programmed myself into this. Should propably try to trip with some lsd but the last time I tried to taper my antipsychotics it was delirium. Geez. Everytime I do stims its the continuum of an old stimulant psychosis, or atleast psychotic. Whatever, I cant even give clean urine samples to start "work". Also 10 bad trips in row at this point.

 
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schizopath said:
Generally lost in who the fuck am I. Basically programmed myself into this. Should propably try to trip with some lsd but the last time I tried to taper my antipsychotics it was delirium. Geez. Everytime I do stims its the continuum of an old stimulant psychosis, or atleast psychotic. Whatever, I cant even give clean urine samples to start "work". Also 10 bad trips in row at this point.

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no need to force the psychedelics on yourself bro. i've spent a stupid amount of time trying to fix my life with LSD/shrooms (like LSD did the first time i experienced it). you can try but in my experience there's a good chance they'll having nothing new to give you. i still havent fully accepted it myself tbh lol

i'm praying for you brotha, you'll find yourself one day ❤️
 
The bigger issue than finding myself, is that I totally feel like Im stuck in a loop. For years at this point. I kind of wanted to undo the loop with psychedelics. Though that might end badly.
 
i feel that. perhaps try them in a more guided setting. a medical practice is prob too expensive but i know there's lot of underground people doing medicine work. idk if/when it'll be but once i take lsd again i know it's gonna be with a friend of mine who does that sort of stuff

can i ask what this loop entails?
 
This separation and divorce is weighing on my heart way harder than I expected it to.

I told myself I didn't give a shit and that I'd been pushing her away for awhile now, but now being alone pretty much for the first time since 14 years old, trying to put my life back together, I'm starting to regret my actions and feel like shit about it.

I'll get over it but I've just been in my feelings about it today for whatever reason.
 
Divorce isn’t supposed to be easy. My parents split when I was 8 so I obv have a different outlook on it that someone experiencing it. But I know god damn well it ain’t easy. It’s ok to not be ok. If it’s any consolation my parents are now happier than ever. It was a rough few years at first I won’t lie - but it’ll get better with time ❤️
 
Anxious about going back to work tomorrow. I've been off work for the last 7 days due to quarantine, and now it's back to reality. Tales it is Friday, so when I get off work I'll have a couple days to catch back up to my schedule.
 
Audiobook said:
Going back to work this weekend after almost 2 months off...nervous but I know it is what I need. Being alone too much was healing in a way but also not ideal if you feel me.
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Had a job interview on the phone the other day. I haven't worked a full day in several months at this point. Crossing my fingers I get the job and am able to return. I'm starting to feel pretty useless at times doing nothing.
 
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deficiT said:
Had a job interview on the phone the other day. I haven't worked a full day in a several months at this point. Crossing my fingers I get the job and am able to return. I'm starting to feel pretty useless at times doing nothing.
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Hell yeah man. Hopefully you hear back from them. What type of work would you be doing?
Even when I was living on the streets, getting employment was not only a priority for me but once I started to work I felt like I had a purpose again. I mean there for a while I was living in a tent behind the plant I worked at making plastic Toyota wire harness things. Would go into work, work 12 hours, and take the 'long way' to my tent. Would mix it up where I'd take my hobo shower at, usually I'd wash my hair @ place A, and wash my ass @ place B.
Just sucked in general because I would spend all of my money on alcohol, spice and the occasional bag of meth.
 
D's said:
Hell yeah man. Hopefully you hear back from them. What type of work would you be doing?
Even when I was living on the streets, getting employment was not only a priority for me but once I started to work I felt like I had a purpose again. I mean there for a while I was living in a tent behind the plant I worked at making plastic Toyota wire harness things. Would go into work, work 12 hours, and take the 'long way' to my tent. Would mix it up where I'd take my hobo shower at, usually I'd wash my hair @ place A, and wash my ass @ place B.
Just sucked in general because I would spend all of my money on alcohol, spice and the occasional bag of meth.
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Data cable installation. I have no technical certificates but I've got some decent enough experience to make a reasonably solid wage.

For sure, I think I've worked less the past year than I have since I was a teenager. It hasn't really been the vacation I would imagine when I was suffering through long shifts on the job.

But then again it's been kind of a disaster year for me in general. I think I'm pulling out of it strong though. Just trying to figure out how to be content without putting my heart on the table to be squished by anyone and everyone. The mood stabilizers help immensely with that. Can't believe I hadn't been on them for the rest of my life because they've been exactly what I've needed.
 
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Flat mate had got a car, so one less parking spot. I suspect when I get home tomorrow after work my spot will be taken, and I would have to park on the next street over.
Unless, I park blocking him in, and when he moves I'll just get my spot back. It will be some neverending drama which could result in a fucked up outcome.
 
2021 will hopefully be the year we turn it around. I'm rooting for each and every one of us in the Darkside.
 
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