So glad to be on BL! I'm KimJungSkill and here are a few things about me!

[KimJungSkill]

Hey guys, I hope that everyone reading this is doing great, especially with all the craziness of 2020! Now to the point of why I decided to join Bluelight, where to start... I have a friend who passed away and he was always trying to get me to give it a shot. Which up until now I didn't (Stubborn me xD) . That being said I saw the difference it made in his life to be around a group of similar minded people who can come together and bounce ideas and science off of one another, The main reason I joined though is because of the BL Mental Health Forum. Just today I was able to find a post that as I was reading it I knew that I wasn't the only one who felt like this person did, So I replied and am hoping this may start some kind of Accountability buddy thing with me and him. I Love the very set rules as well, it does't feel draconian, each rule has a purpose and in the end it helps us all out! To wrap this part up and sorry I tend to be long winded! I am currently in the best financial place that I have ever been, yet I hope this isn't against the rules for the sake of the topic, I am in a 6 month process to rid myself of the Suboxone and Vyvane as now all they are when I take them are side effects, low testosterone and Intestinal issues. Which if I don;t address now will turn into something a lot more serious given my families history of Crohns, IBS and IBD. Moving onto the next point!

My background is very hard to explain and for the sake of this post I will keep it as short as possible. 20 year Alaskan raised guy who bounced from treatment to treatment around 15 times before it took my whole family to cut me off. At that point I was homeless in Huntsville, Alabama. I sis the street life of being a beggar and doing drugs that gave small duration highs for a cheap price. Well one day I missed a bullet to the skull by inches. About a week later I used my tax returns to get into a Sober House that allowed suboxone, I worked a job for around 9 months and was struck by an employee at one our tire pickups. Luckily I quit, and my parents ( Who hadn't seen or heard from me in a year, their choice by the way which i needed at the time") broke the news that when my lease ran out in a month from them they were going to fly me to WA state.They explained why they never answered any of my texts or calls and I understood then they went on to say but we have noticed the changes in you (Not to say I can't go get fucked up tonight if I wanted to. I;m rambling again sorry back to the point we go. I have been in Washington 9 months, out of those 9 months I have worked 8 bought my own car a I pay rent for my parents guest house. Phone bills paid, I mean the whole nine yard> Now me an the Dr have made a 6 month Suboxone Taper and he told me that whenever I am ready to jump off the Vyvanse that he is all for it! I;m tired of people saying "Congrats on your sobriety, keep it up man"I feel like it's all sham... Because I've essentially traded addiction which since they were more Socially Acceptable I've been justifying why its ok. Well enough is enough, and if Bluelight is everything I've been told about... I want in, I want to meet other BLers and share my story of the coming year I'll have battling getting off the Subs and also the move, I know it;s all up to me, but being around others like me can help encourage me to push through when it gets tough so WHEN I OVERCOME these goals I have set for myself then I can immediately turn around and be at a point to help someone who was in my shoes, I want to grow with you all, get to know you and figure out ways I can help spread the message to the people out there about BL.

The dreaded question and I want to make it brief as I can handle being around drugs ant not doing them, however I understand why it's good to know within the Community who did what in terms of drugs, I started Toking reefer around 13y/o shortly after that quickly evolved into Pain Pills. Oddly enough I didn't' go heavy in Pain Pills until the age of 17, which within months became Heroin, meth, Crack; you know the whole gambit. Did anything I could get my hands on but H and Ice were my absolute favorite things. Fast forward to 2014 when i discovered Suboxone the first tine I was prescribed and from that day forward I haven't touched an actual Opiate. Something about Suboxone just makes it my number one and I couldn't tell you why exactly,. I have been on and off Concerta since I was a kid with the ADHD diagnoses si idk it was an amphetamine, which probably lead to me liking Ice later on in life. But as of right now as i stated earlier I take 1 Sub 8mg a day and 60mg Vyvanse, which I cannot wait to get off of.

Thank you so much for listening to my ramble. I have low self esteem and finding friends in life is non-existent for me right now. Also I want to donate just not sure hot it works! So if someone could explain that better i'd appreciate it! I tried reading it earlier and it flew over my head! SO GLAD TO BE WELCOMED HERE! I can;t wait to grow with you guys and eventually n=member so I can help others in need as much as possible! Cheers!

_KimjungSkillet

​

 

[nznity]

Hey guys, I hope that everyone reading this is doing great, especially with all the craziness of 2020! Now to the point of why I decided to join Bluelight, where to start... I have a friend who passed away and he was always trying to get me to give it a shot. Which up until now I didn't (Stubborn me xD) . That being said I saw the difference it made in his life to be around a group of similar minded people who can come together and bounce ideas and science off of one another, The main reason I joined though is because of the BL Mental Health Forum. Just today I was able to find a post that as I was reading it I knew that I wasn't the only one who felt like this person did, So I replied and am hoping this may start some kind of Accountability buddy thing with me and him. I Love the very set rules as well, it does't feel draconian, each rule has a purpose and in the end it helps us all out! To wrap this part up and sorry I tend to be long winded! I am currently in the best financial place that I have ever been, yet I hope this isn't against the rules for the sake of the topic, I am in a 6 month process to rid myself of the Suboxone and Vyvane as now all they are when I take them are side effects, low testosterone and Intestinal issues. Which if I don;t address now will turn into something a lot more serious given my families history of Crohns, IBS and IBD. Moving onto the next point!

My background is very hard to explain and for the sake of this post I will keep it as short as possible. 20 year Alaskan raised guy who bounced from treatment to treatment around 15 times before it took my whole family to cut me off. At that point I was homeless in Huntsville, Alabama. I sis the street life of being a beggar and doing drugs that gave small duration highs for a cheap price. Well one day I missed a bullet to the skull by inches. About a week later I used my tax returns to get into a Sober House that allowed suboxone, I worked a job for around 9 months and was struck by an employee at one our tire pickups. Luckily I quit, and my parents ( Who hadn't seen or heard from me in a year, their choice by the way which i needed at the time") broke the news that when my lease ran out in a month from them they were going to fly me to WA state.They explained why they never answered any of my texts or calls and I understood then they went on to say but we have noticed the changes in you (Not to say I can't go get fucked up tonight if I wanted to. I;m rambling again sorry back to the point we go. I have been in Washington 9 months, out of those 9 months I have worked 8 bought my own car a I pay rent for my parents guest house. Phone bills paid, I mean the whole nine yard> Now me an the Dr have made a 6 month Suboxone Taper and he told me that whenever I am ready to jump off the Vyvanse that he is all for it! I;m tired of people saying "Congrats on your sobriety, keep it up man"I feel like it's all sham... Because I've essentially traded addiction which since they were more Socially Acceptable I've been justifying why its ok. Well enough is enough, and if Bluelight is everything I've been told about... I want in, I want to meet other BLers and share my story of the coming year I'll have battling getting off the Subs and also the move, I know it;s all up to me, but being around others like me can help encourage me to push through when it gets tough so WHEN I OVERCOME these goals I have set for myself then I can immediately turn around and be at a point to help someone who was in my shoes, I want to grow with you all, get to know you and figure out ways I can help spread the message to the people out there about BL.

The dreaded question and I want to make it brief as I can handle being around drugs ant not doing them, however I understand why it's good to know within the Community who did what in terms of drugs, I started Toking reefer around 13y/o shortly after that quickly evolved into Pain Pills. Oddly enough I didn't' go heavy in Pain Pills until the age of 17, which within months became Heroin, meth, Crack; you know the whole gambit. Did anything I could get my hands on but H and Ice were my absolute favorite things. Fast forward to 2014 when i discovered Suboxone the first tine I was prescribed and from that day forward I haven't touched an actual Opiate. Something about Suboxone just makes it my number one and I couldn't tell you why exactly,. I have been on and off Concerta since I was a kid with the ADHD diagnoses si idk it was an amphetamine, which probably lead to me liking Ice later on in life. But as of right now as i stated earlier I take 1 Sub 8mg a day and 60mg Vyvanse, which I cannot wait to get off of.

Thank you so much for listening to my ramble. I have low self esteem and finding friends in life is non-existent for me right now. Also I want to donate just not sure hot it works! So if someone could explain that better i'd appreciate it! I tried reading it earlier and it flew over my head! SO GLAD TO BE WELCOMED HERE! I can;t wait to grow with you guys and eventually n=member so I can help others in need as much as possible! Cheers!

_KimjungSkillet

​

welcome to BL mate, smart decision to join this forum. This site has done to me what 3 stints in rehab and a 45 day psychward couldn't do. Well I just wanna tell you would prefer to still be on the streets begging for another fix or be addicted to suboxone and amphetamines but being a productive person in society? Well you made those decisions in the past and you can't change em' so you have to face the fact that as of now you need your meds. It's not a sham man..... There's so much prejudice around drug use but 99% of the people get high on some drug or another things. So don't feel bad about it plus you can eventually wean off of everything if you want to. Just think how much better you're atm than u were in the past. Breathe deep and just feel happy to be alive. Cheers man.

 

[JoEhJoEh]

I already have signed in :O
But it's alwyas the same with me ... VPN is enough?

 

[KimJungSkill]

welcome to BL mate, smart decision to join this forum. This site has done to me what 3 stints in rehab and a 45 day psychward couldn't do. Well I just wanna tell you would prefer to still be on the streets begging for another fix or be addicted to suboxone and amphetamines but being a productive person in society? Well you made those decisions in the past and you can't change em' so you have to face the fact that as of now you need your meds. It's not a sham man..... There's so much prejudice around drug use but 99% of the people get high on some drug or another things. So don't feel bad about it plus you can eventually wean off of everything if you want to. Just think how much better you're atm than u were in the past. Breathe deep and just feel happy to be alive. Cheers man.

You know I tend to have a very perfectionist view of how I should be, it's unbelievable the standards I hold myself to. What ends up happening is since no one is ever perfect I eventually make a small or major mistake and just tell myself that "You're not worth the air you breathe." or constantly verbally calling myself an incompetent stupid kid who will never amount to anything. I know that this is linked to my mild Bi Polar and it doesn't happen as much since i got on the maintenance drugs, but it is still something i want to rid myself of. If it wasn't for Suboxone and that Sober house I would be dead, and thanks for not making me feel guilty for taking them. I guess since I have been to so many treatment facilities, they've ingrained in my mind that Suboxone isn't sober and you're just as bad as a needle Junkie homeless on the street. I see your point though, those homeless needle junkies that used to be ME... they didn't have rent to pay, a car, cell phone bills, food to eat everyday and money saved for a rainy day and I appreciate the kind words. I do ramble from time to time and I am sorry for that. I knew the first day I got on Subs that I didn't want to be on them for forever, well now im at a weird spot. I know the withdrawals even when tapering for months all the way down to .5mg a day will take at least a week of my works time if not 2. I know I will be taking Kratom to ease the WD as they have helped in the past. That's months away though, but I do know that I want off. I got on Subs for a reason and I have zero desire for any Opiates, My addiction has become the Suboxone itself. I could give a shit about H or Oxy, they suck and are more pricey. So I know I know the sooner I quit the sooner I can move on and look back and be proud that I told my family what I was going to do the day I got on Subs and went to the Sober house, and guess what... Everything I said i'd do I have done! Except taper off the Subs, that's the final hurdle! So there it is! Thanks for listening to me talk, I have no real life friends period and go to work then home, Especially with Covid going on... Guess everyone is kind of stuck at home to some degree. You're awesome man and that helped me more than you know! If you have any follow up as to my reply I'd love to hear it!

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Hey and welcome

 

[jackie jones]

You had a good friend.

I suggest that you do not use your actual photograph as that of your handle's. There is much to be said for anynimity in certain realms.

Yes, we do have certain rules, for the safety of our members and that of the site. Such as, we do not allow sourcing of psychoactives of any manner, whether that be physical locations or online. Now we do allow source discussion in the sense of Mescaline is derived from Peruvian Torch cacti, among others, for example (Freedom of Information, you know). We also do not allow detailed discussion of chemical synthesis. Aside from those main rules, as a general we want everyone to be kind to one another. That would be about it.

There is a wealth of knowledge to be found here, and great people as well. All of my best friends are on this very website.

Stick around. I think you will like it here.

 

[on.my.way🌿]

Welcome to Bluelight! I hope you will like it here, I sure do :D

 

[nznity]

You know I tend to have a very perfectionist view of how I should be, it's unbelievable the standards I hold myself to. What ends up happening is since no one is ever perfect I eventually make a small or major mistake and just tell myself that "You're not worth the air you breathe." or constantly verbally calling myself an incompetent stupid kid who will never amount to anything. I know that this is linked to my mild Bi Polar and it doesn't happen as much since i got on the maintenance drugs, but it is still something i want to rid myself of. If it wasn't for Suboxone and that Sober house I would be dead, and thanks for not making me feel guilty for taking them. I guess since I have been to so many treatment facilities, they've ingrained in my mind that Suboxone isn't sober and you're just as bad as a needle Junkie homeless on the street. I see your point though, those homeless needle junkies that used to be ME... they didn't have rent to pay, a car, cell phone bills, food to eat everyday and money saved for a rainy day and I appreciate the kind words. I do ramble from time to time and I am sorry for that. I knew the first day I got on Subs that I didn't want to be on them for forever, well now im at a weird spot. I know the withdrawals even when tapering for months all the way down to .5mg a day will take at least a week of my works time if not 2. I know I will be taking Kratom to ease the WD as they have helped in the past. That's months away though, but I do know that I want off. I got on Subs for a reason and I have zero desire for any Opiates, My addiction has become the Suboxone itself. I could give a shit about H or Oxy, they suck and are more pricey. So I know I know the sooner I quit the sooner I can move on and look back and be proud that I told my family what I was going to do the day I got on Subs and went to the Sober house, and guess what... Everything I said i'd do I have done! Except taper off the Subs, that's the final hurdle! So there it is! Thanks for listening to me talk, I have no real life friends period and go to work then home, Especially with Covid going on... Guess everyone is kind of stuck at home to some degree. You're awesome man and that helped me more than you know! If you have any follow up as to my reply I'd love to hear it!

Glad that it helped you man, I can relate to your story a lot. I'm 25, polyaddicted to multiple drugs(mainly crack cocaine and IV morphine), i also have some type of mild bipolar disorder and borderline personality traits. I also have those irrational thoughts that i'm a worthless piece of shit from time to time, especially when i'm doing massive amounts of drugs. Anyway man, it's cost me a lot to get to the point where I am at the moment, I've fucked up relationships, wasted like 50k$ all on drugs plus another 50k on treatments(I'm not proud of that at all). I ended up doing stuff for dope that I'd never done sober at all( Fucking people over, robbing my own family, selling my mom's jewelry,selling my bro's PS3 back in the day, BEGGING on the street for 10 bucks so i could smoke another rock) I been a piece of shit to everyone and especially to myself, I haven't had a lil respect for my body, my mind. my soul, man. it's been a hell of a road for me aswell but you know? Right now that i'm clean from hard drugs(i only take carbamazepine, clonazepam and gabapentin to stabilize my mood but don't abuse em') I just feel contempt to be alive you know? I'm taking one day at a time, Not being a slave from those substances that make us feel 20% of the time like Gods and 80% like a suicidal piece of shit. I'd rather be sober anyday of the week, I send a hug bro. If you ever need someone to talk to. my PM's open Cheers, Nick.

 

[Shady's Fox]

welcome to the nest

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Welcome and hello all the way from S.A.

Know that you will get help here in most ways

 

[mal3volent]

Hey KJS!

Welcome to the community.

 

[Darciesue]

Hey guys, I hope that everyone reading this is doing great, especially with all the craziness of 2020! Now to the point of why I decided to join Bluelight, where to start... I have a friend who passed away and he was always trying to get me to give it a shot. Which up until now I didn't (Stubborn me xD) . That being said I saw the difference it made in his life to be around a group of similar minded people who can come together and bounce ideas and science off of one another, The main reason I joined though is because of the BL Mental Health Forum. Just today I was able to find a post that as I was reading it I knew that I wasn't the only one who felt like this person did, So I replied and am hoping this may start some kind of Accountability buddy thing with me and him. I Love the very set rules as well, it does't feel draconian, each rule has a purpose and in the end it helps us all out! To wrap this part up and sorry I tend to be long winded! I am currently in the best financial place that I have ever been, yet I hope this isn't against the rules for the sake of the topic, I am in a 6 month process to rid myself of the Suboxone and Vyvane as now all they are when I take them are side effects, low testosterone and Intestinal issues. Which if I don;t address now will turn into something a lot more serious given my families history of Crohns, IBS and IBD. Moving onto the next point!

My background is very hard to explain and for the sake of this post I will keep it as short as possible. 20 year Alaskan raised guy who bounced from treatment to treatment around 15 times before it took my whole family to cut me off. At that point I was homeless in Huntsville, Alabama. I sis the street life of being a beggar and doing drugs that gave small duration highs for a cheap price. Well one day I missed a bullet to the skull by inches. About a week later I used my tax returns to get into a Sober House that allowed suboxone, I worked a job for around 9 months and was struck by an employee at one our tire pickups. Luckily I quit, and my parents ( Who hadn't seen or heard from me in a year, their choice by the way which i needed at the time") broke the news that when my lease ran out in a month from them they were going to fly me to WA state.They explained why they never answered any of my texts or calls and I understood then they went on to say but we have noticed the changes in you (Not to say I can't go get fucked up tonight if I wanted to. I;m rambling again sorry back to the point we go. I have been in Washington 9 months, out of those 9 months I have worked 8 bought my own car a I pay rent for my parents guest house. Phone bills paid, I mean the whole nine yard> Now me an the Dr have made a 6 month Suboxone Taper and he told me that whenever I am ready to jump off the Vyvanse that he is all for it! I;m tired of people saying "Congrats on your sobriety, keep it up man"I feel like it's all sham... Because I've essentially traded addiction which since they were more Socially Acceptable I've been justifying why its ok. Well enough is enough, and if Bluelight is everything I've been told about... I want in, I want to meet other BLers and share my story of the coming year I'll have battling getting off the Subs and also the move, I know it;s all up to me, but being around others like me can help encourage me to push through when it gets tough so WHEN I OVERCOME these goals I have set for myself then I can immediately turn around and be at a point to help someone who was in my shoes, I want to grow with you all, get to know you and figure out ways I can help spread the message to the people out there about BL.

The dreaded question and I want to make it brief as I can handle being around drugs ant not doing them, however I understand why it's good to know within the Community who did what in terms of drugs, I started Toking reefer around 13y/o shortly after that quickly evolved into Pain Pills. Oddly enough I didn't' go heavy in Pain Pills until the age of 17, which within months became Heroin, meth, Crack; you know the whole gambit. Did anything I could get my hands on but H and Ice were my absolute favorite things. Fast forward to 2014 when i discovered Suboxone the first tine I was prescribed and from that day forward I haven't touched an actual Opiate. Something about Suboxone just makes it my number one and I couldn't tell you why exactly,. I have been on and off Concerta since I was a kid with the ADHD diagnoses si idk it was an amphetamine, which probably lead to me liking Ice later on in life. But as of right now as i stated earlier I take 1 Sub 8mg a day and 60mg Vyvanse, which I cannot wait to get off of.

Thank you so much for listening to my ramble. I have low self esteem and finding friends in life is non-existent for me right now. Also I want to donate just not sure hot it works! So if someone could explain that better i'd appreciate it! I tried reading it earlier and it flew over my head! SO GLAD TO BE WELCOMED HERE! I can;t wait to grow with you guys and eventually n=member so I can help others in need as much as possible! Cheers!

_KimjungSkillet

​

Welcome.i just reached out to BL yesterday.and someone helped me.and then I did something to help myself as well so it's a great place.we all understand.its hard to be around what I call normal lol.they dont get it.and I always tell them I'm glad they dont get it.i wouldnt wish addiction on my worst enemy and thats the truth.im here if you ever need a sounding board

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

@KimJungSkill - cool intro.

I think you'll find that, as turbulent as your life has been, many other people will be able to connect with at least parts of your story. For example, i too have been homeless, started weed at 13, err.. yeah and i like the Mental Health forum too

I believe you when you say you have no good friends, because i have no reason not to, but it baffles me that someone as thoughtful as you would not be interesting to hang out with.

So welcome to Bluelight and make this place home man, if you wish, because it is for so many of us too.

See you around!

 

[Ds]

Welcome to Bluelight @KimJungSkill