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progress/things i?ve learned so far in recovery

good news! i saw my friend at the drugs services this morning and she looked so much better and didn't seem as out of it, and with a bit of luck she will be back in rehab tomorrow. i really hope she goes back in, and it sticks this time.

just had a heavy group therapy session, about forgiveness. i broke down in tears because some things just feel unforgivable. i can understand that it is a way to draw a line under pain and move forward from it, and i would love to be able to do that. i don't want to be haunted by the past anymore. but i don't know how i can sincerely forgive, saying 'ok i forgive you for me' and still hating someone isn't forgiveness, cos i have to get rid of the resentment too, which means i can't just pay lip service to it. the woman taking the session did say its not something you can just do, to start on small stuff, and its something to aim towards, which has at least opened a little chink. i can sincerely believe that i want to forgive someone to help myself.
 
So glad to hear about your Freind getting the help she needs again. Having been in ( around ) recovery since 1983 I have stepped over a lot of bodies! Never a good feeling ☹️☹️☹️ But for the Grace of God ; There goes Me .
I always remember that people where there for me when I came stumbling in to the rooms, so as long as they are in a room I try to help. I never Visit them while they are using ( 12 step work I’d done with people NEVER ALONE)

As for forgiveness , it works, the Hate and resentment only Hurts You! They don’t know, care or give a Fuck about how you feel about them. So let it go, bony let them hurt you again. ( try not to but if they do , let it go)
Resentment is like holding a Hot rock waiting to throw it at someone else, only hurts you ??????
 
fuck man 1983, i ain't even been alive that long!!

yeah i wouldn't want to visit someone using on my own, even not on my own its too early days for me yet.

i know that forgiveness works. but its hard, i have complex PTSD because of one guy, so i'd love to let it go but the fact is, because of the resulting mental health problems, he is still affecting me. they say over here resentments are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. but i don't WANT to hold the resentment, but while i can't even watch TV cos i can't cope with references about violence towards women, and have to actively avoid other triggers, it is affecting me whether i choose to hold the resentment or not. its a chicken and egg thing, if i gained more acceptance, the CPTSD would likely improve, if the CPTSD improved, i'd find it easier to gain acceptance. i am working with a therapist to try and pick it apart more and find our exactly what is getting to me, so what precisely i need to accept.
 
I feel for her. I've been her.

Maybe, if she came back to a meeting, serious about stopping, she could find help. That's whats NA is about. If it wasn't, what point would there be?

Actually, from what you've said about her, she sounds well loved in NA. Surely someone there that knows and loves her will help her find her way back, if that's what she wants.

Chinup, sadly, that's reality. I pray I'm never in that position again, but there's not a guarantee. One day at a time. Right?

It's not easy being vulnerable and reaching out. I understand completely. I have reached out to people that seemed really cool, and turn out not be. Pretty recently actually.

I could deal with someone slipping better than I can with someone being ungrateful.

Hopefully, she'll be serious and reach out and someone will reach back ❤️
 
Sorry chinup! I didn't see that you saw your friend! Good to hear she's looking a little better.

I've been able to let go of some very deep resentments to my shock. But, it took time. It certainly didn't happen instantly. Take things a day at a time, in small, manageable pieces.
 
people have been helping her a lot, or doing what they can anyway. she didn't respond to me yesterday which isn't exactly a great sign but i really really hope she makes it into rehab today. the sooner she goes, the less damage she'll have done, and the more likely she is to survive.

i hope i'm never in her position either, it sucks that there's no promises or guarantees but i think some of that fear can be healthy, it kicks you up the arse.

its very encouraging to know you've managed to let go of some resentments, that it can actually happen! feeling like i'm actively not doing something for my recovery even though i want to do everything i can for my recovery, but feel unable to, kinda sucked, but breaking it down and not pressuring myself is helping.
 
Honestly time helps. But I was seriously PISSED OFF for a few years at one person that did many cruel, damaging, underhanded things to me.

And ironically, I'm helping her, on her time of need right now. I'm cleaning her house - I mean ass-busting, deep-cleaning- to help her, or noone will.

I'm also helping her prepare for surgery she's having on Thursday. I will be caring for her afterward as well.

This, chinup, is a miracle. It can happen, but as I said, not overnite. You've began the process, you're in the process, right now. Deep breaths.
 
recovery is a continuous, life-long process- but it isn't a type of process that requires constant all day attention. It's like physical or mental health- 4-5hrs a week is enough, even 15 minutes a day or an hour meeting a week... whatever works for you, just that it does require constant work, just not necessarily constant attention. I can still live a normal life, but I do need to remain vigilant that I don't first relapse in my behaviors then inevitably physically.
 
Don't be discouraged, or try your best not to feed into the negativity, when things aren't going well. Things can change in unexpected ways, even unimaginable ways. Things don't always have to get worse and worse, and sometimes if things don't get better, that's just fine as well. The important things are working toward my goals, and enjoying life and people. It doesn't take much to do those things, although it may take a lot of ingenuity. I'm always surprised by seeing people with so little accomplish so much, it makes me aware of how little I do with so much.
 
Mafioso said:
I can still live a normal life, but I do need to remain vigilant that I don't first relapse in my behaviors then inevitably physically.
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very true!! my behaviours had started to veer off a bit and i was convincing myself it wasn't so bad, cos i wasn't using, but since the wake up call of my friend relapsing i've started to take it a lot more seriously again. i'm not prepared to risk ending up where i was this time last year if i can help it. i'm finally gonna move out of my parents soon, and start working on something i'm passionate for again full time, i wanna do everything i can to make it a dream come true, not a nightmare.

i spoke too soon about my friend going to rehab. she was bullshitting me so i wouldn't get on her back. she's only looking better cos she's completely run out of money so is only spending what she can beg up, so not using as much. she ended up in hospital yesterday, i don't know why. its not good. today she discharged herself to go shoot up in mcdonalds toilets. i'm scared she's going to die.

there's no point speculating why she was in hospital but it does mean its bad. the NHS is too pushed to keep people in unless they really need to be. like last year my friend got stabbed 10 times in the back and was discharged within 24 hours. i'm getting a taste of my own medicine. i've only known this girl a year. her relapse has only been 8 days. i finally understand a little bit what i put my family through.
 
I remind myself frequently of my shenanigans when I feel inpatient w someone else. It took some time for things to get to a place I even want to get better.

She must be going through something. Do you know if anything in particular set her off?
 
i have no idea what set her off. i tried to ask her last week but she wasn't really coherent. tbh i think her boyfriend is a wanker. he's so possessive and jealous and doesn't trust her. i've seen him lose his shit at her for literally no reason. he's insecure, she's a lot younger and hot. but now he's probably contributing to keeping her alive given he'll wait outside while she goes to shoot up. he can get help if she doesn't come out quickly.

she kept saying that the counselling that was on offer to her wasn't enough and she was going to have to wait a long time to get something that goes deeper. even then, the publicly funded people aren't necessarily the best. i'd written off therapy based on 10 years of NHS psychologists, but the expensive rehab therapists and my private addiction therapist are fantastic, another level. so, the rich (i'm broke, my parents pay) get a chance to live. the poor die young. welcome to cuntservative britain!
 
chinup said:
she kept saying that the counselling that was on offer to her wasn't enough and she was going to have to wait a long time to get something that goes deeper. even then, the publicly funded people aren't necessarily the best. i'd written off therapy based on 10 years of NHS psychologists, but the expensive rehab therapists and my private addiction therapist are fantastic, another level. so, the rich (i'm broke, my parents pay) get a chance to live. the poor die young. welcome to cuntservative britain!
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Welcome to planet Earth. Its even worse here in the US
 
^Yup. I couldn't believe I was literally unable to get in rehab when I was desperately trying. The most they eventually offered was a 5-day, rapid detox. Wtf.

The rehab, I was court-ordered into, that dispenses methadone to patients (I know cause I was there), told me"they don't treat opiate dependence, only alcohol". ??. Ok. So why do you dispense methadone to 200 patients EVERY morning? Why, do you taper chronic pain patients who are dependent on F'in OPIATES dumbass?

My roommate came in w 3 150mcg patches on her arm, and in addition was on methadone, Dilaudid, Valium and temazepam.

The loophole for me, sort of, was that I'm a seizure risk, because I had seizures, both times that I cold-turkey detoxed off of opiates only.

Even w that, they only offered that 5-day rapid taper, which means I would've left sick. And would've solved nothing. I can do that at home.uuggh. Very discouraging.

Your friends boyfriend sounds like an ass. I've had more than one of those kind of boyfriends. Obnoxious. Hopefully, shell get sick of it.
 
cj said:
Welcome to planet Earth. Its even worse here in the US
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yep- though were possibly headed for a US style system. i feel for you guys. its got to be awful. sometimes i see on here the massive list of heavy prescription drugs people are on and feel so relieved that our prescribing system is based on efficacy, not profit related motivations.

SG that sounds horrible!! and i don't see how anything with 200 people in it can claim to be a rehab- how the fuck can they give therapy to that many people!!

yep my mates BF is an ass, she's stuck with him for the time being cos he's sorted them a place to stay (he got chucked out of recovery houses 4 days after her). she is sick of it i don't understand why she keeps going back. its been really frustrating for a long time cos he's clearly bad for her and in the back of my mind i've worried that she's not concentrating enough on herself.
 
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