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My last Day 1 (Recovery Journal)

VastEmpty

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
548
Hello my SL buddies!

Today I'm at day 1. I'm actually going into day 2 in about five minutes. I tend to count in hours until the 72 hour mark or so (so I'm at 24hrs now!) anyway, it's day 1 and I feel like shit.

This is my third serious quit attempt in the last 12 months. Somehow this one feels harder already. Maybe that's the day-1-blues talking.

Ill check in often over the next few days. I'm feeling awfully fuzzy and incoherent...hopefully that clears up soon.

- VE
 

VastEmpty

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
548
It's so quiet...

here is what I'm doing for comfort meds:

First five days:
about 5-6 mgs of Kratom every 5-6 hours
ativan .50 as needed
clonodine 2 in the morning and 2 at night
Methocrabomal which is a muscle relaxer about 3 times a day
supplements - fish oil, 5-htp, multivitamin, l-tryzine (I'm not sure on the spelling of any of this - so look it up!), valerian root

i feel like I'm forgetting something, but I'll add it later if I am. It's gonna be a rough evening...at least I don't have to do this ever, ever again...

if if I live through the first five days, then I will have to drop the Kratom and cut back on The Ativan. My goal is to be on most of this stuff the least amount of time possible. But for now...ill see how hour 28 goes.

- VE
 

MisterNotSoClean

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 1, 2016
Messages
165
Gratz on starting the Journey! The first week or so is gonna be tough and definitely give ya the blues. I just had to remind myself that I will feel better and will be free of all the bullshit ( atleast a good chunk of bullshit anyways)

I hope you didn't forget immodium as it is a huge difference maker. Jumping from 8mg of sub I started taking 8mg of immodium. That worked for me and saved me from the wrath of an angry anus. I think you may need to play with the dosage though as it seems to be different for most people.

I don't know much about Kratom but the only thing I would be concerned about is possibly extending the wds while minimizing the severity. Could be a double edged sword. Maybe someone more knowledgeable could chime in on that one.

All in all sounds like you've got a good regiment going.

What are you doing for a distraction? I found distracting my brain played a MAJOR part in the first 2 weeks.

Also as much as you may not want to, once the rls kicks in, try walking until your leg muscles hurt. I found the muscle pain somehow negates the rls. I never found anything for the wriggly wrists though. I thought about tying a weight to a dowel rod and winding it up and down but never had enough motivation to build it. Not everyone gets the wriggly wrists though.

I really wish I started posting here in the first 10 days after jumping as it has been a huge help.

Keep us posted

~MisterNotSoClean~
 

BigPoppaGoonie

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 26, 2016
Messages
60
Location
Trapped in the dungeon of my mind. Sword drawn.
Congrats my friend. You are strong quitting cold turkey! I am on day 2 of a taper and am feeling it already. I agree, you have the medicinal's down pat. What do you enjoy doing tha free's your mind? Play an instument? art? video games? These will make the time go by faster and keep you somewhat distracted. And if you are able...exercise, exercise, exercise!

Keep us posted! Good luck and stay strong! Mind over body!
 

VastEmpty

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
548
Thanks a ton for the kind words. It means the world to me. I hope after day 3 I will be in a better mental state to update you guys, and answer questions- as for now, I'm at hour 45.5. I'm over halfway to the 72 hour mark...but I'm literally taking it minute by minute at this point, so sorry for the short and, yes, CRAB-y posts.

Quick question - how often can I take .1 mg of clonodine? Clonodine seems to work better for me than pretty much anything else I'm taking - other than the Ativan - but I know how often I can take that! I feel it wear off at about the 3 or 4 hour mark. I have 100 of them with like 6 refills, so I'm not worried about running out...

- VE
 

VastEmpty

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
548
Argggg! My spelling sucks. It's Clonidine, not Clonodine. I'm going to have some editing to do when I don't feel like it'll kill me.

Scratch the question above, I'm pretty sure it's not within the rules anyway - and I'm a rule follower! I'm just going to go take my BP and decide from there.

Also, I have a fucking cold on top of these withdrawals. Soar throat, stuffy nose, cough...when it rains it pours. It's a good thing I like the fucking rain I guess.

- VE

BP Report - 179/112. I ate that Clonidine awfully quick after seeing that...also ate an Ativan.
 
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VastEmpty

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
548
BigP, I'm still alive. Hour 65...or there about...I'm dragging, but alive.

I was just over at your thread and you seem to be doing great. Keep up the good work!!

- VE
 

VastEmpty

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
548
Alright guys, I'm hoping it goes up from here soon - cause I'm stuggling. Literally fighting for every single second.

Still, taking a pill isn't an option, which I'm so thankful for. I have a loved one holding about 50 10 mgs from my last refill - but i don't want it if I play it through in my head. I know it'll only help for a few hours - then I will be right back to where I am now...except further back! I can't do it when I know I don't have another day 1 in me. I honest to god-who-isn't-there I don't think I would live through this again.

Oddly though, I've been sleeping much more than I would have expected. Which is a fucking relief. It's not good sleep and I feel like shit when I wake up...but at hour 74, I'll take anything I can get.

And I could reallllllllllly fucking do without this cold I have! But maybe that's is what is making me sleep more...

- VE
 

VastEmpty

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
548
Well, ladies and gents, I've past the day 4 mark (97 hours).

I wish it it felt more like an accomplishment right now.

- VE
 

starting_over

Bluelighter
Joined
May 7, 2016
Messages
375
Location
bacon & maple syrup
No clue what wd's are like but best of luck getting clean, you can do this!

I've failed over and over again saying that 'this will be the last time I ever do opiates' -- don't beat yourself up with having to start again.
 

BigPoppaGoonie

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 26, 2016
Messages
60
Location
Trapped in the dungeon of my mind. Sword drawn.
DUDE, 97 hours!!! That's huge my friend! Congrats! You are going through the worst of it right now, stay strong brother. If you have access to a hot tub, or at least a hot bath, it works wonders! You can do it, dont give in, I believe in you. In a few months we will look back on this time in our lives and know we can defeat anything!
 

VastEmpty

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
548
DUDE now it's 115 hours! Thanks for the support! I'm going to switch from counting hours to counting days - so now it's day 5.

Im still not feeling decent. This cold I have is kicking my ass. I just wish I could fight one of these at a time. If I don't feel better Monday, I'm going to the doctor (he knows about my quitting opiates - he is my pain management doctor). Not sure what good that'll do me, my biggest concern is that it feels like it's going into my chest.

Now for some good news - it's raining! For some reason, I always feel safer when the weather mirrors my moods. Walking outside and seeing people having "fun in the sun" just doesn't fit my f'in mood right now. Hard to tell if it ever will again.

Now for some bad news - I feel worse on day 5 than 4. Not sure why, but I'm worried it could be something I'm taking. Yesterday and earlier this morning I took cough medicine with codeine in it...Could that be setting me back? I hope not, it's not much codeine and I did some research and basic math and believe I've taken about 15mgs of codeine, two times in 24 hours. Any advice on how the codeine may be effecting the withdrawal 5 days in would be greatly appreciated!

Another possible solution to why I'm not feeling any better is that I'm being pretty aggressive with my Kratom taper. For the first three days I was dosing as needed. On day 4 (yesterday) I really tried to push it and take less.the last time I had any was at 5:00 pm yesterday - so about 19ish hours ago...I had planned to take some today when it's not tolerable anymore, but haven't had to yet. Maybe it's just being without that crutch as often is making it more intense.

Sorry for all the questions. I guess I just want to see some light at the end of the tunnel...

- VE

ETA - I'm taking the cough medicine for my cough/cold - not to aid in withdrawal comfort. If it's holding me back, I can go with a different cough medicine, this is just what I had on hand. Just wanted to clarify.
 

VastEmpty

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
548
Well, I made it until 2:30 and then I took some Kratom. It's been about 30 minutes and I think I do feel better - sometimes it's hard to even gauge how I feel. I started capping it today - instead of toss-and-wash - I took six caps. That's only about 3gs - not a ton in the scope of things I guess. And waiting 20+ hours between the doses must mean I'm feeling better over-all, right? It's not an easy wait, but it's doable so far.

If I ever, and I do mean ever, pick up another narcotic again - please shoot me. I promise it would be kinder than making me do this again.

- VE
 

VastEmpty

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
548
No clue what wd's are like but best of luck getting clean, you can do this!

I've failed over and over again saying that 'this will be the last time I ever do opiates' -- don't beat yourself up with having to start again.
starting over -

thanks for the encouragement, I appreciate it more than I can describe.

No worries about not knowing what the wds feel like - your time is coming. I don't say that to be shitty at all - just to say that...we all must pay the piper at one time or another. I wanted to quit opiates literally two years before my serious attempts. It took me that long to get the courage (that and researching what it was doing to my body/mind and my pain response really helped too) to try - and then another year to succeed (maybe).

You will know when the time is right. At least I did - The opiates will turn on you and when you realize how shitty you feel ON them, the wds won't look half bad.

Best set of luck to you!

- VE
 

vision conquest

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 22, 2016
Messages
139
Location
Brisbane
Hey ve, I saw your posts in one of the other threads I have been following but only just found your thread.

Glad you got some help from that link I posted, hopefully it helped with clonidine doseages, just remember as someone already mentioned, if you are using a fair bit of it you will want to taper when you stop it.

I have never used kratom so can't give any advice there but I would definitely use another cough syrup, the codeine will probably just prolong things, if you only use small amounts it shouldn't affect things to much but better to be safe than sorry.

Keep it up man you'll make it and reading these threads is very helpful to those of us who are soon to embark on this journey.

Best wishes man.
 

the last dose

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 28, 2015
Messages
532
Location
Dirty Jersey
I also just found this thread how are you doing, i will be following a similar path as you soon. I have similar comfort meds as you kratom, loperdamine, xanax i have to see my doc yet for clonodine, maybe some other things too i also think im gonna order Elimidrol. How long were you on ops for and what dose did you jump to kratom at like total mgs a day and each mg dose wondering if its close to mine. You are the trail blazer right now hoping your still blazing. Best wishes VAST EMPTY
 
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