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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Thanks :)

Thankfully this thread moves on it's own recently because i don't feel like ive been a great help recently.

Hopefully you can benefit from it though, and like OMW im curious how you've been. I remember your username!
Thank you. I’ve been really struggling. This thread is a great way for those of us with MI to get support! Expressing how your feeling, being real is help enough!!!
 
Real talk though:

These days got me feeling like im operating at 50%. Can't even hold down a conversation IRL. Everything social takes effort. I'm either completely in tune with my surroundings or off by a long shot - recently been off by a long shot. My high school friends would be in awe.. I was the life of the party in HS. Ever since drugs got a grip on me, bipolar got diagnosed, and personality traits pegged on me by forensic psychologists took me by the balls. Along side becoming homeless and etc for several years even though my family is living happily in there couple of houses out side of the state.

I used to have everything and now im surrounded by negativity. It's turning me into a monster. I need good associations, a job that lines up with my skills and stable housing.

I feel pent up rage.

I'm about to slip.

Dun dun dunnnn...

But seriously im about to crack. There's more underneath.

hey man,

I know exactly how you feel. That building rage is your worst enemy and the thing that will lay you low if you don’t get a grip on it.

I’ve got no specific advice on how to do it, but you’ve got to compartmentalise the things enraging you and find your inner chill.

There’s good stuff in your future so long as you don’t explode.
 
hey man,

I know exactly how you feel. That building rage is your worst enemy and the thing that will lay you low if you don’t get a grip on it.

I’ve got no specific advice on how to do it, but you’ve got to compartmentalise the things enraging you and find your inner chill.

There’s good stuff in your future so long as you don’t explode.

Interesting you say compartmentalize.

I have always thought that i was good at keeping emotions and even personality traits separated for one reason or another.

I do hold a lot of anger though.

My inner chill is my default - my home videos of me being a baby i was like the poster boy for chill. And in general im not really that reactive.

So you hit a lot of good points.

I'll work on making the best of good situations, staying positive, maybe finding the dark humor in it all.

Thanks.
 
So been thinking of going off the zyprexa as im eating lowest dose once a day and being 3 days without barely causes anything. I think i should atleast try not eating it since its extra heavy on the brain.
 
Honestly? Terrible the last two days again. I'm sleeping such a lot - 14 - 16 h again per day. It was all already abit better and I'm waiting for my psychosomatic rehab now. But this can last..... Also i don't want to force me outside my flat, I just can't - there is no motivation whatsoever.

I think I know why it is so bad again - my neighbour is playing her fucking games with me again. So extreme, that I called the police yesterday, but she of course did not open the door so they can't see and hear how she really is. She's a fucking monster and she knows I am very bad these times. She says so many bad things to me, I don't know where to start. She seems to be a very sadistic monster and I'm sure she needs medication which I have told her already. She sees things that are not there, for example my apartment is burning - 2 times she called the firemen and the police because "there where big clouds of smoke" outside my flat, she let the police come because "JJ is torturing her cats with the hoover" and so on and so on...

Since she knows that I'm unemployed because of Corona and having a major depression it got worse. I'm at home all day and she knows it. There happened so much the last few weeks - I can't do anything. I"n my condition it is really hard to overhear her extremely loud voice since she directly lives next to me and I understand every single word "Oh, JJ is at home since a while, for sure she doesn't want to work and we have to pay her with our taxes! Look, she gained a lot of weight - this comes from being extremely lazy and laying around on our money! And so on.... I know this sounds like nothing to somebody who is mentally strong but I'm not these days, waiting for my rehab.

I also told the policemen that she threatens me she will report that I'm smoking one joint to sleep in the evenings. He was smiling and asked: "But just CBD, right?" Short break - all of them were smiling- and I said "Of course officer". He said: "You know what? Buy a bit of CBD-Grass and keep the bill in your purse because we can not make a difference between CBD or "real grass". If she really reports it and we have to have a look, just show this bill and you are allright. Don't worry, NOTHING will happen to you, here the law changed a bit, even if it's not CBD. You are allowed to smoke weed here. Or do you hide 10 kg anywhere in your apartment?" All were laughing and I said no, I know very well how much I am allowed to have at home.

He asked me then if I'm ok, if they can leave without worrying , if they can do something for me - and I said just "THANK YOU for being so nice and trying to help - I appreciate that a lot."

It was the nicest talk to policemen I ever had. Here in Vienna they are generally cooler than outside of the city. For me it was cool, I took a deep breath and knew she can not do anything against me because I have never done anything to her. She needs a Psychiatrist, that's all. So even today is a really bad day again I feel a bit more secure. Let's see what her next step will be. I have to force myself to ignore her and that's so so so hard for me because she knows how to make me raging.

Sorry for this long post but I had to write this down anywhere - now I'm doing better not to keep it to myself and I'm sure a few people here will understand my issues.

Thank you for being there, Bluelighters.

JJ
 
All people have their own shit to deal with. Sounds like the neighbor consistently wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, to say it lightly.

Ignoring her does sound like the right move. And dealing with rage is tough, i know this.

For me i just try to remember what i said in the first paragraph.

If things get out of hand, sounds like the po po got your back.
 
All people have their own shit to deal with. Sounds like the neighbor consistently wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, to say it lightly.

Ignoring her does sound like the right move. And dealing with rage is tough, i know this.

For me i just try to remember what i said in the first paragraph.

If things get out of hand, sounds like the po po got your back.

Yeah, I always say if people talk about me behind my back they are already in the right position to kiss my ass.

JJ
 
Had the usual morning fight with my husband. According to him im blaiming every thing I don't want to do on my PTSD.
Yesterday I showed him this video about ptsd and stress response/anxiety in rats where they explained conditioning. My ex used to have these like 5 hours sessions where I had to account for something I did like every detail, and I could not even just say what was true because he just would not believe me and would keep me there until I had answered everything "right". That happened loads of times.

Tried to explain to my husband that that's why I get all quiet and can't really answer him properly when we have a discussion/argument. For me every "serious" conversation is super stressful. But my husband don't seem to get that it's not just me wanting to get out of an uncomfortable situation. It's like literally hell for me. Especially now with the police hearings and having to think about all this shit again

Sorry blue friends rambling here again as asual
Sounds like you have bad problem, but I think relationships need to be micromanaged in the small level all the time with small corrections, so the problems don't get big.
There has been studies that if there isn't enough negative interactions in relationship, the relationship doesn't last. It was like 4 positive interactions for 1 bad ratio, which would make relationship work.
Some psychiatrist even have this saying of "4 fucks per 1 fight".
I think you should solve your problems with therapist or something.
Standing up with your shoulders straight, facing the problem and learning how to deal with it is mature.
It's extremely immature to avoid serious talk.
I have been in relationships where the girl would try to avoid the serious talk all the time and the thing is, the little things I wanted to talk about just grew inside me to big things and then I started snapping from little shit, because there was so much unsolved shit which I wanted to solve, but it was impossible because only one party wanted it.
And the girl had same kind of excuse as you "My family used to fight so I can't handle these situations."
You have to realize that your husband isn't your ex.
If your ex is affecting your relationship still, after all these years, it's really bad thing and you should get it solved.
Get out of your comfort zone and learn.
I'm not being mean here, but if my fiancee's ex was affecting my current relationship as badly as they do in your relationship, I couldn't handle it.
Try to get in his position and think about these things.
He isn't your ex.
What I have understood about him is that he's hardworking and great guy.
You are in home getting high all the time and he's the one bringing the food to the table.
He should get some points from that and I think he feels like he deserves you at least making an effort to solve your problems.
I get that mental issues can be overwhelming, but he isn't your therapist. He's your man.
You should get help, really.
Seems like you have these walls inside your head which make it impossible for you to do normal things and it's time to start tearing them down, specially now as your situation has gotten better in the ex-department.
I'm not being mean, but I'm not here to give empathy.
I'm here to give advice and if you want a healthy and functioning relationship, you should be able to talk with your man.
 
Thanks @DeadManWalkin' I've thought about some of the things you've said previously to you saying it but I think I needed to hear it from another person. Your whole post was much needed right now and got me thinking.

I have been in relationships where the girl would try to avoid the serious talk all the time and the thing is, the little things I wanted to talk about just grew inside me to big things and then I started snapping from little shit, because there was so much unsolved shit which I wanted to solve, but it was impossible because only one party wanted it.
^ This helped explain a lot I believe that's exactly how my husband is feeling.

We are kind of at a breaking point now, im not even sure I want to continue the relationship, he does not seem to keen to either, but im gonna take the things you said into consideration and at least try to make our time together more pleasant, whether the relationship will end or not. I really needed a bit of scolding DMW thanks again : )
 
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