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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

I feel pretty good lately. I am lucid. I’m starting to lose sleep though (things are waking me up) and spending money. But I’m still lucid and rational. Most times in life I’m high- functioning. They say I lost it around the time my dad died at the beginning of last year, but mention of which still yields understanding... from most people
 
^ It's great you're high-functioning! Please make sure you get some rest. You need that.

Today was pretty good. I've been spooning phenibut down my throat throughout the day and lithium orotate, but at least it put me in a fun mood.

I'm not going to order that RC benzo I've been thinking about. This time around, it would probably kill me. It goes from super fun euphoria to disaster/blackouts pretty quickly. I've been back to suicidal ideation lately so it's especially dangerous since the drug will be a way to erase my reality. Gotta stay away from it no matter how tempting.
 
Only reason I'm alive right now is because of benzos. I realize they could one day lead to my death, but they're the only reason I've had any kind of pleasurable life. They giveth and taketh I suppose.

Probably gonna have to switch docs before the end of the year. I fucking hate changing doctors.
 
I been anxious as fuck lately. I got a job interviw...if I don't get it I could loose my apartment, the electricity is way over due, I only got one month f rent left. My wife has a heart condition and we have a ten month old.... They could both die on the streets. I gotta try so hard cause if I fail we are gonna loose everything. And these damn panic attacks can't get in my way.
 
@mal3volent - love you bro. Tomorrow could be a shit-show, but could also be the best of your life.

@weekend addiction - I am not the best at interviews myself, because I often try too hard. My best advice would be to just try to kick it with the interviewer like he/she is a long lost friend. I can understand how anxiety can get in the way of that, especially in your situation, but play your favorite song on the car ride/walk over, memorize your resume, have some questions to ask, like what percent of leadership is developed from within the company, and maybe a couple ice breakers like talking about.. well, anything but the weather. Once you're comfortable with things like that, they'll just roll off your tounge and you can fill in the blanks with friendly banter :p Good luck my dude break a leg.
 
mal3volent said:
Only reason I'm alive right now is because of benzos. I realize they could one day lead to my death, but they're the only reason I've had any kind of pleasurable life. They giveth and taketh I suppose.

Probably gonna have to switch docs before the end of the year. I fucking hate changing doctors.
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Yep. Quality of life is low with no benzos. Gabapentin helps, but it's just not the same at all. I don't believe regular benzos like klonopin will lead to death, as long as you don't go cold turkey.
RC benzo is a different animal altogether, the blackouts come before you know it. During the blackouts, you can keep dosing until your whole stash is gone. The dangerous part is being unaware of your actions. If you don't actually die, you'll wish you did once people tell you what you've done.

When I bring up klonopin at the next appt and if the doctor doesn't comply, I'll be switching. I have a high ass bill to pay off now. It doesn't make sense to be paying to see someone if you're not ultimately getting what you need.

@weekend addiction - Yes, good luck! Kick ass at the interview! :)
 
Thanks guys I got the job. 15 an hour in a nice ass restaurant as a cook. I wish I could say which one but it would kill my anonymity lol.

And a week ago I was thinking of going to the mental hospital now I'm happy as hell. Good luck to those struggling. I will visit this thread often.
 
Oh and guys about the docs my psych won't even get me gabapentin they are stingray as hell these days cause of "the opiate epidemic."
 
weekend addiction said:
Oh and guys about the docs my psych won't even get me gabapentin they are stingray as hell these days cause of "the opiate epidemic."
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Yeah, these psychs are on some bullshit nowadays. Mine had no problem giving me Gabapentin, but I get the whole "addiction" lecture about benzos. The only time I have ever been in relationships and going out to concerts, etc was because klonopin helped with my anxiety. There's a fire inside now, if I hear any lectures about addiction or "it causes dementia", I'm getting rid of his ass.

Life is too short. You should find another psych too if Gabapentin is what you really need.

I am sooo thrilled for you about the job! It sounds like a dream!
 
I'm feeling goooood! I haven't fucked with phenibut in a while, started fucking with it again this month. I've been singing and dancing all night. Now, I have these trippy visuals in my peripheral. It's like a cool light show. I don't recall ever having that before. Maybe I found the perfect dose.
 
The ne job was supposed to be mostly prep...but they lied about it. My boss ended up being a dick. And they wouldn't leme smoke even after 4 hours of work and it was really slow. I probably shouldn't have...but I said thanks but no thanks and walked the fuck out. Mind you my smoke breaks are the quickest I take four drags and I'm bak inside in under two mins. Not only did they not let me they were dicks about it. So back on the job hunt but that's okay cause I'm not being treated like shit.

I work hard and respect my employer but not when they liee to me and are rude to my face.

Hope everyone is doing well I'm bout to have a cigarette.
 
@coast: the stuff I'd heaven but very addictive...

@madness: I'm a very talented cook almost chef level really so I know I'm hireable. That's why I don't let people walk on me.
 
Medbithead said:
I feel pretty good lately. I am lucid. I’m starting to lose sleep though (things are waking me up) and spending money. But I’m still lucid and rational. Most times in life I’m high- functioning. They say I lost it around the time my dad died at the beginning of last year, but mention of which still yields understanding... from most people
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Still lucid. Sleeping even less than I previously stated, being really creative again and successful at such endeavors if judged by attention garnered for that, but it has nothing to do with my work. I hesitate to tell anyone this since it would tip my hand and make me vulnerable but here’s hoping I do not slip
 
Good to hear.

I too am feeling good. Everyday has been better than the last. I have big aspirations, minimal drug urges, and made some good friends, so no reason why this won't continue.
 
madness00 said:
Good to hear.

I too am feeling good. Everyday has been better than the last. I have big aspirations, minimal drug urges, and made some good friends, so no reason why this won't continue.
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Awesome man ?
 
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