Definitely last post because I feel like I’m getting way way too emotionally involved in this.
I’ve already said on every post that I have written that I recognise and I understand that all your symptoms are very real. Everything that I write is purely just my opinion.
After I had my bad experience, I had horrible physical symptoms for a year and then for another year I had psychological symptoms; really terrifying psychological symptoms.
If I had these symptoms now, I would be able to cope with them. As a 18 year old, I felt like the world was ending. I didn’t understand anything to do with neuroscience and I didn’t know what was happening to me.
I have a really good family and I had a psychologist who was really great and who always told me that it was PTSD. I believed my psychologist and I got better.
What concerns me is that there is some teenager in a care home somewhere who doesn’t have anywhere to turn to and is going through the ‘LTC’. They read a post from some old guy on this forum who was dealt some shit hands in life. Maybe their girlfriend left them, maybe an employer never saw their potential, maybe their teacher never saw their potential, maybe they were/are a poly drug user, etc etc.
That teenager then completely disregards the idea that it might be a mental health thing that will get better with time (cause it’s really difficult to wrap your head around). They then try all the tips on the recovery program and don’t get results and then they start thinking maybe that old dude was right and I’m permanently brain damaged because of that one time I took MDMA. Then said teenager kills themselves.
It’s normal to experience physical things sometimes (especially as you get older). Do you really think you are experiencing physical problems because of something you took ex amount of years ago? I’ve already said on a previous post that if you are concerned about a physical problem then see your dr about it. This is just my opinion, but those of you who say they don’t have anxiety, I think yous kind of do. You are on a forum worrying that you have damaged yourself because of something you took years ago.
I’ve also said that I don’t think it’s completely psychological. At one point there was obviously a chemical imbalance, but after a few days this would have sorted itself. Although by the time it sorted itself a lot of people would have already started worrying, ruminating, researching, obsessing and on route to the LTC. People are creatures of habit.
I think a lot of you would really benefit from watching the derealization manual.
There are people that get spiked with MDMA (especially girls for obvious reasons). These people don’t seem to go through the ‘LTC’. Why is that? Is it something that comes from knowing that you might have harmed yourself and that you can’t trust yourself? Who knows? I for one felt like everytime I accomplished something or laughed at something I got a little bit of myself back. I don’t have all the answers and I never claimed to.
After my bad MDMA experience, I remember thinking to myself that I wished I had done more when I was still healthy and that I wasted so much time worrying about stupid stuff and loads of other funny stuff. However, the truth is I didn’t do more stuff then because I was busy worrying about something else.
Your life wasn’t perfect before MDMA and it won’t be perfect after, but it’ll be a whole lot better. It’ll be real. Cause that’s the problem with MDMA, it makes you feel like your on cloud nine, but it’s fake, it’s chemical. Real happiness might not be anywhere near as intense but it’s a whole lot better. The first time you hold your child, the first time the person you love says they love you (knowing that it’s not some man made chemical pulling on the puppet strings). You’re going to worry, you’re going to worry for the rest of your life; you’ll worry about your children, you’ll worry about your partner, you’ll worry about climate change, you’ll worry about your parents. Just don’t worry about MDMA.
I’m praying for you all to get better. I’ve been told in the past that the way I say things can come across as too direct and matter of fact. I don’t know what’s wrong with all of you, if yous are experiencing the same thing or something different. Only you can really know. I was just giving my opinion in the hope that I could help someone.
Regardless of what you are going through. The best thing you can do for yourself is to believe that it will get better. Peace out.
I will preface this by saying that more than anything I want to believe that I have a transient, treatable anxiety disorder, or some other similar medical condition that could be cured or improved through treatment.
At the same time, I’ve had periodically worsening cognitive symptoms for 3+ years now that are increasingly making it impossible to live a normal life. This started the week after taking mdma at a festival in 2017 as persistent brain fog, memory issues and sexual dysfunction. I was a fairly experienced mdma user, very familiar with harm reduction and best practices. I took safety very seriously. I didn’t have a bad reaction the first time I took the drug, I didn’t have a bad trip and I didn’t do anything crazy.
As you mention, millions of people take mdma each year. And we know that it is involved in some chemical processes in the brain that, under certain circumstances, are neurotoxic and damage or destroy neurons. Isn’t it a fairly reasonable explanation that for some small % of those users, they would experience an outlier event and have something go wrong neurologically even under seemingly safe conditions? And that destruction could manifest in a wide variety of ways depending on what neurons were damaged.
It unfortunately seems much more likely to me that some kind of brain damage took place to cause this than we are all experiencing extreme physical symptoms of anxiety. I desperately don’t want this to be true. I don’t want to have gotten epically fucking unlucky that I am the poor .01% outlier who had some kind of catastrophic reaction to very mundane mdma usage.
And the real mind fuck is that we can’t know for sure. There is no test a doctor can run to scan our brain and see what is happening. We can’t see the neurons involved in memory or emotion or other functions to see that some of them aren’t working correctly. We can’t see if this is related to impaired blood flow, transmitter imbalances, inflammation or some other breakdown. So a lot of people post here desperately hoping someone else has a magic fix that worked for them that we can try, because there is no break from feeling like this. It’s in our mind and we have to confront it every single day. And we are desperate to find something.