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Benzos I've been screwing around pretty heavily with Etizolam for about 4 weeks now (5 absolute max). How f*cked am I?

2 months is kind of a long time to be taking as much as the OP is saying every day. Especially if taking them multiple times a day (which indicates also that you must find something in them to like other than just sleeping help).

Benzo withdrawal, at least at lighter levels, seems to produce less depression than opiate withdrawal, and less overt horrible discomfort, but a lot more anxiety and also a tendency to become delusional. Though it seems pretty likely that after 2 months, it wouldn't be bad enough for delusions or seizures, hopefully.

But yes absolutely, the longer you wait, the worse it will be.
 
Absolutely true about the half life. Please let me be clear though - I only took 60 pills in a day once or twice, never all at once, and while experiencing the "delusion of sobriety" effect (boy, is THAT the truth!) Usually, it's a couple in the morning, and a few more at night since around January 20. Today for example, I've taken exactly two pills. Feel fine so far. I will need to take more tonight, of course, but certainly no more binging; I got scared to death by the stories of seizures, panic attacks and full-blown benzo withdrawal. I was an IV heroin addict (banged Dilaudid and Oxy too), took a fair bit of coke and crack, tried a tiny bit of meth once (too scared of it to get much of anything) and pot - in addition to all my prescriptions which were mostly opioids, benzos and antidepressants. In fact, I was 24 and had no interest in drugs at all until my fucking GP prescribed me 3500 of them, cut me off cold turkey, then blamed the "marijuana gateway theory" for my addiction. At the time, I had tried marijuana exactly once, and hated it because it gave me anxiety. Piece of shit. It's docs like that that create us patients. Sure, there are some psychonauts out there, but must of us never woke up one day and thought "I'm bored - I think I'll become a heroin addict". It happens over months, years. and we are despised by society and know it. I feel it in my pharmacists eyes every time she dispenses my methadone. She acts friendly enough, but she'd never, ever trust me with the smallest of responsibilities despite the fact that I've been clean (with the obvious exception of etizolam) since 2014. It's a good thing we have each other here.

Personally, I feel the waves of hatred coming off certain people who know I got addicted relatively innocently (I was totally naïve at the time, did not know about opiates, and did not ask for percs - yet he gave me 100 per month with the instructions to take 1-2 per migraine, despite the fact that I told him my migraines occurred on average twice a month. He still gave me 100 every month for 3 years, which is where I got the 3600 figure. The second he suspected I was abusing them (which I admittedly had been, taking 4-5 at a time to nod and play my favorite games. God, I still miss those days....in a way, they were better than heroin. They felt amazing, and despite the high not comparing to a good H high, you're not messed up beyond the point of return yet, the way you are as soon as you put the needle in your arm. Anyway, my doctor guessed I was becoming addicted and cut me off cold turkey with no replacement - not even clonidine, yet don't care. He also broke confidentiality by telling my father - also a patient of his - my story. So no - I don't blame anyone who happens to be addicted, no matter how they got that way. It makes no difference anyway, because we're all the same in one way - we all did it and loved it, BUT continued doing it the kill the pain. We all have something inside us we wish wasn't there we're covering up with drugs. H, crack, meth....all addictive, but all useful for the dopamine they give us that we just can't get on our own for various reasons. But the rest of the population? The "normal" ones who have never used, but binge on alcohol every weekend? To them, a junkie is a junkie - the cancer of society.

But back to Etizolam There I was, feeling completely normal; meanwhile, friends and parents told me I had begun to slur my words, I was getting bruised from walking into walls so often, and a police officer showed up at my apartment because apparently, a few people had called to say I was weaving on the road (THIS is very dangerous and inexcusable - I had no right to put others at risk, despite my delusions). I gotta say, based on previous experience with cops, this guy was incredible. He said (and looked) legit concerned for me, asked what was wrong, got me to spill my guts and cry. He was actually very sympathetic and said he only wanted to check on me to see if I was ok (yeah right, I thought. So you can take me downtown and keep a close watch over me). But amazingly, he really seemed to mean it; no tickets, no impounding my car, no jail. He talked to me like a human, told me how the pandemic is causing so much pain. I still don't know if I did the right thing here, but I'm a [pretty good judge of character, and I trusted him and voluntarily told him about my past addiction, that I was on methadone, but clean for 7-8 years now. I can hear the gasps of some of you who can't believe I would volunteer that information to a cop. But I thought, hey - this guy actually IS trying to help and I want be honest with him. Seems I was right, as he commiserated with me, told me that he hopes I knew addiction is a disease for life. He wished me the best and left - nothing more. Not even a traffic ticket.

If ALL cops were like that...what a different world we'd be living in, is all I can say about that. All addicts should be offered a clean supply of pharmaceutical drugs, not thrown in prison. It's a fucking no brainer - but they do it to get the blacks off the streets, racist bastards. I'm in Canada, incidentally, that's why I get my methadone from the regular pharmacy.

Thank you ALL for the well
wishes and advice <3 Sorry I tend to post so long.
 
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Been thinking about you Bomb. Cut yourself some slack. None of this stuff with Covid is normal and we all have just been trying to make it through a day so it is understandable. I sort of beat myself up a lot for some of the messes I get myself in. I cut others more slack than I cut myself. But we have to and in the end we will survive. (we just want to be happy as we survive so I get it! :))

Now I have no answers and others here have a lot of knowledge on how to cut back. I can not even guess, I have read people taking it 3 months and have only anxiety coming off and others only a week and having issues. Hopefully you will get some responses. You are still sort of fresh with this whole thing so 100 etizolam tablets should be able to be utilized to taper you off.

Yeah so if someone has been taking *about* 8 mgs a day of etizolam for 5-6 weeks how would you taper with 100 pills? Someone will have some suggestions. Going to a doctor for diazepam is an idea too as suggested. But you may be able to use those 100 pills to taper off and not have too bad of a time. So I await the responses too.

What a kind reply, thank you so much!

Thanks to the others giving advice as well, of course! :)
 
But back to Etizolam There I was, feeling completely normal; meanwhile, friends and parents told me I had begun to slut my words, I was getting bruised from walking into walls so often, and a police officer showed up at my apartment because apparently, a few people had called to say I was weaving on the road (THIS is very dangerous and inexcusable - I had no right to put others at risk, despite my delusions). I gotta say, based on previous experience with cops, this guy was incredible. He said (and looked) legit concerned for me, asked what was wrong, got me to spill my guts and cry. He was actually very sympathetic and said he only wanted to check on me to see if I was ok (yeah right, I thought. So you can take me downtown and keep a close watch over me). But amazingly, he really seemed to mean it; no tickets, no impounding my car, no jail. He talked to me like a human, told me how the pandemic is causing so much pain. I still don't know if I did the right thing here, but I'm a [pretty good judge of character, and I trusted him and voluntarily told him about my past addiction, that I was on methadone, but clean for 7-8 years now. I can hear the gasps of some of you who can't believe I would volunteer that information to a cop. But I thought, hey - this guy actually IS trying to help and I want be honest with him. Seems I was right, as he commiserated with me, told me that he hopes I knew addiction is a disease for life. He wished me the best and left - nothing more. Not even a traffic ticket.

Wow, lucky! I got a DUI in 2018, and I had to take an alcohol treatment course. A woman that was there with me was prescribed clonazepam, like 0.5mg twice a day, and broke her leg, and was in her car in a drive-thru and her cast caught on something and she was unable to brake before bumping the person in front of her. That person called the cops because there was a scratch, and the cop got all aggressive with her and arrested her and charged her with a DUI, and said she wasn't supposed to drive on that medication.
 
60 pills a day is a very very high amount. Do you know how many pills you took per week?
4-5 weeks usually isn't enough to develop a serious benzo dependecy but in your case I'm not sure, it might very well be dangerous to go cold turkey from that amount (if your pills aren't severely underdosed).
It's a short acting benzo but if you're taking that much you're going to be under the influence 24/7 and it will even accumulate in your blood from the previous day (and the days before that).

You may be fine skipping a day while the rest arrives but tbh it seems kind of risky, you'll have to see how your body reacts. How are you feeling now? Any WD symptoms? If you start feeling symptoms and getting uncomfortable then it would probably be best to go to the ER just to be safe.
If you ever start feeling weird, like really disoriented or even shaky then call an ambulance asap (however I should say that seizures don't always come with an obvious warning).

Hope you don't have to go through that, maybe your pills had very little etiz (or another RC benzo) and/or you're not super prone to benzo dependecy. Seems strange that you didn't fall asleep from 20+ pills so they probably don't have as much etizolam as advertised, but pay attention to how you feel.
Have to disagree, respectfully.

There are only three current classes of depressants which can kill on withdrawal. EtOH, Benzos, Barbituric Derivatives.

You know how much trouble you can get into drinking for 4-5 weeks? If you've been through withdrawal and experiencing kindling effects, LTP.. I think this could go very south on you. My gut tells me it won't but you should be prepared and screw your head on straight from here on out, establish a plan (Etizolam is useless as a taper, I think, for most, because of the kinetics and half life. If that could be traded for an equivalent amount of something which is protective (there aren't many brah)... chlordiazepoxide, diazepam, clonazepam.. then you can ease off.


I once had a Xanax 0.5 cover me for four or five hours. After 23 years of therapeutic benzo use (3mg.. 3000 micrograms daily) a 1mg xanax is a Fucking Joke. All the short half life/triazo/thieno are fucked up that way.

One mg of xanax now, today, here? 1/2 hour dip in time perception, that's it.

I've drank so much in a week I had convulsions on the backside.

Stay away from e-Positive Allosteric ModulatorS.
 
I had a similar experience in the summer, but I was really fucked up. Meth + fentanyl + xanax + alcohol. Again, inexcusable. The police officer just asked "Whats wrong? how can we help you?" she was amazing honestly. I also cried, and then could not stop crying since my dad was just diagnosed with cancer. Anyway my car did get impounded but only for 24 hours, I was just so thankful I still had a license after.
 
Have to disagree, respectfully.

There are only three current classes of depressants which can kill on withdrawal. EtOH, Benzos, Barbituric Derivatives.

You know how much trouble you can get into drinking for 4-5 weeks? If you've been through withdrawal and experiencing kindling effects, LTP.. I think this could go very south on you. My gut tells me it won't but you should be prepared and screw your head on straight from here on out, establish a plan (Etizolam is useless as a taper, I think, for most, because of the kinetics and half life. If that could be traded for an equivalent amount of something which is protective (there aren't many brah)... chlordiazepoxide, diazepam, clonazepam.. then you can ease off.


I once had a Xanax 0.5 cover me for four or five hours. After 23 years of therapeutic benzo use (3mg.. 3000 micrograms daily) a 1mg xanax is a Fucking Joke. All the short half life/triazo/thieno are fucked up that way.

One mg of xanax now, today, here? 1/2 hour dip in time perception, that's it.

I've drank so much in a week I had convulsions on the backside.

Stay away from e-Positive Allosteric ModulatorS.

Thank you, I really appreciate your advice. The thing is, I REALLY do NOT want to get my doctor involved unless there really IS a risk of seizures and death because I will lose my methadone carries FOR SURE and have to go in every day again. Second, I think I still have a relatively low tolerance, as this is still quite new to me. I feel just a couple pills now, only binged once or twice, and have gone all day without dosing and without being in trouble. Third, unlike opiates, I don't have a flaming passion fpr these. Sure, it's nice as an insomniac and anxiety-prone individual to get some relief, but as I mentioned earlier, these pills just make me groggy and walk into walls. I have no real, addictive affinity for them, is my point, so I feel I COULD use the massive amount I have left (and if needed, more on the RC Clearnet site I buy from, but only if ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. If I could go down to one pill at night without a problem, I think I could hopefully manage...I had a bottle of 60 or 100 clonazepam (much stronger than eti, right? That I abused daily. I don't recall the slightest symptom when I ran out, only anxiety about the expected upcoming anxiety! I've also been prescribed Z-drugs for a month or more at a time, and I would often take 2. THAT was different, especially since I often was w/ding from heroin or pills at the same time. I remember feeling anxious and jittery for a few days, but I have felt MUCH worse (heroin withdrawal or worse, Dilaudid withdrawal). For awhile, my tolerance was so high. I banged 32 mg Dilly at once and barely felt anything - that's for of the white, trianglar-ish ones. I do miss those...sigh. I also knew a guy who could get the hydromorph contin caps - reds - which contained the most of all, or greys, the next best; a ridiculous amount,. I would crush them in my mortar and pestle. I've desperately waited outside a dealer's house, sick as a dog, begging for a dose despite only having $20 on me, which he felt wasn't worth it. One drug I have LAWAYS wanted to dry but never could get my hands on is Opana (Oxymorphone). Banging that us probably better than the vast majority of street H back then when H may have been cut to hell, but actually CPNTAINED heroin... Now everything is fentanyl.

My point is, opiates are my poison and weakness, but it does scare me. Please don't think of me as taking 60 a day. That was nuts and only like once or twice max, Usually it's 2-4 in the am and 4-7 at night. Which I realize is still a lot, but I haven't been doing it for longer than 8 weeks. With 100 pills left, you don't think I could set up an effective taper? You really think I'd be at risk of a seizure or death given my body's seeming relative resistance to benzos? Don't want to end up in the ER and those horror stories I read scared the dick out of me. That said, with relatively little benzo abuse in my past, I'm hoping kindling would not be an issue.

I really do appreciate your advice and will take it under consideration. I just want you to know that I hardly consume 60 pills a day. I went entirely without for just over 24 hours with no problems a week or two ago. However, I understand the trouble with half-lives - particularly when active metabolites are produced. I'd have to stay off them for days to REALLY know what the effects would be, wouldn't I? Thanks again man.
 
That's why I mentioned my gut feeling.. I'm not a psychic or something, but my geneeral appraisal of the situation is 'this probably is going to hurt a little but not be particularly risky, but the -potential- for absolute disaster is there with people who have less tolerant meat sacks to move around in, if you get my drift.

Just have a plan B -> hospital, and tell a trusted friend by voice what's up.

(Nobody actually needs to die from seizures, that's the fucked up thing... a lacerated pancreas from drinking? I have seen that. That's suicide. But status epilepticus cause you fucked up for some weeks is not fair.

(But no one said it would be right)

Take care of yourself... hit back when you come through the other side
 
Have to disagree, respectfully.

There are only three current classes of depressants which can kill on withdrawal. EtOH, Benzos, Barbituric Derivatives.

You know how much trouble you can get into drinking for 4-5 weeks? If you've been through withdrawal and experiencing kindling effects, LTP.. I think this could go very south on you. My gut tells me it won't but you should be prepared and screw your head on straight from here on out, establish a plan (Etizolam is useless as a taper, I think, for most, because of the kinetics and half life. If that could be traded for an equivalent amount of something which is protective (there aren't many brah)... chlordiazepoxide, diazepam, clonazepam.. then you can ease off.


I once had a Xanax 0.5 cover me for four or five hours. After 23 years of therapeutic benzo use (3mg.. 3000 micrograms daily) a 1mg xanax is a Fucking Joke. All the short half life/triazo/thieno are fucked up that way.

One mg of xanax now, today, here? 1/2 hour dip in time perception, that's it.

I've drank so much in a week I had convulsions on the backside.

Stay away from e-Positive Allosteric ModulatorS.
I don't see where we disagree.

You're right, if you had a previous alcohol or benzo dependecy and have suffered from gabaergic WD then yeah you're likely to experience kindling, which can be extremely dangerous as you said. Each subsequent WD get worse and you might become physically addicted again extremely quickly.
OP didn't mention any previous benzo dependency though, which is likely the only reason why he has managed to avoid a serious physical addiction despite being on a pretty high dose for multiple weeks.
 
Yes it seemed like it was somewhat uncharted territory to him..

No, I just picked an odd turn of phrase. My bad.
 
gradually reduce. CT from that will end in seizures.
 
Thank you, I really appreciate your advice. The thing is, I REALLY do NOT want to get my doctor involved unless there really IS a risk of seizures and death because I will lose my methadone carries FOR SURE and have to go in every day again. Second, I think I still have a relatively low tolerance, as this is still quite new to me. I feel just a couple pills now, only binged once or twice, and have gone all day without dosing and without being in trouble. Third, unlike opiates, I don't have a flaming passion fpr these. Sure, it's nice as an insomniac and anxiety-prone individual to get some relief, but as I mentioned earlier, these pills just make me groggy and walk into walls. I have no real, addictive affinity for them, is my point, so I feel I COULD use the massive amount I have left (and if needed, more on the RC Clearnet site I buy from, but only if ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. If I could go down to one pill at night without a problem, I think I could hopefully manage...I had a bottle of 60 or 100 clonazepam (much stronger than eti, right? That I abused daily. I don't recall the slightest symptom when I ran out, only anxiety about the expected upcoming anxiety! I've also been prescribed Z-drugs for a month or more at a time, and I would often take 2. THAT was different, especially since I often was w/ding from heroin or pills at the same time. I remember feeling anxious and jittery for a few days, but I have felt MUCH worse (heroin withdrawal or worse, Dilaudid withdrawal). For awhile, my tolerance was so high. I banged 32 mg Dilly at once and barely felt anything - that's for of the white, trianglar-ish ones. I do miss those...sigh. I also knew a guy who could get the hydromorph contin caps - reds - which contained the most of all, or greys, the next best; a ridiculous amount,. I would crush them in my mortar and pestle. I've desperately waited outside a dealer's house, sick as a dog, begging for a dose despite only having $20 on me, which he felt wasn't worth it. One drug I have LAWAYS wanted to dry but never could get my hands on is Opana (Oxymorphone). Banging that us probably better than the vast majority of street H back then when H may have been cut to hell, but actually CPNTAINED heroin... Now everything is fentanyl.

My point is, opiates are my poison and weakness, but it does scare me. Please don't think of me as taking 60 a day. That was nuts and only like once or twice max, Usually it's 2-4 in the am and 4-7 at night. Which I realize is still a lot, but I haven't been doing it for longer than 8 weeks. With 100 pills left, you don't think I could set up an effective taper? You really think I'd be at risk of a seizure or death given my body's seeming relative resistance to benzos? Don't want to end up in the ER and those horror stories I read scared the dick out of me. That said, with relatively little benzo abuse in my past, I'm hoping kindling would not be an issue.

I really do appreciate your advice and will take it under consideration. I just want you to know that I hardly consume 60 pills a day. I went entirely without for just over 24 hours with no problems a week or two ago. However, I understand the trouble with half-lives - particularly when active metabolites are produced. I'd have to stay off them for days to REALLY know what the effects would be, wouldn't I? Thanks again man.

100mg of Etizolam may be enough for a taper, if you're not in super deep physiologically, and the only way to tell whether or not you are, is to cut back your dosage.

I'm not an expert in benzo tapers, at all, but I would suggest some kind of experimentation to determine how deep or not deep you are. For instance, potentially cutting back to 25-75% your usual dose for a few days and seeing how you feel. If you're good, then cut back again, cutting back by a set percentage until you start to notice strong withdrawal effects, at which point you move up a bit, stabilize, and then get into an actual taper from there. So, basically, cautiously find the amount you're dependent (or not dependent) on them, and then taper down from there.

Of course, any attempt at tapering should, as mentioned already, be shared with a friend (or two) and emergency/contingency plans worked out and understood by all parties, as well.

If this seems irresponsible, feel free to let me know that.
 
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