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Venting i'm done

My life has gone to shit more times than i can count when i felt nothing will get better , but it does.
Things will fall into place when they do.
10 years ago I was slamming h sleeping on my dealers couch with no job, no boyfriend or real friend. I spent years in a lonely drugged up hell. Eventually I didn't want to live that way so even though I still used i got a job and started taking classes.
Took a long time and it was lonely as hell, still kinda is but we are alive and healthy and in control of our own path.
You're a nice person so I'm sure someday you will find someone you love and who loves you. Just try as hard as it is to think positive
 
Thanks lucy, you're a really nice person too, you deserve at least a mega hug, stay strong
 
Lucy20 said:
After the picture in the nudie thread i think I deserve something else mega ;)
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Mega enough? ;)
 
morpheuspapaverus said:
I think I'm gonna get a career and IT and fund some hip hop projects later when I got the cash. but right now I just want to get the fuck out of this loop
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I'm a programmer and musician... really glad I made that choice because I actually make good money and eventually got into a position where I work from home and can work from anywhere so it's allowed me a ton of freedom so I can pursue music, and go on the road and still work. Whereas if you rely on music for your income, it's gonna be hard to support yourself. Making it big is a great thing to aspire to but the reality of the musician life for most is that you work very, very hard, and love what you do, and get paid a little, if you're lucky, enough to make a modest living just doing music and nothing else... this generally takes a long time of putting in your dues. It's not that people don't make it big... but it's really good to have a backup plan for income. My good friend who used to be in my first band joined another band over 4 years ago. They have a big following, play 4 or 5 shows a week (or more), work SO hard, they're amazing, they won a state-wide battle of the bands competition, got featured in a magazine, throw their own festival every year... and all of them have side jobs doing random shit that they hate, so that they can afford rent. If you love music, do it, and love it, and it's its own reward. And if you get a big break, awesome, you can just focus on that then. Just some advice about being a musician.

Man, I'm 36, and I've wanted to die, and I've been truly, deeply happy, and I've been in between (usually in between), a number of times. Your early 20s are hard, but shit starts to chill out towards the end and especially into the 30s. It might seem a long way off but it's not, really. Life is a rollercoaster. One thing I will say is that my darkest times have coincided with my worst drug addiction. Drugs start out helping but when you rely on them to feel okay long-term, they start to make everything worse.
 
MomaDance said:
Slowly.
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As if anyone here has a snowball's chance in hell of doing it any other way.:unsure: I don't have any illusions about drug and alcohol abuse and the perpetual adolescence that goes hand in hand with it. Or the everyday failures to your partner, your kids, your friends, your neighbors, or your co-workers, because you're not interested in giving a shit about what matters to them. The justifications, excuses, lies, and oh so cool attitude are endless, boring, and depressing. People here don't like that because it's not friendly or supportive, its not understanding, its not drug talk, it's preachy, its condescending. I always knew all the cool drug talk, the using, the drinking, the getting high for hours on end, the 12 step sharing, the slogans, the support groups, all of it bullshit. I've had diagnosed major depression and alcoholism for 40 years. I work, I support my wife and kids, I give them my best, I do all sorts of things I don't particularly want to do, because I know people rely on me. That's a gift and it's priceless.
 
The Axe said:
I work, I support my wife and kids, I give them my best, I do all sorts of things I don't particularly want to do, because I know people rely on me. That's a gift and it's priceless.
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Wow, absolutely! Give yourself some credit there are a lot of addicts/Alcos that can’t keep all of that together. Actually I’d say the vast majority can’t.

“We do the things we don’t want to do so we can do the things we want to do.” - unknown
 
Morpheus, from what posts I've read, you are clearly articulate, intelligent, and creative. And very funny, though I seem to remember a post maybe directed my way that I didn't think was funny at the time. Anyway, it seems to me that you have a good sense of who you are and what you want to explore out in the world and within yourself. Don't kill it with too much tramadol. No one knows where you're going to be 30 years from now, but if you make it through, I bet it's gonna be really cool.
 
I turn 22 in 16 January, sorry for the delayed response, I appreciate all of your kind words, 2 days ago I met a girl with which I really clicked and after hours and hours of talking and walking I really came a little bit upper on the mood scale.

Thanks axe, I don't know which comment I have made, but I got sometimes a sick sense of humour plus I don't really joke about people I don't like, I only joke about AND with people I sympathize.

Nowadays I barely checked BL, I only fulfilled some mod duties and chatted here and there so I forgot for a second about this, I feel more confident know after your encouragement and guiding tips.
 
morpheuspapaverus said:
I turn 22 in 16 January, sorry for the delayed response, I appreciate all of your kind words, 2 days ago I met a girl with which I really clicked and after hours and hours of talking and walking I really came a little bit upper on the mood scale.

Thanks axe, I don't know which comment I have made, but I got sometimes a sick sense of humour plus I don't really joke about people I don't like, I only joke about AND with people I sympathize.

Nowadays I barely checked BL, I only fulfilled some mod duties and chatted here and there so I forgot for a second about this, I feel more confident know after your encouragement and guiding tips.
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♡♡♡♡♡
Okay. Love. ☺
 
Love you too MP!
❤
hang in there. Keep trying.
Good things are coming. Just ahead.

You know, human beings were not meant to live the way this society has become. Connections with other people are what makes life worth living. Everyone used to be so much more connected and interactive. A lot of how you are feeling is a symptom of this sick society. We need to go Back but I don’t know how we do that.

start with yourself.
Try to keep your own strong connection to the Earth and The Divine and all Living things. It is so important!
Stay wilder than the wind, don’t loose your spirit.
 
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Good to see you on PO, haven't seen you for a whilez how are the things going on your end?
 
morpheuspapaverus said:
1000-1200-1500mg tramadol
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Jesus wept, that really isn't a good thing but I don't need to tell you that.
Does it even do anything for you or just keep the withdrawl off?

You are young, my god I wish I was that age again so I could take another path than I did but welcome to life.
You'll be fine it is just a bump in the road, it is clear you're not stupid & have ambition.
 
morpheuspapaverus said:
Good to see you on PO, haven't seen you for a whilez how are the things going on your end?
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Thanks for asking MP. Good to see you too.
Doing pretty good. I had a fuck up with my medication, had to go ten days with no morphine. It sucked royally.
But I made it through and I’m doing better. I really had to get my tolerance back down.

The thing Is though, I was expecting so much relief after ten days and it barely changed how I’m feeling now.
This progressive disease has progressed. I have been having more symptoms. Tremors and stuff and it is terrifying.
It really disturbed me. Scary stuff. It is getting real bad when it flares up.

I am going to have to go see about medication for Parkinson’s disease it looks like.

I am through A flare up and to a more stable condition now though. I’m just getting some much needed food and sleep back.

Hope you are doing well brother.
❤️
 
Soso78 said:
Don’t worry about that too much. Society is full of cunts, fuck society??
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Soso78 said:
Don’t worry about that too much. Society is full of cunts, fuck society??
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That's right, big time! Remember, what you're feeling is exactly how someone else has felt before and will again. So, you are another in a long line OP. Also, I always loved the quote , nobody gets out of this life alive. Man, take your best shot!
 
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