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Mental Health I cannot live with this extreme social phobia

plumbus-nine said:
Stimulants can indeed help against anxiety but one needs to carefully watch the dosage and stay very very low like 5mg dextroamphetamine. 20mg d-Amph made me dance a night through when I never been to a club before. Stims are a double edged sword, they have a therapeutic and a drug use. I would have profited from Ritalin as a child for sure but no-no they give the good stuff only to those who hate to take it.

Weed is fuel for anxiety, if you do weed, stop it right now. Benzos imho aren't worth it, they are the better variant of alcohol yeah but only slightly so. What ya need are dissociatives.

Opiates indeed can make good aids but you need a decent doctor who does bloodwork for testosterone (if you're a guy), prolactin etc. and medicates you as needed. Opioid withdrawal is a beast of the past, we have pharm tools available to skip it but the real problem is to take the care it needs..
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Your comments are interesting, I think that you are open minded about the fact that drugs might on balance improve my quality of life. There is a risk of addiction, but some would argue addiciton is a better alternative to living with no experiences and horrible isolation. At least with addiction, one experiences life more. Yes there is a risk of death, but life is not worth living with untreated mental disorders, so I think that it is a valid and perhaps necessary trade off
 
n3ophy7e said:
It makes anxiety MUCH MUCH worse in the long run.
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Agreed, but probably more so when over-used. Stims can be good anxiolytics when used at just barely threshold dosage, and become anxiogenics when done much above that imo. Still, meth's a bad example because it lasts just much too long and interferes with sleep as well as provides a depressive rebound. Methylphenidate is bad either, out of the prescription ones maybe dexamphetamine might be suited best less worse.

Weed is worse than stims in regards to anxiety if you ask me.

candidsurprise said:
Your comments are interesting, I think that you are open minded about the fact that drugs might on balance improve my quality of life. There is a risk of addiction, but some would argue addiciton is a better alternative to living with no experiences and horrible isolation. At least with addiction, one experiences life more. Yes there is a risk of death, but life is not worth living with untreated mental disorders, so I think that it is a valid and perhaps necessary trade off
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Risk of death is attributed primarily to the repercussions of war on drugs related misery, physically, mentally and last but not least legally. I'd almost entered prison due to this fuckshit and as much as I'd wish to live with drugs, I needa be mostly abstinent these days.
 
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candidsurprise said:
Hi guys, my life is ruined due to this illness that I have been experiencing. It is severe social phobia. It manifests a fear of being judged or rejected. Because I have aspergers syndrome, I almost always get rejected, and this is the cause of my social phobia. The social phobia is now to the point where I cannot look someone in the eye, my mind goes blank and I can't think of words to say. My face also turns dark and one stranger commented that I look like death because of this. I cannot smile whilst the anxiety is there, which is pretty much all the time.

This situation has led to me developing serious clinical depression with bipolar features. I cannot take the medication for social phobia, because they are serotonergic meds, which are incompatible with bipolar disorder, an SSRI destroyed my mental health when I tried it.

I don't know what to do. Exposure therapy doesn't work for me, because I get negative feedback for almost every interaction. This is horrible, and I will commit suicide because of this, unless something changes. I've tried psychedelic, MDMA and ketamine therapy. MDMA reduces my social phobia whilst I'm high, but not afterwards.

I am desperate. I am going to turn to drugs at this point, because I cannot cope with this social isolation. I have lost my youth to it. I'm planning to use mephedrone (4 MMC) once or twice a month. It helped me a lot before. A combination of amphetamine and benzos also helped, so potentially I'm going to alternate these drugs. Opiates also help a bit, I haven't explored combinations yet with it, but it may be the solution. Opiate addiction is worth it because it will result in significant improvements in my social phobia. I won't live long if I don't do something, so I don't really care about opiate addiction at this point.

I could really use some advice, this is killing me.
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I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder 10 years ago. I don't really have much advice, but I can relate to your circumstance. I'm often the subject of derision from others simply because I'm different and don't fit in with others. I take meds to help this condition, but they don't do a great deal. I analyze every conversation I have, and scold myself when I think I screwed up. What compounds the problem is that people simply do not like me, despite me not doing anything to warrant their disdain. I guess I'm so awkward that I'm just viewed as a joke to others. But there's nothing I can do about it. And that's what really irks me. I wish I had some advice but this is the perspective of a mid-30s loner with no relationships.
 
Michael_25 said:
I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder 10 years ago. I don't really have much advice, but I can relate to your circumstance. I'm often the subject of derision from others simply because I'm different and don't fit in with others. I take meds to help this condition, but they don't do a great deal. I analyze every conversation I have, and scold myself when I think I screwed up. What compounds the problem is that people simply do not like me, despite me not doing anything to warrant their disdain. I guess I'm so awkward that I'm just viewed as a joke to others. But there's nothing I can do about it. And that's what really irks me. I wish I had some advice but this is the perspective of a mid-30s loner with no relationships.
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Primary point imo is that you think that others would think you were a joke, but I'd bet most of them do not - but humans do mirror, so if you think you were awkward and signal the others that you think that, they react ... it was an eye opener for me when I was on drugs and suddenly people began to like me - not because I was different but cause I stopped thinking ... it's near to impossible to instantly change mindset though but really, dissociatives or MDMA-alikes can help a ton. Just to experience that you're good the way you are is priceless.
 
I see a lot of myself in your story.
Also an Aspie, also sociophobic as shit, but I learned to manage.
Not a fan of smiling either, don't see the point of it, but I do it anyways because it is expected.

I have a bunch of information of what worked for me, maybe something helps you, too. I used to microdose MDMA, for about 6 months(until stuff got a little out of hand, loved it too much to feel and act "normal") in order to deal with a lot of my issues about social concepts. It helped me experience social situations with a much stronger sense for my fellow human beings, and this to a large part is why I can lead a normal life. It helped my brain make many connections that I just couldn't make before.

This came coupled with cognitive therapy. I had the help of a dear friend of my Aunt and renowned Health Scientist in Germany, but even if it is just somebody to talk to about your experiences with the MDMA can help enormously.

Understanding humans was also important for me. Try studying some Sociology, it.does.wonders. It helps me feel much more confident with who and what I am.
 
candidsurprise said:
Hi guys, my life is ruined due to this illness that I have been experiencing. It is severe social phobia. It manifests a fear of being judged or rejected. Because I have aspergers syndrome, I almost always get rejected, and this is the cause of my social phobia. The social phobia is now to the point where I cannot look someone in the eye, my mind goes blank and I can't think of words to say. My face also turns dark and one stranger commented that I look like death because of this. I cannot smile whilst the anxiety is there, which is pretty much all the time.

This situation has led to me developing serious clinical depression with bipolar features. I cannot take the medication for social phobia, because they are serotonergic meds, which are incompatible with bipolar disorder, an SSRI destroyed my mental health when I tried it.

I don't know what to do. Exposure therapy doesn't work for me, because I get negative feedback for almost every interaction. This is horrible, and I will commit suicide because of this, unless something changes. I've tried psychedelic, MDMA and ketamine therapy. MDMA reduces my social phobia whilst I'm high, but not afterwards.

I am desperate. I am going to turn to drugs at this point, because I cannot cope with this social isolation. I have lost my youth to it. I'm planning to use mephedrone (4 MMC) once or twice a month. It helped me a lot before. A combination of amphetamine and benzos also helped, so potentially I'm going to alternate these drugs. Opiates also help a bit, I haven't explored combinations yet with it, but it may be the solution. Opiate addiction is worth it because it will result in significant improvements in my social phobia. I won't live long if I don't do something, so I don't really care about opiate addiction at this point.

I could really use some advice, this is killing me.
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There is a really really good audiobook series called “overcoming”. Start with the low self esteem one, then try social anxiety, onto the depression one. You’ll be surprised how much of your symptoms are actually part of the illnesses. Suspiciousness, waiting for things to be just right, foggy brain, a lot really does come down to low self esteem you’ve picked up as a kid.

The low self esteem book is called “overcoming low self esteem, talks with your therapist”. That version is quite short but it’s a good start.

Remember, you are rewiring your brain, so don’t expect feelings and results straight away. It takes repetition and a lot of it.

Also, remember learning something new starts with elation, dips hard to boredom, then plateaus in between the two- the plateau is where you start seeing the benefits and changes

Even if you don’t feel like it, just repeat and rewire. I got out of it by telling myself “the cavalry isn’t coming”; meaning repetition is the only way out. Not because people don’t care, alot do, but it’s not reassurance that will help, it’s change caused by repeating, and you choose what to repeat.

All the best. Love l
 
When I was deep into this stuff, I avoided such (audio)books like the devil. Can't exactly tell why but it was this way.
 
Candid, i totally feel you on your post. Im not diagnosed ASD but its pretty damn obvious, and also have experienced some relief whilst high on mdma, but as you said not afterwards just the same .

It can be very lonely for sure i would suggest you try different ratios of CBD/THC weed you might find a particular ratio helps you where as too much of either is either non beneficial or worsens it.
The lockdowns and pandemic sure has made all this worse because before this i could constantly put myself in simple social situations repeatedly and gain some kind of tolerance to it all but now its very much different all i will say is though that when i have had a 10:1 ratio of CBD:THC it sure helps me dial down on surroundings and i do not get those overwhelming panic attacks like the months i spent sober , also you should consider talking to your dr im currently also taking low dose of pregablin and building it up and i think it has an effect on other parts of anxiety
 
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