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Mental Health I cannot live with this extreme social phobia

C

candidsurprise

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 18, 2017
Messages
134
Hi guys, my life is ruined due to this illness that I have been experiencing. It is severe social phobia. It manifests a fear of being judged or rejected. Because I have aspergers syndrome, I almost always get rejected, and this is the cause of my social phobia. The social phobia is now to the point where I cannot look someone in the eye, my mind goes blank and I can't think of words to say. My face also turns dark and one stranger commented that I look like death because of this. I cannot smile whilst the anxiety is there, which is pretty much all the time.

This situation has led to me developing serious clinical depression with bipolar features. I cannot take the medication for social phobia, because they are serotonergic meds, which are incompatible with bipolar disorder, an SSRI destroyed my mental health when I tried it.

I don't know what to do. Exposure therapy doesn't work for me, because I get negative feedback for almost every interaction. This is horrible, and I will commit suicide because of this, unless something changes. I've tried psychedelic, MDMA and ketamine therapy. MDMA reduces my social phobia whilst I'm high, but not afterwards.

I am desperate. I am going to turn to drugs at this point, because I cannot cope with this social isolation. I have lost my youth to it. I'm planning to use mephedrone (4 MMC) once or twice a month. It helped me a lot before. A combination of amphetamine and benzos also helped, so potentially I'm going to alternate these drugs. Opiates also help a bit, I haven't explored combinations yet with it, but it may be the solution. Opiate addiction is worth it because it will result in significant improvements in my social phobia. I won't live long if I don't do something, so I don't really care about opiate addiction at this point.

I could really use some advice, this is killing me.
 
I empathize with you. I used to have panic attacks, often brought on by social anxiety.

This advice may sound negative at first but think about it:

Nobody gives a shit about you.

Most folks are so wrapped up in their own anxieties/issues/life problems that they really ain't paying much attention to you at all. So fuggedabboutit!

It took me 50 years to learn this but it's true.
 
jasperkent said:
I empathize with you. I used to have panic attacks, often brought on by social anxiety.

This advice may sound negative at first but think about it:

Nobody gives a shit about you.

Most folks are so wrapped up in their own anxieties/issues/life problems that they really ain't paying much attention to you at all. So fuggedabboutit!

It took me 50 years to learn this but it's true.
Click to expand...

I already know that is true, it doesn't stop the fear. The anxiety and fear is so bad that I literally cannot speak to people. When i try, I'm wringing my arms nervously in silence, with my eyes darting around and a deathly look on my face. Every time I have been completely rejected from the interaction. It is hell.
 
candidsurprise said:
I already know that is true, it doesn't stop the fear. The anxiety and fear is so bad that I literally cannot speak to people. When i try, I'm wringing my arms nervously in silence, with my eyes darting around and a deathly look on my face. Every time I have been completely rejected from the interaction. It is hell.
Click to expand...
Do you get stoned? Maybe part of the reason you keep gettin game rejected is the lack of confidence,I have aspergers, and I have similar problems concerning thinking people are bullying me.

I have a girlfriend who I hang out with who also has social anxiety, I don’t really have anyone else other than my family and bluelight

Get a dog or a cat, it will do wonders for your well being.

My kitty runs up to me all excited and meows at me repeatedly until I love on him every time I come home. Also my girlfriends daughters dog LOVES me,to the point where when she sees me, she has to run all the way around the yard a couple times, jumping on me when she passes by, finally rolling over in a request for a belly rub.

How old are you?
 
Maybe have a look here :

AUTISM | +70 articles

What one man learned when he treated his autism symptoms with psilocybin by Jesse Noakes | VICE | 20 Dec 2018 "That trip was like an '80s movie starring me. I saw what my life could be like, without computers and all that rubbish. It gave me the most hope I've ever known." The morning after...
www.bluelight.org www.bluelight.org
 
candidsurprise said:
Hi guys, my life is ruined due to this illness that I have been experiencing. It is severe social phobia. It manifests a fear of being judged or rejected. Because I have aspergers syndrome, I almost always get rejected, and this is the cause of my social phobia. The social phobia is now to the point where I cannot look someone in the eye, my mind goes blank and I can't think of words to say. My face also turns dark and one stranger commented that I look like death because of this. I cannot smile whilst the anxiety is there, which is pretty much all the time.

This situation has led to me developing serious clinical depression with bipolar features. I cannot take the medication for social phobia, because they are serotonergic meds, which are incompatible with bipolar disorder, an SSRI destroyed my mental health when I tried it.

I don't know what to do. Exposure therapy doesn't work for me, because I get negative feedback for almost every interaction. This is horrible, and I will commit suicide because of this, unless something changes. I've tried psychedelic, MDMA and ketamine therapy. MDMA reduces my social phobia whilst I'm high, but not afterwards.

I am desperate. I am going to turn to drugs at this point, because I cannot cope with this social isolation. I have lost my youth to it. I'm planning to use mephedrone (4 MMC) once or twice a month. It helped me a lot before. A combination of amphetamine and benzos also helped, so potentially I'm going to alternate these drugs. Opiates also help a bit, I haven't explored combinations yet with it, but it may be the solution. Opiate addiction is worth it because it will result in significant improvements in my social phobia. I won't live long if I don't do something, so I don't really care about opiate addiction at this point.

I could really use some advice, this is killing me.
Click to expand...
Honestly ketamine sounds perfect for this situation
 
candidsurprise said:
Hi guys, my life is ruined due to this illness that I have been experiencing. It is severe social phobia. It manifests a fear of being judged or rejected. Because I have aspergers syndrome, I almost always get rejected, and this is the cause of my social phobia. The social phobia is now to the point where I cannot look someone in the eye, my mind goes blank and I can't think of words to say. My face also turns dark and one stranger commented that I look like death because of this. I cannot smile whilst the anxiety is there, which is pretty much all the time.

This situation has led to me developing serious clinical depression with bipolar features. I cannot take the medication for social phobia, because they are serotonergic meds, which are incompatible with bipolar disorder, an SSRI destroyed my mental health when I tried it.

I don't know what to do. Exposure therapy doesn't work for me, because I get negative feedback for almost every interaction. This is horrible, and I will commit suicide because of this, unless something changes. I've tried psychedelic, MDMA and ketamine therapy. MDMA reduces my social phobia whilst I'm high, but not afterwards.

I am desperate. I am going to turn to drugs at this point, because I cannot cope with this social isolation. I have lost my youth to it. I'm planning to use mephedrone (4 MMC) once or twice a month. It helped me a lot before. A combination of amphetamine and benzos also helped, so potentially I'm going to alternate these drugs. Opiates also help a bit, I haven't explored combinations yet with it, but it may be the solution. Opiate addiction is worth it because it will result in significant improvements in my social phobia. I won't live long if I don't do something, so I don't really care about opiate addiction at this point.

I could really use some advice, this is killing me.
Click to expand...

I feel for you mate. I suffered badly from the ages of 9 to 30+

I didn't seek help because my phobia was such that I couldn't even admit to anyone that I had a problem. So I self medicated with drugs, eventually using heroin as my 'cure'. That kind of worked because after 20 years of not caring about anything but my next dose turned me into such a cynical, jaded cunt that I just didn't give a shit anymore. I'm not recommending this as a treatment, but having come through the other side I now realise that social anxiety is something that you bring upon yourself. As @jasperkent said, people are too wrapped up in themselves to give you a second thought most of the time. It's really a case of learning not to give a shit.

This is easier said than done mind you, but you will eventually grow out of it. It's just a shame that it takes some of us the majority of our lives to achieve...
 
ibtisam midlet said:
there a lot of ways to solve dis one of them is
In a study on children with autism and Asperger's syndrome, the subjects were administered intranasal oxytocin twice a day (0.4 IU/kg/dose) for 12 weeks. The results showed improvement in not only repetitive behavior, but also facial recognition and social cognition [84].
Click to expand...

Yes I have been trying to get an oxytocin nasal spray for some time. Unfortunately it is not available at the required dosages, and only intranasal administration works (injection does not pass the blood brain barrier)
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
I feel for you mate. I suffered badly from the ages of 9 to 30+

I didn't seek help because my phobia was such that I couldn't even admit to anyone that I had a problem. So I self medicated with drugs, eventually using heroin as my 'cure'. That kind of worked because after 20 years of not caring about anything but my next dose turned me into such a cynical, jaded cunt that I just didn't give a shit anymore. I'm not recommending this as a treatment, but having come through the other side I now realise that social anxiety is something that you bring upon yourself. As @jasperkent said, people are too wrapped up in themselves to give you a second thought most of the time. It's really a case of learning not to give a shit.

This is easier said than done mind you, but you will eventually grow out of it. It's just a shame that it takes some of us the majority of our lives to achieve...
Click to expand...

Thanks, it is helpful to hear your experience. The reason that I have social anxiety is that I experience emotional pain and suicidal ideation when I perceive myself to be judged negatively. Telling myself not to worry about it doesn't help. Let's say I go to a bar and I an interaction with someone is awkward, after the initial anxiety, for a couple of days I will be in a state of emotional pain and suicidal thoughts about how I was judged negatively. I have a type of clinical depression called atypical depression, if you look it up, one of the symptoms of atypical depression is hypersensitivity to judgement. So this type of clinical depression that I have, makes my social phobia much worse
 
I've lost my youth to social anxiety as well and more than just that, an enormous amount of money when my first and long-term gf kicked me out cold on street after what was a substance/impurity induced psychotic episode and she was my only real contact to that time and I was on the edge of going to prison as well as it wasn't my own country - I was in such a lost and lonely place that I couldn't keep my shit together and eventually lost everything I had. Didn't go to prison and most stuff was misjudgement but that's the core of social isolation/anxiety often enough I guess. I still don't have real friends and still get bouts of social anxiety but mostly I could just laugh, or cry, about what I had when I was younger.

Animals can help tremendously. Not just by themselves but a dog will provide you with possibilities for social contacts and gives you reason for going outside beyond all this fear-set mindset stuff. Unfortunately I lost 'my' (technically it was her but emotionally mine) dog together with said gf and couldn't get over it yet to get another one, I think not being able to keep up with the long term commitment even when I know it's just the anxiety (besides the expenses, that is). But really, a dog's the best one can have happen in such a situation.

Drugs - as long as you use them wisely and carefully, they can help enormously but it's a thin ice one's navigating on. Dissociatives are the most effective ones I know of but they only worked for as long as I used them as tools to enrich my life and not as escapism. For as long I got little tolerance and addiction whatsoever but when I stopped wanting it all caught me on the cold.

Social anxiety is very misunderstood imo and usual treatment facilities know a fuck about it as well as that's how much they can help one. When I was younger they at least had some groups together were people would socialize during the days but nowadays it's all just capitalistic shit where the most profit is made out of these people who're at the weakest points in their lives. Which means you'll have no constant groups anymore, they cut out the meals together even. That was Switzerland, fucking filthy rich country but no money for a decent psychosocial health program but other countries I know of aren't better. And docs giving quetiapine/seroquel/antipsychotics for social anxiety should go back to school.
 
candidsurprise said:
Hi guys, my life is ruined due to this illness that I have been experiencing. It is severe social phobia. It manifests a fear of being judged or rejected. Because I have aspergers syndrome, I almost always get rejected, and this is the cause of my social phobia. The social phobia is now to the point where I cannot look someone in the eye, my mind goes blank and I can't think of words to say. My face also turns dark and one stranger commented that I look like death because of this. I cannot smile whilst the anxiety is there, which is pretty much all the time.

This situation has led to me developing serious clinical depression with bipolar features. I cannot take the medication for social phobia, because they are serotonergic meds, which are incompatible with bipolar disorder, an SSRI destroyed my mental health when I tried it.

I don't know what to do. Exposure therapy doesn't work for me, because I get negative feedback for almost every interaction. This is horrible, and I will commit suicide because of this, unless something changes. I've tried psychedelic, MDMA and ketamine therapy. MDMA reduces my social phobia whilst I'm high, but not afterwards.

I am desperate. I am going to turn to drugs at this point, because I cannot cope with this social isolation. I have lost my youth to it. I'm planning to use mephedrone (4 MMC) once or twice a month. It helped me a lot before. A combination of amphetamine and benzos also helped, so potentially I'm going to alternate these drugs. Opiates also help a bit, I haven't explored combinations yet with it, but it may be the solution. Opiate addiction is worth it because it will result in significant improvements in my social phobia. I won't live long if I don't do something, so I don't really care about opiate addiction at this point.

I could really use some advice, this is killing me.
Click to expand...
I'm really sorry to hear this. Maybe I can help.

I also have had severe social anxiety in the past that sounds somewhat similar to yours which I call "eye contact anxiety." I felt like i couldn't look people in the eyes and eye contact would make me feel like they were judging me, but at the same time I was aware that if I didn't look anyone in the eye at all that it would be odd and would feel I'd be judged for looking away too much, so when in a social situation I was constantly thinking about nothing but making the perfect amount of eye contact and looking away just the right amount, and it was maddening. Of course the fear is that eventually someone will give you a weird look or worst of all, ask what's wrong, and then the panic would triple because you'd know you looked weird.

When I first experienced this at age 14 I took Prozac and it went away till age 23 when I got into drinking lots of coffee (I NEVER should have gotten into caffeine or I might not have had to get on Klonopin) and then it came back. I know you said you can't take prozac/SSRIs though...

So anyways, I got on Klonopin, and since then I barely ever experience any eye contact anxiety at all. Other GABA drugs will also do this like alcohol and Phenibut, but do NOT get into Phenibut as it's too addictive. Kratom also works for me but you said it doesn't help you.

So, you briefly mentioned benzos, but have you tried really getting a benzo prescription for something like Klonopin and taking it regularly??

People will tell you how addictive they are, and it's true, but if you need it you need it, and it worked for me.
 
that blows.

suffering from some anxiety disorder, definitely do not use stimulants. if you smoke weed, stop. start running and get a benzo script.

opiate addiction isn’t worth it because once you’re physically dependent you’re gonna be anxious to the point of seeming psychotic between doses.

benzos are only ok for social anxiety in my experience, but might enable you overcome that initial barrier to addressing it through exposure. don’t take benzos and then watch tv, nap, read, whatever. take a small dose and then go out in public. maybe for a run or walk around the neighborhood. or grocery shopping.
 
Stimulants can indeed help against anxiety but one needs to carefully watch the dosage and stay very very low like 5mg dextroamphetamine. 20mg d-Amph made me dance a night through when I never been to a club before. Stims are a double edged sword, they have a therapeutic and a drug use. I would have profited from Ritalin as a child for sure but no-no they give the good stuff only to those who hate to take it.

Weed is fuel for anxiety, if you do weed, stop it right now. Benzos imho aren't worth it, they are the better variant of alcohol yeah but only slightly so. What ya need are dissociatives.

Opiates indeed can make good aids but you need a decent doctor who does bloodwork for testosterone (if you're a guy), prolactin etc. and medicates you as needed. Opioid withdrawal is a beast of the past, we have pharm tools available to skip it but the real problem is to take the care it needs..
 
I used to have a fear of interacting with people and going outside due to fear of people. I couldn't hold eye contact properly and I had to learn about all the social ques from scratch from reading what to do in each social situation. I took a lot of MDMA back when the stuff was good 15+ years ago which helped me believe in a version of me that COULD function in society moving in accord with all the established norms of social convention. I joined Toast Masters x 3 meetings of the sort and put myself in public speaking situation over and over again for over 10+ years and today I have no problems functioning or speaking to anyone in public despite being a very introverted person.

I also got into trouble by overusing opiods and believed that it was a solution to my depression when it was just a temporary mask that had long-term consequences. I advise not to get hooked if you can help it, but I understand the temptation to many drugs that seem to mask many symptoms potentally in the short term.
 
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