Yeah I don't let myself take any benzos for no reason in particular.
Been so shocked from good/bad things (too many to count) and grief and shit I don't exactly know how I feel, my emotions tend to be very hard to interpret. I do feel good but very unsure of what any possible future could hold. I used to be better at "knowing what the rest of life would look like".
If I keep up the rate of the last 2 months I will for sure die in a handful of years. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
Reading a new book, going to have a dab trying to battle this insomnia bullshit (too many things I *have to* get done tomorrow
if I sleep now I'll sleep through *everything*).
Oh I did already have a night time dab, perhaps one more (since I am not letting myself take benzos).