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Misc How do you feel about your drug use, and addictions?

Deca2015

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 8, 2015
Messages
2
I am 45 years old and a very successful business man. I have a wife and kids that love me, and many passions besides drugs. I sometime struggle with the relationship I have developed over the years with drugs in general. I have been using mainly psychedelic on and off (sometimes long multiyear breaks) since I was 15. I attribute many of my better traits to things I have learned, discovered, experienced about myself from these drugs. At the same time I have taken psychedelics too far, and too often and had to deal with lingering consequences. I have also experienced full addiction to a few other substances, nicotine, ketamine, cocaine, and prescription opiates, and successfully kicked them all without major detriment to my life.

In a way that would likely be considered twisted from a general society standpoint, I am proud of these things. I have never in life found any challenge harder than what I went through kicking my ketamine, cocaine, and opiate addictions (all at different times). My wife wonders why dieting is so easy for me. Eliminating these addictions taught me one very important thing on a very visceral level. Success in life is all about will! Either you want it or you don’t, and if you want it, it is going to be a fight every step of the way. My addictions, or more specifically the fight I had with them, have given me the tools to achieve more success than I previously imagined. Nicotine taught me how to change the habits I have, Cocaine and Opiates taught that discomfort is often in the mind, and finally ketamine, well that taught me that I create my own reality and how unbelievably hellish it can get when you screw around too much.

How do you feel about your drug use, and addictions?
 
I have often struggled with how being a drug user impacts the me I think I am. I have always been into science and all that so I struggle with this idea that I lost a lot of time as an addict. I get to watch as people I went to college with do the things they wanted after school and for 3ish years I was involved in heroin and coke only now getting out of it.

The idea bothers me because I am a part of chemistry forums as well and I know I am probably the only former IV heroin user on there actively participating. That's not to say chemists don't do drugs sure that site has its drunks but I doubt any heroin using crack smokers former or active... So what about me where does that put me?

But when you look at it from a social aspect I am very happy to be me. A lot of people in my advanced chemistry classes at college were kinda not really social, where as I was constantly drunk or fucked up so I was always out doing stuff. Even if I was wandering around campus drunk (I did that a lot) I was still out doing stuff. The whole drug world kept me grounded taught me how to interect with all walks of life and more importantly it gave me shit loads of strength. Conquering heroin addiction twice and never having a problem getting clean or being sick going to work in withdrawals and acting normal its like this in my head "I have been at 36 hours no dope at work dying in my desk and still functioning so as long as I'm not explodin out off all parts of my body holding back all that in front of everyone acting like I give a shit about their weekend its a good day"

We are who we are because of what we went through. I love me I think he's the greatest and someday I will do something great because I am some kinda weird fucked up scientist, and those are the best kind ;)
 
I think addicts are smarter than most. They just need the will power to succeed
 
Personally, I made the choice to take addiction over chronic incapacitating pain, and I don't regret it. I know that many will disapprove of this choice, but for me, it's much better than suffering from incapacitating stabbing and crushing pains every 20 mins and daily migraines. The drug I use is fentanyl which as many of you know, has the shortest, but most intense withdrawals of the standard opioids. I choose to detox for 3-5 days every 2-3 weeks in order to keep tolerance down, and most importantly, to reassure myself that I'm in complete control over my actions and am not letting the drug control you. When you're in the midst of hellish WD along with chronic pain, it takes a lot to not take a dose knowing it's only an arms reach away, but I never have wavered. It is all about will power.

I don't regret my actions regarding addiction one bit, nor do I feel they built my character up; I feel that it's my character and will that keep my addiction purely physical. I will never let anything take away my precious mind. I was always the person who wend the extra mile no matter how much it hurt. I pushed through the pain from day one, and I feel that it's my willpower that builds my character, not my addictions; my will keeps my addictions in check, not the other way around.
 
I think addicts are smarter than most. They just need the will power to succeed

idk, id like to believe that but ive made some pretty bad decisions in the last few years. downright stupid, careless, reckless, selfish, impulsive choices are what led me to the place im at now, which is still highly active poly drug habits. as to how i feel about my drug use and addictions, i imagine i feel what most others do. guilt, shame, a lifetime of regret and paying for shitty choices for the rest of my life. plus broke, lost apartment, girl, friends, respect, trust, blah blah. id also imagine that someone who had conquered their habits might very well feel different, it certainly teaches you a unique aspect of life and introduces you to some of the most interesting, and some of the sketchiest, people youd never otherwise get to meet. if i could do it all differently i would, but i bought this ticket so now im just along for the ride
 
I am 45 years old and a very successful business man. I have a wife and kids that love me, and many passions besides drugs. I sometime struggle with the relationship I have developed over the years with drugs in general. I have been using mainly psychedelic on and off (sometimes long multiyear breaks) since I was 15. I attribute many of my better traits to things I have learned, discovered, experienced about myself from these drugs. At the same time I have taken psychedelics too far, and too often and had to deal with lingering consequences. I have also experienced full addiction to a few other substances, nicotine, ketamine, cocaine, and prescription opiates, and successfully kicked them all without major detriment to my life.

In a way that would likely be considered twisted from a general society standpoint, I am proud of these things. I have never in life found any challenge harder than what I went through kicking my ketamine, cocaine, and opiate addictions (all at different times). My wife wonders why dieting is so easy for me. Eliminating these addictions taught me one very important thing on a very visceral level. Success in life is all about will! Either you want it or you don’t, and if you want it, it is going to be a fight every step of the way. My addictions, or more specifically the fight I had with them, have given me the tools to achieve more success than I previously imagined. Nicotine taught me how to change the habits I have, Cocaine and Opiates taught that discomfort is often in the mind, and finally ketamine, well that taught me that I create my own reality and how unbelievably hellish it can get when you screw around too much.

How do you feel about your drug use, and addictions?

Wow I learned the same thing from opiates. When using opiates, I realized opiates basically make my body feel good but the body feeling good isn't the same thing as happiness and the body feeling bad isn't the same as unhappiness.

What happens is, we feel very bad one day, we take an opiate and it makes us feel a whole lot better. This change makes us very happy. Then we remember that happiness and want to experience it again, so we take more opiates not realizing that the opiates weren't the sole cause of our happiness but rather it was the big turnaround from feeling bad to good. Once opiates become routine, they no longer cause this great happiness and just become another burden actually.
 
Since I can't go back in time and make changes to the choices I've made, I try to live in the moment,or as the saying goes "it is what it is".
 
^ Ugh, god, I can't stand that fucking saying lol. It always bugs me because you could simply shorten the saying to two words, "it is", and, as far as linguistic meaning goes, it would mean exactly the same fucking thing as "it is what it is". Total pet peeve of mine when people say that
 
I'm going to speak my mind here for a sec as I've road this dragon since I was a child.

"Addict" is a term placed on people like myself that is not entirely fair as it comes with a butt load of baggage. First you must understand the system and the way it's forced onto us (not going victim, hesr me out). Doctors give us this shit, we love it, they take it away, we "self medicate", then they lock us up.. then the outcome is much worse than it started. See if that vicious cycle didn't exist and everyone had the same sympothy for our burden as homosexuals, minorities, transgender and now even this trans abled crap then who knows how "addiction" would manifest itself in a few generations.

I listen to SJW rant and rave about being oppressed and having fewer opportunities due to the patriarchy, white privilege, cis gender majority and all types of other bullshit, while I truly believe no group is near as "oppressed" as the "addict". Think about it, I don't know about you but, I did not choose this burden. When I was younger it was a GRAVE source of pain and confusion that cost me priceless amounts. The real sad part is I didn't understand I was doing anything differently. I was simply just trying to make myself feel right. All it took was one bad day and my entire future could've been taken from me in a moment. I don't believe this is close to reasonable. Other marginalized groups don't face anything like this. They may face more financial or social hurtles but none face imprisonment daily for the burdens they carry.

All of this was determined by people who did not feel like we do. That gaping backhole inside your heart that needs feeding over and over that never truly satisfied. They just decided They didn't like it and it was putting everyone else in harms way and needed to be outcast. Why do They decide this? What if we locked them up for 10 years bc they worked to many hours or whatever the case may be.

Think for a second and push aside all of the propaganda that's been shoved in your face since d.a.r.e. and smokey the bear. What's really wrong with "self medicating". If you feel bad and X or Y makes you feel normal why is that so taboo?? This baffles me. If there's a way to have that, that doesn't destroy your health or burn bridges than who gives a fuck?.. Instead of the millions or billions they spend on locking up 15 year Olds with dime bags they should seriously research abusable less harmful opiods and just let us have them... My God that would change the world. The reason drugs destroy families is because of the propaganda and the cycle doctors>dealer>prison. I bet my last dollar in 2 generations the whole paradigm of addiction would shift. Families would accept it as they would a gay son. Medicate them, and leave them the fuck alone. Then police could spend their time doing things that actually made a difference..

In conclusion I truly believe the DEA should vanish. They spend like 1.5 billion dollars a year and the only thing they can manage is OP oxycontin, turning doctors into giant vaginas scared to help patients, and flooding every small sub urban town with heroin trying to solve an unreversable problem created by them in the first place. Theyre all fucking fired! Next time your doctor tells you some bullshit about the pharmacy and the dea, think of this post. All drugs should be legal, taxable and regulated. Seriously all it takes is one bad day and we'll all see each other in the pokey. Sorry for the rant but I think about this all the time and it's just not fair. Social justice warriors, show us some love!
 
I had DHC script for 3 years between age 13-16 (also suffered massive trauma between 12-16), scripts finished as they were for broken bones. Started banging codeine linctus daily for a year, kept secret from my gf of the time. Quit for a couple of years while supplementing with weed, alcohol, mdma, benzodiazepines, k and Coke. Quit all of it but weed and started again on codeine linctus at 19. Soon found H, did it for a year, I'm now 21 and survive on codeine to keep off H (I do go back sometimes though :/ ) and smoke a lot of weed. I've been to rehab and my family currently thinks I'm sober.

Drugs pretty much ruined the last 8 years of my life. I'm awfully depressed, no friends, no girlfriend, no job, no money and I live inside a lie.

Still love drugs though.
 
It sounds stupid but when drugs become the most important thing, you then have to think of how to get them without going to jail. Am I right? Money=drugs
 
Very right. The older I get the more I use money to my advantage for sure.
 
you could simply shorten the saying to two words, "it is", and, as far as linguistic meaning goes, it would mean exactly the same thing as "it is what it is".

I don't know but I think I respectfully disagree. To just say "it is" is just not specific enough and the phrase begs for "what's it" and why is that it. When you add the additional "what it is" answers that question because it tells one what it is because "it is" "what it is". See what I mean? No more questions, all is answered in that phrase.

Sorry guys, too tired to be doing this and I like to dig into things way too much. Hope everyone is having a "well" evening. Good Night! :)
 
^ Ugh, god, I can't stand that fucking saying lol. It always bugs me because you could simply shorten the saying to two words, "it is", and, as far as linguistic meaning goes, it would mean exactly the same fucking thing as "it is what it is". Total pet peeve of mine when people say that
lol .... I hate when people say "I have an old soul." The first time I heard that was from my 16 yr old sisters friend who was a cheerleader. I'm just like GTFO.:p
 
Success in life is all about will! Either you want it or you don’t, and if you want it, it is going to be a fight every step of the way. My addictions, or more specifically the fight I had with them, have given me the tools to achieve more success than I previously imagined. Nicotine taught me how to change the habits I have, Cocaine and Opiates taught that discomfort is often in the mind, and finally ketamine, well that taught me that I create my own reality and how unbelievably hellish it can get when you screw around too much.

How do you feel about your drug use, and addictions?

I'm stronger as I somehow realized that once you use your willpower to that extent and work with variables all the time and still succeed, it feels like developing an extra ability.

I learned to work harder to get my things right and put efforts and heart on what I believe is worth saving, protecting or achieving.

If I had the chance to go back and change things, I wouldn't dare to change anything. As awful as it might sound I feel I'm more prepared to deal with life in general.
 
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