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Positive How are you active addicts holding up during COVID?

TJ5

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 27, 2005
Messages
250
Location
So. Cali
Hi everyone it's been a while since I've been on here. I got clean (not by choice) 8/16/13. I've stayed clean by choice since then. It has not been easy, but it has been worthwhile even during these shit times. I had 30 years of using and have been clean for almost 7 years. It has had it's challenges. I now have a record, which I didn't over 7 years ago. I didn't work for 6 years and was surviving on poverty level income and still am. I've gained a ton of weight since I got clean, but I don't use. I thought how nice it would be to start taking a bunch of painkillers so that I can sleep through all of this crap. In other words, wake me when it's over. The only problem is if I did that I'd become a slave to this shit all over again. I have cleaned up my credit. I have gotten a job. I am one year away from getting my AA degree and my becoming a licensed substance abuse counselor. I can only imagine how hard it must be for those of you that have a habit during this quarantine (at least in So Cali there is). It's hard sometimes. I feel a range of emotions from anger, fear, sadness, gratitude, and then more anger, fear, sadness, and gratitude. If there is hope for me, then there is hope for you. I wanted to put that out there people. Let me know how you are holding up. Peace, love, and light.
 

OpiateKiller

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
742
I am not holding up well my use of suboxone and high grade heroin has caught me in the grips of a bear trap. I attempt to run free, even the thought of biting off my leg is considered an option yet I am too frightened to follow through.

I miss looking back at how bad I had it when I had it good and was sober but now I am forced to reminisce on memories of sobriety which seem fat gone and unobtainable. I fear the worst that I cannot make it and I too will fall victim to the game. I fear I will never be the same person I was or I will die in the mysery that surrounds my current existence.

But I fight. and I fight hard.
 

PtahTek

Moderator: NMI
Staff member
Joined
Mar 18, 2018
Messages
3,799
Location
Onda Cona
Doin' OK.
Self quarantining and sh** but cool with that as a loner and hate johnny public anyway.
Got my alp for sudden urges to leave the house and weed to keep me eating.
Cool.
Just, cool.
:)
 

TJ5

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 27, 2005
Messages
250
Location
So. Cali
I am not holding up well my use of suboxone and high grade heroin has caught me in the grips of a bear trap. I attempt to run free, even the thought of biting off my leg is considered an option yet I am too frightened to follow through.

I miss looking back at how bad I had it when I had it good and was sober but now I am forced to reminisce on memories of sobriety which seem fat gone and unobtainable. I fear the worst that I cannot make it and I too will fall victim to the game. I fear I will never be the same person I was or I will die in the mysery that surrounds my current existence.

But I fight. and I fight hard.
I wish you could at least consult a doctor online to help you through all of this.
 

TJ5

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 27, 2005
Messages
250
Location
So. Cali
Doin' OK.
Self quarantining and sh** but cool with that as a loner and hate johnny public anyway.
Got my alp for sudden urges to leave the house and weed to keep me eating.
Cool.
Just, cool.
:)
I'm a loner as well, but I hate how it's impossible to get tech services and other services around here.
 

Shady's Fox

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2017
Messages
6,342
Location
Palm trees & sea, just walkin along the beach.
Doin' OK.
Self quarantining and sh** but cool with that as a loner and hate johnny public anyway.
Got my alp for sudden urges to leave the house and weed to keep me eating.
Cool.
Just, cool.
:)

What you need to understand it's that we all need loneliness. Loneliness to recharge ourselves from daily life but not loneliness, you can't be lonely -- you have to talk with other people -- otherwise you will have what it's called ''Rumination'' and you may develop schizophrenia. The internet can help you but here's the thing, we live in a dumb poor world but this dumb poor world also has his benefits. You only have 1 life, you can see far, you know what i'm sayin so you know spin the dice, play the card and show your own demons that they lost at Russian's Roulette. Make crucial beneficial friendship only, you don't need toxicity. You need to know what you're doing. Maybe money, that's what I think about when I say loneliness. You need money to live you know, it's what holds the world between the two realms. Again, the internet is not meant to be your daily human interaction. Have at least 1 wolf.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words, SLR
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
89,698
Location
Sixth Circle of Hell
Doin' OK.
Self quarantining and sh** but cool with that as a loner and hate johnny public anyway.
Got my alp for sudden urges to leave the house and weed to keep me eating.
Cool.
Just, cool.
:)
Omg the no bzds is literally KILLING PEOPLE and I WANT MY MEDS.

I am not doing well.

Be SO THANKFUL for those bzds
 

kron114

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
41
Location
Bay Area, Northern California
I am not holding up well my use of suboxone and high grade heroin has caught me in the grips of a bear trap. I attempt to run free, even the thought of biting off my leg is considered an option yet I am too frightened to follow through.

I miss looking back at how bad I had it when I had it good and was sober but now I am forced to reminisce on memories of sobriety which seem fat gone and unobtainable. I fear the worst that I cannot make it and I too will fall victim to the game. I fear I will never be the same person I was or I will die in the mysery that surrounds my current existence.

But I fight. and I fight hard.
Dude I feel your pain. I’m tryin to switch from smoking BTH to suboxone and it fucking sucks. I keep relapsing. Even though I don’t have the money to be spending on h. I totally get the feeling of being scared I’ll never be the same person I was before addiction. I wonder all the time if severe addiction has ruined my brain and it’s FUBAR. It’s looking pretty bleak right now. But... I’ve kicked once before and stayed clean for a year. In that year I was happy and found things in life to enjoy. So there is hope of you can make it through. Keep trying and keep fighting. That’s all you can do. Hang in there.
 

kron114

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
41
Location
Bay Area, Northern California
Dude I feel your pain. I’m tryin to switch from smoking BTH to suboxone and it fucking sucks. I keep relapsing. Even though I don’t have the money to be spending on h. I totally get the feeling of being scared I’ll never be the same person I was before addiction. I wonder all the time if severe addiction has ruined my brain and it’s FUBAR. It’s looking pretty bleak right now. But... I’ve kicked once before and stayed clean for a year. In that year I was happy and found things in life to enjoy. So there is hope of you can make it through. Keep trying and keep fighting. That’s all you can do. Hang in there.
Haha just realized you’re the one who was helping me last night. You’re the man Opiate Killer. You’ve given me hope.
 

OpiateKiller

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
742
Haha just realized you’re the one who was helping me last night. You’re the man Opiate Killer. You’ve given me hope.
yeah buddy we're in the same boat here literally haha. I'm in the exact same situation as you know you're not alone, luckily i've tapered down to 1 mg suboxone a day about which is a good progress.. man craziness
 

kron114

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
41
Location
Bay Area, Northern California
yeah buddy we're in the same boat here literally haha. I'm in the exact same situation as you know you're not alone, luckily i've tapered down to 1 mg suboxone a day about which is a good progress.. man craziness
I’ve actually kicked suboxone before too. I hated the side effects and the insomnia. I taped down on my own and was snorting an eighth of a pill at that time. I was snorting cause I had read that the bioavailability is lower that way and I wanted to get the tiniest dose of suboxone to mitigate the side effects. Then one day I just realized I’m not sleeping anyways so I may as well just quit the suboxone too. It took a few weeks but I made it through. This time is hard for me to even get started on the subs. It’s like I know too much now. And last time I went from OCs to subs. This time is h to subs. I have a feeling with all the crap that bth is cut with makes the withdrawals worse or the transition worse. Gabapentin helped me get off the subs. Any chance you have access to that?
 

Eastender

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
69
I’ve actually kicked suboxone before too. I hated the side effects and the insomnia. I taped down on my own and was snorting an eighth of a pill at that time. I was snorting cause I had read that the bioavailability is lower that way and I wanted to get the tiniest dose of suboxone to mitigate the side effects. Then one day I just realized I’m not sleeping anyways so I may as well just quit the suboxone too. It took a few weeks but I made it through. This time is hard for me to even get started on the subs. It’s like I know too much now. And last time I went from OCs to subs. This time is h to subs. I have a feeling with all the crap that bth is cut with makes the withdrawals worse or the transition worse. Gabapentin helped me get off the subs. Any chance you have access to that?
Hi Kron ,just reading this thread & I'm after some advice if that's possible? I'm in uk started on 8mg daily buprenorphine, I've tapered down to 0.3 daily over the course of a year quite easily , but the last few days decided while on lockdown drop to 0.2 , now I cant sleep I'm getting all weird feelings in my legs & especially my shoulders sort of twitching, fucking hate it , I take the buprenorphine as soon as I get up & I'm ok for the day but it's just this sleeping thing now , why now when I've been ok before? Also you mention gabapentin, I can get them off a friend , how did you manage ? & taper off them pls , it's my first experience of subutex withdrawal so any advice would be really appreciated thank you
 

kron114

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
41
Location
Bay Area, Northern California
Hi Kron ,just reading this thread & I'm after some advice if that's possible? I'm in uk started on 8mg daily buprenorphine, I've tapered down to 0.3 daily over the course of a year quite easily , but the last few days decided while on lockdown drop to 0.2 , now I cant sleep I'm getting all weird feelings in my legs & especially my shoulders sort of twitching, fucking hate it , I take the buprenorphine as soon as I get up & I'm ok for the day but it's just this sleeping thing now , why now when I've been ok before? Also you mention gabapentin, I can get them off a friend , how did you manage ? & taper off them pls , it's my first experience of subutex withdrawal so any advice would be really appreciated thank you
I’m happy to help if I can. Seems odd that going from 0.3 to 0.2 would cause withdrawal. I didn’t feel withdrawals til I quit the subs altogether. The gabapentin will help with the weird feelings in your legs and arms. It’s a anticonvulsant (nerve blocker). In the US I usually see them in 300mg, 600mgs or 800mgs. I’d take 600mgs. 900mgs if I had enough. I’d also take vitamin b12 in the daytime to help boost my energy. I remember feeling a little lethargic in the first week or so of suboxone withdrawal. After that it got better. Sleep will eventually return. Gotta just accept that it might be a few weeks of shitty sleep. As far as the gabas, your body can grow dependent on them so keep a careful watch on that. All in all it took about 3 weeks before I finally felt like all the suboxone had left my system. Just a thought... ever try edibles for bedtime? They work well for me to fall asleep and stay asleep for a decent chunk of the night. 2 10mgs gummies are my preference.
Hopefully I helped a little. Let me know if there’s any other questions you have. Good luck and hang in there. 🌺
 

Eastender

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
69
I’m happy to help if I can. Seems odd that going from 0.3 to 0.2 would cause withdrawal. I didn’t feel withdrawals til I quit the subs altogether. The gabapentin will help with the weird feelings in your legs and arms. It’s a anticonvulsant (nerve blocker). In the US I usually see them in 300mg, 600mgs or 800mgs. I’d take 600mgs. 900mgs if I had enough. I’d also take vitamin b12 in the daytime to help boost my energy. I remember feeling a little lethargic in the first week or so of suboxone withdrawal. After that it got better. Sleep will eventually return. Gotta just accept that it might be a few weeks of shitty sleep. As far as the gabas, your body can grow dependent on them so keep a careful watch on that. All in all it took about 3 weeks before I finally felt like all the suboxone had left my system. Just a thought... ever try edibles for bedtime? They work well for me to fall asleep and stay asleep for a decent chunk of the night. 2 10mgs gummies are my preference.
Hopefully I helped a little. Let me know if there’s any other questions you have. Good luck and hang in there. 🌺
Thanks for replying, yeah you have helped, it seems like I'm nearly there just gotta drop slowly & will drop 0.1 per wk for next 2 weeks then will jump off, Will get some B12 as do feel lethargic most days now , .y local drug service have said that she will provide me sleepers for 2 weeks when I come off , think that's my main problem really , I'm a grumpy fucker if I'm tired haha, ok thanks for the insight to what to expect in the coming weeks , thanks
 

Required666

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
13
Hey there, I’m pretty new to this platform and I’ve been searching for a forum about tapering off of bupe for a couple weeks now, this is the best I’ve found.

I take subutex (snort, sorry) and right now I’m at a quarter of a pill a day (2 mg). I ingest it every morning at 7am, and I’m having a really hard time going any lower than that because I start feeling WDs around 4pm. I usually do 1mg in the morning and the other 1mg around 2pm before the WDs start kicking in again. Also with these being pill form, it’s pretty hard to go lower than half of a quarter as the cutting of the pill can get all fucky.
I’m a single parent, I work, and I’m also a full-time student, but wanted to taper this summer since I won’t be in school.
Can anyone PLEASE give me some advice on tapering off of these wretched things? Oh I guess it might help to mention that I’ve only been on them since January (Idk why I started using again, I was clean for 3 years ugh). I also don’t like Cannabis, and I’m not really interested in substituting with anything like gabapentin or kratom or what have you.

thanks so much!
 

kron114

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
41
Location
Bay Area, Northern California
Gabas and cannabis are my go to’s so I don’t know what to tell you. Just a thought... have you tried not snorting the Subutex and see if it lasts longer if you dissolve it? If you don’t want to take something else try changing the way you’re currently taking it now. Or possibly take the whole 2mg at once instead of 1mg twice a day. I’m racking my brain tryin to think of something that’ll help you. Hopefully someone with more experience or a better idea comes along with some advice for you. Good luck and be well.
 

Required666

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
13
Gabas and cannabis are my go to’s so I don’t know what to tell you. Just a thought... have you tried not snorting the Subutex and see if it lasts longer if you dissolve it? If you don’t want to take something else try changing the way you’re currently taking it now. Or possibly take the whole 2mg at once instead of 1mg twice a day. I’m racking my brain tryin to think of something that’ll help you. Hopefully someone with more experience or a better idea comes along with some advice for you. Good luck and be well.
I should 100% be dissolving it under my tongue instead of snorting it lol you’re right. I know that snorting anything makes the effects last significantly less longer. I think it’s just an “instant gratification” thing that I need from the snorting instead of dissolving it and waiting for it to kick in, ugh.
I appreciate you looking out, if you find any threads def let me know, thank you so much!
 

Required666

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
13
Do they dissolve in water? you heard of the water titration method, it's for pesky pills that are hard to spilt into tiny amounts
I’m sure they do! That’s not a bad idea, though I’m terrified to try anything different because I only have 2 pills left (I am not prescribed them I buy them from a friend and they are out until the end of this month).
It looks like I may have to just suck it up and deal with the WDs; I slept horribly last night due to cutting my dosage down, but I want off of these so bad, I want my fucking life back. 3 years of being clean and then I do this to myself again, why are addicts like this? Ughhh.
Thanks for your reply and suggestion, I truly appreciate it!
 

Flower Fairy

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2020
Messages
1,514
I slept horribly last night due to cutting my dosage down, but I want off of these so bad, I want my fucking life back. 3 years of being clean and then I do this to myself again, why are addicts like this? Ughhh.
I had 3 hours or so as stopped my antidepressants 2 weeks ago, 10 days who knows lol (one for sleep one for fibromyalgia but had side effects) so went onto Xanax I buy for sleep, when I'm a year clean off Diazepam, in that time I had a few Xanax and Tramadol that's it till now

Had high amounts of Xanax for ten days now I'm reducing too and on my last pill that was meant to be for tonight that I'm splitting on quarter's

Why the fuck do we do it indeed
Good luck, try Valerian and Promethazine for sleep and anxiety you buy it OTC
 
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