have had it with friend with benefits

[tweakerguy]

One poster called me a "moaning cunt lucky to get fucked at all".

That's not an opinion.

Yikes, didn't see that one
Was that the dude in question? Seemed oddly personal.

 

[MrsGamp]

Yikes, didn't see that one
Was that the dude in question? Seemed oddly personal.

yeah it did ... now I admit to having had a "moan". But the rest of it was totally offensive and IMO a person capable of posting shit like that ought to be booted out of bluelight permanently.
Cos overall it's the nicest social
media forum I've ever encountered...

 

[MrsGamp]

Problem here is that you're expecting something as a return from sex.
Men would be laughed off if they tried same shit you did. Only reason why you've gotten this far is in fact, because you're a woman.
Go to a real relationship if you want real relationship benefits.

Just wanted to make the point that on occasion I have helped HIM financially. Eg he offered to do my washing for $20 per load and I went along with it! (my machine was broken but I was managing with hand washing...)

 

[MrsGamp]

Yeah, I like to think same way about women who aren't fertile anymore.
Why would their value be more than a pocket pussy?
It's probably less, since as it can be seen in this thread, many of them expect to get something in return.

Just out of interest, is it only women who aren't fertile due to menopause whom you feel are unfuckable, or do you also disdain to have sex with younger women who are "barren" as well?

 

[MrsGamp]

BUT in the same regard- I’m not so sure that him not letting you borrow money is so wrong. OR that his reasoning is unjustified. There’s clearly 2 sides (or 3 as people say) and you sound pissed just because he doesn’t do as you say.

well maybe not lending me money for a work-related expense is defensible. Or slightly defensible.
But refusing to drive past my house and chuck a couple of tins of beans over the gate during COVID lockdown is irredeemably shitty.
Even in a casual sexual relationship, you should be willing to feed your lover if he/she is hungry.
In fact I feel one ought to help even a total stranger to procure food if they are hungry.

 

[MrsGamp]

Watching porn is degenerate and there's a clear difference with fucking your own hand and the real thing.
Other one can create life, while another one probably only breeds degeneracy and fucked up prefrontal cortex.

Also, Deadman, my FWB is always after me to watch PORN with him even though I find most porn boring and/or offensive ...
Plus he has badgered me to go to a "swinger's club" with him because he wants to have a three way with me and another bloke ...
Actually maybe I should consider it. The recruited third man in the proposed "three way" would surely consent to have proper sex with me...

 

[MrsGamp]

Also, Deadman, my FWB is always after me to watch PORN with him even though I find most porn boring and/or offensive ...
Plus he has badgered me to go to a "swinger's club" with him because he wants to have a three way with me and another bloke ...
Actually maybe I should consider it. The recruited third man in the proposed "three way" would surely consent to have proper sex with me...

PS I should add that one annoying aspect of the three way idea is that he always presents it as MY idea, or something he would unselfishly consent to for me, not for him. When in fact it is FWB who has the fixation on gang bangs. Most of the porn he watches revolves around gang bangs.

 

[MrsGamp]

It would really be relative to the individual, buy there is no individual on this planet who could only bring sex to the table. You may just not appreciate what he has to offer

Even people who meet for the sole purpose of sex only can wind up developing long-term healthy relationships.

Actually I could live with myself having sex with a person who wanted sex and nothing else. But it would have to involve, uh, sex - not just unreciprocated blow jobs. I have no issue at all with blow jobs but if there is nothing BUT blowjobs, that's not really "sex". That's using someone as a masturbation aid.
I googled "why does my boyfriend want only blowjobs?". Hundreds of links appeared, written by women with the same issue. On "agony aunt" sites like Quora, the answer tended to be "your boyfriend mostly wants blowjobs because it's more fun for him and less 'tiring'

 

[MrsGamp]

nothing...

...you just got into semantics and derailed the thread


anyway, we all think your 'friend' is a dickhead MrsG (except for DMW, who will state the 'real man' policy)

Also for what its worth, you aren't a bad looking woman by any stretch .

well, thanks for that ... to some extent it compensates for the theme of "women over 45 are sexually finished."

 

[MrsGamp]

The interesting thing in this thread is the difference in treatment between self-destructive drug behaviour and self-destructive sexual behaviour (of a woman).

BL is full of threads and posts by drug addicts seemingly unable to control their self/destructive and often quite abject behaviour for decades. These posts and threads most often receive sympathy or a knowing wink and nod.

However, a woman whose sexual behaviour is probably governed by many of the same psychological processes that contribute to drug use and addiction is called out as being particularly weak or stupid - either directly or implied.

I find @MrsGamp’s oversharing quite confronting but I don’t see her sexual life as in any way different to the drug life shared by dozens of people on this site (including myself).

The lack of control, the lack of self-respect, the seeking of solace, the regrets, the desire for change but the inability to break free - all very much the same in my view.

I was no more capable of putting down the needle than MrsGamp has been able to say no to sorting out her FWB - yet I got nothing but understanding and support from people regarding my weakness.

Btw re "over sharing" - yeah I am guilty! I hope no-one finds it offensive. It's just that I have literally no-one to talk to about this sort of thing, and confiding in people on BL is relatively anonymous and something of a safety valve ... because I tend to be rather easily bullied, I often "over-extend" myself ... but then a point comes where I'll have a catastrophic and self-destructive attack of rage...

 

[nuttynutskin]

Also, Deadman, my FWB is always after me to watch PORN with him even though I find most porn boring and/or offensive ...
Plus he has badgered me to go to a "swinger's club" with him because he wants to have a three way with me and another bloke ...
Actually maybe I should consider it. The recruited third man in the proposed "three way" would surely consent to have proper sex with me...

I thought you were going to "ghost" this guy? Now you're talking about maybe having a threesome?

 

[MrsGamp]

I thought you were going to "ghost" this guy? Now you're talking about maybe having a threesome?

oh no way ... he's been banging on about the threesome thing for years...haven't contacted him at all this last week. I'll have to get in touch at some point though as he still has my laptop...

 

[decalwire]

A

can't write much but had a really lousy day ... long story but my job opportunity might get screwed up because I didn't have the correct version of birth certificate to apply for my Working With Children Clearance.

So had to ring boss, who was less than impressed. I still get to work but have to get the clearance done on Tuesday - need $50 for birth certificate thing, plus $87 for the application itself. The $87 can be refunded by the government to whatever bank account I like. So I called friend with benefits, and asked him he could lend me $137, to be reimbursed by government.

No, he couldn't. Could he lend me $50? Palpable reluctance.

Then I recalled that during COVID lockdown I had no money or food and he wouldn't even drive past my house to drop off a can of baked beans.

I reminded him of this, and he said, "why should I help you - obviously you spent your money on alcohol and (his special bugbear) cigarettes."

I said, " so what. If you are having sex with someone, you are obliged to feed them if they are starving,"

He said, "it doesn't work like that."

I said, "Actually, it does work like that,"

And hung up.

Then ruined it all by sending him a stupid text message, not apologising, but pointing out how I give him attention, emotional support, oral sex on demand more or less. In return I get lectures and "life advice". I am meant to be grateful for this. I am meant to be grateful ... for WHAT?

He also says my place is a dump, that I am crazy, that he's got better things to do ...

WELL MAYBE I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO MYSELF

I hate our sordid sexual encounters, which make me feel like an unpaid prostitute.

The catch is he has my old computer - he was going to do "data retrieval" for me. In a grandiose outburst, I said I'd PAY him for the data retrieval. But I expect to get that laptop back, data retrieved or not .

I've only kept up this poxy thing because I am lonely. But with him, I am lonely and trapped. Without him, I'll be lonely but free.

I want a real friend.

He always constructs me as a mad woman. My craziness makes everything impossible, etc. But the facts are: he gets looked after and I don't. Not in any way. If I am lucky I get a lift in his car very occasionally.

No point distressing myself ... I got shit to do. Right now this is mainly cleaning up this joint.

My brother says he plus Dad will help me with the working clearance. I shouldn't have even asked "frenemy without benefits" in the first place - dunno WHAT I was thinking.

Friend in need is a friend indeed!

 

[nuttynutskin]

oh no way ... he's been banging on about the threesome thing for years...haven't contacted him at all this last week. I'll have to get in touch at some point though as he still has my laptop...

But you said...

Actually maybe I should consider it. The recruited third man in the proposed "three way" would surely consent to have proper sex with me...

 

[MrsGamp]

But you said...

Sorry if that was confusing ... I was attempting to make a joke!

I'd never be able to do the three way thing ... I'm a feminist but also indelibly influenced by heavy-going Catholic upbringing. It's not that I'd feel like a "slut" - rationally and emotionally, I hate the word "slut" and all it implies. It's more like I'd feel as if I'd "sinned"

It's illogical, of course - I was raised to believe any sex outside of marriage is sinful, so I'm already a "sinner" within the RC terms of reference. But somehow having sex with two men at once seems more sinful ...

Anxieties about "sin" are complicated and mysterious. I suspect that people who had completely secular, atheistic childhoods are incapable of understanding the "sin" concept. The difference between right and wrong, and good and evil - yes. But not "sin".

 

[Jabberwocky]

PS I should add that one annoying aspect of the three way idea is that he always presents it as MY idea, or something he would unselfishly consent to for me, not for him. When in fact it is FWB who has the fixation on gang bangs. Most of the porn he watches revolves around gang bangs.

he is degenerate. dumb him immitediatly.

 

[atara]

I am not quite sure where you are going with "But if we investigate the motives of someone who is having sex regularly with a 47-year-old woman, shouldn't we look for aspects of the relationship that might distinguish it from a visit to a prostitute?"

It makes more sense as a response to the post I quoted. He argued that there was not an emotional element, I argued that there was.

I could go on but am I actually saying anything? It was a bit trollish already and not directed at you

 

[mysunnyboy]

You’re laptop surely can’t be this valuable.
Good luck

 

[sdxyln]

Be held accountable to your love -- or don't. You will be miserable in any case. Choose the lesser of the two? That's utilitarianism.

 

[MsDiz]

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”