Cocaine Gf wants me to stop

[Stringer_Bell]

Absolutely, yes. I love her waaaayyyyyy more than coke. Like a million times more. But as you say it's not as simple as that. No matter how much I love her, it doesn't mean the cravings go away. I'm sure so many people want their other halves to quit smoking but it's not that straightforward.

Mad Dash, I'm really sorry your lost your wife. Yes, I'm going to take serious steps to quit. My issue definitely isn't with the need to quit, more the way I'm going to do so. At the moment I'm in a pattern of coke use where it's not causing any real problems, financial or otherwise. As dumb as it sounds I think I almost need it to disrupt my life in some way before I have the motivation required to quit for good.

 

[Coolgirl2014]

I don't doubt for a second you love her more then coke. Also props on quitting cigs. I've done pain killers here and there and adderall xr but never been addicted in the sense that I've never increased dosage or ever craved it or had a problem stopping. But I cannot not for the life of me quit cigs. Definitely a hard habit to break so congrats.

Edit: if you didn't love her you wouldn't be here asking for help in order to save your relationship.

 

[Stringer_Bell]

Coolgirl I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comments. You'll get there with the cigs, it took me a good few goes. But congrats on quitting painkillers. That's an important one because we all know where using those things can lead...... at least smoking isn't going to f*** up your life.

 

[Zeddii]

Sorry this may be the wrong forum to post in. Mods, could yo kindly move it?

So, I've been using coke for about 6 months off and on. When I first discovered it I went a bit mad with it, doing too much, getting bad depression after binges. Now I'll do 0.5g in a session (maybe once every 10 days or so) and be fine the next day. I think I am addicted because after 7 days or so I'll get cravings which I struggle to resist. Ultimately I want to stop doing coke.

However my gf wants me to stop right now, go to CBT, go to NA meetings every day. I told her I'm just not quite ready to do this yet and want to quit my way (I tend to give up stuff when I'm sick of it - like with cigarettes, I didn't stop until I was so disgusted with smoking that I was 100% ready to quit). I'm not quite there with coke yet.

This is causing a LOT of tension. My gf is more important to me than coke but I just hate being told what to do by anybody. More importantly I don't think my chances of quitting are good when I'm doing it to please another person. I have a bit of a rebellious personality and when somebody assumes the role of authority figure (as she is) I tend to rebel.

I decided I'm not going to lie to her about my coke use. If I use it I'm going to tell her and not hide it. I don't want to lie about it. I told her this and she agreed. But now I just told her that a buddy of mine is in town tomorrow and I'll probably split a gram with him. She is livid.

What do I do in this situation here guys? I think I might lose her over this but as I said I just hate being told what to do. I want to do it my way. And I don't like ultimatums. Then again I guess she has the right to walk if she's not comfortable with this.

Am I totally out of line?

Your situation sounds a lot like mine did several years ago. What I'd do to be in your shoes again!

If ultimately you want to stop, you better stop now! You can sit around waiting for "the right time" to quit, but IT WILL NEVER COME! Seriosuly, it will always feel like that moment is right around the corner, but will never ever come. No matter how ugly it gets you'll never be more ready to quit than you are right now(or easier). I wasted years thinking that day was near and that I'd almost had my fill, but it never came and I ruined so much along the way. Quit now, keep your girl, be a success, and never know the painful days where you'd look back on today wishing you had stopped.

 

[Ksa]

Just tell her that cocaine is like a pair of glasses that helps you better see how beautiful she really is, as your ADHD would leave you nearly blind to her beauty and the true meaning of your love for her.

Females don't understand reason, leave reason for men and talk to her through emotions.

This is just a misunderstanding of addiction in my opinion. addiction can not be simplified into do you love me or the drug more and thinking that way will never solve the problem.

I completely agree, especially with an upper that helps materialize your love for someone in a more concrete way, quitting the substance would also mean quitting a big part of your love for others and I believe that others exist through the love you have for them.

 

[casualdruguser]

My suggestion is this; Discuss a taper plan with her. Agree on some terms which allow you to continue using, but less and less over time until you are done. If you hold to the agreement, then you will be free of coke after the prescribed time period and she will be happy. If you fail and continue to use, then you have to honor your word and go cold turkey like she wants you to do. If that does happen, then you will not be "doing as she says" - you will be honoring an agreement. A much less bitter pill to swallow if you still find yourself not ready to quit.

 

[ibetweaking]

Nigga if u love her youl quit tbh if i had a girl who cared bout me like tht i wouldnt be doing no drugs

 

[Robynfclark]

Sorry this may be the wrong forum to post in. Mods, could yo kindly move it?

So, I've been using coke for about 6 months off and on. When I first discovered it I went a bit mad with it, doing too much, getting bad depression after binges. Now I'll do 0.5g in a session (maybe once every 10 days or so) and be fine the next day. I think I am addicted because after 7 days or so I'll get cravings which I struggle to resist. Ultimately I want to stop doing coke.

However my gf wants me to stop right now, go to CBT, go to NA meetings every day. I told her I'm just not quite ready to do this yet and want to quit my way (I tend to give up stuff when I'm sick of it - like with cigarettes, I didn't stop until I was so disgusted with smoking that I was 100% ready to quit). I'm not quite there with coke yet.

This is causing a LOT of tension. My gf is more important to me than coke but I just hate being told what to do by anybody. More importantly I don't think my chances of quitting are good when I'm doing it to please another person. I have a bit of a rebellious personality and when somebody assumes the role of authority figure (as she is) I tend to rebel.

I decided I'm not going to lie to her about my coke use. If I use it I'm going to tell her and not hide it. I don't want to lie about it. I told her this and she agreed. But now I just told her that a buddy of mine is in town tomorrow and I'll probably split a gram with him. She is livid.

What do I do in this situation here guys? I think I might lose her over this but as I said I just hate being told what to do. I want to do it my way. And I don't like ultimatums. Then again I guess she has the right to walk if she's not comfortable with this.

Am I totally out of line?

I get it. As someone who’s been 100% fully committed to recovery in the past I’ll let you know, it’ll never stick until YOU want to stop. Seriously. If you stop cuz your gf or ur family or mom or friends or whatever want you to, you go to rehab ok that’s great. You get some clean time. But I always relapsed until I decided I was done with it.

You have to be so fed up with how you’re living and want change so bad that you’re willing to take whatever steps necessary to change your ways. Some people say it takes hitting rock bottom, and everyone’s rock bottom looks different. Bottom line, if you’re tired of how you’re living and want to change, do it. If you’re doing it for the sole purpose of making others happy, it most likely won’t stick. May be a good starting point, but you have to want it.

Good luck to you