@G_Chem hey man. Our very wise and experienced moderator above gives superb advice. My initial feeling and hope for you is that the disappointment And frustration at feeling That you had weakened and giving in Was actually necessary to build your resolve.
Ive no experience with actual addiction, besides my 4 week kratom flurry and more concerning to me right now- I began taking etizolam blotters daily early November, to manage severe anxiety which was literally endangering my survival at many times.
I havent had a single day off of the etizolam since. But I have kept my max to about 5 or 5.5 mg once or twice in a day, currently is about 3 to 4 mg stable and effective.
Not like 15, 20 mg Which you would expect to see perhaps with the general demographic of people who take etizolam daily for months on end.
But I'm just guessing about that in truth. I'm So Naive of this area and these drugs.
The thing is I react adversely to virtually every psychoactive substance whether natural or man-made, but the etizolam has been a Rare find because I do not have any of these typical reactions affecting my respiratory or digestive system.
And I also Took many different psychoactive compounds to my homeopath recently. who has an incredible Vega testing machine.
My bodily And psychic intuition is excellent with these things and I had a very well formed subconscious intuitive impression of what to expect when testing these different substances.
As strongly expected, all 3 Lysergamides I tested were very good. 1cP LSD was slightly but notably better than 1plsd, As I strongly would have predicted.
And despite never having tried my ALD 52 tabs yet, I was confident it would test as the best of the 3. It did by a worthy margin, but they were all good.
Kanna and kratom were aggravating/troubling to my body. As experienced and expected. Vega testing never lies I swear man, properly used.
My Dutch Bowser MDMA pills, Which I have been too unwell and too scared to take for health sake, weren't positively good, but not terrible either. Suggesting that it may be safe for me to take them and expect just a temporary symptomatic reaction Equivalent to many I have experienced with even natural substances.
Kava was very good. No issue or harmful side, per se.
But get this right. So I was absolutely bang on with all of that. I didn't know what to expect with the MDMA but that was actually quite assuring.
But then I pulled out the etizolam which I biggest logically had to be the worst of the lot being the only chemical and an addictive one at that.
To my surprise it showed particular benefit. And and tested as the best and most beneficial substance of all of them all. I was very surprised. Because it suddenly appears that this very pure research chemical benzodiazepine equivalent was potentially in some way beneficial and supportive to my overall health condition.
But I have been reckless and used daily since November, within range. I have been worried about what I may have set myself up for but I'm hoping I can taper down and used Kava to handle final withdrawals, when I decide It is the right time to completely break from the benzodiazepine.
One really important area it has been helping me with is my anxiety related digestive and eating disorder. Due to the Intense physical experience and suffering from ingesting foods and anything else, overtime I have developed a severe anxiety disorder regarding regular intake of food food and the etizolam has been a godsend here to help me to completely relax and and digest my food and benefit from it much better which has actually been lifesaving. So I considered it the lesser evil has a temporary measure. Half knowing what I may be getting myself into but trusting I can get out of it.
@G_Chem Sorry man. Its been intense crazy living here, surviving. Been thinking of you man. I have faith in you.
Ps.I'm still loving my Kava by the way. It is surprisingly therapeutic for the personality and Especially helpful in developing and strengthening friendships naturally. And the Kava is a very strong potentiator of the Etiz.