Eye Contact

[mtu mwendawazimu]

On the city streets, i find that men make better eye contact than women. I am a male.

Now, in the city people are mostly in a rush and focused on their shit, I get it. But I tend to see most everyone just briefly to scan my surroundings. Sometimes an old buddy will catch me and I didn't see them coming, but for the most part I'm vigilant.

Now, when it comes to women, they like to make eye contact from far away, while men make it closer up. Have you notice this too?

The only women who make eye contact within 10 feet of me are the ones who smile. Fairly rare, as people often say I look angry/focused as fuck when I walk.

Anyone else notice men keep eye contact more than women?

How about in the suburbs? In the 'burbs I notice people generally have better eye contact as everyone knows each other and new comers get scoped out.

What do we think Bluelight.

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

Most Women i notice tend to look you over from afar and tend to glance to the side as they pass. A lot men tend to look away until you pass, and then will give you a quick look. Some men hang their heads and glance upward, most look you in the eye with their head held higher.

Primates dude, lol.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

I never do side glances. Maybe that's the ticket. ;p

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

Women probably don't go out of their way to make eye contact with men because they want to avoid being hit on. Being friendly and smiling is an invitation for men to creep on you. I learned not to really smile and keep a neutral attitude.

 

[G_Chem]

^^^For once I actually agree with you.. (Not that you likely care lol.)

It’s sad but for a lot of men any friendly interaction with the opposite sex is an indication the woman is “into them.” This is how the “nice guy” is born, when they expect every smile and small talk to end up in bed.

For me I get a lot of smiles and looks but I have a warm smile and somewhat reserved disposition in public so I probably look less intimidating. Women will often do a “test look” where they glance to see if I’m looking and if I am then I’ll flash a smile and usually they’ll look back and smile too. Usually a quick “how’s it going” thrown in.

That said I tend to live in friendlier places too. I know some cities where people are assholes and no one will look or smile at you ever. All depends where your at.. I can’t stand cities where people are snobs and don’t say hi on the street.

-GC

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

On the city streets, i find that men make better eye contact than women. I am a male.

Now, in the city people are mostly in a rush and focused on their shit, I get it. But I tend to see most everyone just briefly to scan my surroundings. Sometimes an old buddy will catch me and I didn't see them coming, but for the most part I'm vigilant.

Now, when it comes to women, they like to make eye contact from far away, while men make it closer up. Have you notice this too?

The only women who make eye contact within 10 feet of me are the ones who smile. Fairly rare, as people often say I look angry/focused as fuck when I walk.

Anyone else notice men keep eye contact more than women?

How about in the suburbs? In the 'burbs I notice people generally have better eye contact as everyone knows each other and new comers get scoped out.

What do we think Bluelight.

Definitely. While women often smile at me and make brief eye contact if we happen to look at each other while - as you say, generally scanning your eyes around - guys are much more likely to maintain that eye contact with me and are way more likely to do something like wink or to smile and say "Alright?" or something.

 

[Wilson Wilson]

Yeah women are more likely to slyly glance at you then quickly look away. Sometimes they do this over and over and look away when you turn to look at them. Could be flirty or just friendly or just plain old curious depending on the girl. I never read too much into it tbh.

I don't really notice or pay attention to other guys looking at me. If you're including guys I know, then yeah they'll nod and go "alright?"

But as for strangers, in London it is a criminal offence to make prolonged eye contact with a stranger. Especially on the tube. That kinda shit will get you tutted at profusely.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

^ It's a criminal offense to stare at people in London? That's awesome. It should be that way in America too! Especially for racist cunts who want to stare at you just because you're black.

 

[thujone]

Primates dude, lol.

I was going to make a crack about how nobody in my area greets people by flinging faeces but suddenly I remembered this guy

Mainly I'm just trying to avoid being stabbed. I used to live by a rough hood and it sucks having to cross paths with guys that totally look like gangbangers, but I'd still rather eyeball them than the dirty looking crazy guys sitting on cardboard by the liquor store...

now I live in the suburbs and it's a mixed bag of mousey folk, people out of a Norman Rockwell painting and there's also wiry guy who bikes a lot (RIP) and guy who always wears a respirator, not sure what his deal is but I kind of hold my breath a little when I pass by him...

There's also the middle-aged women doing their brisk walks being all cheery and then the younger girls with dogs whom I like to joke with then later remember I'm probably old enough to be their dads, scowl and spend the rest of the night holed up in my room with liquor and Meshuggah

 

[Ravr]

That feces dude was a crisis actor for Toronto Police

 

[MountainTrails]

I have noticed one very strong trend around here on the trails: single women hiking will often completely avoid eye contact or even acknowledgment of your existence. NEVER happens when I pass men (I'm a man); only with women, and usually women alone. I take that as a fear/safety thing, and it makes me sad. I have to guess there's a lesser degree of that mentality on the sidewalks too, though I don't make a habit of looking at and saying hi to everyone I pass on the street.

 

[tathra]

I have noticed one very strong trend around here on the trails: single women hiking will often completely avoid eye contact or even acknowledgment of your existence. NEVER happens when I pass men (I'm a man); only with women, and usually women alone. I take that as a fear/safety thing, and it makes me sad. I have to guess there's a lesser degree of that mentality on the sidewalks too, though I don't make a habit of looking at and saying hi to everyone I pass on the street.

yup, it's because they don't want to get murdered by shitbag predators that can't take no for an answer

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

I have to guess there's a lesser degree of that mentality on the sidewalks too, though I don't make a habit of looking at and saying hi to everyone I pass on the street.

Yeah i think you're right, especially in the city, and especially at night.

At night time the fear of women walking by me is very evident when we make eye contact. Not because i'm a scary person. I have learned to not check out women at night time, though sometimes i can't help it. Whatever, what doesn't kill them makes them stronger. So in a sense by looking at them i keep them vigilant for real predators, which they should be.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I can be careful who I make eye contact with as for women and men, or whoever, it can be seen as wanting sex or cruising, or it is seen as an act of aggression and it means someone wants to fight and not fuck.

I do find the very North American concept of communication via a large 'personal space' to be extremely cold, awkward, distant, and unfriendly. I go out of my way to invade people's 'personal space' to break down their hang up or their need to put a barrier up like this when socializing or communicating with someone.

 

[MountainTrails]

Yeah i think you're right, especially in the city, and especially at night.

At night time the fear of women walking by me is very evident when we make eye contact. Not because i'm a scary person. I have learned to not check out women at night time, though sometimes i can't help it. Whatever, what doesn't kill them makes them stronger. So in a sense by looking at them i keep them vigilant for real predators, which they should be.

The whole thing makes me sad. Around here, the sexual violence is in town and on the university campus; I honestly can't recall the last time I heard of this on a local trail. But learned behaviors are learned behaviors, even on a busy daytime hiking route.

Re your thought on eye contact and enhanced vigilance: Somehow it made me think of the Friends/Joey Tribbiani "How YOU doin'?" approach applied to random women walking past.

 

[Wilson Wilson]

Statistically speaking men are far far more likely to be attacked on the street than women. The vast majority of street violence is committed against men.

But also you're much more likely to be attacked by someone you know and trust than a stranger anyway, regardless of your gender.

I mean yes it's a good idea to be streetwise and all that, but stranger danger gets blown way out of proportion. You are most likely to be murdered or raped by your spouse or a member of your family. Ask any police officer.

Odds of you getting randomly attacked on the street, especially as a woman, are miniscule. Most street attacks that do happen are also gang related not random.

On an emotional level I obviously understand why women are more afraid of potential dangers, but the simple fact is they are much less likely to be targets to begin with by a significant margin.

While we're on the topic of violence against loved ones, half of all domestic violence is reciprocal and of the cases that aren't, women are the perpetrators in over 70% of those cases.

All this is public knowledge. Crime stats are easy to look up, in the US the FBI publishes extensive data. The domestic violence thing is not so well known so here's my source:

METHODS:
We analyzed data on young US adults aged 18 to 28 years from the 2001 National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, which contained information about partner violence and injury reported by 11,370 respondents on 18761 heterosexual relationships.

RESULTS:
Almost 24% of all relationships had some violence, and half (49.7%.) of those were reciprocally violent. In nonreciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases.

Differences in frequency of violence and reported injury between relationships with reciprocal and nonreciprocal intimate partner violence - PubMed

The context of the violence (reciprocal vs nonreciprocal) is a strong predictor of reported injury. Prevention approaches that address the escalation of partner violence may be needed to address reciprocal violence.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[tathra]

The vast majority of street violence is committed against men.

yeah, by men. they're 50% of the population but responsible for 90% of the crimes

that doesn't invalidate women feeling unsafe though, in fact it only supports them because violent men are a danger to everyone, and theres no way to know if the dude on the street is going to murder you until it's too late

 

[Wilson Wilson]

yeah, by men.

Yeah? I never said otherwise. But the targets are also almost always men.

So women may feel more afraid but in reality they have much less reason to be.

they're 50% of the population but responsible for 90% of the crimes

Men are responsible for 90% of all crimes? I'd really like to see a source for that one please.

And if you think that women are not violent I encourage you to look at the domestic violence data I linked above. I will state again: half of all DV is reciprocal, but of the half that isn't, women are the perpetrators and men the victims in over 70% of cases. This is based on a peer reviewed study with a sample size of over 10,000.

Yes men are obviously physically stronger, but the existence of weapons makes this pretty moot. Not to mention psychological abuse...

Humans are all capable of being shitty. No point saying your shit don't stink.

that doesn't invalidate women feeling unsafe though, in fact it only supports them

"Data shows very clearly that women are much less likely to be victims of an attack."

"All the more reason for them to be afraid!!!"

I mean you can live your life seeing 50% of the population as the enemy if you want, but it doesn't do anyone any good. Just ask incels.

 

[tathra]

And if you think that women are not violent I encourage you to look at the domestic violence data I linked above.

iirc, women are abusive at the same rates as men, but more likely to be psychologically and emotionally abusive, whereas men are more likely to be physically abusive

fragile masculinity makes the data severely lacking though, because men aren't going to report that they're being abused by a woman, and even if they try they'll often find the authorities laughing at them and refusing to take the reports seriously

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Now, when it comes to women, they like to make eye contact from far away, while men make it closer up. Have you notice this too?

...

Anyone else notice men keep eye contact more than women?

...

What do we think Bluelight.

YES, BIG TIME and I've rarely shared my theories about this.

#1: Most men are gay or bicurious, and our society isn't largely 100% accepting of that all across the US, so it's dudes checking each other out, or seeing "who is in their society" if they're 110% hetero like you :D

#2: If most men are not bicurious (VERY POSSIBLE according to science stats), then they're doing it to see what their COMPETITION is, what they're up against.

Consider this: More straight dudes peak at the urinal than gay guys. one, gay guys constantly at dick so they don't need to see a rando's for 2 seconds when they can go get railed for like 8 hours. two, gay guys have already "seen" enough cock to know what "their competition is", so they don't need to know.

So in this event, let's say you have like... a small package (yours is JUUUst right madness) then you see ppl like us at the urinals and ur like "ok I better go to the gym and get MORE RIPPED than these guys" or you are like "I better get really rich so I can offer her a lot of $$$ and stability"..... and this would be a productive social coping strategy for still having an attainable, happy life you want.

#3: Men are more psychologically curious about the mental health/state of others close by to them, and or are more hyper-vigilant/on guard than women due to higher testosterone levels (and the NE is likely higher too AFAIK).

There's also not so much a theory but maybe you can make one out of this, women if they feel other shoppers are too close to their butts when looking at an item on a shelf, are less likely to actually make the purchase. So stores deliberately give enough "butt space" for feminine target audience products.

It could be that it's a preventative measure because if a woman is making a lot of eye contact, maybe she subconsciously fears that would lead to a stranger raping/groping her, or is just not interested in making eye contact with people they don't know (perhaps because their husbands might be the jealous type?)

There's more I could theorize. I tend to side with #1 or #2. They could both be right.