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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

exit plans

@Iceman1216, I suffered sudden sensorineural hearing loss, saw a doctor and was refused steroids.

Long story short I nearly committed suicide because I was not going to accept a life sentence of permanent hearing loss because a doctor was too arrogant to listen to me and give me what I urgently needed.

I still feel terrified to this day.
 
sekio said:
So, recently I experienced a life-changing spinal injury resulting in paralysis from the chest down (ASEA A, T4 complete). My life has totally been turned upside down. As a result I have been giving serious consideration to coming up with a plan to allow me to end my life in a peaceful and orderly manner, if I find that in the future my body just can't hack it any more.

I am by no means suicidal but I am seriously considering coming up with an "exit plan" so that if my situation deteriorates to the point where I feel that my suffering greatly outweighs my ability to produce positive change in the world I have an option for relief. For instance, if my paralysis becomes total and I am rendered quadriplegic, or I am totally bedridden and unable to leave my room indefinitely, I can relieve myself one last time, forever. The specific method isn't important. I would like to have another trusted individual agree that my situation is unsalvageable before I do anything though, have a few other individuals informed of my intent, and also have a waiting period of a week or so between my initial decision and the day I follow through, so that I can give serious consideration to my decision to self-terminate, and allow others to say a proper goodbye.

I'm very hesitant to discuss this with anyone because I don't want to end up stuck in a psych ward because someone decides I have suicidal ideation. The only reason I am considering this is because I have a major physical disability which causes significant amount of pain.

What do you guys think? Is this too morbid? Would any of you consider having an "exit plan" if you suffered a major injury?

(Please don't worry about me, either. I reiterate, I'm not thinking of checking out any time soon. If anything, I actually think I'm doing okay, all things considered. My pain is manageable and my body is healthy (except the paralysis part). I have no reason to go, and besides, this forum would fall apart without me anyway :))
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I don't know you well but your answers to questions have always been so thoughtful and helpful to me

I have had. a severe chronic illness that may have a relation to a cervical spine pain. It isn't 5he same thing as whta you're going through but I understand and think it's totally normal to have an exit plan. If you dont feel impulsively suicidal in 5he way that bipolar people are sometimes having a plan or method is actually more comforting mentally than not... especially when you consider having to live with intense disability and pain.

I have joined pegasos which is a smaller swiss org than dignitas in case I for some reason wanted to do things officially and calmly rather than blowing my brains out (might be less traumatic for my family) . They seem pretty good.
 
@Flynnal , My close friend was on the phone a few years ago, put it down and went deaf right there. He had a few very low moments over the next 4-6 months, but now with an implant and working with a Hearing specialist he is doing Fantastic!! You can get through this and have a very full and rewarding life!! :):)
 
@Iceman1216 I got lucky this time and my hearing in my right ear returned.

If it hadn't I wouldn't be here today. I know this is heartbreaking, but it's the truth. I was never going to accept a life sentence handed to me like that by an arrogant doctor. I had access to barbiturates, so I know for a fact that I would taken the lot. It was 18g which I would have had absolutely no chance of surviving.
 
In the US, there are currently 8 states that have some form of right-to-die laws/dying-with-dignity laws. I think in the majority of these physician-assistated suicides, they are for the terminally ill.
Although there are many cases that go on through-out history of family fighting family on situations where someone ends up in a coma/ permanent vegetative state, needing assistance to breathe- and what’s ethical as far as letting that drag out compare to “pulling the plug.”
Cases like that go on for years because the people have never discussed with someone else what they would want to happen if they ever ended up in a situation like that.

So... do I think this topic is morbid? No. A discussion with close family/friends could save a lot of heartache and headache in the future. BUT your situation is a tad different. I still don’t think that doesn’t mean you can’t think ahead. I just think that it is super important to decide who you can have this discussion with. It will obviously be incredibly emotional. And not everyone will understand.
Maybe decide to sit on the topic of conversation for a very long time before bringing it up with anyone.

I think we should have the right to die with some form of dignity, at peace, with the least amount of suffering.
 
It's completely rational to think about all of this when you find yourself in that kind of situation, it's never a bad idea to have a plan B just in case things go very wrong.
I myself sometimes think about what I would do if something like that ever happened to me.

You seem to be handling it well despite going through such a traumatic event, I think you'll be able to have an enjoyable life (at least I hope so). Humans can adapt to almost any situation after all, we're build to overcome.

Plus you still have a lot to contribute to the world! I remember reading your posts way back when I didn't even have a BL account.

And you never know, there might be some tech/medical advancements in the near future which allow you to have a much better quality of life as a paraplegic.
 
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If you stay living and here with us all. . . .You will be able to help others also.

I just hope that you won't feel lonesome and alone while you are trying to experience a new environment.

Thank you for letting others know what you have been going through and for us all to have the chance to reach out to try to understand.

Pain and suffering is awful and after a while or an age it does get annoying.

I think just the fact that you are talking to us now is so very worth it that you are still here too.

Just keep doing it for awhile and know that things always get better and will.

Com'on lets all get tough with this life. We all can do it !! You can too !!! <3

Checking in everyday to at least say Hello's is a Smile. 😎

Thank you for posting. Others, I am sure you would know, want to be here for you. ♡ @sekio.
 
Iceman1216 said:
The Most EXPENSIVE two weeks of anyone's medical care in there Life time is the Last Two WEEKS!!
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:cry: :cry: :cry: No wonder they don't want people to have the option of a dignified and self-administered death!

Just the very thought of this is sickening and depressing! They don't respect the core principle of bodily autonomy! Obviously they don't care about the patient and their family, they care about milking the patient of all the money they have. It's parasitic. They know the patient is dying yet they want to give the family false hope so they can use that as an opportunity to drain the family finances. It's outrageous.
 
Hey m8 i hope ur doing ok. My friend who suffered a fall that left him paralysed from waist down seems to have adapted over the 30 years he has been wheel chair bound.

He seems to be living his life to the best of his abilities. His injury was in his early 20s.

I cant imagine the feeling but can totally relate to what ur feeling thinking about.can only imagine the thoughts that u have bewn going through.

I just wanna say with time. things will get better and u will adapt alot better than u can think.

My.mate lives on his own. Has a motorised bike to get about. He loves it. He seems to do just fine in his 50s still and his injury was when he was 21.

Dnt give up hope . Sending happy thoughts man. U have alot still to give this world. Please dnt leave us <3
 
I'm sorry sekio, truly am

I don't think any of us here would ever judge you if you decided that was what you needed to do. But it would be inconceivably hard to watch. Explore all your options first, as I know you will, and then perhaps if all else fails give it another thought
 
sekio said:
So, recently I experienced a life-changing spinal injury resulting in paralysis from the chest down (ASEA A, T4 complete). My life has totally been turned upside down. As a result I have been giving serious consideration to coming up with a plan to allow me to end my life in a peaceful and orderly manner, if I find that in the future my body just can't hack it any more.

I am by no means suicidal but I am seriously considering coming up with an "exit plan" so that if my situation deteriorates to the point where I feel that my suffering greatly outweighs my ability to produce positive change in the world I have an option for relief. For instance, if my paralysis becomes total and I am rendered quadriplegic, or I am totally bedridden and unable to leave my room indefinitely, I can relieve myself one last time, forever. The specific method isn't important. I would like to have another trusted individual agree that my situation is unsalvageable before I do anything though, have a few other individuals informed of my intent, and also have a waiting period of a week or so between my initial decision and the day I follow through, so that I can give serious consideration to my decision to self-terminate, and allow others to say a proper goodbye.

I'm very hesitant to discuss this with anyone because I don't want to end up stuck in a psych ward because someone decides I have suicidal ideation. The only reason I am considering this is because I have a major physical disability which causes significant amount of pain.

What do you guys think? Is this too morbid? Would any of you consider having an "exit plan" if you suffered a major injury?

(Please don't worry about me, either. I reiterate, I'm not thinking of checking out any time soon. If anything, I actually think I'm doing okay, all things considered. My pain is manageable and my body is healthy (except the paralysis part). I have no reason to go, and besides, this forum would fall apart without me anyway :))
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Fuck, that's terrible news mate, I'm so sorry for you!! :cry:

Personally I think there's little point having an exit plan right now because technology's relentlessly closing in on either exogenously reconnecting or even regrowing some of the broken/damaged cord.

FWIW my uncle totalled his car when he was 19 and ended up a tetraplegic thereafter. He was miserable at not being able to play rugby or ride horses anymore (his two main passions in life), but nevertheless had a very well-paid job in microelectronics and a pretty full/meaningful existence well into his 60s.
 
Both of my friends died from open sores on their feet that became infected
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Guess what I have now? A blister on the back of my foot burst last night and it's looking pretty angry. I'm hoping aggressive treatment will get it (nurse came today to dress it).

Again, my plan is only to cover the unlikely option that my condition gets to the point where I can't do things like post on Bluelight, or enjoy a movie, or cook and eat a meal, and there are no signs of improvement.

I totally realize that there are many people with similar spinal injuries who are quite successful 10-20 years after the injury, and I'm striving to become one of them. That said, I can't lie, it is very tough adapting back to everyday life. It's actually strange - I feel like, on a higher mental level I'm all OK, but my body is still freaking out. I wake up in a puddle of sweat, legs and abdomen twitching in spasms, arms and back in pain, having a nausea attack, until I can get my medications in me and wait the half hour to an hour to become human again.

Personally I think there's little point having an exit plan right now because technology's relentlessly closing in on either exogenously reconnecting or even regrowing some of the broken/damaged cord.
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OK, so what happens when tomorrow something horrible happens to me?

Also, Foreigner, thank you very much for informing me of such a service... IMHO the medical profession here is not as nasty to me as they have been to you, but then again my disabilities are all like, super visible.
While the application for the process is happening, you need to get a DNR (do not resuscitate) order put on your file. This is because if, theoretically, the euthanasia drug doesn't kill you outright, they won't have a right to rescue you. But this is unlikely.
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I kind of want to not sign a DNR, because if the ------- doesn't kill me outright then I must have some real important shit to do still...

What happened?
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Got a pneumothorax while standing near my open 3rd floor window, lost conciousness, went out the window, hit the dirt below. I just remember this huge burst of pain in my chest, then the next thing I know paramedics in filtermasks are asking me questions and the world is swirling around and oh shit I can't feel my legs or my chest what the fuck.

If things get so bad I need to check out you can bet there will be a final BL post from me though :)
 
Thank you for sharing with so much courage.

The argument you make is poor because it is strictly a utilitarian one. I would argue that you should live precisely because the pain is real, whereas pleasure is merely ephemeral at best. Though I can emphathise if from your position none of this is relevant.

Edited by mod: no discussion of specific methods, please
 
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The argument you make is poor because it is strictly a utilitarian one. I would argue that you should live precisely because the pain is real, whereas pleasure is merely ephemeral at best.
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Why is utilitarianism bad? And what kind of silly argument is that? Both pain and pleasure are just interpretations of signals being sent by the body. Neither is more "real" than the other...

Edited by mod: no discussion of specific methods , please
 
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@sekio

I'm truly sorry for all the struggles you're going through right now. I went through severe medical issues back in 2017, and I'm just finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now, over 3 years later. It took so much pain and hard work to finally get there, though. I'm 33 years old and I went from a healthy, fully functioning adult to completely disabled in what seemed like the blink of an eye (although it was more like weeks.). I fantasized about death, mainly because I didn't want to be a burden to my wife, I have never been through so much non-stop pain, misery and torture in my life. There will be more challenges, definitely. We're intelligent beings, we adapt and overcome. And, is there still some hope the paralysis won't be permanent? All I can say, is our bodies are amazing at adapting, and I would say what you're thinking about now is normal (at least it was for me, too). I think, hopefully, in your own way and in time, you will find that life is still worth living.
 
Sekio, I send you all my blessings for an improvement in your health, and wishes for your recovery, even just small, positive changes. I’m hopeful that PT is a mode of treatment that might offer some restoration of those functions you are currently missing.
In 2018 I needed to have a nephrostomy tube placed in my right kidney, and I felt just awful. This meant that I had to wear a leg bag to collect all my urine, and it severely limited my life in ways I’d never have imagined. Of course there were obvious things; I couldn’t go swimming in the ocean or spend time in a pool or jacuzzi, and even bathing was a hassle. I was relegated to wearing longer shirts over yoga or other stretchy pants, or loose dresses so my bag didn’t show. I also couldn’t sleep in certain positions as I could pull out the tube, which happened a few times.
I lived with the nephrostomy tube for 10 months. I then had a surgery to excise a damaged portion of my ureter and attach the remaining portion to a new place on my bladder. A few weeks later, I got the tube out. I know what a rough time I had during those 10 months, and I had only lost my urinary functioning, so I cannot begin to fathom how you must be feeling.
Please take joy in even the smallest of improvements and know that you are valued here, and I’m certain this is true IRL, as well.
 
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