Hi sek,
I was going to PM this to you but decided to keep it public in case someone else may benefit.
We live in the same region (though I am temporarily not there, if I was I'd visit you). There is government assisted euthanasia available to you and I am certain you would qualify. The program is called MAID. I know this because I applied and was accepted twice, but then aborted the process once my health made a turnaround -- which it did, both times, unusually. However, you and I both have different circumstances, and I am not going to even attempt to compare.
You need a supportive doctor who agrees with your personal assessment of your condition. That's all. You don't need two doctors, you don't need a specialist, you just need an MD who is willing to be there to send in your application and possibly administer the life ending medication, unless they hand that job to someone else. I was fortunate in that my doctor agreed because my quality of life got so horrible and my suffering was intense with little hope. There is a two week waiting period between time of application and approval. It doesn't matter how urgent your doctor marks the application, they will make you wait 2 weeks for ethical reasons. There are intentional barriers to access so that you think about it over and over with each step. In the weeks leading up, they will go over what will happen on the day you do it, many times, along with your rationale, even if you've already done it. They will ask you where you want to be (home or hospital), they will ask if you want to be alone or with friends/family. On the day you are given the IV meds, they will check in with you multiple times. And in the final moment they will inform you that they are going to give you a drug that will 100% definitely end your life, and ask if you still want it. If you don't give an affirmative yes at each step, the process will be called into question and won't go forward.
While the application for the process is happening, you need to get a DNR (do not resuscitate) order put on your file. This is because if, theoretically, the euthanasia drug doesn't kill you outright, they won't have a right to rescue you. But this is unlikely. You may also want to get a living will done. If you google wills and your province, you will get a provincial will kit. If you can't move to do the will yourself, you can get someone to write it out for you (they will have to sign indicating they wrote it for you). You can also do funeral planning and whatever else at the same time. Fortunately in our province, a lot can be done without a lawyer, you just need two or three people on board who can sign, witness, etc. They all have to sign in front of one another, they can't sign at separate times. Then they all receive copies of what they just signed. If you don't have that many people in your life then you will have to go the lawyer route.
I had many factors at work: intense pain and debility, low income, very little human resource to help me in my day to day except my mother who couldn't do it forever, not much possibility of gainful employment, no prospect of being of service to the world or humanity, and a future life of unending loneliness and isolation. Also, the government had cut all public funding for home care a couple of years prior, so there was no way for me to afford a caregiver who would visit me once a day. My spiritual beliefs dictate that I couldn't continue to live under such circumstances. Because my health eventually shifted and I became functional again, a lot more was possible. This may happen to you, and I would encourage you to not necessarily rest on the laurels of what your current medical team are telling you. The reason I say this is because the medical expertise in our area of the world FUCKING SUCKS. They have huge egos so it makes it seem like they know their shit but honestly they are backwater. If you have any agency to go elsewhere, or at least communicate with elsewhere to find out possibilities, I would try that. Our region is typically middle rung medicine, they aren't known for anything special. People don't come from all over the world to get X treatment done on them. I was only able to somewhat pull myself out of my private hell there because I did unending research and communicated with experts around the world, despite the ongoing denials of my local doctors. The system there is also so strapped for cash that their medical opinions are heavily skewed by quotas and internal resource management.
So... have the euthanasia option in your back pocket, but pursue alternatives. I don't personally know a lot about spinal injuries, but I do know a lot about the diversity of global medicine. For example, I found out that in the Bahamas they do stem cell treatments for inflammatory bowel (which I have) for $10,000 USD. I found out that in Australia and NZ they diagnose and treat SIBO, a kind of dysbiosis of the bowel, meanwhile in Canada they don't even acknowledge that this condition is real. My GI doctor (the top one in our area) actually said to my face I was wasting his time and that I should stop pursuing fantasy health conditions and just accept the reality of my disabled future, while simultaneously a doctor in Australia was getting me remotely tested for other conditions and coming up with a treatment plan. There are online communities of groups doing a lot of experimental things. Anyway... my point is, do some searching before you decide you're well and truly at your road's end. Don't string yourself along with too much false hope, just be practical and factual, you know?
You have so much of my compassion, I really do know what it's like to be where you are. Not exactly like you are, but similar vibe. The hardest part for me was listening to everyone telling me to live. I have some really, really good friends with whom I would say our bond is spiritual. Those friends said... yeah, you know, I love you so much, but if you need to end your life, I will grieve you, but I will TOTALLY understand why you are doing it because look at the hell you're going through. If our pet dog was suffering this much, they'd be put down. So why not humans? Other people, they just wanted me to live for no rhyme or reason other than their own (understandable) selfishness. Take the counsel of your loved ones, but ultimately you must do what is right for you. If there is any inkling of doubt in you, any whatsoever, you should not do it. Continue to live, even if it sucks balls, as long as that doubt about ending it is there. Sometimes, that doubt will keep you living and then you discover a new dimension to life despite the hardship, and you see a way to live that might work for you. Other times, nothing develops, the doubt fades and then you know. If one day you feel certain, and all checks and balances end up with you feeling like yes, this is what's right, then own it. You have every right to exit if this life is untenable to you. Nobody else has a right to lecture you about it. Nobody else is going to understand your life like you. It requires major soul searching and ultimately only your soul knows if you should continue or not.
If you want to talk about this more feel free to PM me. I'm even open to talking to you on the phone about it. I'm not a professional counsellor but I've been through it.
)
