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Heroin Dreaming about H while clean on methadone

freskafreska

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Sep 27, 2018
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11
I've been clean off H and on methadone maintenance (steady dose of 70mg) for almost a year now. During the first few weeks I would dream about making the trip, scoring and using. Because my veins are already pretty bad, inside the dream I would always miss and then wake up feeling like crap and extremely frustrated. The dreams declined to maybe twice or 3x over the next few months, but during the past several days they have returned with a vengeance! Everything feels more and more vivid and real now, to the point I actually believe the dream is real only to wake up to find out it isn't. There's even times where I hope in the dream "please let this be real".

Has anyone had similar experiences and is there anything that can be done?
 

negrogesic

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I was on a huge methadone dose (380mg/day) and still dreamed about drugs. Not so much about shooting up but more symbolic, where I'd find myself in a field of poppies.

Maybe your dose is too low?

As a whole, reducing dream activity is very difficult. Heavy exercise helps though. That is how I got off of methadone (weight lifting).
 

OpiateKiller

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Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
1,404
I’m 4 months sober and randomly I still have vivid drug dreams in which I wake up and actually am convinced for a short while I’ve relapsed and got high. It’s pretty crazy. The other day at work some guy was popping Oxys in front of me and that night I dreamed I snorted a bunch of them.

I woke up honestly feeling horrible and my first thought was I’d fail my drug test coming up.

I think it’s just the subconscious mind and it’s impossible to do anything about really
 

freskafreska

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Sep 27, 2018
Messages
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My whole concern is that I would like to start a methadone taper and eventually get off it, but fear that it will cause a relapse. I hate relapses as I constantly get that uncontrollable "I want" feeling.

What I don't understand is if I am on a steady dose and considered stable where they let me pickup 2week supply at a time, shouldn't my tolerance have gone down and my body well comfortably adapted to the current dose by now? >10months using the same dose now and there are still times that I feel it's not enough.

The current dose also keeps my mood, depression and anxiety under control, I remember having tapered down to 15mg before a relapse few years back, but these dreams weren't as common back then.

I'm not sure whether it's wise to increase the dosage and/ or wait and see if these dreams start decreasing before I discuss about initiating a taper with my doctor.
 
Joined
Apr 8, 2021
Messages
4
First and foremost - congratulations on almost 1 year!

It’s very common for using dreams and cravings to increase significantly around the 1 year mark. I personally think it’s because we are hyper aware this milestone is on the horizon so drugs are on the forefront of our minds..or maybe even subconsciously who knows. I feel you on the using dreams though, they're so real and I’m never able to get high either.

If you can stay sober one year you likely have the tools to get through times like these so I would refrain from changing your dose at the moment. However, when you do start to decrease do it slowly! Like .5 or 1 mg every month or two. I’ve made the mistake of going down too quickly and relapsed many times ugh
 

Fairy of the Flowers

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Aug 28, 2020
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I stopped heroin 20 years ago but been off and on different kinds of pills for self medicating anxiety, fibromyalgia and insomnia for 5 years and everytime I needed to come off pills such as benzos I'd dream of them, and of heroin and every bloody time I scored and cooked up I'd never get to hit up or feel it, something would happen, I'd of been ripped off or plunger wouldn't go in, or can't find a vein, or I'd loose the gear or I'd wake up, it's so weird, I've not dreamed of drugs in about 4 months now, but it could be because I completely stopped everything apart from small amounts of co codamol for fibromyalgia, antidepressants give you vivid dreams that you remember so if you're on those that could be why, if not it's just because the brain gets to do what it likes when you're asleep and like the person above me said its aware its almost a year clean off heroin and is testing you, because our brains are assholes lol
 

OpiateKiller

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Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
1,404
My whole concern is that I would like to start a methadone taper and eventually get off it, but fear that it will cause a relapse. I hate relapses as I constantly get that uncontrollable "I want" feeling.

What I don't understand is if I am on a steady dose and considered stable where they let me pickup 2week supply at a time, shouldn't my tolerance have gone down and my body well comfortably adapted to the current dose by now? >10months using the same dose now and there are still times that I feel it's not enough.

The current dose also keeps my mood, depression and anxiety under control, I remember having tapered down to 15mg before a relapse few years back, but these dreams weren't as common back then.

I'm not sure whether it's wise to increase the dosage and/ or wait and see if these dreams start decreasing before I discuss about initiating a taper with my doctor.

The sad reality is no your body won’t really ever adjust to a dose of opiates. The way tolerance works one will never be at a stable dose because that dose will stop producing the effects desired and an increase is likely.

That’s why people end up on 300 mg
Of methadone because they continue to increase to chase tolerance which sadly no one can beat it.

Some people can remain on a dose and be content but for me I was always chasing more
 

JessFR

Sr. Moderator: AADD, H&R, TDS
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Joined
Oct 22, 2012
Messages
13,843
I've been clean off H and on methadone maintenance (steady dose of 70mg) for almost a year now. During the first few weeks I would dream about making the trip, scoring and using. Because my veins are already pretty bad, inside the dream I would always miss and then wake up feeling like crap and extremely frustrated. The dreams declined to maybe twice or 3x over the next few months, but during the past several days they have returned with a vengeance! Everything feels more and more vivid and real now, to the point I actually believe the dream is real only to wake up to find out it isn't. There's even times where I hope in the dream "please let this be real".

Has anyone had similar experiences and is there anything that can be done?

Yep. I've gone up to nearly 3 years off heroin on methadone (80mg) while still getting those dreams.

To this say they are not infrequent. Very similar to yours. In my dream, sometimes I'm relapsing now, but usually the dream is before I stopped daily heroin use in the first place,
In the dream I am always trying to score and use. Sometimes I fail to get the heroin, but usually I get it, but usually wake up before I have it.

Very occasionally I do have it in the dream, and surprisingly I do actually feel it, not like a real shot mind you, but I feel... something. It's weird.

Drug dreams are extremely common in all types of recovery, methadone maintenance included.

Alas I don't know any way to stop it or what can be done.
 

JessFR

Sr. Moderator: AADD, H&R, TDS
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The sad reality is no your body won’t really ever adjust to a dose of opiates. The way tolerance works one will never be at a stable dose because that dose will stop producing the effects desired and an increase is likely.

I don't believe this is true. It may well be true for you, I can't attest to that.

I've been on 80mg for several years. I feel it still works pretty well. I did relapse nearly a year ago, but that wasn't cause methadone gradually stopped being effective, it's cause of all sorts of shit going on last year not to mention the whole world going to shit with covid.

Methadone WILL get less effective than it was when you first stabilized on it. I agree with that much. But it doesn't inevitably become ineffective. Just less effective.

My whole concern is that I would like to start a methadone taper and eventually get off it, but fear that it will cause a relapse. I hate relapses as I constantly get that uncontrollable "I want" feeling.

What I don't understand is if I am on a steady dose and considered stable where they let me pickup 2week supply at a time, shouldn't my tolerance have gone down and my body well comfortably adapted to the current dose by now? >10months using the same dose now and there are still times that I feel it's not enough.

The current dose also keeps my mood, depression and anxiety under control, I remember having tapered down to 15mg before a relapse few years back, but these dreams weren't as common back then.

I'm not sure whether it's wise to increase the dosage and/ or wait and see if these dreams start decreasing before I discuss about initiating a taper with my doctor.

I completely understand your fear. And I think it's probably true that you will be at a much greater risk of relapsing if you get off it. I mean the data speaks for itself, people who stay on methadone tend to stay stable longer.

That said, you are not 'the average'. You are you, and you can potentially be the exception. It depends what you want, and what risks you're prepared to take and when.
 

freskafreska

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 27, 2018
Messages
11
Thanks for all the support and insight, now I know I'm not alone with these terrible dreams. I made huge commitments to get clean by focusing on career and personal/professional development and managed to get a work visa in a European country, save up and move. Being in another country and environment helped tremendously as you won't have access to your regular sources and has contributed to much of my success so far. Back home I was using until the day I got onto the plane and I deliberately did that to save up an extra supply of methadone for the first week or so. Back then I was (and still am) on 70mg and during the first few days when I got severe dreams and cravings I would give myself an extra 10-20mg PRN and tapered back to the usual 70mg after around a week.

So much of this is psychological as when I'm in the new country there's so much new things to see and explore which kept my mind off of using, and the 1 week wasn't as bad as I thought, but I could never have done the same back home. The psychology is so powerful that I might find myself going out to score during midnight in the middle of a powerful storm, and there's nothing I can do to stop it!

Speaking for myself only, I find that whether the 70mg could last 24 hours depended on different variables. If I am excercising and sweating a lot, it tends to wear off a lot sooner. For me, tolerance seems to be always "Regular Dose + X" where X is what I require to fully feel comfortable. For example if I went from 70 down to 50 very slowly and on 50 for a while the overall physiological tolerance would have went down but the new comfortable dose would be 55/60mg for example. This would make sense to me because how else would I have gotten down to 15mg? I refrained from going up because I want to get off so bad and regain my freedom. Being on methadone is sort of like being chained down or being in a chemical prison. I remember being on 150mg once and I would be sleepy and tired all day and still would be unsatisfied, so now when doctors want me to go beyond 70mg I would decline.

I guess I just have to tread real carefully now and tough it out; there's just too much to loose. My record once was 3 years clean so I want to get there and beyond and eventually get off. I need to be very careful once below the 30mg mark that's when the anxiety starts peaking and risk of relapse goes back up.

With the current dose I do still get a sense of something between happiness and euphoria especially at peak plasma and I am most productive at that time.
 

freskafreska

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Joined
Sep 27, 2018
Messages
11
...and everytime I needed to come off pills such as benzos I'd dream of them, and of heroin and every bloody time I scored and cooked up I'd never get to hit up or feel it, something would happen, I'd of been ripped off or plunger wouldn't go in, or can't find a vein, or I'd loose the gear or I'd wake up, it's so weird
I can so relate to that, my dreams are so similar to what you described! That's why I hate these dreams they are so terrible. I hate the feeling of waking up feeling agitated, frustrated, and extremely angry to the point I start punching my pillow and thoughts of going out and scoring starts rushing thru my head!
 

OpiateKiller

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Feb 14, 2019
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Last thing I’d say is it’s better to increase your dose than relapse!! That’s for sure but stay strong and doses increases in general aren’t the answer as Jess said sorta.
 

Fairy of the Flowers

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Aug 28, 2020
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UK
I can so relate to that, my dreams are so similar to what you described! That's why I hate these dreams they are so terrible. I hate the feeling of waking up feeling agitated

I'm pissed off I don't get any freebies in my dream, why can't I just hit up and feel gear without having to do it in real life as if I ever do heroin one more time I won't stop so I can't break that clean time, but if I dreamt it it doesn't count lol
 

JessFR

Sr. Moderator: AADD, H&R, TDS
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Oct 22, 2012
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13,843
Last thing I’d say is it’s better to increase your dose than relapse!! That’s for sure but stay strong and doses increases in general aren’t the answer as Jess said sorta.

Well, I guess it depends. As you said it's better to go up than relapse. My only concern here is, you're already wanting to get off methadone anyway, and so going up is taking you further from that goal.

Now...that could probably still be justified if you felt you had too go stay off heroin. I'm just a little skeptical how much it'll help. I've had these drug dreams a long time, sometimes they've gotten more frequent sometimes less, for no obvious reason.

So I'm a little skeptical that going up would help that much. If you're having serious cravings then I'd probably say it's worth considering going up.
 

JessFR

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I'm pissed off I don't get any freebies in my dream, why can't I just hit up and feel gear without having to do it in real life as if I ever do heroin one more time I won't stop so I can't break that clean time, but if I dreamt it it doesn't count lol

I've heard a lot of people say that when they do heroin in their dreams they don't feel it at all.

I do feel it in my dreams, but it's a pretty weak effect. As I said not much like a real shot. Perhaps the best the imagination can do? Or the best my imagination can do?

And if you're otherwise clean, like even off methadone clean. That's gotta be a major temptation. I find it a bit mentally screwy even on methadone.
 

Fairy of the Flowers

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And if you're otherwise clean, like even off methadone clean. That's gotta be a major temptation. I find it a bit mentally screwy even on methadone

Yeah it's a bitch, makes you want to do drugs, it's as if your brain is like "well you've stopped giving me benzos, I'll fucking show you you bloody bitch here have a heroin dream, and just to wind you up even more I'm not letting you feel it after you just took hours to score, ha ha"

Yeah the clucking sleeping brain is an asshole of a brain lol
 

Bella Figura

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When I have heroin dreams I wake up just as I'm about to use - or sometimes I'll be registering a vein and push down, then wake up. Unfortunately they don't seem to ever go away, but I guess I get them more often when I'm generally stressed out - so maybe look towards doing more to reduce stress in your day to day.
 

Ganjcat

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Joined
Apr 13, 2013
Messages
4,010
I've been clean off H and on methadone maintenance (steady dose of 70mg) for almost a year now. During the first few weeks I would dream about making the trip, scoring and using. Because my veins are already pretty bad, inside the dream I would always miss and then wake up feeling like crap and extremely frustrated. The dreams declined to maybe twice or 3x over the next few months, but during the past several days they have returned with a vengeance! Everything feels more and more vivid and real now, to the point I actually believe the dream is real only to wake up to find out it isn't. There's even times where I hope in the dream "please let this be real".

Has anyone had similar experiences and is there anything that can be done?
Well done on staying clean most I have done so far is about 20 days but only because I had no money it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be and on the dreams mate I have had dreams where I'm high as fuck I somehow(in the dream) acquired a big bag of gear and everything's lovely or normal idk dreams are so trippy.. Then the heroin and money On the coffee table slowly turn more and more transparent until they have completely disappeared usually I wake up at this point or have another dream these dreams are such a headfuck especially when I have no money sometimes I can't tell for a few minutes if it was a dream or I was just really high that money in my draw etc that fat blunt packed with grams of weed I stashed away "somewhere" dreams are magical and powerful it's all about not letting the lust get to you which I guess is easier the longer you abstain just please please don't go back to the h think about all the money you save all the time you have wasted you should be fucking proud of yourself excuse my French but you should even though methadone takes away the physical wds their is still the mental aungish which personally I find harder than the physical just last night I had some suicidal thoughts because I scored at 12 pm after purposely not using for over 3 days and now I have to start all over again I was suicidal because I was just thinking "I'm never gonna be clean I'm gonna be a druggy for the rest of my life" I wish I never touched drugs 🙄 including weed weed is worse because you let your guard down on it and it's so strong I NEED weed when I'm tryna quit the smack if I don't have weed I really struggle sometimes a few beers are nice if I don't have weed or if I do have weed but wanna get fucked up
 
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