Random Do parents harm or help their child by kicking them out?

cowardescent

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 29, 2017
Messages
170
Before they have any academic qualifications, minimum wage job...etc. I hear people say that kicking a child out if they're not doing anything is the kick up the bum they need however does it always work?

It seems that many times, some are struggling with drug addictions and that kicking them out without any reasonable ultimatum generally leads to a spiral downward (prison - homelessness cycle, suicide,).
 

ChemicallyEnhanced

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2018
Messages
2,424
Location
UK
Harm. In my case a LOT of harm.
I got kicked out for being addicted to alcohol and prescription pills.
Not only did I significantly increase my alcohol intake (from 4 or 5 bottles of wine a day to up to 8 bottles a day) because I was scared all the time, I also started injecting heroin to cope. During this time I was also gang-raped with a knife to my throat, putting me in hospital for a month.
So for me it worsened my addiction and added to the mental trauma.

I don't think it ever helps. Nobody stops using drugs because they are made homeless. Usually the opposite.
 

cowardescent

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 29, 2017
Messages
170
Harm. In my case a LOT of harm.
I got kicked out for being addicted to alcohol and prescription pills.
Not only did I significantly increase my alcohol intake (from 4 or 5 bottles of wine a day to up to 8 bottles a day) because I was scared all the time, I also started injecting heroin to cope. During this time I was also gang-raped with a knife to my throat, putting me in hospital for a month.
So for me it worsened my addiction and added to the mental trauma.

I don't think it ever helps. Nobody stops using drugs because they are made homeless. Usually the opposite.
Did you get back on your feet?
 

ChemicallyEnhanced

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2018
Messages
2,424
Location
UK
Did you get back on your feet?
Eventually I got myself into a hostel, taper myself off everything, and my parents let me move back in after I'd proven it with 3 clean urine samples. Though I kinda cheated since I was prescribed codeine and diazepam so could take opiates and benzo's still.
I'm still addicted to prescription meds but I never did go back to drinking again.
 

F.U.B.A.R.

Moderator: BDD, OD, LAVA
Staff member
Joined
May 12, 2010
Messages
14,420
Location
UK
Eventually I got myself into a hostel, taper myself off everything, and my parents let me move back in after I'd proven it with 3 clean urine samples. Though I kinda cheated since I was prescribed codeine and diazepam so could take opiates and benzo's still.
I'm still addicted to prescription meds but I never did go back to drinking again.
That's a hell of a story CE, well done for turning your life around.! 👍

But how do you feel about your parents now? Do you think they did the right thing by kicking you out because it made you face up to your problems and at least quit the drinking?

Or do you resent the fact that they essentially turned their backs on you in your hour of need?
 

Zopiclone bandit

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 25, 2018
Messages
3,704
My folks kicked me out as a teenager & if anything my life has been quite shit BUT this liberal parent value logic is bullshit.
Sadly my folks at the time couldn't tell the difference between smoking soapbar & smoking crack, I can hear my moms voice in my head now "Drugs are DRUGS you dumb shit, you want to die from a cannabis overdose?"

Personally IF I had kids I'd rule them with a rod of iron but I'd only ever kick them out for something really bad like killing a pet or stealing my life savings etc. Turning people onto the street is NO answer imho.
 

morpheuspapaverus

Moderator: BDD, OD
Staff member
Joined
Feb 12, 2018
Messages
2,140
I'd rule them with a rod of iron
idk if medieval states and kids are alike, I imagine the kids bringing drawings of cats to ZB instead of dogs and he going: *unimpressed* *orders execution* "buuut daaad!" "the crown is heavy, don't call me daddy!" " you peasant!"

really bad like killing a pet or stealing my life savings
life savings? I don't think a kid could lift that much heroin :LOL:
 

Zopiclone bandit

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 25, 2018
Messages
3,704
I imagine the kids bringing drawings of cats to ZB instead of dogs and he going: *unimpressed* *orders execution* "buuut daaad!" "the crown is heavy, don't call me daddy!" " you peasant!"
FFS I nearly spat my drink out then on reading that.
You know me too well it seems.
 

ChemicallyEnhanced

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2018
Messages
2,424
Location
UK
That's a hell of a story CE, well done for turning your life around.! 👍

But how do you feel about your parents now? Do you think they did the right thing by kicking you out because it made you face up to your problems and at least quit the drinking?

Or do you resent the fact that they essentially turned their backs on you in your hour of need?
I understand why they did it, but I'm still hurt that they basically gave up on me.
It didn't help me stop drinking, I did that on my own while living in a hostel.
 

F.U.B.A.R.

Moderator: BDD, OD, LAVA
Staff member
Joined
May 12, 2010
Messages
14,420
Location
UK
I understand why they did it, but I'm still hurt that they basically gave up on me.
It didn't help me stop drinking, I did that on my own while living in a hostel.
But do you think it gave you the kick up the arse that you needed?

As a parent of a 20 year old and a 14 year old, they would have to do something seriously fuckin bad before I would kick them out - especially as I'm not exactly a perfect role model myself. But I do wonder sometimes if the 'short, sharp, shock' treatment actually works?
 

cowardescent

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 29, 2017
Messages
170
But do you think it gave you the kick up the arse that you needed?

As a parent of a 20 year old and a 14 year old, they would have to do something seriously fuckin bad before I would kick them out - especially as I'm not exactly a perfect role model myself. But I do wonder sometimes if the 'short, sharp, shock' treatment actually works?
Its interesting though that you live in the UK. The "boot the kids out" mentality is much more pervasive in the U.S. I believe. Many are kicked out at 18 by parents.
 

Phobos

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 5, 2010
Messages
1,271
I only understand/justify parents kicking out their progeny in cases where it is a matter of defending the family from violence.
I am of the idea that if you bring someone to this world it is up to you to help them up after every mistake, until they smarten up enough.
 

F.U.B.A.R.

Moderator: BDD, OD, LAVA
Staff member
Joined
May 12, 2010
Messages
14,420
Location
UK
Its interesting though that you live in the UK. The "boot the kids out" mentality is much more pervasive in the U.S. I believe. Many are kicked out at 18 by parents.
Fuck me, I wouldn't dare kick my kids out if I lived in the US, I'd get shot in the face... :D
 

Zonxx

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 28, 2019
Messages
1,490
Location
Somwhere
sounds pretty irresponsible to kick a kid out at 18, afterall their still pretty much just kids.. pretty sure it doesn't end in a way the parents wish it would 99.9% of the time infact, you pretty much almost guarantee them to be in the worst enviroments / around the worst people at that point.
 

ChemicallyEnhanced

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2018
Messages
2,424
Location
UK
But do you think it gave you the kick up the arse that you needed?

As a parent of a 20 year old and a 14 year old, they would have to do something seriously fuckin bad before I would kick them out - especially as I'm not exactly a perfect role model myself. But I do wonder sometimes if the 'short, sharp, shock' treatment actually works?
No it absolutely did not. It had the opposite effect ad I dove headfirst completely in my addiction and it got so much worse because it was all I had.
I got kicked out a second time and tried to kill myself because I just couldn't live like that again. I passed out before I got to my "hiding place" but still nearly died as the paramedics arrive within 5 minutes and I had already gone into a coma and stopped breathing.
I do have Borderline Personality Disorder, though, and it is well know, psychologically, that any attempt at "tough love" with us enormously backfires.

Haave you seen "Intervention"? NOBODY ever does anything but get worse when kicked out. The addiction tends to progress much wore rapidly, with a significantly higher rate of death once a person is homeless, too.
 

F.U.B.A.R.

Moderator: BDD, OD, LAVA
Staff member
Joined
May 12, 2010
Messages
14,420
Location
UK
No it absolutely did not. It had the opposite effect ad I dove headfirst completely in my addiction and it got so much worse because it was all I had.
I got kicked out a second time and tried to kill myself because I just couldn't live like that again. I passed out before I got to my "hiding place" but still nearly died as the paramedics arrive within 5 minutes and I had already gone into a coma and stopped breathing.
I do have Borderline Personality Disorder, though, and it is well know, psychologically, that any attempt at "tough love" with us enormously backfires.

Haave you seen "Intervention"? NOBODY ever does anything but get worse when kicked out. The addiction tends to progress much wore rapidly, with a significantly higher rate of death once a person is homeless, too.
Thank you. You have confirmed my suspicions.
 

ChemicallyEnhanced

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2018
Messages
2,424
Location
UK
Thank you. You have confirmed my suspicions.
No problem, glad you agree :)
Because of what happened to me, if I had a kid who had an addiction, no matter how bad it was I'd never ever kick them out. If it got to the point were they were children or vulnerable people in the house - especially if there was violence etc - I'd have to tell them they can't live with me anymore, but I make sure they had somewhere safe to live first and I'd still see them every day to help them. I believe if you really love someone you should never give up on them.
 

Shady's Fox

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 12, 2017
Messages
2,004
Location
Palm trees & sea, just walkin along the beach.
My brother then you never been to ghetto. I am a gypsy that was homeless since 12, did prison, 7yrs with good behavin and then I started to make my own path in life. You don't know how to express yourself, no offence but you really don't. Kickin the kid from home or kick the kid from bum? Both are bad, fuck abortions and fuck parents who can't handle their kido till he's mature, well developed enough to go on his own. What's bad it's after you are let's say, 24, you shouldn't be in your parents house no more, you should have your own cavity by now, metaphorical speakin.
 

cowardescent

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 29, 2017
Messages
170
No it absolutely did not. It had the opposite effect ad I dove headfirst completely in my addiction and it got so much worse because it was all I had.
I got kicked out a second time and tried to kill myself because I just couldn't live like that again. I passed out before I got to my "hiding place" but still nearly died as the paramedics arrive within 5 minutes and I had already gone into a coma and stopped breathing.
I do have Borderline Personality Disorder, though, and it is well know, psychologically, that any attempt at "tough love" with us enormously backfires.

Haave you seen "Intervention"? NOBODY ever does anything but get worse when kicked out. The addiction tends to progress much wore rapidly, with a significantly higher rate of death once a person is homeless, too.
I might get kicked out and I hear that in Ireland, homeless shelters are ironically worse than sleeping on the streets because of the massive danger (ex-cons, gangs, violence, theft).
 

F.U.B.A.R.

Moderator: BDD, OD, LAVA
Staff member
Joined
May 12, 2010
Messages
14,420
Location
UK
I might get kicked out and I hear that in Ireland, homeless shelters are ironically worse than sleeping on the streets because of the massive danger (ex-cons, gangs, violence, theft).
Yeh, and you forgot to mention the priests...
 
Top