Desperate day 32 jumped from 2mgs of Bupe and ocassional benzo binges having weird symptoms pls help!

[newbiecodone]

First I want all of you bluelighters out there who will see this to please any idea any adfvice or anything just write it and post it please please I am not sure if I am just sick or I am WDing for 32 days?

I took suboxone believe it or not recreationaly went to a SUBS doc and just got a shitload of 8mgs even threw in a few packs of bromazepam and I was playing him that I dont want to take benzos because of another addiction.

He prescribed it anyway and the addict in me offcourse took a half of pack I dont remember how much mgs of bromazepam which for me was a relatively weak benzo compared to the alprazolam1mg or diazepam 10mgs tablets.

I ended up shooting up the bupe 10 mins after the half pack of bromazepam I just know this because my romantic drug induced love story girlfriend was there with me and she said I slept with the needle in my arm which was for me back than pleasurable I got the nod I got the opiod experience which I was seeking since I randomly found a pack of DHC continus 120mgs tabs (father was a doctor) so I started getting DHC through him he was an alcoholic but never agresive we were a nice upper midleclass family in a suburb flat.

To get to the fucking point excuse me for the harsh language but at this point its the minimum I am willing to do to somehow describe how motherfucking desperate I am today and I had better days since 32 days I am clean.
Just to begin with I am at last 30 days clean that was oni sunday I was promoted in a IT corporate enviroment by 2 positions up I was a functional addict and so I achieved my career goals but I still am making not as good a salary to be calm over money because the rent over here is fucking killing me and I was living the last 3 years in shared flats and I just am fed up with people most of the time I like to be alone or with a chosen friend or a woman sexual companion it does not mean I am antisocial I mingle here and there since I am getting older I will be 28 in January I am misanthropic about the civilization and population and people and the fact that I am a singular part of it makes me sick but the issue is that I took alprazolam dayli since day 7 of WDs from Bupe it helped tremendeously 3mgs in the morning and I would have no issues almost maybe a bit of diarrhorea but at this point I am used to it and no I wont take loperamide because I do not want any opiate in my system central or peripheral acting dont give a shit no naloxone no opiates nothing that binds on the MU opioid receptors.

The question is why the fuuuuck am I feeling soo fucking bad yesterday I had my last mg of alprazolam I took it in max 3mg doses at once for not more than 15 days thats really an over estimate. So I rule out benzo WDs I dont think this is a benzo WD. My feeling is that theese are the famous PAWS but like an hour before I loged in here I had my first meal after 3 days of ketamine and meth and my stomache was burning but that is caused by the stims for work which were fine since I still had alprazolam.

What bothers me is when I do not take any benzo I start having this fucking dry cough when I was like 7 days in to WD I actually coughed so much I threw up everything I ate that day I had an apetite and everything because smoked weed I guess.

I am starting to drink heavy alcohol like vodka to supress the fucking cough becuase its like I wake up in the middle of the night no sweats just wake up and start slowly coughing more and more and more until I hear my lungs creaking with every breath I smoked cigs like maybe to cumulate it for 3 years maximum 5 cigs a day at work and I was a passionate weed smoker before all this opiate nonsens.

You all know there is this Corona virus going on and I am coughing but then I take a mg of alprazolam and I am fine or get tipsy on vodka and it supreses trhe cough. I remember my father when he did not have any vodka to drink in the morning he would be dry heaving and coughing since 5 am poor basterd had to go to work like that that day because I refused to buy vodka the night before I was ashamed the tescos ladys knew me and I hated to look like a junkie not to mention alcoholic ....

So do I have the covid or does benzos or gaba protagonists alcohol benzos have a contraindication or a mellow WD effect manifesting ass heavy dry cough ???
Please help me answer this because I am after 8 year 32 days clean I am working my ass off I had to broke up with my ex and my mother threw me out from my old bedroom where I went just sometimes for a weekend because I work at the neighbouring country in EU.

All this happens once in my life when I am actually not fucked up but clean and getting cleaner every day because opiates opiods for me it was inconcievable I tried 5 times to quit and could not take it.
Now I do my time 32 fucking days and I have theese symptoms I dont want to order another alprazolam because I would be addicted very soon ....

The doctors here are basicaly amateurs I doctor shopped the shit out of a lot of docs here and the one doc that actually scolded me and wanted to send me to a psych ward for meds I played the high horse card I was so arrogant I said she has a duty and obligation to proceed as is in my logs file because she was just a subtitute doc untill my own doc was on vacation and she was an older woman and a massive pain in the ass I scolded her like she does not know what she is doing that I was specificaly told not to discontinue alprazolam from one day to another etc etc ...... so she at least let me go and not sectioned me or called the cops :D

Can you please tell me what is this cough and if I am sick or just having PAWS.

THANK YOU ALL LOVE YOU !

 

[Deru]

How long have you been drinking vodka?

The cough would be focused in the upper or lower respiratory tract, and would have nothing to do with withdrawal symptoms.

Your immune system could be lowered and exposing your body to toxins normally defended against.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Walking pnemonia? Maybe take a course of antibiotics. Not a medical doctor, just sounds familiar.

 

[newbiecodone]

I am actually a very healthy persone besides my opiate dependecy issues I actually was thinking at one point that opiates and opioids since they are also non toxic except a few shit ones like trams but that is not even on my radar as an opiate it fucks with your Serotonin levels so that is the end from my point of view I dont like to fuck up my Serotonin levels period thats why I really dont like stims but ocassionally I have been known to mainline a nice fat line of pure crystal and just exhale the dragon as we call it in our home town :D back to my point ( sorry ) I was not drinking anything since saturday and that was like 4 deciliters of vine which is like a bigger tea cup in EU. Yesterday I actually draw the bottle out there could have been like half a pint sorry I just never know US metric systems or is it imperial metric system I know it was mentioned in pulp fiction I did not drink because if I felt like shit I either shot up some Ketamine which is I think almost harmless and I have a lot of weed becauswe here in this country where I work its brutaly cheap and you can smell weed smoke like everywhere every pub has a grinder and stuff but we are not in amsterdam its not legal its just a grey zone where you can smoke but not sell or grow more than 2 flowers per ID card its decriminalized I think its the correct term so I smoked yesterday evening but the cough just fucked me up bad almost threw up and I dont think I can have pneumonia and not have any imune system reactions like a high temperature plus pneumonia is more a wet cough this is literally like a cough from my head like I do not need to cough up some bile but if I dont have alcohol or benzos or jerk off or work out I generally start having the fucking cough arround night time first wave arround 20:00 and the worst wave is arround 4 am when I just fucking wake up and slowly start to cough more and more and more until I am just without breath I need time to catch my breath I will go to the doc if this will be the only symptom of my remaining opiate WDs but even if I jumped from 2mgs of bupe its been a month and 2 days this is the third I am not coughing but I actually bought a bit of vodka original Finish good stuff and this scares me because I was never a alcohol entusiast I just precieved it as a boring state of mind plus neurotoxic if drunk and the hangovers got worst even from beers I remember 5 years aggo I never had hangovers like nowadays and I am not even 30 yet. So last question should I see my general practioner about t his cough and tell them about the maintenance because as I mentioned theese University fucks dont know anything about anything and they call them selves doctors the anesteziologist at the hospital did not know that naloxone es used to negate opioids\opiates from opiate receptors I tried to explain to the fuck its not about getting me pain meds post operation but I should not take it before operation because of the bupe and naloxone has so high affinity to the receptors but they gave some good shit I almost said its good but then I fell asleep woke up in what I precieved like 5 mins with a fucking pain in my hand so bad I was trembling and they did not want to give me anything normal for pain except infusions and injections of diclofenac and paracetamol IVs .... crazy the first night I almost broke the fucking hospital bad thats how bad were the RLS syndromes.

 

[newbiecodone]

guys I just had a bad fit of cough I dont know if its this god forsaken flat and the particles in it it came with this old roll out couche which is the "bed" I vacum it regularily but I am not really the cleanest of us not since the physical symptomes went away I manage to study as home offiice asignment which is positive because i would fucking die in the office nowadays but I cant live like this Iam not fucking sick and I am really afraid to go to the doctors with cough symptomes specially now if you just clear your throat everybody asumes you have fucking ebola ....

 

[newbiecodone]

ok this is my last post I just got a lot of hydromorphone even in SR form it is 30 16 mg pills I injested a few on top of the vodka so I just want to say goodbye you allways got me the right info and made me stay safe with all theese drugs and it is possible this is my own choice and many events led up to it I just cannot take this pain of life anymore its just pain pain pain pain nothing else you get a promotion you do your diploma you are successfull but the good feeling lasts only a day or so and than its again just pain so fuck this I am out hope the civilization lives through this fucking COVID and than hopefully we build a base on moon to shoot rockets to mars that would make me happy ok everybody I am going to wait and hopefully die in piece and not as I lived. Bye Bye Tommy from European Union out.

 

[totach]

Maybe you should get back on the bupe . Seems like your suffering from terrible physiological paws . It can be brutal. To go from your first post in the thread where you seem pretty calm and collected to your last post is quite a jump. These are tough times for evreyone let alone addicts . Hope you realize how much you have going for you and find the will to continue on your journey.

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

No dude come back. I am in the same spot as you. This country sucks, nobody can help us, we do good in school, get good jobs only for drugs to pull us down. I know. Try smoking some weed to lift your spirits up and change your thought process.

You may indeed need to get back on the subs for a short while to rid yourself of those other drugs. That is why I always complain when I see people listing drugs for people to take when in opiate withdrawal. Best way is to just quit. There is no free way out. And we only make it worse by adding things.

Try not to drink also. Alcohol actually makes it worse as it wears off. If you do make sure you are drinking TONS of water.

The problem is if you end up with more dependencies at this time. Your next withdrawal will be harder to untangle.

Also you don't have covid. What is your temperature? Get a test to be certain if you are concerned. Opiates suppress the lungs so you probably had a cough all along, but it never activated. Once off the opiates your whole body inflames. And lung function ramps up. Its coughing out all the crap you put inside you is all.

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

[coughing has] nothing to do with withdrawal symptoms.

Before I was addicted to Fentanyl, and before heroin, there was the infamous 30mg Roxie’s.
Obviously we know that each of these provide the same basic withdrawal symptoms but some more pronounced than others. For instance, the aches I would get in my joints and bones was way more pronounced than with heroin, the initially water eyes and excessive yawning would start before anything else with the pills. With heroin, the cold sweats and sneezing, and bathroom problems would start with heroin. With fentanyl, it’s getting extremely agitated and anxiety-ridden and the throw up feeling, and excessive sweating starts....
I guess basically what I’m saying is it’s all the same but different... anyway- with the pills- a dry cough was also one of my WD symptoms that I never got with any other opiates.
It’s kind of a stretch to say that coughing is NOT one of the WD symptoms... no? I mean, I myself have experienced it.

 

[newbiecodone]

Thank you BLghters for all your replys. I have been feeling bad about the way I ended my last post. I was not successfull to kill my self with hydromorfon because if I took more than 36mgs at once I got a horrible histamine reaction to it like I have never experienced it was not just sratching your nose once in while my whole body was itchy uncomfortably so I had to take showers because that was the only thing that could for a few minutes end the scratching but dude that was some fucking unconfortable experience all in all. Anyways I was using 18mgs a day IV once a day because I was afraid to owerdose because I did not want to die itching all over :D so now I am at day the beggining of day 4, yesterday I actually took a solid shit but later again diarrhorea but since the throwing up has ended I can manage a bit of diarrhorea. This was proper cold turkey I had nothing since I am befor my payment day in work. no paracetamol no immodium no nothing no valerian even though it does not help a bit, I am just powering through it. now I got to admit I havent had a any sleep like not a minute since monday until yesterday night I woke up at 4:30 but I atribute it to two cans of beers and some alprazolam I got yesterday I know bezos are adictive and the WD is a death sentence or a horror to get through I actually think that getting on that hydromorfone was a good idea because its so short acting that the WDs mus be just shorter than suboxon in regards to their half lifes. Anyway just wanted to say I am still here and I am sorry about the message when I watned to end my self but I really was at end of my powers it was a month I was clean and I still felt like shit and the cough was just fucking unbarable. So I think I should be OK by the end of this week. Any thought on alprazolam I try to take as little as needed but I had a bit higher tollerance from my benzo days I was never addicted to them I just used them to get high with suboxon because suboxon does not matter how much I took most was like 8 mgs did nothing to me just no WDs thats it and I started to feel like I have a chemical handcuffs and started thinking what if somebody abducsts you and starts tourchuring you with percipitated WDs and shit and I was like I got to get off opiates cause thats and effective torture method in my opinion :D tha
Let me know about those alprazolam (Ksalol) .

THnx and sorry for the suicide note back in the thread it was a stupid thing to do and I was affraid I hurt the forum somehow I am sorry.

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

Yeah subs are pretty terrible once you are used to real opiates. New chains, same shackles as well.

If don't have a benzo dependence I would be careful. But only take 1mg or so from time to time. Don't continue for more than 3/4 days in a row if even that. You should be on the mend in a few days anyway.

 

[newbiecodone]

Yeah subs are pretty terrible once you are used to real opiates. New chains, same shackles as well.

If don't have a benzo dependence I would be careful. But only take 1mg or so from time to time. Don't continue for more than 3/4 days in a row if even that. You should be on the mend in a few days anyway.

Hi TheInvisibleStoner thnx for the advance I allready had a big tollerance for benzos so 1mg just did not do anything so I took 3mgs but boy my RLS disapeared I slept with beatiful dreams until 11AM and had beautiful dreams about my friends in my former country I miss them very much it was a great fucking dream I havent slept in 4 days and now I take a bit alprazolam and I sleep like a baby I feel so good today its day 5 of my detox today.

Now my question is do you think I might have been addicted to both of the substances? I used benzosed like this a week binge and them the rest of the month you could not get them so I was without them but then I had subs or other opiates so that probably masked most of the symptoms maybe?

Thnx for your reply.

 

[deficiT]

Hi TheInvisibleStoner thnx for the advance I allready had a big tollerance for benzos so 1mg just did not do anything so I took 3mgs but boy my RLS disapeared I slept with beatiful dreams until 11AM and had beautiful dreams about my friends in my former country I miss them very much it was a great fucking dream I havent slept in 4 days and now I take a bit alprazolam and I sleep like a baby I feel so good today its day 5 of my detox today.

Now my question is do you think I might have been addicted to both of the substances? I used benzosed like this a week binge and them the rest of the month you could not get them so I was without them but then I had subs or other opiates so that probably masked most of the symptoms maybe?

Thnx for your reply.

Congrats on making it to day 5, gets easier everyday

 

[newbiecodone]

Congrats on making it to day 5, gets easier everyday

Thank you very much heh feels weird nobody said to me this in my life and its nice to read

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

Hi TheInvisibleStoner thnx for the advance I allready had a big tollerance for benzos so 1mg just did not do anything so I took 3mgs but boy my RLS disapeared I slept with beatiful dreams until 11AM and had beautiful dreams about my friends in my former country I miss them very much it was a great fucking dream I havent slept in 4 days and now I take a bit alprazolam and I sleep like a baby I feel so good today its day 5 of my detox today.

Now my question is do you think I might have been addicted to both of the substances? I used benzosed like this a week binge and them the rest of the month you could not get them so I was without them but then I had subs or other opiates so that probably masked most of the symptoms maybe?

Thnx for your reply.

That is exactly what happened to me. And traded an opiate for benzo addiction. You probably are getting dependent. Just make sure it doesn't carry on longer than needed since that withdrawal is beyond a withdrawal.

 

[newbiecodone]

That is exactly what happened to me. And traded an opiate for benzo addiction. You probably are getting dependent. Just make sure it doesn't carry on longer than needed since that withdrawal is beyond a withdrawal.

I am well aware of that thats why I never took it months straight every day because I never had the connect my connect was a paralized former veterinary who sold his alprazolam relatively cheaply
But he had more customers so there was only like 30mgs worth of alpraz and that lasted me maximum a week and them I had to allways wait 3 weeks and be without any benzos so I dont really know if I am addicted to benzos or not now I was on Suboxone for 5 or 6 years my memory is all fucked up sorry the first doctor in my old country allways over prescribed like I took some panadol ultra rapide which containced a bit codein so I pissed opiate positive because I was a young dom ass and he prescribed wright away 5 packs of 8 mgs subs :D and he is the doctor you believe this? :D now I feel sorry for people arround the world who need to wait on lists to get their subs they really need back then my parrents were like either you go see psychiatrist or its over and your out I was in university back then and just to show how inteligent Iam and to spite them he prescribed even potent opiates because I was using dihydrocodein and codein nothing else was there, there is no H in my city and so I saw Reindeerspotting and those guys were out of it. I was never really fucked up like on opiates on suboxon weird.

Also I dont feel any of the stories I read about WDs from benzos like sinus pain worms in necks and electricity in your body or ringing in your ears spazms and seizures I am clean from hydromorfone 18mgs a day for 5 days the only other thing I realized my lip was quivering or vibrating the muscle in it was almost spazming but never got to it but that dissapeared on day 2
dont you guys think I would had allready seizures 4 days of of alprazolam?
TO GET TO MY POINT!!!!
Do you think after I quit suboxon and I just could not take the PAWS maybe the PAWS were just benzo WDs? Also I some times like to combine them benzos with a few beers just so I dont waste the benzos theyr both GABA agonist if I remember correctly is it okay if I lower my dose of alprazolam to 1 or 2 mgs a day with a few beers or do they have cross tolerance?

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

Jumping off 2mg subs you will get an acute withdrawal. Coming off a 6 year habit, you are looking at a coupe of months (of feeling like meh). (tapering more would of only done so much).

The horrible benzo withdrawals are months and months if not years of taking them. I don't think after a month you would catch a seizure. It took about 3-4 months of daily usage before I started to see a little benzo withdrawal as I needed them closer together. And the usual take a bar before sleep wasn't working any longer. Until one day I woke up in withdrawal. Takes time to creep. But time FLIES, and you keep up, it will happen fast. I still never had a seizure and came off several times. At this point you would catch a little rebound, which could be considered a mini withdrawal.

Benzos and beer definitely have a cross tolerance. Opiates as well. Once I jumped off 65mg of methadone I realized I need 3x the beer to stay out of withdrawal. Also dumping methadone I have to take more xanax.

Just start to take less and less I would recommend. The less benzos you can take the better.

I rather take opiate withdrawal any time over benzo. The 1st time I ever took a benzo was 17 days off 40mg of methadone cold turkey. It took it 100% away and slept for 3 days straight (and ate). They work really well with no tolerance. Once you get hooked, they are just a curse in your life. Good luck man.