been using in secret 6 months, gonna tell AA gf tonight

[ageingpartyfiend]

she was very hurt and i feel her pain.
I'm not a good person.
I will strive to be.
but right now it's overwhelming,

right now it is yeah, so experience that knowing it will pass

you've done the difficult thing, but for sure the right thing for both of you, your truth is likely to be the best gift you could give her right now

be kind to yourself if you can man, beating yourself up isn't gonna help anyone

you've got integrity, you're a warrior...

 

[n3ophy7e]

she was very hurt and i feel her pain.
I'm not a good person.
I will strive to be.
but right now it's overwhelming,

It's not that you're not a good person. Telling yourself that will only make it harder to get clean again.
You ARE a good person, it's just that you suffer with addiction. Your addiction made you make poor choices that lead to this situation unfolding.
YOU are a good person who deserves to be clean, sober and happy.
Your addiction will always try to fuck things up for you, but you have to find the strength to gain control over your addiction again.

 

[Joey]

she was very hurt and i feel her pain.
I'm not a good person.
I will strive to be.
but right now it's overwhelming,

The best thing you can do is strive to be a good person. One foot in front of the other. You did the right thing. Thats a start. You dont have to live a lie anymore.

 

[neversickanymore]

There is a huge trap in addiction and it’s shame. I can’t deal with the fact I have been hitting myself in the head with a hammer so I’m going to go hit myself in the head with a hammer

give yourself a break already

 

[negrogesic]

Becareful how you proceed from here, try to regulate your emotions and don't increase your drug use in an reactionary way to cope.

Congratulations on the integrity, that's pretty commendable. Don't mourn the loss beyond what it was and try to drown your sorrows, if it had been something more she would have stuck around so put it into context. I usually don't comment here much but I get a wiff of disaster here, don't become a statistic.

 

[thedawn]

thanks you guys, I'm starting outpatient treatment.
I can't do this. the using, the lying.
I want to be clean so bad but the voices in my head have ruled me.
thanks for the support.

 

[thedawn]

There is a huge trap in addiction and it’s shame. I can’t deal with the fact I have been hitting myself in the head with a hammer so I’m going to go hit myself in the head with a hammer

give yourself a break already

I know this is important. very important.

 

[n3ophy7e]

thanks you guys, I'm starting outpatient treatment.
I can't do this. the using, the lying.
I want to be clean so bad but the voices in my head have ruled me.
thanks for the support.

Well done man, that is really great to hear
The journey to sobriety can be a very rocky road, that's for sure. I know my path to sobriety has included COUNTLESS lapses and relapses. The most important thing is that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on trying
Keep us updated with how you're doing okay??

 

[thedawn]

Well done man, that is really great to hear
The journey to sobriety can be a very rocky road, that's for sure. I know my path to sobriety has included COUNTLESS lapses and relapses. The most important thing is that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on trying
Keep us updated with how you're doing okay??

I will, endless gratitude for your support.
today I was honest and will continue that way.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I will, endless gratitude for your support.
today I was honest and will continue that way.

Honesty makes life SO much easier. I used to be a compulsive liar, and whilst it can help in the short term, ultimately it makes your life so much more difficult and anxiety-inducing.

 

[deficiT]

Hey, using doesn't make you a bad person. You have a disease of the mind and spirit.

Just do what you can to start being honest and staying sober. Get more involved with AA and your sponsor. Go through the steps. The best apology you can make is with your actions. Only good can come if you do these things.

Feel free to hmu if you ever need to vent or talk about your issues further, you have friends on BL.

 

[thedawn]

Hey, using doesn't make you a bad person. You have a disease of the mind and spirit.

Just do what you can to start being honest and staying sober. Get more involved with AA and your sponsor. Go through the steps. The best apology you can make is with your actions. Only good can come if you do these things.

Feel free to hmu if you ever need to vent or talk about your issues further, you have friends on BL.

thanks man, deeply appreciated. I've been on BL for many years. love you guys.

 

[JunkyBrewstir]

Hey guys, I'll be somewhat short.
I have a beautiful girlfriend in AA which I've been part of for a long time.
I relapsed and nearly died from smoking fentanyl when not opiate addicted January 7 this year.
I was addicted to opiates and benzo's for over 20 years, I'm 47.
After leaving the ICU my gf stuck with me but guys, I can't stop using.
my girlfriend does not deserve this.
i'm using everything from benzo's to acid around her back.

I have decided to come clean, to tell her and in extension my whole AA community who think I'm clean.
I can't stop.
and I'm done lying.

anyone have input?
It's 1pm here in California, I'm gonna talk to her at 6pm.
do I downplay it a bit?
do i tell her things that will hurt her?
fuck man, I don't know.

How did it go?

 

[JunkyBrewstir]

thanks man, deeply appreciated. I've been on BL for many years. love you guys.

My now "Ex" was also in AA and had several years sobriety she knew that I had my issues and told me if I ever relapsed to let her know. She said if she found out another way then we wouldn't be able to work through it but if I told her we could make it work. So after relapsing I told her and after I got home 2 hours later I opened the door to an almost empty Apartment. And I hadn't heard from her for 8 months until she needed to make sure that I returned the cable box. So it's a touchy touchy thing. Let us know how it went.

 

[thedawn]

My now "Ex" was also in AA and had several years sobriety she knew that I had my issues and told me if I ever relapsed to let her know. She said if she found out another way then we wouldn't be able to work through it but if I told her we could make it work. So after relapsing I told her and after I got home 2 hours later I opened the door to an almost empty Apartment. And I hadn't heard from her for 8 months until she needed to make sure that I returned the cable box. So it's a touchy touchy thing. Let us know how it went.

it went strange you guys. She , the gf, is still coming around, but this thing has ruined her trust.
she has broken up with me, she has come back, she's an alcoholic but struggles to understand why I continued using after a near fatal fent OD.
I don't know what our status is as of today.
we're sleeping together, we love each other but drug addiction is the enemy of all things love, care related.
Addiction is a disease of loneliness and isolation for me and I'm struggling with guilt.
oh well, I'm all clean (no weed either) today and I'll be ok.
thank you and real love to my BL community.
If you know you know.