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been using in secret 6 months, gonna tell AA gf tonight

T

thedawn

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 12, 2013
Messages
528
Hey guys, I'll be somewhat short.
I have a beautiful girlfriend in AA which I've been part of for a long time.
I relapsed and nearly died from smoking fentanyl when not opiate addicted January 7 this year.
I was addicted to opiates and benzo's for over 20 years, I'm 47.
After leaving the ICU my gf stuck with me but guys, I can't stop using.
my girlfriend does not deserve this.
i'm using everything from benzo's to acid around her back.

I have decided to come clean, to tell her and in extension my whole AA community who think I'm clean.
I can't stop.
and I'm done lying.

anyone have input?
It's 1pm here in California, I'm gonna talk to her at 6pm.
do I downplay it a bit?
do i tell her things that will hurt her?
fuck man, I don't know.
 
Tough situation.. it’s going to get messy and I don’t think I would play it this way. What are other options?
 
neversickanymore said:
Tough situation.. it’s going to get messy and I don’t think I would play it this way. What are other options?
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it would be blaming it on the bipolar, I'm really torn, it's legit, I have bipolar and in a tough spot but i feel she deserves the truth
 
thedawn said:
it would be blaming it on the bipolar, I'm really torn, it's legit, I have bipolar and in a tough spot but i feel she deserves the truth
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she's gonna be hysterical, I hate hurting people but it's what addiction does.
and thank you for replying, NSA, I remember you being supportive for me before.

I can downplay it.
 
thedawn said:
it would be blaming it on the bipolar, I'm really torn, it's legit, I have bipolar and in a tough spot but i feel she deserves the truth
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Its most definitely legit, and likely high up in the causational mix, it's a severe condition.

It's not an excuse, it's a reason or at least part of one
 
That is a very commendable thing to do, friend. I wish I had some advise but I've never really been in that situation.

I think it's the right thing to do. I am assuming you have no intention to quit any time soon?

The only thing I'm a bit worried about would be her sobriety afterwards. Tread carefully with her heart.
 
The foundation of any good relationship is honesty. If you come clean and it's over, then maybe it should be. It sucks that you're going to have the 12 step guys all over this as well but you know what you we're getting into when you started doing this. It's better that you get it out before she or someone else finds out. There's a good chance there's rumours already.
 
For the time being I would consider just slowing things down❤️.. think it through, not in a straight manipulative way, but where do you see you going. so you have not been being honest, to someone in a fellowship that has sobriety and honesty as one of its keystones that is going to be paramount. Are you going to continue using drugs. But first off take a minute to relax as hiding use in addiction recovery is very common. So what’s the best way forward for all involved, most important you?
 
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neversickanymore, I told her and she doesn't want to see me again.
I jeopardize her sobriety too.
most important to me is I have to stop lying and hurt those I love.
I feel shame so hard, I will stop using but can't right now.
 
Outlier said:
The foundation of any good relationship is honesty. If you come clean and it's over, then maybe it should be. It sucks that you're going to have the 12 step guys all over this as well but you know what you we're getting into when you started doing this. It's better that you get it out before she or someone else finds out. There's a good chance there's rumours already.
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it's over and it should be.
addiction got me by the balls.
I'm gonna seek help.
 
If I'm understanding correctly, you are going to come out as not being clean DURING the meeting at 6pm, before you've told your gf?? I personally would not go about it this way. Your gf is likely going to be very upset, possibly cry, be angry, she might want to break up with you, who knows what her reaction will be. I don't think it's a good idea to do that to her in a meeting. You're much better off telling her in private first, let her react and digest it, THEN tell your meeting.

*edit* Oh man I am so sorry it's over. But yes, she's completely entitled to how she reacted.
It sounds like you do need to seek professional help, and if you're willing to, then go for it. You deserve to be clean, sober and happy <3
 
I’m sorry to hear man, but you did what you felt was right. I agree though if you did it at the meeting that’s probably not the best place to do it. That said, maybe once the dust settles she’ll be a bit more open to thinking about you two again. You kind of just embarrassed the shit out of her if that’s how you went about it. Partners always feel they shoulda known, even if they know addiction themselves.

-GC
 
G_Chem said:
I’m sorry to hear man, but you did what you felt was right. I agree though if you did it at the meeting that’s probably not the best place to do it. That said, maybe once the dust settles she’ll be a bit more open to thinking about you two again. You kind of just embarrassed the shit out of her if that’s how you went about it. Partners always feel they shoulda known, even if they know addiction themselves.

-GC
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I didn't do it at a meeting, I would never.
I called her.
 
n3ophy7e said:
If I'm understanding correctly, you are going to come out as not being clean DURING the meeting at 6pm, before you've told your gf?? I personally would not go about it this way. Your gf is likely going to be very upset, possibly cry, be angry, she might want to break up with you, who knows what her reaction will be. I don't think it's a good idea to do that to her in a meeting. You're much better off telling her in private first, let her react and digest it, THEN tell your meeting.

*edit* Oh man I am so sorry it's over. But yes, she's completely entitled to how she reacted.
It sounds like you do need to seek professional help, and if you're willing to, then go for it. You deserve to be clean, sober and happy <3
Click to expand...
I told her on the phone.
she was the first to know.
now i have to call my sponsor
 
she was very hurt and i feel her pain.
I'm not a good person.
I will strive to be.
but right now it's overwhelming,
 
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