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⫸STICKY⫷ Anger Management Thread

gr33n3y3z

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Your son loves you so much when we talk on the phone or text, you come up a lot in out conversations. I know he's not used to you "lashing" out on him. But I understand your in agony and that alone causes so much stress. I really wish you well and a speedy recovery.

Just let you son and father know that it's not them, its the pain taking a toll on your mind, body and sprit. I know that they are aware that you love them.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
Twice today I was really fucking angry, but I handled myself well.

I learned that taking the high road had its own rewards. I am sure anyone reading this would think "yeah right " ... But I am serious. I am glad I conducted myself well today.
 

sinclair1984

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emrald triangle
does anyone out there know any methods that aren't self-destructive to vent that, I don't know how to say this,angry pressure I seem to feel all the time that the needle used to fix. I'm clean right now but If I don't find something I don't know how long I can make it.
 

herbavore

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One of the reasons that babies and toddlers don't hang on to anger is that they express it LOUDLY. Myself, I like to scream it into a pillow. The other thing I recommend is running. Taking off in a sprint around the block can have you through your anger by the time you get back home and you got exercise as well!;)
 

Furry mouth

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Ok I have to get this out of my system otherwise I'll explode. I find i hold all my anger in until I get to a point where I take extreme steps. Recently I have dealt with a large group of bullies one of which is the leader. She came back and confirmed to me how much of a stinking bitch she is. I'm so angry at myself because I don't believe in keeping my mouth shut. I can take so much and then I stand up to bullies. The fact that I have BP and GAD doesn't help. Is there anyone out there like me? I'm being threatened now because I called them bullies. I'm so stressed and fed up.:?
 

herbavore

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Are you still in school? Depending on the severity of the situation you may want to change environments. I know a girl that just did this and her only question was, "why did it take me so long?" If that is not possible, get help from a school counselor to deal with your own feelings and try to edit these girls out of your personal universe. Hang out with other people, or, if you have too many other friends in common, try your hardest not to respond. Some people --especially girls--get addicted to drama. when they don't get a dramatic response they turn elsewhere.
 

shafibird

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Mar 6, 2013
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Anyone else feel like anger is a major trigger for relapse?

I've got a bad heroin and crack habit, but I've recently managed to stop snowballing and start smoking instead. My boyfriend also smokes. However, when we argue (thankfully it's not a frequent thing, but when we do argue we make up for the argument free weeks!) it escalates from silly bickering to the point I'm literally shaking. And it's pretty much over nothing. He's quite calm and laid back, but can never admit that he's wrong. Then he sets about justifying why he's right - and won't back down. I can recognize when I'm about to go bat shit crazy so I usually say "leave it now before it gets out of hand" but he's that desperate for me to know he's right that he carries on. Eventually it turns into a screaming match and me shooting up because that's the only way I've dealt with stress for the last 10 years.
I've tried walking away from him so I can calm down but he follows me, if he'd just let me leave the house so I could go for a walk and cool off everything would be fine, but he just doesn't get it!
 

herbavore

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Most of us grow up not learning how to get angry without being destructive to both ourselves and others. Anger itself is cleansing, healing, a necessary part of being a passionate emotional being; but screaming and defending rather than expressing and problem solving is what most of us learn in our families. Either that or holding it all inside and pretending we aren't angry. Neither works.

If you've both got habits it is a fair assumption that you have a lot of pain inside that has not been addressed. Getting to the roots of your own discomfort with yourself and your life will help you deal with anger better. Most people just want to be heard. Make sure you are listening and ask your partner to give you a chance to speak without interrupting. Some couples find it useful to agree to not even respond immediately to what the other person is saying--in other words, you each lay out your perception of the issue and neither argues with the other. Give yourself a cooling off period to think about the other perspective--why your partner might see it that way, why you see it the way you do. Then, address it again later and start the conversation with, "I can see why you might think...." or something like that.

In a calm time, when you are not arguing about anything, tell him that you need to have cooling off time away when you are angry.
 

Erikmen

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Most of us grow up not learning how to get angry without being destructive to both ourselves and others. Anger itself is cleansing, healing, a necessary part of being a passionate emotional being; but screaming and defending rather than expressing and problem solving is what most of us learn in our families. Either that or holding it all inside and pretending we aren't angry. Neither works.

If you've both got habits it is a fair assumption that you have a lot of pain inside that has not been addressed. Getting to the roots of your own discomfort with yourself and your life will help you deal with anger better. Most people just want to be heard. Make sure you are listening and ask your partner to give you a chance to speak without interrupting. Some couples find it useful to agree to not even respond immediately to what the other person is saying--in other words, you each lay out your perception of the issue and neither argues with the other. Give yourself a cooling off period to think about the other perspective--why your partner might see it that way, why you see it the way you do. Then, address it again later and start the conversation with, "I can see why you might think...."
This is very nicely put and it makes sense. Sometimes I try to put in practice the hearing but all I get are accusations and deceptions. And it feels the disagreements grow.
It takes a lot of practice to perform this accordingly. But it´s a very good advice and it suits most of us so well.
 

Erikmen

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Angriness has been taking a lot of my time lately. I believe I avoided this feeling for too long. And now it´s coming quite frequently.
 

suzieq70s

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May 22, 2015
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Is it ok to post on this thread about how and why I've suppressed and buried my anger for over 2 decades.
 

Erikmen

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Being angry all the time is not good for my health. Being sober has made me an angrier person. I hope it gets better!
 

rokkinrollaa6

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May 15, 2015
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great idea for a thread! i am a large, muscular man, fair haired, light eyed, nordic looking though I am Jewish. My temper stems from my Russian roots as eastern european people have a hard time controlling emotions, we are easily prone to argue and fight and the same prone to love and lust, it is why we drink heavily and have a tendency to addiction.

my whole life I lived getting picked on for being Jewish or later on being white in non white areas, and so at a young age I learned to solve the problem with violence. when i got older and started bodybuilding it helped some what but i still have serious anger issues despite lifting hard 4 times a week, praying, and leaning to "just leave" when i am angry. i recently nearly beat several people to a pulp. some arabs in my city (i live in jerusalem, israel) started cat calling my wife... while i was WITH HER. i had to use all the energy in my body to stop myself from rushing them and killing them. it happened 3 times in one day, and if i had carried my gun with me, i'd have shot someone. thankfully i breathed and walked, but my self esteem took a huge blow.

later in the week another arab got in my face in the gym, and i started screaming at him and got in a fighting stance, ready to fight him. what makes me more deadly is that I am massive, know karate and judo, and have extensive experience in fighting in the streets. i am covered in scars. thankfully he did not escalate and i did not have to resort to violence.

i have broken countless walls, doors and faces of people, and i have brutalized a lot of people - though never a woman. every time after i feel sick, ashamed and depressed and so i try my hardest and hope to Hashem that i do not exact violence. believe it or not fighting and hurting others is a huge sin in my religion, far worse than drug addiction which is considered a sin of emotion, and allowed by many as an illness. Despite our portrayal in the media as evil oppressors, Jews hate and abhor violence - we oppose it. but the world is not always amenable to our needs and desires, and if you delt with arabs the way we do on the streets, you understand that culturally we are different and it effects things. thankfully i have not hurt anyone since 2012, when i beat up 5 guys who catcalled my mother in front of me and pulled my hair. i can walk away if someone is just talking, but if someone touches me, i go insane.

regardless self control is vital. i hate hurting people, and a man who is 6'2" and 240 pounds of muscle can do much harm. but prayer and deep breathes have saved me time and time again.
 

herbavore

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It sounds like you are trying to confront this in yourself which is very admirable. Ever tried reading any Buddhist philosophy? They have a great way of separating emotions from the thoughts we immediately obscure them with. Those tools help very much with anger and anxiety in my own life. I am a very emotional person and learning to give myself a certain off-side vantage point to observe how I react when I feel certain ways has allowed me to change those reactions that I consider unhealthy.
 

CfZrx

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Nov 23, 2014
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East St. Paul
I'm gonna comment so i can find this thread later. I too have noticed anger to be the most challenging emotion. Yoga first thing when I wake sets the tone for more thoughtful reactions in my day :)
 

CfZrx

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Nov 23, 2014
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It sounds like you are trying to confront this in yourself which is very admirable. Ever tried reading any Buddhist philosophy? They have a great way of separating emotions from the thoughts we immediately obscure them with. Those tools help very much with anger and anxiety in my own life. I am a very emotional person and learning to give myself a certain off-side vantage point to observe how I react when I feel certain ways has allowed me to change those reactions that I consider unhealthy.
Thanks! Nice point about the thoughtss we obscure emotions with :)
 
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