I'm on the heavy side, I weigh 225 pounds. So I had read somewhere that a proper K-Hole dose is approximately 1mg/pound.
Well after a couple weeks of messing around with this stuff and not quite getting into a full blown k-hole I decided enough is enough. The time has come to face it. Up to this point I had several very interesting dark warpy dreamy experiences just kicking back on my bed after snorting a small line like 100mg or so. Soon I would find that a true k-hole is nothing like those sub-hole level doses and trips.
So I'm a relatively chill guy. I'm almost 40 years old and I have tripped on LSD probably 200 times over the years. I love LSD tripping. I've also loved a lot of hard candy over the years and had many serious health problems. Probably the most troublesome drug in my past was MDPV. The places that drug took me are beyond the pale. I've seen it all, I've been it all, everything from high society to the lowest of lows even in prison for a few years once. Anyway, I've been around, seen a lot, but still I consider myself chill.
So ketamine was a drug i was never able to get ahold of over the years. In the states it's not easy to come by. So I procured a gram over the dark web to see what all the hype is about.
My first experiences with low doses under 100mg were kind of boring, like a drunk feeling, then I started increasing the doses a bit and was getting caught up in very strange dimensions of thought and space. Dark and warm I would say. The sub-hole doses were very interesting. They seemed to allow me to fly away from my body and mind and go on a roller-coaster ride into strange organic mental landscapes that were driven by the winds of my detaching thoughts and ideas. But even during these more intermediate trips I could snap out of them if I wanted. I would feel drunk and unsteady and the room would be very distorted but I was still intact mentally.
So here we are earlier this evening, I decided this was going to be it, and so it was. The k hole experience. I weighed out a dose of 300mg. The powder came from rocks of crystal ketamine that I crushed into a rather daunting looking line. I snorted the whole damn thing and let loose the kraken.
Right away I am feeling this intense come up. There's like this crackling tingling fuzziness starting. I'm a bit nervous but I think if I've been able to handle DMT, LSD, and Salvia, I should be fine... 3 minutes in and everything is starting to look like there is a layer of static on it, or as if there's motion blur and a bit of tearing. Also at this point, due to the extreme body load I am feeling I have become a bit afraid, and I am a little worried about whats coming. Still I am soldiering on through this, there is no going back.
I believe I may have been a bit tense at this point, right around 5 minutes in, when I started hearing an extremely loud ringing in my ears like a jet engine as my visual center was becoming more and more shredded and everything was ripping and tearing and spinning, sliding, like broken mirrors. At 6 minutes the drip was in full effect, I was swallowing back a bitter, but not unpleasant, chemical taste, all the while the whole experience was intensifying violently, this was not like the other trips at all. This one grabbed me by the shoulders and was swinging me around the room and yelling obscenities.
At 7 minutes in the room and my mind was becoming terribly violent and I knew I was heading towards a situation where I was going up against a drug who wanted to take away my grip on reality. At 8 minutes in the room is shredding and geometrically fractalizing out in all directions. I have a sense that my body and everything in my vision is speeding up and folding into these dark tendrils that look like the walls of an H.R. Geiger painting. At this point, maybe 10 minutes in, I realize I've gone to far and this is going to hurt, I don't like this and I want this over, only I know it wont be over any time soon.
Now the fight begins of me trying desperately to hold on to control but losing it bit by bit. One of the last sensations I had of my body was when I sat to try to get up and the sounds that made sounded like a rattlesnake and it sent a shiver up my spine. Dark undertones were becoming more and more overt. Fear was upon me. I imagined myself running through the streets naked like some PCP-dusted maniac, getting tazed, that might be my fate. I fought my hardest against the hole that was taking me away but I saw that it was futile. I was traumatized by the feeling of my body being violently ripped apart and my limbs were laying hundreds of feet apart but still I could feel them and use them. I no longer know how much time had passed. Here a deep soul-crushing panic sets in and all the happiness is gone from the ride. I'm sure I will be running through the halls of a psyche ward by the time this is over.
Filled with dread and fear, and now rapidly losing my bearings on the physical ordered dimension I was once a part of, my core began destabilizing. I laid back down into what felt and sounded like a spider-webbed abyss and fell down down down to a place where there was no longer 3 dimensions, there was no longer gravity. I was seeing explosions of geometric patterns that were also wet, dark, purply-black, globular and fractal in nature and were assuming bizarre forms all around me. At this point I could no longer understand anything. I could not understand language at all. I was hearing the distant sounds of talking on the TV but now the words had lost all meaning. I was awash in a dark void that was going to have its way with me.
I thought my 60x Salvia trip was never going to be topped, but here it was being topped. And now my thoughts were becoming unrecognizable and detached like smeared versions of themselves that I could not decipher as hard as I tried. Even emotions became detached and were requiring more and more concentration to understand. The last intact idea I had was that I had exposed my finite body to the infinite and there was no coming back from this state. Space and time ended here. I was brain damaged, and possibly dead. I felt there was a presence there with me that was communicating to me through perception, there was no language and no emotion, only strange grainy perceptions and they were very dark. I was being interrogated and mentally raped. I was overcome by a surge of dreadful emotions as I kept falling deeper in to what looked like carnivorous plants that were devouring me over and over again in what seemed like a multitude of converging dimensions. I would have flashes of other peoples faces and felt fleeting familiarity with them but it was like I was looking at an alien species. What little thought I had left was appearing visually and fragmenting and I could only chase one of the bits the fragmented away, but the bits did not contain the whole so I felt all was lost. I gave in and surrendered. By now even my memories were taken from me and i was no longer myself. I had lost myself in this dark, evil, nebula and now I was just raw oscillating energy. I realized this was the source of all time and matter, the lattice of all the universes that ever were. My physical body was completely gone, memories were all gone, everything was abstract and dark and I merged with the void. I was at the place where only energy and potential exist.
Gradually coming back from the void into my physical senses was no more comfortable than having them stripped from me. I began the reverse journey into some semblance of consciousness and physics. Gravity returned and I felt the familiarity of 3-dimensional movement again. Eventually I realized that I was coming back to the light and I felt an extreme surge of relief that I was being given a second chance in this universe.
I have recovered now, approximately 4 hours since the experience began and I feel only slightly numb. I wish there was something meaningful I could have brought back. I guess I would say even an experienced psychonaut might meet his match in the K Hole.
Edit: after some additional reflection I have some more in site as to why I had such a bad reaction to the k hole. I have some trauma in my background. PTSD diagnosed. I also Borderline personality disorder diagnosed. I believe that these underlying conditions caused my rejection of the k hole. I have a deep seated fear of abandonment, and I believe I was afraid that I was being abandoned, by myself, in those moments, which caused a visceral panic reaction to a psychadelic experience of that magnitude.
I do plan to continue with the sub-hole / borderline dose trips.
Well after a couple weeks of messing around with this stuff and not quite getting into a full blown k-hole I decided enough is enough. The time has come to face it. Up to this point I had several very interesting dark warpy dreamy experiences just kicking back on my bed after snorting a small line like 100mg or so. Soon I would find that a true k-hole is nothing like those sub-hole level doses and trips.
So I'm a relatively chill guy. I'm almost 40 years old and I have tripped on LSD probably 200 times over the years. I love LSD tripping. I've also loved a lot of hard candy over the years and had many serious health problems. Probably the most troublesome drug in my past was MDPV. The places that drug took me are beyond the pale. I've seen it all, I've been it all, everything from high society to the lowest of lows even in prison for a few years once. Anyway, I've been around, seen a lot, but still I consider myself chill.
So ketamine was a drug i was never able to get ahold of over the years. In the states it's not easy to come by. So I procured a gram over the dark web to see what all the hype is about.
My first experiences with low doses under 100mg were kind of boring, like a drunk feeling, then I started increasing the doses a bit and was getting caught up in very strange dimensions of thought and space. Dark and warm I would say. The sub-hole doses were very interesting. They seemed to allow me to fly away from my body and mind and go on a roller-coaster ride into strange organic mental landscapes that were driven by the winds of my detaching thoughts and ideas. But even during these more intermediate trips I could snap out of them if I wanted. I would feel drunk and unsteady and the room would be very distorted but I was still intact mentally.
So here we are earlier this evening, I decided this was going to be it, and so it was. The k hole experience. I weighed out a dose of 300mg. The powder came from rocks of crystal ketamine that I crushed into a rather daunting looking line. I snorted the whole damn thing and let loose the kraken.
Right away I am feeling this intense come up. There's like this crackling tingling fuzziness starting. I'm a bit nervous but I think if I've been able to handle DMT, LSD, and Salvia, I should be fine... 3 minutes in and everything is starting to look like there is a layer of static on it, or as if there's motion blur and a bit of tearing. Also at this point, due to the extreme body load I am feeling I have become a bit afraid, and I am a little worried about whats coming. Still I am soldiering on through this, there is no going back.
I believe I may have been a bit tense at this point, right around 5 minutes in, when I started hearing an extremely loud ringing in my ears like a jet engine as my visual center was becoming more and more shredded and everything was ripping and tearing and spinning, sliding, like broken mirrors. At 6 minutes the drip was in full effect, I was swallowing back a bitter, but not unpleasant, chemical taste, all the while the whole experience was intensifying violently, this was not like the other trips at all. This one grabbed me by the shoulders and was swinging me around the room and yelling obscenities.
At 7 minutes in the room and my mind was becoming terribly violent and I knew I was heading towards a situation where I was going up against a drug who wanted to take away my grip on reality. At 8 minutes in the room is shredding and geometrically fractalizing out in all directions. I have a sense that my body and everything in my vision is speeding up and folding into these dark tendrils that look like the walls of an H.R. Geiger painting. At this point, maybe 10 minutes in, I realize I've gone to far and this is going to hurt, I don't like this and I want this over, only I know it wont be over any time soon.
Now the fight begins of me trying desperately to hold on to control but losing it bit by bit. One of the last sensations I had of my body was when I sat to try to get up and the sounds that made sounded like a rattlesnake and it sent a shiver up my spine. Dark undertones were becoming more and more overt. Fear was upon me. I imagined myself running through the streets naked like some PCP-dusted maniac, getting tazed, that might be my fate. I fought my hardest against the hole that was taking me away but I saw that it was futile. I was traumatized by the feeling of my body being violently ripped apart and my limbs were laying hundreds of feet apart but still I could feel them and use them. I no longer know how much time had passed. Here a deep soul-crushing panic sets in and all the happiness is gone from the ride. I'm sure I will be running through the halls of a psyche ward by the time this is over.
Filled with dread and fear, and now rapidly losing my bearings on the physical ordered dimension I was once a part of, my core began destabilizing. I laid back down into what felt and sounded like a spider-webbed abyss and fell down down down to a place where there was no longer 3 dimensions, there was no longer gravity. I was seeing explosions of geometric patterns that were also wet, dark, purply-black, globular and fractal in nature and were assuming bizarre forms all around me. At this point I could no longer understand anything. I could not understand language at all. I was hearing the distant sounds of talking on the TV but now the words had lost all meaning. I was awash in a dark void that was going to have its way with me.
I thought my 60x Salvia trip was never going to be topped, but here it was being topped. And now my thoughts were becoming unrecognizable and detached like smeared versions of themselves that I could not decipher as hard as I tried. Even emotions became detached and were requiring more and more concentration to understand. The last intact idea I had was that I had exposed my finite body to the infinite and there was no coming back from this state. Space and time ended here. I was brain damaged, and possibly dead. I felt there was a presence there with me that was communicating to me through perception, there was no language and no emotion, only strange grainy perceptions and they were very dark. I was being interrogated and mentally raped. I was overcome by a surge of dreadful emotions as I kept falling deeper in to what looked like carnivorous plants that were devouring me over and over again in what seemed like a multitude of converging dimensions. I would have flashes of other peoples faces and felt fleeting familiarity with them but it was like I was looking at an alien species. What little thought I had left was appearing visually and fragmenting and I could only chase one of the bits the fragmented away, but the bits did not contain the whole so I felt all was lost. I gave in and surrendered. By now even my memories were taken from me and i was no longer myself. I had lost myself in this dark, evil, nebula and now I was just raw oscillating energy. I realized this was the source of all time and matter, the lattice of all the universes that ever were. My physical body was completely gone, memories were all gone, everything was abstract and dark and I merged with the void. I was at the place where only energy and potential exist.
Gradually coming back from the void into my physical senses was no more comfortable than having them stripped from me. I began the reverse journey into some semblance of consciousness and physics. Gravity returned and I felt the familiarity of 3-dimensional movement again. Eventually I realized that I was coming back to the light and I felt an extreme surge of relief that I was being given a second chance in this universe.
I have recovered now, approximately 4 hours since the experience began and I feel only slightly numb. I wish there was something meaningful I could have brought back. I guess I would say even an experienced psychonaut might meet his match in the K Hole.
Edit: after some additional reflection I have some more in site as to why I had such a bad reaction to the k hole. I have some trauma in my background. PTSD diagnosed. I also Borderline personality disorder diagnosed. I believe that these underlying conditions caused my rejection of the k hole. I have a deep seated fear of abandonment, and I believe I was afraid that I was being abandoned, by myself, in those moments, which caused a visceral panic reaction to a psychadelic experience of that magnitude.
I do plan to continue with the sub-hole / borderline dose trips.
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