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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,849
gowd um sooo depressed.
but am working around it.
it's just sad. so. . . . so what right !

the lake helps out with the sadnes. it's so kewl. the air is hot. it's horrible when the wind hurts.
from the cold water.

brain scars hurt allot.


i can't even. just can't even anything.
whaaat. i can just get used to it i guess.

electric flash-by's right now. got to take cover. my window has curtains hopefully helps. Loooool.

no stopping the cutie pie. (madness)

fck just got bolted ummm skerrrrd ⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,849
Um. Thank you God ?
I prayed and it seemed to work.

I felt like a lost consciousness and felt nothing. I'm still here. I can still hear thunder and see the flashes. Lool.

It's loud. Lord.

Me and the dawgs just sat there in a ball. And shook. We knew we were gone. Thank you Jesus. That was some real good dope. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😢

I have a dog trying to hide under me. Yes I know how to feel strong. Amen. Very Nice.
And I am blessed that you know that I care. ♡ 😎
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,849
working out and keeping body all of the time physically healthy as possible helps tremendously and also a great choice in reduction of destruction and great distraction from other focuses or at least an endurance break. working out can make a person stronger and to be able to fight against something with easier and positivity results also.

being physically healthy can really help the mind also as well.

staying and maintaining being physically healthy and fit can help to get stronger and is a very good medicine 👍🏼

exercising helps so well for staying healthy and enduring. ☀️

i changed my life around with Jesus but I like feeling strong and good and better from exercising. 🦄
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,849
Okay so I got rescheduled for work extra hrs. and ect. So now I am going to have to take some type of a dosage so that I can work w/o pain.
The only other choice is to start smoking heroin and that's not going to happen.

Thank God for weed. But Really ?
Some day the world will run out of my beautiful poppy plants.

And now I am so busy with my job and trying not to be addicted to energy drinks too. But yes still need that help somehow. It hurts to work. Well backache bad too.


My wrist needs a cortisone injection but I would like to try to find a thread for that here. I will also try to understand it from the mainstream information also. I have heard it works. But for how long. Also.

Not even ever interested in coke much.
Just pain relief and a lifetime. Ugg. Going to be busy with work for a while. Maybe I can wean this weekend real well. Somehow. Staring with Today in the extra time workload.

How I wish I could retire and do DMT for ever. That back to nature stuff and all.
Ya right. And trying to be and stay healthy ? So and I try.
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,849
Errr. My feelings are just completely gone from the Depression and Stress.

🕊

Later guyz.
 

Blankenstein

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
180
sweet @Blankenstein i'm glad the 10k has you motivated. well done for saying yes, it would have been easy to say no and make some excuse. even if you are crawling afterwards (i was after my first 10k!) t will do you good to do something different, and maybe spur you on to do more running.

before my drinking got much worse i was able to use my running goals to help me not to drink. i knew drinking would make it harder or make me not even bother.

i'm having an OK week. my sister is visiting which is nice. progress is being made slowly on my house purchase too.
Thanks. Yeh I didn’t drink for a couple of nights prior to the run. Was super pumped and feeling great, did the run this morning. First 3 km I did a pace I was happy with then slowed down. Ended up running it in 52 minutes. Not exactly a pb, but was happy with it considering how I haven’t run in 6 weeks or done a 10km in 12 weeks and was using this as a kick In the arse to get my shit together. Had problems with my knee in the last 1km.
I was pretty happy after, but ended up at the pub by midday and now my knee feels fucked. So drinking beers combined with my knee being ducked has made me feel a bit down. Whatever... I’ll get back in the zone some how.
Think I’ll get a scan on my knee when I get home in a week and a half and try get an actual answer as to what’s wrong with it.

yeh I get you about how having something as motivation can be good for not using. I just want to get to the point where I don’t need motivation. I just want to be happy where I am and not drawn into substance use. Whatever...

how did you sisters visit go? Is the house sale progressing?
 

Blankenstein

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
180
Thunderstorms moving in right now. I am scared. I heard some tics making connection effects. zzzzzzztttt Zapped. ⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

Still cutting back and still ADD but doing well trying to balance the sobriety ?

Any way tick tock goes the clock. I have a feeling I am going to be a weed-a-holic soon.
Foreva.

How are you going? Smoking a fair bit? How’s the pain med taper going? Hope you’re well.
 

chinup

Moderator: H&R, EADD
Staff member
Joined
Aug 1, 2010
Messages
6,131
Location
Greatest city on Earth
well done @Blankenstein - 52 mins is an amazing time!!! i doubt i'll ever get that quick.

i had a pretty bad day for drinking yesterday and hid it from my family. don't know if they can tell. actively didn't want to drink today. so tired.

going away for work this week, so won't have much time to come on here, really worried being left to my own devices will put me in the same self destructive bent i was in before i got back to my parents. but i can't afford to when i'll actually be around my colleagues. its easier to hide when you're interacting over teams.
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,849
How are you going? Smoking a fair bit? How’s the pain med taper going? Hope you’re well.
i worked really hard yesterday at work but at least i had a pain med to help me through it.

Yes taper is life saving gift from above. Or Heaven, somewhere. 😁
And helped to fix my brain, included in the wonderful reduction. And was way less harmful in ( my case ) then just completely stopping.

However, I still really do Need something. Weed won't work forever but it will be there.

My head and brain is allot more better healed. . . Then when I just Quit and had to get help from taking xanax because of quitting all together just stopping just like that. Cold turkey or sumptin.

The xanax was helping me to not take pain medication and just did more harm ( for me )
than it helped. It's beautiful for getting real good rest and sleep but it was doing allot of harm to me from using both medications. Or just the xanax too frequently. The only medicine that I can only handle is opioid based or mild opioid. Seems harmless. And IS in my opinion in minor dosages. So there we go. 😁

* yeah and the lightening storm was almost as fun as a dmt trip would be. high on dabz and marijuana cones getting ready to be taken out by lightening zaps in an electrical storm with two dogs all terrified to death was quite amazing experience. 😁😮
Dohh

The little chihuahua was all like " why we goin ta die rite naw " amigos ?

Terrifying 😁🤣 I'm serious 🐶✌🏼
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,849
So my depression is at the the levels i am used to now. Comfortable and delving. I have a pretty good balance i can say though.

When i go out to do things my depression goes 99.98 percent away. Isn't that a baseline for like normal. Anyway it's true. Work (job) NO. Going out and doing things, is 🌊 EVERYTHING to me. It is.

So i truly completely can get out of my depression by going out and being able to.

True.

Anyway maybe i should be in the depression thread. My brain is just too numb to be able to work a lot at doing anything or wanting to resolve now. Or do that much anyway. Maybe i DO have have physical brain damage Also. But it did heal a couple steps towards Better. So far.

I know that I should go get examined by thee medical doctors again and again as I am sure that I have before and aways. But you know, You Only Live Once. So . . . . . eventually I will get around to it then. Again.

I could probably start writing in blogs too when it can help coping techniques and understanding new consequence and to appreciate and proceed. He hee.

I don't know but I really think that I tried and am still trying. I always had made effort or to at least be aware. Harm reduction safety.
There you go. My obsession. Oh well.

But I don't do so well with complete sobriety. And NEVER will. Or really am NOT able to.
Or the least of functionally coping. As in COPE. Summer always helps feeling good from the heat and having good times. From the almost always perfect weather.

Anyway.

Words. Those threads were always so amazing and beyond the deep.

I always miss that Captain guy and time goes on however I still remember in my heart.

Pain doesn't always have to be from the dying because . . . but, the dead have suffered too.

The one's that I have inside my heart dearly, I will always miss forever through and through.

~ being a poet !! 💐
 

Blankenstein

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
180
well done @Blankenstein - 52 mins is an amazing time!!! i doubt i'll ever get that quick.

i had a pretty bad day for drinking yesterday and hid it from my family. don't know if they can tell. actively didn't want to drink today. so tired.

going away for work this week, so won't have much time to come on here, really worried being left to my own devices will put me in the same self destructive bent i was in before i got back to my parents. but i can't afford to when i'll actually be around my colleagues. its easier to hide when you're interacting over teams.

yeh I can relate to “hiding” drinking from family. In my mind I am hiding it, but usually turns out i wasn’t hiding it particularly well.

don’t beat yourself about one day. Just need to refocus and keep going.

Do you have anyone you can call why you are away for work? Or maybe try a zoom NA/AA meeting or if there any any in person meetings where you are going. I know 12 step isn’t for everyone. I don’t think it’s for me, but meetings still do help when I’m struggling I find.

good luck for the week.
 

Blankenstein

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
180
i worked really hard yesterday at work but at least i had a pain med to help me through it.

Yes taper is life saving gift from above. Or Heaven, somewhere. 😁
And helped to fix my brain, included in the wonderful reduction. And was way less harmful in ( my case ) then just completely stopping.

However, I still really do Need something. Weed won't work forever but it will be there.

My head and brain is allot more better healed. . . Then when I just Quit and had to get help from taking xanax because of quitting all together just stopping just like that. Cold turkey or sumptin.

The xanax was helping me to not take pain medication and just did more harm ( for me )
than it helped. It's beautiful for getting real good rest and sleep but it was doing allot of harm to me from using both medications. Or just the xanax too frequently. The only medicine that I can only handle is opioid based or mild opioid. Seems harmless. And IS in my opinion in minor dosages. So there we go. 😁

* yeah and the lightening storm was almost as fun as a dmt trip would be. high on dabz and marijuana cones getting ready to be taken out by lightening zaps in an electrical storm with two dogs all terrified to death was quite amazing experience. 😁😮
Dohh

The little chihuahua was all like " why we goin ta die rite naw " amigos ?

Terrifying 😁🤣 I'm serious 🐶✌🏼
That’s great your taper is going well.

yeh the Xanax thing probably isn’t a great move,but it sounds like you already figured that out.

great work on tapering!

haha lightning storm sounds hectic. Poor doggos! Mine hates storms as well...
 
Last edited:

chinup

Moderator: H&R, EADD
Staff member
Joined
Aug 1, 2010
Messages
6,131
Location
Greatest city on Earth
Do you have anyone you can call why you are away for work? Or maybe try a zoom NA/AA meeting or if there any any in person meetings where you are going. I know 12 step isn’t for everyone. I don’t think it’s for me, but meetings still do help when I’m struggling I find.
i need to get back into meetings big tme.

was ok in the end. didn't get insanely drunk. this weekend is (1st Aug) is the date i've set to stop drinking entirely. to a large extent i think i've stopped enjoying it. certainly when i'm on my own. not sure if that will help or not. but my brain is already trying to get me to push the date back or at least allow one day a week until i have a completion date set for my house. but i think it will be easier to just be firm in my decision.
 

Blankenstein

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
180
i need to get back into meetings big tme.

was ok in the end. didn't get insanely drunk. this weekend is (1st Aug) is the date i've set to stop drinking entirely. to a large extent i think i've stopped enjoying it. certainly when i'm on my own. not sure if that will help or not. but my brain is already trying to get me to push the date back or at least allow one day a week until i have a completion date set for my house. but i think it will be easier to just be firm in my decision.
That’s awesome you have a date set. Don’t push it back or do the one day a week thing. As you said it’s just your brain trying to screw you. I do the same thing and it never works. Stick to your original plan. Meetings will probably help. I’m psyched for you, good luck!

im alcohol free today for first time in a week. Feeling pumped to not be hungover tomorrow! And I go home on Tuesday after 4 weeks at work! Feeling even more pumped!
 

chinup

Moderator: H&R, EADD
Staff member
Joined
Aug 1, 2010
Messages
6,131
Location
Greatest city on Earth
well done on not drinking!!! try to keep it up til you leave, having a few days sobriety under your belt will make it easier to resist when you get back. what are your plans to avoid another opiate/benzo haze? while you're still out at work plan stuff with mates, even on days people aren't about plan some days out or something- i think you said you liked surfing? well go!! if you plan before getting back to have most of your time full and have put in action what you can ahead of time to try and make your plans happen you have a better chance.
 
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