xXTOKERXx's Life of MDMA 
This is my story, or rather "trip report" of the past year of my life and it introduction and involvement in Ecstasy.
Please note, if you have read this before and for some reason see it again its most likely due to an additional report, which will be located at the bottom of the page
The First Time8(
It was around a year ago I started hanging around with 2 boys, they were called B and D, they were not popular but had a reputation as having good contacts - not just in drugs but a wide range of interesting semi-legal stuff.
B and D were quite people, they kept them selves to themselves and were in general good people with the ruff edge. Despite this not many people actually liked them; they found them to be wanna-be-rudeboys (scallies). The odd thing is I was going through a very depressive time, and despite that I actually made new friends, I got along with them and they got along with me, at one point we felt like we were brothers. When me and B would get back from school it would be straight to D's and out came the herb, skins, roach and obviously the good old grinder. I always felt bad around these mates of mine as I rarely had any money, no job and depression does that to ya!
well after a month or two chilling with these people I started to become interested in why they did ecstasy, all I knew about MDMA at this point was it was deadly!! How wrong was I! I started coming to bluelight to learn and research about drugs; I never even thought the people would actually be friendly
I started to learn all about the way MDMA works and how dangerous the substance really was compared to the media hyped up version.
I have been a very agro person for many years; this in my case means short temper, and a very physical approach to everything. At this point I felt I had tried everything to cure my anger but with no results and so to be truthful I feared nothing, I had no grasp on reality I was a paranoid person but was never "scared". Then one night came around and decided I take MDMA. After a while of looking up on bluelight and watching my friends B and D taking ecstasy almost every weekend and listening to them on the comedown about how great their experiences were I knew that I must try ecstasy. Then one night I became curious, started thinking all about ecstasy as if it came out of no where and so I decided to invite them to mine. When they arrived I asked if they would like to sleep the night, well for them to do the beans - they didn’t have a clue I was curious about this sacred substance and all out of the blue I said I want half!!! And only half - I was still worried about the possible death off one tab story! So the night continued and I was acting all odd trying imagining what it was like, but how wrong was I!
The pills arrived, and they where cK's and we heard that they were good ones too. I knew this was going to be my first experience and out of excitement snatched one up and I tried to bite the pill in half, but 3/4 went in my mouth, so they debated and turned to me telling me what an asshole I was! Lol - so I took the final 1/4 too :S
Well we were waiting and around 60mins both B and D came up. I was starting to worry as I had taking it over 90 mins ago, at which point the other too had came up, but I was not feeling much, I started to get stomach cramps, a really sharp saw pain! I truly felt I was going to be sick, but, thankfully D managed to talk me out of it.
around 110 mins after taken the E I was starting to come up, slow and nice, I could feel the subtle effects kicking in - everything was amazing, I couldn't understand how good it feel, every sensation was like an orgasm it was S0 unbelievably nice!
as the night went on we started dripping water on each others faces, watching trippy things on the computer, listening to the music extreme and fast tempo drum and bass we could just for those strange amazing "blow you up" experiences you get on E. Even though I was having a great time I always had the feeling that some thing else was at work, I couldn't work out what it was but it pleased me, very much so !
The night continued and finally I was down, I was please as I was wrecked from about 11:30 - 3am. At this point I slept like a baby with the most vivid and blissful dreams, I woke up with the most amazing after glow, and I was happy - more happy than I had been throughout the day for more than 4 yrs!!! This lasted a full week! I was startled, amazed, happy, enlightened, for once I saw a good side of life which I had never experienced.
What Happend Next? 8|
At this point I didn't go near it for only 2 weeks; I didn’t because I was hoping in a way I was cured of everything. Although it did cure me to a certain extent I knew it was going to be on my list for fun times. At first I couldn't believe what it had caused and how great I was feeling now - I truly understood the medical reasons behind MDMA!!
Binging
After this I binged for about 2 months, every week, making my way up 2 4 a Friday night - which was a lot of pill - but like I said I was coming here, and I was learning a lot to ensure I was not causing too much damage - finally I decided to give it a break, as I was going a bit over board, but nothing serious, just the first MDMA binge I experienced - this taught me allot!!!
I started to get tolerance, but I was happy in my day today life waiting for the weekend knowing I was going to be at the most happy time I could be.
it was great, I had loved every minute of my time doing E and didn't think any thing negative - apart from the last one which involved 4 very decent pills and a plane to catch 6:30 AM - I didn't sleep much that night!!!
Moderation
Anyways since then I have always kept a lid on my usage, I believe I have learnt unbelievable things from such misunderstood substances, I do not believe I know any more about them than any one else - I merely UNDERSTOOD them in a way which I liked!
so slowly but surely I managed to relax my usage to about once every 2 months, and I started to notice that my initial angers, fears, problems, depression where coming back - if you look me up in life you can actually tell when the feeling where coming back and I was getting worried.
Respect
Anyways I was not thinking about MDMA, I took it, I loved it, it helped me, everything was good - I decided to respect it and totally forgot about it apart from the special occasion, I did not even think about the medical properties behind it at this point, I just knew I had to respect it.
Clean MDMA Pills %)
Then there was this time, as a matter of a fact the last time I took it - and it was odd, because I had forgotten how E felt!
I took way less than usual, infact almost 1/4 at a time - and believe me a rarely feel decent effects off even a whole pill, the reason I took such a minor amount was because I was at a party and I didn't want to look like the E-TaRd, as all these people know nothing and would steiro-type me!
So I was having fun, with clean MDMA in small amounts which sent this blissful vibe down me, became really mellow - something I hadn't experienced in this way with MDMA. This was completely mind baffling at first, but it was good, really good and I was enjoying the party even though I was been quite so that I could feel the pills - I went home so that I could enjoy the buzz more and I lay in my bed with the little buzz I had, and for some reason I noticed that MDMA could rid my problems, in a fantastic way - lately I have been becoming very "detached" from society - its a new and strange way as I still suffer a certain amount of depression and under allot of stress from school, but after this experience I became all good again, I had no anger, no hate, no pain.
What Pills Made Me Realise
When my anger returns it is usually in a much smaller level than my previous times, I think this is due to ecstasy helps me in two ways, makes me feel good again and this reassures me, and I believe it opens some form of door in my mind. The same thing that people who smoke pot say that pot clears the mind.
Now I am not saying that everyone will feel the same way as me when they use it, as everyone is different and it may have only been in my current state that allows it to help me. I also believe MDMA cures me for a period of time, it stops my anger from be so extreme, my hate for certain ppl, and my general "nasty" behavior...
now I do not mean to sound like some mad man, but I know my problems and am facing them with everything i've got so that I can live life "happily" ever after as they say!
For some reason, now a while after I feel right, I feel good, I am friendly, people are friendly back, I am doing my work, I am more motivated, and I am not so stressed!!
I am obviously still stressed because I am doing exams and other shit ATM but no way near the way it was before!!
So basically what I am saying is that if you treat this, "chemical" with respect this "chemical" can change you, better than any doctor, better than a healthy diet, it can honestly make you a better person - if you let it, if you don't abuse it!!
Don’t get me wrong, I am not telling you that it will work for you, but in my own personal life I can 100% certainly say that it has helped me! - Better than any thing, any one has ever done for me...
Respect the E and the E respects you!
I thought this was the appropriate forum because I believe this is my "drug year long trip" which may have many interested people out there...
Peace!
Additional Experiences :D
Blue MX's At Home - How MDMA isn't everything
Well i was kicked out of school, pretty annoyed as i had been trying to hard to focus and do well for my exams, but my anger got the worse of me.
So fairly annoyed for been kicked out, but i couldn't do anything about it, so i was trying to change my mind to a more positive attitude, and things were going well as far as been kicked out of school goes. It was friday, and i was planning on my friend staying the night and smoking some weed, but half way through the night he ditches me for his ex, how lame!!
so i am now sitting at home bored and a little pissed off, started to feel a little negative and this is really what i didn't want, so i started searching around BL and just having mild chit-chat with one or two users, and my mood swayed a bit, i was feeling alot better.
I assume its about 10;15PM at this time and i decide i will take a blue MX, these things have a nice dose of clean MDMA which i previously knew so i thought i was going to be in for a pleasent night chatting to fellow friends at BL etc.
by 10:30 i can already feel the tingles, i put this down to been alone, with tunes and been able to do what ever i pleased. it was around 11:00 that i felt as if i was comming up, a nice slow come up, at this time i get a call from another friend who had let me down that day asking if he could come over, well i was alone and thought the company would be nice, so i allowed him to come over. When he arrived i was most certainly UP, but not in a messy state at all, not speedy, not mongy, just kind of floating, a nice feeling.
He comes up and he knows what i am on, he is drunk as it is and without telling me lets his other friend in, well i had no choice but to inform his friend what was happening.
This is the point where i felt the experience was going off track, it had upset me, because he had let me down twice in one night, and now expected to stay at my house, drunk!
So the roll is still there, all-be-it no very intense at it must be coming around 12, and my mate has one of my pills, which is ok because i know i will be sorted back. Now instead of me talking you through the rest of the night, i may as well give you an over view..
As you already know, the experience started off perfect, but as soon as i had an unwanted interuption it started to go wrong, because i was on E i felt the need to take more to make the experience more interesting, by the end of the night i had taken 3 and he had taken 1, the roll was shitty, really shitty, it didn't feel as if it was doing anything for me apart from keeping me up.
So i called it a night, which my friend stopped me doing, so i lay there with a mild buzz, bored and un-entertained...
woke up the next day a little grumpy of what had happend the night before, and not particulary happy with what happend..
This is a perfect example of how MDMA can not work the way it is suppose to, you must be in an secure enviroment for which you know what is going to happen to a certain extant, the un-expected can make the roll dull, and infact make you think its the pill which is shit, but when infact its where your experiencing..
I felt not a single benefit from this night, the only thing i recieved from it was i learnt that set, setting and company plays a major fact in how your roll goes.
The End - Until Next Time, Happy Pilling
---
Edit: - I took this Document to Microsoft Word and used it to spell and grammar check, there should be no more errors :D. Hope you enjoy reading and hopefully I will continue to log all my experiences into this Report. Please note that there are some forgotten experience which i haven't been able to add as of yet, if one day i seem to remember then i will add them for your reading Pleasure
This is my story, or rather "trip report" of the past year of my life and it introduction and involvement in Ecstasy.
Please note, if you have read this before and for some reason see it again its most likely due to an additional report, which will be located at the bottom of the page
The First Time8(
It was around a year ago I started hanging around with 2 boys, they were called B and D, they were not popular but had a reputation as having good contacts - not just in drugs but a wide range of interesting semi-legal stuff.
B and D were quite people, they kept them selves to themselves and were in general good people with the ruff edge. Despite this not many people actually liked them; they found them to be wanna-be-rudeboys (scallies). The odd thing is I was going through a very depressive time, and despite that I actually made new friends, I got along with them and they got along with me, at one point we felt like we were brothers. When me and B would get back from school it would be straight to D's and out came the herb, skins, roach and obviously the good old grinder. I always felt bad around these mates of mine as I rarely had any money, no job and depression does that to ya!
well after a month or two chilling with these people I started to become interested in why they did ecstasy, all I knew about MDMA at this point was it was deadly!! How wrong was I! I started coming to bluelight to learn and research about drugs; I never even thought the people would actually be friendly
I started to learn all about the way MDMA works and how dangerous the substance really was compared to the media hyped up version.
I have been a very agro person for many years; this in my case means short temper, and a very physical approach to everything. At this point I felt I had tried everything to cure my anger but with no results and so to be truthful I feared nothing, I had no grasp on reality I was a paranoid person but was never "scared". Then one night came around and decided I take MDMA. After a while of looking up on bluelight and watching my friends B and D taking ecstasy almost every weekend and listening to them on the comedown about how great their experiences were I knew that I must try ecstasy. Then one night I became curious, started thinking all about ecstasy as if it came out of no where and so I decided to invite them to mine. When they arrived I asked if they would like to sleep the night, well for them to do the beans - they didn’t have a clue I was curious about this sacred substance and all out of the blue I said I want half!!! And only half - I was still worried about the possible death off one tab story! So the night continued and I was acting all odd trying imagining what it was like, but how wrong was I!
The pills arrived, and they where cK's and we heard that they were good ones too. I knew this was going to be my first experience and out of excitement snatched one up and I tried to bite the pill in half, but 3/4 went in my mouth, so they debated and turned to me telling me what an asshole I was! Lol - so I took the final 1/4 too :S
Well we were waiting and around 60mins both B and D came up. I was starting to worry as I had taking it over 90 mins ago, at which point the other too had came up, but I was not feeling much, I started to get stomach cramps, a really sharp saw pain! I truly felt I was going to be sick, but, thankfully D managed to talk me out of it.
around 110 mins after taken the E I was starting to come up, slow and nice, I could feel the subtle effects kicking in - everything was amazing, I couldn't understand how good it feel, every sensation was like an orgasm it was S0 unbelievably nice!
as the night went on we started dripping water on each others faces, watching trippy things on the computer, listening to the music extreme and fast tempo drum and bass we could just for those strange amazing "blow you up" experiences you get on E. Even though I was having a great time I always had the feeling that some thing else was at work, I couldn't work out what it was but it pleased me, very much so !
The night continued and finally I was down, I was please as I was wrecked from about 11:30 - 3am. At this point I slept like a baby with the most vivid and blissful dreams, I woke up with the most amazing after glow, and I was happy - more happy than I had been throughout the day for more than 4 yrs!!! This lasted a full week! I was startled, amazed, happy, enlightened, for once I saw a good side of life which I had never experienced.
What Happend Next? 8|
At this point I didn't go near it for only 2 weeks; I didn’t because I was hoping in a way I was cured of everything. Although it did cure me to a certain extent I knew it was going to be on my list for fun times. At first I couldn't believe what it had caused and how great I was feeling now - I truly understood the medical reasons behind MDMA!!
Binging
After this I binged for about 2 months, every week, making my way up 2 4 a Friday night - which was a lot of pill - but like I said I was coming here, and I was learning a lot to ensure I was not causing too much damage - finally I decided to give it a break, as I was going a bit over board, but nothing serious, just the first MDMA binge I experienced - this taught me allot!!!
I started to get tolerance, but I was happy in my day today life waiting for the weekend knowing I was going to be at the most happy time I could be.
it was great, I had loved every minute of my time doing E and didn't think any thing negative - apart from the last one which involved 4 very decent pills and a plane to catch 6:30 AM - I didn't sleep much that night!!!
Moderation
Anyways since then I have always kept a lid on my usage, I believe I have learnt unbelievable things from such misunderstood substances, I do not believe I know any more about them than any one else - I merely UNDERSTOOD them in a way which I liked!
so slowly but surely I managed to relax my usage to about once every 2 months, and I started to notice that my initial angers, fears, problems, depression where coming back - if you look me up in life you can actually tell when the feeling where coming back and I was getting worried.
Respect
Anyways I was not thinking about MDMA, I took it, I loved it, it helped me, everything was good - I decided to respect it and totally forgot about it apart from the special occasion, I did not even think about the medical properties behind it at this point, I just knew I had to respect it.
Clean MDMA Pills %)
Then there was this time, as a matter of a fact the last time I took it - and it was odd, because I had forgotten how E felt!
I took way less than usual, infact almost 1/4 at a time - and believe me a rarely feel decent effects off even a whole pill, the reason I took such a minor amount was because I was at a party and I didn't want to look like the E-TaRd, as all these people know nothing and would steiro-type me!
So I was having fun, with clean MDMA in small amounts which sent this blissful vibe down me, became really mellow - something I hadn't experienced in this way with MDMA. This was completely mind baffling at first, but it was good, really good and I was enjoying the party even though I was been quite so that I could feel the pills - I went home so that I could enjoy the buzz more and I lay in my bed with the little buzz I had, and for some reason I noticed that MDMA could rid my problems, in a fantastic way - lately I have been becoming very "detached" from society - its a new and strange way as I still suffer a certain amount of depression and under allot of stress from school, but after this experience I became all good again, I had no anger, no hate, no pain.
What Pills Made Me Realise
When my anger returns it is usually in a much smaller level than my previous times, I think this is due to ecstasy helps me in two ways, makes me feel good again and this reassures me, and I believe it opens some form of door in my mind. The same thing that people who smoke pot say that pot clears the mind.
Now I am not saying that everyone will feel the same way as me when they use it, as everyone is different and it may have only been in my current state that allows it to help me. I also believe MDMA cures me for a period of time, it stops my anger from be so extreme, my hate for certain ppl, and my general "nasty" behavior...
now I do not mean to sound like some mad man, but I know my problems and am facing them with everything i've got so that I can live life "happily" ever after as they say!
For some reason, now a while after I feel right, I feel good, I am friendly, people are friendly back, I am doing my work, I am more motivated, and I am not so stressed!!
I am obviously still stressed because I am doing exams and other shit ATM but no way near the way it was before!!
So basically what I am saying is that if you treat this, "chemical" with respect this "chemical" can change you, better than any doctor, better than a healthy diet, it can honestly make you a better person - if you let it, if you don't abuse it!!
Don’t get me wrong, I am not telling you that it will work for you, but in my own personal life I can 100% certainly say that it has helped me! - Better than any thing, any one has ever done for me...
Respect the E and the E respects you!
I thought this was the appropriate forum because I believe this is my "drug year long trip" which may have many interested people out there...
Peace!
Additional Experiences :D
Blue MX's At Home - How MDMA isn't everything
Well i was kicked out of school, pretty annoyed as i had been trying to hard to focus and do well for my exams, but my anger got the worse of me.
So fairly annoyed for been kicked out, but i couldn't do anything about it, so i was trying to change my mind to a more positive attitude, and things were going well as far as been kicked out of school goes. It was friday, and i was planning on my friend staying the night and smoking some weed, but half way through the night he ditches me for his ex, how lame!!
so i am now sitting at home bored and a little pissed off, started to feel a little negative and this is really what i didn't want, so i started searching around BL and just having mild chit-chat with one or two users, and my mood swayed a bit, i was feeling alot better.
I assume its about 10;15PM at this time and i decide i will take a blue MX, these things have a nice dose of clean MDMA which i previously knew so i thought i was going to be in for a pleasent night chatting to fellow friends at BL etc.
by 10:30 i can already feel the tingles, i put this down to been alone, with tunes and been able to do what ever i pleased. it was around 11:00 that i felt as if i was comming up, a nice slow come up, at this time i get a call from another friend who had let me down that day asking if he could come over, well i was alone and thought the company would be nice, so i allowed him to come over. When he arrived i was most certainly UP, but not in a messy state at all, not speedy, not mongy, just kind of floating, a nice feeling.
He comes up and he knows what i am on, he is drunk as it is and without telling me lets his other friend in, well i had no choice but to inform his friend what was happening.
This is the point where i felt the experience was going off track, it had upset me, because he had let me down twice in one night, and now expected to stay at my house, drunk!
So the roll is still there, all-be-it no very intense at it must be coming around 12, and my mate has one of my pills, which is ok because i know i will be sorted back. Now instead of me talking you through the rest of the night, i may as well give you an over view..
As you already know, the experience started off perfect, but as soon as i had an unwanted interuption it started to go wrong, because i was on E i felt the need to take more to make the experience more interesting, by the end of the night i had taken 3 and he had taken 1, the roll was shitty, really shitty, it didn't feel as if it was doing anything for me apart from keeping me up.
So i called it a night, which my friend stopped me doing, so i lay there with a mild buzz, bored and un-entertained...
woke up the next day a little grumpy of what had happend the night before, and not particulary happy with what happend..
This is a perfect example of how MDMA can not work the way it is suppose to, you must be in an secure enviroment for which you know what is going to happen to a certain extant, the un-expected can make the roll dull, and infact make you think its the pill which is shit, but when infact its where your experiencing..
I felt not a single benefit from this night, the only thing i recieved from it was i learnt that set, setting and company plays a major fact in how your roll goes.
The End - Until Next Time, Happy Pilling
---
Edit: - I took this Document to Microsoft Word and used it to spell and grammar check, there should be no more errors :D. Hope you enjoy reading and hopefully I will continue to log all my experiences into this Report. Please note that there are some forgotten experience which i haven't been able to add as of yet, if one day i seem to remember then i will add them for your reading Pleasure
Last edited:
