So, I'm trying again.

[JerryBlast]

So, I'm trying again... Goodbye Opiates

I don't know how many days I am clean now 4.. maybe 5. I seem to have a very difficult time quitting drugs on a permanently because of the fact that they are actively around so many places... So many people I know do drugs of some sort and the ones that do not are a completely different scene of people that I am not used to but have no problem interacting with... It just generally makes me feel out of place. Anyway, I am registering because as an emotional being I hope the support here can strengthen my chances of allowing my mind to overcome this deep and treacherous temptation that pulls me in so vividly.

-This time I am quitting Heroin and Oxycontin.I was doing about .1-.2 a day for roughly a week or so and then bumped up to .3-.4 pretty steadily after that. Things started to get really hard when I was getting 10 - 20 Oxy's at a time when I didn't have the H. Eventually I had enough for a Ball of H and while sharing that lasted probably a few days and then it was back to .2 again until the next ball... I don't know how much heroin I have done but I have only smoked it. I have drawn the line due to my intense urges to want to start shooting. I have barely any weed left but I have somenone-the-less, it helps a lot... Just a mental note really... Hopefully, you all can provide some information on getting through the worst bits... My hardest part to get through right now is the intense restless leg syndrome. It has kept me up for days and even though I can get to sleep this is driving me absolutely nuts. To the point, I am just laying there for hours awake at night until I pass out for an hour or two to be awoken by limbs that need to over-extend, shake, and constantly move...

I am going to do this though, I have a bright future ahead of me... My emotions are kind of trembling at typing this because of how stressful things have been... I haven't lost it all. I did spend most of my money. I put myself in a position where I am no longer mobile anymore and I am lucky I didn't lose my place to live. Thankfully, I quit before that became an issue. I can do this I really have to do this. I am going cold-turkey My recent intake was maybe 3 grams over a period of a week... I was up to about half a gram a day. I have thought about using psychedelics to therapeutically help alter my mind in a way that directs it away from drugs like heroin, meth, coke, and extasy. However, I feel like even though I have good experience with the psychedelic world, ultimately that is just creating one problem while fighting another. Yes, it would help the urges and the mindset in the moment but would I really achieve the mental state I need to be at when I don't have said psychedelics to have my back... This is why I am going cold turkey... I don't want to have to kick a drug that I am taking to kick another drug and risk getting addicted all over again to something new. This is really tough guys, however I do really want a natural remedy for this restlessness. I need some really good sleep before I go crazy >_>

 

[simco]

I'm so glad you're here! It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders, which will help a lot.

I don't want to overwhelm you, but do you have any thoughts about how you'll maintain your quit after the acute withdrawal phase ends? The first months after quitting an opioid habit can really test us. Having a bit of structure in place to help prop up our resolve can make a huge difference.

Some people find this kind of support in groups like NA, though for many people, 12-step recovery isn't their cup of tea. Other options include things like intensive outpatient rehabs (available through many clinics/hospitals in the US at least). One-on-one psychotherapy can also have a productive role to play for some people, helping you excavate some of the things that make drug use seem like a good idea. And of course there's often great benefit in asking *trusted* family or friends to help you--talking often and honestly about what's going on.

And if it turns out that staying off the opioids becomes problematic, a bit of time in a structured opioid replacement therapy (ORT) program can be a godsend.

But none of these questions is meant to detract from the big congrats you're due! Keep up the hard/good work.

Sim

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Best of luck !!

 

[Jabberwocky]

For the restlessness, I'd suggest trying Tiger Balm applied after a hot bath to your legs and arms (particularly the joints) quite liberally. Getting exercise during the day, even if it just means going on a walk or a bike ride, is also a huge help to deal with RLS type stuff. If you can get your hands on any gabapentin, that should help as well.

 

[JerryBlast]

Update on my recovery

I haven't relapsed and I am at my 7-day mark today so I am pretty proud of myself. I was offered it today but turned it down and stood my ground. It is interesting to see the reaction of those who are watching you go clean. I have no cravings for it currently. The hardest part of this pursuance of a sober life was the past six days. I have been restless and shaking. Today was the only day I wasn't constantly jittery. I don't know why it lasted so long but I am glad it is slowing down at least or maybe even going away already, I can only hope. I will try the Tiger Balm idea if it starts up real bad and I have been constant with the hot water treatment.

In other news: Working towards complete sobriety will be a very daunting task. I do want to achieve this goal though. I got up this morning and decided that I wanted to take things into my own hands again and get back on my feet. I somehow managed to score 2 job interviews in one day which is a big feat for me especially after not being active for years and also my town is very rural and low populated. Jobs are hard to come by unless you have already been floating around all the managers... Even still though a miracle has come my way and graced me with opportunity so I am going to take it and try to lead my life in a better direction. The jobs that I am applying for will most likely do random drug tests as well so it will be a big motivator to keep myself clean. I plan to detox my system and get myself on a proper diet on top of a regular exercise plan so that I can pass a drug test. Keep rooting for my guys!

Recap of my heroin addiction and how I got here from day 1 of trying heroin to today on Bluelight.. (5/3/2017)

Introduction: First of all I would like to say, thank you all for the support I know the biggest part is within and that is why I am here today. I am glad I didn't go into IVing and let this be a warning to anyone who reads this who may be interested in doing so... My life may not have recovered who knows, id rather not think about it. This is my story briefed in the best way I know how off the top of my head.. I will try and keep it to the point.

Story Starts: I started on pills then I moved to heroin because I thought it was stronger and better... Well, I never took into consideration how tolerance can affect a body. I went from a $20 a day habit to $50-$100 a day. I would sometimes even spend money I knew I shouldn't have dipped into in order to cover this habit. Not to mention starting out I was paying $20 a point and then when I would spend $100 for a while it was still $20 all the way up until I "Earned the price" so they said.. Eventually, I had enough money to pick up more than the people I was getting it from could cover, that is the only thing that allowed me to start picking up more and develop my habit further.I eventually watched the psychology of the people I was around and who were doing it change. They would do whatever they could to get some more even if it meant stealing your money which happened to me a lot in the beginning before I finally got fed up and got more strict. I decided to be very generous with buying people food and paying gas in order to buy kindness from the people I needed to get this fix from, just so that they would consider me a valuable resource instead of a quick scam. We all would rely on one another during the hard times and it felt sort of like a family for doing drugs... It's not something to toy around with or joke about.

I myself even pitted myself in certain situations where I would have done the same as them because of how much I was drawn to it and had no other cares for other things or anyone else at those times I was pursuing the drug. The first time I quit was because I was going to pawn something that somebody had taken and was afraid to pawn. I stopped caring to the point I was about to risk going into a pawn shop with some dudes stolen stuff to get the cash so we could go pick up... Now you would think there is a certain amount of logic that says, "Dude are you fucking crazy, obviously don't do that" but when you are focused more on obtaining you will be surprised what you will put yourself up against. There were so many other logical options trust me, especially if I was patient... I see that now of course. It was an opportunity that presented itself at a time that my mind was willing to do "whatever it took" to achieve the goal... Somebody who really cared about me well stopped me and said they would give me $40 if I didn't pawn the stolen stuff that the dude had and risk going to jail... Don't worry Karma came right back and bit me in the ass right here, I took the $40 they gave me excited that I didn't even have to risk my life for it and went to go pick up. When got to the destination to get my fix I got robbed. Rightfully, I probably deserved that and I learned a really valuable lesson that day. For the first time, I let a drug take over me and I was running wild.

I am the type of dude that hit the party scene stable and outgoing... I never saw myself walking down that road let alone trying or doing heroin. When that incident happened I told myself I had to stay away but I only stayed clean for less than a week before my mind allowed myself to build enough urge to accept getting some again. I had a way different mindset at this point though and was very strict that I could use to pick up with and how I went about getting the drug and the money I used for it. I am still disappointed with myself today for losing care that much. The next time around I started to have more funds available and soon reached a half gram a day habit. When I started to spend every dollar that was not for bills or necessities on heroin I was living a life of complete happiness when I had the drug and complete misery when I ran out and had to scramble up what I had to get more wondering if I will ever be able to sustain heroin as a habit in my life. Even still I was wondering how am I going to be able to do this drug. How was I going to be able to allow it to be part of my life and there still be money left... I was down to half of my last ball that time when I decided I may want to start shooting up.

I had 8 rigs available and the thought teetered in my mind for some time while I started to dwindle that last ball down. I eventually got rid the rigs so that I didn't cross that barrier. I mean cmon if I lost my mind from smoking what would happen if I starting injecting. There was a lot of outside supporters as well who were addicts urging me not to shot on top of urging to go pick up heroin with me so we could smoke and they go shoot-up... Crazy world, huh? Naturally, my instincts of survival kicked in and removed the temptation. Somehow, I don't know what it was... A lot of things happened this month. My roommates moved out who were also close friends going through their own personal problems but also being affected by my addiction. It wasn't the root of them leaving but I am sure it wasn't exactly off the list of things that were a plus to being out of the house haha. Withdrawal is a bitch, son! Now, I have to cover more in rent and I was barely scraping my portion because of a habit already. I was at risk of losing my place to live now on top of a stable relationship.Even though I am going through rough times my fiancee supports me in every way and vice versa. If it wasn't for that habit you could have said we have a pretty dreamy life together.

A lot of support from family and just being honest with people that I am addicted to the substance instead of hiding it really helped them to allow offering help. My support group as I opened up would go let me go through my process but help motivate me towards better things and try to pull me away from it... It is important to state that even though they frowned upon me doing the drug and picking it up they did not prevent me from getting it and restrict me in a way that would allow me to block of the bridge for help. I was an addict and still am an addicted type of person even while being off of it. If it meant them coming between me and the drug I was not ready to let go of then I would choose the drug.

Like I said, I don't know what it was. I think maybe it was the fact that I almost did the one thing I told myself I would never do and that was to almost risk going to jail and last but not least, inject it. To set the facts straight this decision to be against IVing is strongly influenced by the awareness that I have an addictive personality and it was of out of control in those stages. By pushing myself to that limit I may have created a dependency level that I may not have beaten before losing my relationship and place to live which are basically the only things that make my life what it is. That's a dangerous line to walk and risk on your psyche. Something drove me to decide that I was done with heroin whether it be my relationship, place to live, support group or all of the above. All I know is that I decided I was done with risking everything for chasing a high.

After finishing that last ball and getting rid of the needles and other paraphernalia I am now here on Bluelight seven days later and I am reclaiming my life. I am motivated to move forward with the people I love and care about. I hope I can keep this streak going and eventually be completely clean from all drugs. Currently, I am a huge pothead I don't mind this after being an addict to multiple hard drugs. Right now, I am not drawn to any one hard drug but I did go out and party one day of this week and did a party drug in a controlled manner. Even though it was a poor decision I don't think it will set me back with the current opportunities that are headed my way. I just have to stay focused now and stay clean so that I can become a working class citizen again. This story is something to offer the world in a way that will hopefully prevent others from making this mistake or maybe help spread awareness to the seriousness of the drug and the damage it can do. Thank you for reading my story, I will update you all again soon in a few days. Hopefully, I get this job, please root for me guys and have me in your prayers as will I for you. I want to succeed and I want to do what is right for me and my family.

 

[DoctorMolecule]

I don't know how many days I am clean now 4.. maybe 5. I seem to have a very difficult time quitting drugs on a permanently because of the fact that they are actively around so many places... So many people I know do drugs of some sort and the ones that do not are a completely different scene of people that I am not used to but have no problem interacting with... It just generally makes me feel out of place. Anyway, I am registering because as an emotional being I hope the support here can strengthen my chances of allowing my mind to overcome this deep and treacherous temptation that pulls me in so vividly.

-This time I am quitting Heroin and Oxycontin.I was doing about .1-.2 a day for roughly a week or so and then bumped up to .3-.4 pretty steadily after that. Things started to get really hard when I was getting 10 - 20 Oxy's at a time when I didn't have the H. Eventually I had enough for a Ball of H and while sharing that lasted probably a few days and then it was back to .2 again until the next ball... I don't know how much heroin I have done but I have only smoked it. I have drawn the line due to my intense urges to want to start shooting. I have barely any weed left but I have somenone-the-less, it helps a lot... Just a mental note really... Hopefully, you all can provide some information on getting through the worst bits... My hardest part to get through right now is the intense restless leg syndrome. It has kept me up for days and even though I can get to sleep this is driving me absolutely nuts. To the point, I am just laying there for hours awake at night until I pass out for an hour or two to be awoken by limbs that need to over-extend, shake, and constantly move...

I am going to do this though, I have a bright future ahead of me... My emotions are kind of trembling at typing this because of how stressful things have been... I haven't lost it all. I did spend most of my money. I put myself in a position where I am no longer mobile anymore and I am lucky I didn't lose my place to live. Thankfully, I quit before that became an issue. I can do this I really have to do this. I am going cold-turkey My recent intake was maybe 3 grams over a period of a week... I was up to about half a gram a day. I have thought about using psychedelics to therapeutically help alter my mind in a way that directs it away from drugs like heroin, meth, coke, and extasy. However, I feel like even though I have good experience with the psychedelic world, ultimately that is just creating one problem while fighting another. Yes, it would help the urges and the mindset in the moment but would I really achieve the mental state I need to be at when I don't have said psychedelics to have my back... This is why I am going cold turkey... I don't want to have to kick a drug that I am taking to kick another drug and risk getting addicted all over again to something new. This is really tough guys, however I do really want a natural remedy for this restlessness. I need some really good sleep before I go crazy >_>

Don't shoot it. Don't cross that line and maybe just maybe you'll have a chance

 

[JerryBlast]

Don't shoot it. Don't cross that line and maybe just maybe you'll have a chance

Don't worry I am not going to. I am very serious about getting back on the right track I just wish I wouldn't have wasted so much time or gotten that close to losing everything. I am getting ready for my job interview. After that, it's to the other place to see if I can get that job. Wish me luck guys, I need this!

Thank you all for your support and for keeping a place where people like me can have this type of support.

 

[simco]

Good luck with the interviews!

 

[herbavore]

Fingers crossed that you get the job. If you don't, look at it this way: here is an opportunity to create resilience in yourself when life disappoints.

 

[JerryBlast]

I got the job guys! Things are looking good. The hours are stable and I managed to clean myself up really well for the interviews. I have another interview lined up for me at <snip> and I am still going for that job as well. Thanks everyone I will update you real soon about how work is going! I start on Monday.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Congratulations Jerry! Fuck yeah

 

[Nomasfent]

I got the job guys! Things are looking good. The hours are stable and I managed to clean myself up really well for the interviews. I have another interview lined up for me at <snip> and I am still going for that job as well. Thanks everyone I will update you real soon about how work is going! I start on Monday.

That is awesome news ....Your well on your way to a whole new life ..I have heard <snip> is a great company to work for ...my UPS guy has been the same for like 15 years and he seems to like what he does

 

[JerryBlast]

I am definitely excited for the new things I am doing. I don't think I will work there 15 years haha but hey you never know. I plan to go out and accomplish some of my bigger dreams and aspirations if I can make the time for it.

This is crazy. They would never hire me if they knew where I was 8 days ago... I wouldn't hire me if I was where I was 8 days ago.. Insane, well I am glad to be moving forward.

 

[Jabberwocky]

LOL this is why it is important to be very careful when disclosing our drug use (past or present) to folks (especially potential employers) IRL

 

[DoctorMolecule]

LOL this is why it is important to be very careful when disclosing our drug use (past or present) to folks (especially potential employers) IRL

Yeah the least they know the better. If things go astray one day of you got some clean time then talk to Human Resources if possible

 

[TrevorStJohn]

Congratulations JerryBlast!
Keep up the good fight ! I am struggling a little bit but determined to get off these Oxy s once and for all.
I am not sure if you still have RLS but I heard someone on one of these sites recommend putting a bar of unwrapped Irish clean soap under the blankets at the foot of your bed....i tried it and it works. My RLS subsided!
Best of luck !
Hope to all my fellow addicts.
Trevor

 

[simco]

Congrats, JerryB!

And Trevor...you keep it up, too. You got this, man.

 

[TrevorStJohn]

Thanks simco! It is really nice to have the encouragement.

 

[JerryBlast]

Thanks simco! It is really nice to have the encouragement.

Yeah man I am rootin' for you! It all starts within your mind and I know you can do it.

So something crazy awesome just happened.. I was job hunting really hard because I was dedicated. So I didn't do the usual "turn an app in and wait". I cleaned my image up, got online applications turned in, built a resume, the whole shabang. Scored the first job after the interview. The second job required two separate interviews and I just got hired there now too as a graphics designer full time. I told them I just got hired at the first job and they have no problem with that. My first job doesn't pay as much however they will work around my second job which pays significantly more. I am super excited, I can't even believe how fast life changed over.

Less than a month and I am working 2 jobs. Yippie!

 

[Jabberwocky]

That's fucking awesome Jerry I hope you don't get overload or anything. It's great to be busy (particularly when it means getting paid)!