Almost 2 months (sober?) update!

[Thinkwithportals]

Hey everyone, just wanted to pop in and say hi to you all and I hope you had a wonderful holiday.
I am almost 2 months clean from Kratom!
In the last two months I got my hands on two 15 mg oxys, and took them one night in combo with some whiskey to chill the hell out. I felt myself winding up to a point of almost breaking, and I suppose I consider that a minor setback because I gave into the craving. But I didn't take kratom.
Overall, I find that the cravings for kratom come at weird times, such as days where I think I'm doing pretty well... then suddenly I'm thinking about driving to the store to get some. Though it's fairly easy to resist the temptation.
I was hoping at some point to use kratom recreationally again, but for the moment I'm not even going to touch it in fear that it would snowball out of control.
I'm still smoking weed occasionally, and took some phenibut maybe 3 times? Spread out over the last 42 days or so. I don't know why I bother with it honestly, it really does make me feel like shit the next day. I suppose it's the need to be distracted by something that makes me feel differently than when I do sober.
Emotionally I'm struggling, I go to work and work my ass off, because making money and my job are the only thing I feel proud of right now. I do feel proud that I successfully (it seems) kicked kratom.
But at the moment, I'm trying to put some real meaning back into life and failing miserably.
All the physical symptoms subsided, though sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat and my heart is racing. But I've always had anxiety, so I'm sure that's what that is.
Mentally I keep telling myself to keep pressing on, but the holidays threw me for a loop and I'm stuck in a weird mental fog I can't shake.
Anyway, just wanted to say another HUGE thank you, to all of you who offered help and support during the period I was kicking, it gave me much needed motivation to keep on course.
You're all amazing

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Congrats on not using Kratom. Be very careful using opiates, phenibut, cannabis, and alcohol, as you do run the risk of relapsing on your drug of choice of Kratom or getting addicted to the oxy or alcohol.

The cravings that you mentioned do wind up becoming less frequent or bothersome over time, the longer you stay sober and don't use any drugs. They are normal to have if you are an addict.

Why not just quit everything? Have a happy new year.

 

[Thinkwithportals]

PTCH; thank you for your response. I am being very careful and wary of any drug use at the moment. Weed is a tricky thing for me because I've always smoked it on and off for the last 9 years or so. I've been able to stop for months at a time with no issue. I have decided to not take the Phenibut at all anymore, as it just isn't worth the trouble. Opiates are out, despite my recent dabble with them, I've decided it's in my best interest to stay away. As for Alcohol, I don't like the taste or effects too much - those were strictly social. I know you are right in the sense that abstinence plays a huge role in the reduction of cravings. I suppose I wasn't quite ready to be "completely" sober. I was consumed by kratom for so long, that my sole focus was kicking that for good. I didn't take into consideration the root of the issue - why I started taking drugs in the first place.
I'm still not sure what my specific triggers are for certain things. I was abused by a priest when I was younger and come from a very strict catholic family. My mother never believed me, and my father let my mother be the voice of that conflict. In my later years, I was raped 3 times. Emotionally I have a lot of unresolved things, I think.
I would love to quit everything, I just need to find my next step in my discovery of myself.
It is hard and I'm feeling very lost I suppose :/
Sorry for the long post!
But thank you again for taking time out to respond

 

[simco]

Hey, TWP...you're doing great. Yeah, the comings and goings of the cravings are just crazy unpredictable. But it sounds like you're working hard to find the path that's gonna work for you. And that's what we all need to find.

Keep us updated!
Sim