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Freedom from Crystal Meth, Heroin

ThatSpaceyKid

ThatSpaceyKid

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 10, 2015
Messages
338
Location
Colorado
I finshed a Rehab program. I am sure a lot of you remember some of my older post... Which glamorized every aspect of drug use, or there was always a reason to justify it... I am free from the grip of Crystal Meth and Heroin. Part of me is enjoying that, but I still have it at the back of my mind that I want to use again... I can't do that though. This time everything has to be different... No one is playing any BS with me at all. I know that it is Just for Today and that I have a daily reprieve, but as I have learned I can be vulnerable at any time and that I can go use at any time regardless.

I know about 12 step meetings, and support through others. After finishing the Rehab I was given the option of transition into the Sober Living house, but I decided to come home instead. I missed my home town. I was in a 6 month program. I will be finished with Probation which isn't a good thing in a way because in my mind that gives me the freedom to go out and use...

I guess what I am asking is what to do when those cravings become too strong, or what do I do when life becomes to much to handle. For me when I am stressed, sad, celebrating, grieving, etc I used to use, but now I can't, so I am not sure how to handle all those feelings without using.
 
You need to find an outlet for stress and cravings. Many people think it needs to be physical like running, working out, skating, snowboarding, ect. I think it can be mental too if your more into that like personally I enjoy writing, reading, video games, Netflix, and stuff like that. Pretty much anything you enjoy that requires 100 percent focus will work to keep your mind off negative stuff. I also recommend you get into counseling for awhile in order to have a safe space to express feelings your family wont understand. Like I know my family freaks out if I say anything positive about my past drug use and experience. They don't understand that if it hadn't been fun I wouldn't have been so invested in doing it you know?

I think the most honest thing I can tell you is that life is going to be really hard for a good while. Your just going to have to fight through it and learn what works for you as you go. If getting off meth and heroin was easy the relapse rates wouldn't be so damn high you know? You have also added to the challenge by going right back to your old environment. your brain is going to catch all those old cues to use and its going to trigger super intense cravings. My honest advice is if you are struggling already you need to reconsider moving away for awhile because cravings have a tendency to break our will to resist over time. In fact I would say that most people have a moment of extreme weakness within a week of leaving treatment. If they are in a position where they can easily get drugs then most of them will do it. That's why rehab places preach putting as many barriers between yourself and scoring as possible, the harder you make it the more likely you will be to overcome the craving before you relapse.
 
^ cj's post says it all way more brilliantly than I could. You should consider moving. Maybe another sober living house but in a different town than you are in. If you have family where you are, then just don't move so far away that it is prohibitive to visit as often as you need. But being there daily, that's going to be rough.

Hang in there.

- VE
 
the more time that goes buy that you are clean....the less urges you will have. you may even relapse eventually after a long clean period...but you will likely feel like it was pointless, not that great, and feel guilty and not do it again after
 
We need to let ourselves heal and remember the beauty of life again. Keep a positive and upbeat attitude. Lots of people are unhappy in this world even without addiction problems, so attitude is key. Having my ownself as my enemy just ruins life imo lol. Its going to take time. Acceptance is key. Resign yourself to the fact that you will accept all the uncomfortable feelings that come along with being reborn into this world. Thats what keeps me going anyways..
 
I really think you should reconsider a sober living house. Maybe something that isn't too far from home yet far enough to be that change of environment that you seem to need. Ask yourself this... did it get a lot harder when you went home? Are you staying away from old friends? Maybe a fresh start with other people that are also making a fresh start would really help. Good luck
 
Hello Guys,

I am feeling overwelmed. Honestly, it has been hard. I totally agree. I have been going to church and meetings which help. I guess the hard part is with the family. They have been walking on egg shells with me. Tonight I had a horrible incident... I acted in my old ways. I told my mom I was going to smoke a cigarette, went outside, then took off with a friend who does use but only Marijuana. The rooms taught me that it doesn't matter what drugs I did because its all addiction. I didn't smoke though. Anyways my parents and I fought over it. Then I had found an old tutor, it was just laying on my dresser. My dad flipped out and made me throw it in front of him... I didn't want to throw it... But then he started snooping around my room... I also had an old friend swing by today. It tempted me a little bit.. I am worried as hell. If I use I will probably go to Jail. My p.o has been testing me nearly every day... I am worried. I will be honest, I have taken my first hit of Crystal Meth tonight... It was a stupid thing to do... I tried calling my sponsor, but NA isnt as strong out here..

All of this is making me reconsider staying here... I might just have to go to the sober living house. I feel bad. I haven't been paying attention to my family. I have been obcessed with my phone and drinking energy drinks. I feel okay right now... But I dont want to fight anymore. =[. I am sorry for complaining just needed to vent...

I have faith and want to stay clean.
 
Talk to your sponsor about these issues, or if you see a therapist or counselor that specializes in addiction talk to them too. Can you tell your family how you are struggling with sobriety and worried about relapsing? Or that you are considering going into a sober living house to separate yourself from the drugs and people who use them or who you would use meth and other drugs with? Your family loves you and they are probably just worried about you, have you sat down and told them how you love them and you don't want to fight anymore?
 
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