darren1210
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2015
- Messages
- 1
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Have been reading the forum for a while, never got round to signing up. Thought I would share something I am going through as it is ecstasy related and maybe quite an interesting read to some. There are also pretty knowledgeable people on the site so some impartial perspective would be cool.
Right, let's get to it.
So I have been having anxiety / panic attacks for around 5 years now, usually a 2/3 times per week. They 99% of the time happen when I have eaten or drunk something and the anxiety is centered around the fact that that whatever I have ingested has been spiked.. with guess what.. an ecstasy tablet! This can be out at a restaurant, at a bar or even at home (yep.. had workman in the house a few days previous and convinced myself they had crushed up a pill and put it in the sugar bowl as a practical joke). Wow.
I get that while the whole drink spiking is certainly possible (and does happen) it is most definitely irrational, and with a certain amount of diligence probably about as likely as winning the lottery.
This has affected my life pretty badly as you can imagine, I have gone out and drunk at bars with the guys but it is more of a chore than enjoyable experience - as usually always ends up in me having an anxiety attack regardless if I watched the bar tender pour my drink, and then watched the same drink on the table like a Hawk to make sure no one puts an Ecstasy pill in it. WTF? Yes I realise how completely mental I sound.
Good news is I have seen my doctor to try and get some help for this and finally got an appointment for some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I am excited to start.
How I feel when having the anxiety attack...
- Scared that someone has put ecstasy in my food or drink.
- Scared that I will be in for an intense roll which is out of my control (for like 5-6 hours plus comedown).
- Scared that I could die, people die from ecstasy (again, irrational as more chance of car accident).
The anxiety attacks usually last for around 1 - 1.5 hours, basically the time it takes for me to 'write off' the fact that if I had have been spiked then I would have 'come up' and be rolling by now.
I'll also add a bit of background info...
- Took ecstasy from ages 17-22. Probably around 30 pills total.
- Had one bad experience, started rushing insanely from a Mitsubishi and freaked me out pretty bad as it was so intense. Was with good friends at the time who took me out for a walk and calmed me down, good night after that.
- Have taken other drugs on and off throughout my life: speed, cocaine, cannabis (pretty much full-time from 16-24).
- After age of 24, not too much drugs except a little on/off weed smoking which I've pretty much stopped for 3+ years (I'm 32 btw).
- Have a massive fear of flying, have only flown once (4 years ago) since I was 15. Had a massive anxiety attack (..of course) on the flight. Only mentioned as the attack was pretty much identical to how I feel when I have the drink spike anxiety attacks.
*Had 2 nights out when I was 18 and 20 where my drink got spiked. At least that's what I thought. Looking back, did my drink actually get spiked or did I just have an early onset of the anxiety attacks I am experiencing now. Thinking about it, they were very anxious experiences - and that's just not consistent with taking Molly.
Questions I need answered (not necessarily by you guys, but any ideas would be appreciated)
- Why am I so freakin' scared about ecstasy. Even if I did get spiked, ecstasy is cool - I would have a good time!
- Why so paranoid about someone spiking me, usually if someone spikes a drink it is for a reason (rape / revenge etc). Irrational.
- Still not sure as to why it is centered around this drug in particular and not any other.
- Should I just test and then take an ecstasy pill, face your fear style. I kind of have a burning to take one (since my gf takes from time to time and would love to share a roll with her), but am also scared at the same time.
Thanks for reading, and maybe one of you can make more sense of this than me!
.
Have been reading the forum for a while, never got round to signing up. Thought I would share something I am going through as it is ecstasy related and maybe quite an interesting read to some. There are also pretty knowledgeable people on the site so some impartial perspective would be cool.
Right, let's get to it.
So I have been having anxiety / panic attacks for around 5 years now, usually a 2/3 times per week. They 99% of the time happen when I have eaten or drunk something and the anxiety is centered around the fact that that whatever I have ingested has been spiked.. with guess what.. an ecstasy tablet! This can be out at a restaurant, at a bar or even at home (yep.. had workman in the house a few days previous and convinced myself they had crushed up a pill and put it in the sugar bowl as a practical joke). Wow.
I get that while the whole drink spiking is certainly possible (and does happen) it is most definitely irrational, and with a certain amount of diligence probably about as likely as winning the lottery.
This has affected my life pretty badly as you can imagine, I have gone out and drunk at bars with the guys but it is more of a chore than enjoyable experience - as usually always ends up in me having an anxiety attack regardless if I watched the bar tender pour my drink, and then watched the same drink on the table like a Hawk to make sure no one puts an Ecstasy pill in it. WTF? Yes I realise how completely mental I sound.
Good news is I have seen my doctor to try and get some help for this and finally got an appointment for some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I am excited to start.
How I feel when having the anxiety attack...
- Scared that someone has put ecstasy in my food or drink.
- Scared that I will be in for an intense roll which is out of my control (for like 5-6 hours plus comedown).
- Scared that I could die, people die from ecstasy (again, irrational as more chance of car accident).
The anxiety attacks usually last for around 1 - 1.5 hours, basically the time it takes for me to 'write off' the fact that if I had have been spiked then I would have 'come up' and be rolling by now.
I'll also add a bit of background info...
- Took ecstasy from ages 17-22. Probably around 30 pills total.
- Had one bad experience, started rushing insanely from a Mitsubishi and freaked me out pretty bad as it was so intense. Was with good friends at the time who took me out for a walk and calmed me down, good night after that.
- Have taken other drugs on and off throughout my life: speed, cocaine, cannabis (pretty much full-time from 16-24).
- After age of 24, not too much drugs except a little on/off weed smoking which I've pretty much stopped for 3+ years (I'm 32 btw).
- Have a massive fear of flying, have only flown once (4 years ago) since I was 15. Had a massive anxiety attack (..of course) on the flight. Only mentioned as the attack was pretty much identical to how I feel when I have the drink spike anxiety attacks.
*Had 2 nights out when I was 18 and 20 where my drink got spiked. At least that's what I thought. Looking back, did my drink actually get spiked or did I just have an early onset of the anxiety attacks I am experiencing now. Thinking about it, they were very anxious experiences - and that's just not consistent with taking Molly.
Questions I need answered (not necessarily by you guys, but any ideas would be appreciated)
- Why am I so freakin' scared about ecstasy. Even if I did get spiked, ecstasy is cool - I would have a good time!
- Why so paranoid about someone spiking me, usually if someone spikes a drink it is for a reason (rape / revenge etc). Irrational.
- Still not sure as to why it is centered around this drug in particular and not any other.
- Should I just test and then take an ecstasy pill, face your fear style. I kind of have a burning to take one (since my gf takes from time to time and would love to share a roll with her), but am also scared at the same time.
Thanks for reading, and maybe one of you can make more sense of this than me!
.