Marauder
Bluelighter
This could have been much worse. 3MeOPCP arrived and 5mg was measured and placed under tongue. An hour later (I should have waited longer,) feeling zero effects, I decide to rail 5mg. The burn is bad compared to ketamine and MXE, which don't burn at all. It's not far from the burn of insufflated 2C-E. About an hour after that I still feel nothing and 20 mg goes under my tongue. I suspected my ketamine tolerance would be the issue but I haven't taken K (or any other dissociative) in a month. I feel nothing remarkable after an unknown amount of time and I rail perhaps 15 mg and keep 25 mg under my tongue for 10 mins. At this time I'm not feeling anything subjectively, but must be in a fucked up headspace to keep dosing like this.
I don't recall much of what happened next, except that I was glad my laptop was working but wondered when or how I managed to fix it. While dosing, I was changing the hard drive and fiddling with the software. I turned to my friend who was having a blast on the same drug and said "OK, done." and he said I was staring at the screen for hours. I was confused but a look at the time confirmed what he said. I didn't feel different but I somehow knew I was messed up. I get up and go to bed. I recall having very dysphoric thoughts, I felt very detached and I can see why some people would call this headspace "dark" or "frightening." At the time, I remembered an experience on MXE in which I thought to myself, "I've never had anything even close to psychosis on LSD or 25C or 2C-E or shrooms, but dissociatives, this is what being delusional must feel like." It was a bad experience but occured only once. Afterwards I had taken ketamine and MXE hundreds of times w/ no problem.
I realized I couldn't sleep and got out of bed. I was surprised to find that an entire day had gone by. I went to bed at around 11 PM wed, and now it was 11 PM thurs. I felt fine physically, I was mobile, etc, but my emotions were detached. I found myself not caring about anything, and not caring that I didn't care. I felt emotionless, I had zero empathy, music sounded annoying and no thought or action was able to evoke any sort of emotion in me. I decided to sleep it off. I woke up on saturday feeling completely normal but still lacking emotion. It was quite a grim state to be in but not necessarily a dysphoric or suicidal state. These states require at least some emotion to be present. I began wondering if I would ever feel normal again, but didn't care either way. People, no matter their relation to me, were annoying. Attempting to do anything productive or to sleep was futile. It felt like having restless leg syndrome and not being able to move. I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
Mindfulness meditation helped significantly. 3 mg Etizolam helped a bit. Regarding etizolam: I had abused benzos and etizolam so much in the past few years that now, any amount of etizolam would result in eyelid twitching. It's never severe but there are cases in which it can turn permanent for some people, so I laid off the benzos completely. This is a known side effect of benzos and related drugs. I expected 2 days of eyelid twitching following my dose but have had none. In the past, no matter how long I waited between dosing, any amount of etizolam made my eyelid twitch.
Saturday was uneventful in that life played out normally on the outside, but I continued to feel lifeless and annoyed on the inside. It was not as pronounced as the day before, but there was a strong urge to take coke, MDMA or 25C just to feel something. I had a few bouts of laughter during the day but nothing to write home about. Toward the end of the day I felt normal if not a bit anxious. Now I just feel restless.
What bothers me is that throughout the entire ordeal, I was physically fine, and even when I got my memories, intellect and working memory back, I was still not mentally all there. This would not be something noticeable by anyone except those very close to you. Certainly not a doctor or even most family members. I recall a catatonic state that a friend of mine would lapse into here and there, regardless of the drug in question. He would be out of it for a few days, and then for a few weeks he would be able to go to work and perform his job (it required intellect and creativity), communicate with family and friends, and so on, but he was definitely not himself. He did not think anything was out of the ordinary, but it was obvious to anyone who spent a lot of time with him that he could very well have been replaced by a robot or alien. In his case, antipsychotic Seroquel helped rapidly. I have not taken any but would not hesitate to take Zyprexa or Seroquel.
My experience is not as intense as it may sound. I would have expected uncontrollable mania, aggression or a long lasting catatonic state. The extreme detachment lasting for maybe 12 hours narrows it down to the 3-MeO-PCP but every other symptom could just as likely be a depressive episode, perhaps withdrawal from an SSRI, etc. I am prone to severe depression and have been battling it since I was 13. That's close to 15 years. The only reason I didn't land in a hospital is because my friend suspected I would go into a catatonic state after I told him how much I did, and that the possibility of this happening is likely. He kept an eye on me, and I was able to talk after maybe 5 hours, though with slurred speech and no recollection of what I said or who I was talking to. I had a conversation with my father who stopped by briefly and just thought I was drunk and told me to sleep it off.
Not to say that this PCP analogue is harmless. If you OD or suspect a friend has OD'd, it's best to call an ambulance or drive them to a hospital if possible. The onset of this chemical is long, some ROAs taking 2+ hours before you feel anything. I probably didn't feel anything because it hit me like a freight train and I just don't recall the initial build up. This is just my suspicion. Stay safe.
I don't recall much of what happened next, except that I was glad my laptop was working but wondered when or how I managed to fix it. While dosing, I was changing the hard drive and fiddling with the software. I turned to my friend who was having a blast on the same drug and said "OK, done." and he said I was staring at the screen for hours. I was confused but a look at the time confirmed what he said. I didn't feel different but I somehow knew I was messed up. I get up and go to bed. I recall having very dysphoric thoughts, I felt very detached and I can see why some people would call this headspace "dark" or "frightening." At the time, I remembered an experience on MXE in which I thought to myself, "I've never had anything even close to psychosis on LSD or 25C or 2C-E or shrooms, but dissociatives, this is what being delusional must feel like." It was a bad experience but occured only once. Afterwards I had taken ketamine and MXE hundreds of times w/ no problem.
I realized I couldn't sleep and got out of bed. I was surprised to find that an entire day had gone by. I went to bed at around 11 PM wed, and now it was 11 PM thurs. I felt fine physically, I was mobile, etc, but my emotions were detached. I found myself not caring about anything, and not caring that I didn't care. I felt emotionless, I had zero empathy, music sounded annoying and no thought or action was able to evoke any sort of emotion in me. I decided to sleep it off. I woke up on saturday feeling completely normal but still lacking emotion. It was quite a grim state to be in but not necessarily a dysphoric or suicidal state. These states require at least some emotion to be present. I began wondering if I would ever feel normal again, but didn't care either way. People, no matter their relation to me, were annoying. Attempting to do anything productive or to sleep was futile. It felt like having restless leg syndrome and not being able to move. I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
Mindfulness meditation helped significantly. 3 mg Etizolam helped a bit. Regarding etizolam: I had abused benzos and etizolam so much in the past few years that now, any amount of etizolam would result in eyelid twitching. It's never severe but there are cases in which it can turn permanent for some people, so I laid off the benzos completely. This is a known side effect of benzos and related drugs. I expected 2 days of eyelid twitching following my dose but have had none. In the past, no matter how long I waited between dosing, any amount of etizolam made my eyelid twitch.
Saturday was uneventful in that life played out normally on the outside, but I continued to feel lifeless and annoyed on the inside. It was not as pronounced as the day before, but there was a strong urge to take coke, MDMA or 25C just to feel something. I had a few bouts of laughter during the day but nothing to write home about. Toward the end of the day I felt normal if not a bit anxious. Now I just feel restless.
What bothers me is that throughout the entire ordeal, I was physically fine, and even when I got my memories, intellect and working memory back, I was still not mentally all there. This would not be something noticeable by anyone except those very close to you. Certainly not a doctor or even most family members. I recall a catatonic state that a friend of mine would lapse into here and there, regardless of the drug in question. He would be out of it for a few days, and then for a few weeks he would be able to go to work and perform his job (it required intellect and creativity), communicate with family and friends, and so on, but he was definitely not himself. He did not think anything was out of the ordinary, but it was obvious to anyone who spent a lot of time with him that he could very well have been replaced by a robot or alien. In his case, antipsychotic Seroquel helped rapidly. I have not taken any but would not hesitate to take Zyprexa or Seroquel.
My experience is not as intense as it may sound. I would have expected uncontrollable mania, aggression or a long lasting catatonic state. The extreme detachment lasting for maybe 12 hours narrows it down to the 3-MeO-PCP but every other symptom could just as likely be a depressive episode, perhaps withdrawal from an SSRI, etc. I am prone to severe depression and have been battling it since I was 13. That's close to 15 years. The only reason I didn't land in a hospital is because my friend suspected I would go into a catatonic state after I told him how much I did, and that the possibility of this happening is likely. He kept an eye on me, and I was able to talk after maybe 5 hours, though with slurred speech and no recollection of what I said or who I was talking to. I had a conversation with my father who stopped by briefly and just thought I was drunk and told me to sleep it off.
Not to say that this PCP analogue is harmless. If you OD or suspect a friend has OD'd, it's best to call an ambulance or drive them to a hospital if possible. The onset of this chemical is long, some ROAs taking 2+ hours before you feel anything. I probably didn't feel anything because it hit me like a freight train and I just don't recall the initial build up. This is just my suspicion. Stay safe.
actually I do "love" MXE - or at least I respect it and find it extremely useful for the occasional reboot/clearing things up solo-experience. for me it's even full on entheogenic if a sessions is successful - which actually does take some effort. 3meo on the other hand opens the gates to hell and madness - madness in the true sense of the word. if I had to invent a pharmacological trigger for schizophrenia it would surely involve 3meo. (and some lsd and maybe some more dopamine via amphe...)