Yeeah, I agree with th Red Shark. Nitrazepam is one of the few 'enjoyable' benzos I've tried, and will serve you well during a meth or other hard stim come down.. serve you a little too well, because once you've disocevered that you can have your 'meth' cake amd eat it too (with some nitrazepam or whatnot) then you'll feel like you've got a free pass to binge out every weekend with minimal (comparatively) side effects.
I always thought that the disocvery of benzos and stims are what have taken me to hell and.. well, not back yet. At leaast they gave me an express, behind the scenes pass, to how shit things can get if you are afflicted with some kind of relatively common mental illness (Off topic: I suspect we'll be phasing that term out and handing it back to the people who have REAL psychological issues, not just the 'normal' folk like myself who have been ground down by shitty circumstances; ie. would depression exist if the world was perfect? Yes, that would be the 'real' depression which is a time and space inviolate, always there for anyone who feels they are in need of misery/company).....
where was I?
Oh yeah, rambling about benzos and stims being an unholy union. Boy, are they great at being bad!
Benzos have been around since I was growing up due to my mother being a night duty nurse who required scripted meds to sleep in the daytime what with all the noise of suburbia blasting around you ( I grew up across the road from the Preston /Bell Street /Maccas/ housing projects area. Nice place... hahahahhaah!! And I was on the good side of the road! As a few others have said, There was something different about the temazepam "footballs" - as we called 'em which were I don't even know how many mg's per footy, they used to actually get you kind of high. If I'm correct, each football was 25mg or so of temaz, and when my poor mum brought them home, it'd be a rush to the cabinet because I had an alcohlic father who was suffering throughout my childhood, then there was me, little alco Jnr who wanted to up the ante and discovered that temaz footballs wen really nicely with whisky (which I got high school buddies to buy, cuz they actually could pass for 20, let alone 18, while I still looked about 12 yearrs old). This was when I was 15, BTW. Then I discovered my friend's mum had presciption for panadiene forte or wahtever the fuck they are called now 500mg paracetamol/ 30mg codeine and BOO- YAA!
I'd found my high school combo. I didn't know what a CWE was but I just took as directed - two tablets totalling 60mg codeine, 1g of paracetamol (puke), 40-something milligrams of 'ye olde formulae' temazepam, and a couple of long-necks of VB - (hey, I grew from little kid to moody, anxious teen in West Preston when it was still a rough neighbourhood, don't juudge my lack of taste in beer) and I'd be off - at least my brain cells would be.
I remember kids thought I was cool because I sometimes cracked a can of beer on tthe way to school to go with the cigarettes we were all smoking.
Know what the point of this rambling post is? I'm still using benzos, and opiates (not just codeine anymore, haha), still addicted to nicotine (though I use a vaporizer, or e-cigarette as they are clumsily called), and I'm still dealing with bouts of depression which leave me good for nothing - I mean, I cannot move, eat, sleep - and this all was worsened by taking all the proper steps via the state authorized medical system, where I discovered that people are people - regardless of how much authority they have, or what their status is, people are people - and let's hope we all meet some genuinely nice ones today, because let's face it - what hope have we got other than simple human kindness?
OK, I realise this is a ramble-shamble, and no, I've not slept properly for,,, oh... about six years or so, But my intentions are transparent: I want to see more simple kindness in the world.
benzos, stims, SSRI's, opiates... they all have their function and should be accessible to those who feel they need them. GPs, psychiatrists, and to a lesser extent, IMO, talking-therapy practitioners, have become twisted and it's sad day when a psychiatrist, who I had waited to see for a long time, turned out to be an alien for all the human empathy he displayed in our sessions. Yes, I'm still hung up about that dude - hey, at least I'm calling him "that idiot" anymore, right?
I actually did two and a bit years of online study with a view to becoming a Counsellor - a talking therapist, no drugs - but I couldn't do the practical part due to financial restrictions. At the time I was the sole earner in the house, and me and my mother, brother and girlfriend were living from month to month, quite literally.
So there you go, sun's coming up on another hot day in Melbourne, and I've just bashed out half of my life story because I couldn't sleep. Thing is, these days, I don't do anything embarrassing or stuff which is later regretful, I just do stuff. Maybe that signifies a closure of sorts, by which I mean I'm growing as a person - not gonna top myself, too many people who will go before I do (oops with the psycho talk again, but I can explain that, too - I simply mean to say that I'm very tired and blabbering away as if this is a private journal instead of a globally accessible site).
So, yeah, mods - you're doing a wonderful job as always. Feel free to move this post, or tell me where to shove it (in my blog vacuum, for instance!)
Peace to all,
Halif