• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Where do You Find Self-Confidence?

RedLeader

RedLeader

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
12,311
Location
तमसोमा ज्योतिर् गमया
I think we need a thread about our sources for self-confidence (or self-esteem, self-worth, etc). I imagine that a lot of us started (ab)using drugs and alcohol to momentarily obtain some type of synthetic self-confidence. It might have been to meet new people, to be better at a job, to fit into a society that tells us we need to be this way, to not end up in tears at night, to even be able to look in the mirror. But once we try and quit the drugs that deliver that fake confidence, we need to be able to find other ways to feel good about ourselves if we don't want to go back to using (or alternatively we don't want to feel as worthless in our recovery as we did in our past). And then the guilt/shame/stigma that comes with being an addict, or a "recovering-addict" in society is also a force to be reckoned with when trying to move forward with our lives, and a force that can eat away at us if we still don't like who we are (I was bad enough before the addiction, but now I'm an even bigger loser because I screwed my entire life up with drugs).

So where do you find self-confidence? What has helped you feel good about who you are, despite where you have been? What advice would you have for people who are fresh into recovery and struggling to find healthy ways to be comfortable in their own skin? Or to those who may be limited in resources due to having lost everything to addiction?
 
A good starting point is helping others. :)

It makes you feel good about yourself when you see that others are directly benefiting from your assistance or whatnot.

Take pride in what you like to do. For instance, making music is an example I would state about myself.
 
Totally agree Captain. Started working with special needs kids and it really made me feel like a better person, which in turn boosted my confidence.
 
Helping others has helped me a lot too. Just knowing that you may have made someone's (or an animal's) day a little bit better can make your own day go quite a bit better as well. I've also noticed that as I get older, my self esteem/self confidence seem to rise. I realize that I'm capable of things that I didn't think I could do when I was younger and that makes me want to see if I'm capable of even more.

I've still got a looooong way to go, but I've come a long way too and knowing that feels really good. :)
 
Self Confidence and Self Esteem is something that I have had a lot of personal problems with and most times lacked in them both.. I found that I had great self confidence and self esteem while under the influence.. I have been substance free for just over 3 weeks now and am going to be joining a gym this afternoon (I suffer from body issues / being over weight) it's something that I would have never had the self confidence to do and have decided to bite the bullet and just do it and work on building back up my self esteem and self confidence..

I'm aiming for a happy and healthier lifestyle and in return have a happier and healthier life.
 
When I was a kid, I couldn't do anything right at home but I excelled at school. I grew up on a dairy farm so there were always lots of animal chores. I discovered through working w/ animals that I had some medical abilities.
I ended up getting a degree in nursing although I could have done better. At this point drugs had started to interfere w/ my performance in school.
After 20+ years in nursing I've certainly derived a sense of worth by helping others, confidence in my abilities in specific situations, etc.
I did the best I could after my husband was killed at work. He was only 30, I was 25, our son just 5. I did some really dumb things after and am just grateful I lived cuz I don't think I wanted to.
But now I'm old and tired and burned out and I wonder how long I'll be able to keep on w/ out some major changes.
Now if I just knew what that was so I could get started ;)
-izzy
 
Faith in myself, others, god.
Excercise. Positive self talk. It sounds corny and i dont do it on purpose I've got some hope dammit. Do things right. Talk to people, try to be outgoing. This used to be hard for me. I like who I am today and I like to be positive around people. I do shit for people expecting nothing in return.
I just had a good conversation with my roommate about me being single right now. Im really in a rough situation but I'm not letting it get me down. I dont want to take the first girl that comes along. Despite being at a low point in my life and usually im needing a chick im codependant as hell. I dunno I have some confidence today.
I know that I will make my life better and I'm able to wait until I can find someone worth something (that I'll be worth to as well)
Yeah I feel good today man
 
i have low self confidence, some things that help are having a hobby and trying many different things to find out what you are good at. I play guitar and practicing helps with my self confidence and self worth, same with music in general. I remember hearing this in a philosophy class, or something close, you should not place your self confidence in things that won't last (like money, possessions, looks, anything material). It's from St Augustine i believe lol but i modified it for this thread. Find your self confidence in things like your identity and the way you are. Of course that's difficult to achieve though.
 
Great idea for a thread Red Leader!

Self-confidence is really the key to everything, isn't it?
When I feel confident, it seems that life turns and changes just to match what I want it to be.
When I lack confidence, everything seems difficult or impossible.

I feel that self-confidence is the more important and basic power we can have in this life.

Nobody is born with self-confidence. We all have to earn it.
The only way to earn it is to go through difficulties and emerge, still alive, with a new perspective.

My children are horrified when they skin their knees. They scream and cry, and wonder if they can handle the incredible pain 8)
But, by going through that, they will learn that they, indeed, can handle the pain.

Some people are abused as children. I suffered emotional abuse and borderline physical abuse. It definitely hurt for a while there, but having emerged from it, I can say that I am stronger and more self-confident that I would have been without having to deal with that.

So, I think that the basic path to confidence involves suffering, but living through it.
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

However, maybe this thread is more about what we can do, today, to achieve more self-confidence.
In that case, I would say exercise is key.
It gives me confidence in my strength of will, and in my physical strength.
Making rules and following them is the overall theme.
If I promise myself that I won't do X anymore, or that I will begin to do Y, by following through on that promise I feel more confidence. Of course, breaking that promise leads to lower confidence, so it is really a type of test.

Every day is different - up or down - but when I make a promise and stick to it, I end up more confident.
 
a nice hot shower does wonders to my self esteem. even when i really really don't want to take one.
 
a hair cut also helps mine, as well as general self grooming. A lot of superficial stuff improves my confidence, though i wish it weren't so.
 
Hell yeah I stay clean, just got a haircut 2 days ago. Look at urself in the mirror and feel bad for all those suckers that didnt look so damn good lol
 
I have serious depression just not right now. I wake up in the morning and try to do something halfway important right away. Clean up, look online for a job, get ready to face the day.
 
ArtVandalay said:
Totally agree Captain. Started working with special needs kids and it really made me feel like a better person, which in turn boosted my confidence.
Click to expand...

I completely agree with this.

For me it was a couple of things. One was getting a girlfriend, but at the same time losing that said girlfriend crushed me in the end. But right now having a girlfriend has brought it up as well. The second one is one that has worked for me, and that's psychedelic trips. I have only taken a handful, but after the first few my overall view of myself began to improve. I used to hate the way I looked but after a little bit of self examination I began to love myself and I decided to be confident about myself, whether or not I'm actually good looking or a good person to be around. I don't recommend psychedelic trips to everyone obviously, as they can have the opposite effect. And it wasn't the reason I became who I am, it's because of what it opened up for me and how I utilized the knowledge. Now my self esteem is very high because I have the confidence to be more social and outgoing, which has given me in return a good self esteem when I meet new people or get awesome compliments.

Just have trust and confidence in yourself and be yourself and there will be people who will like you!
 
Last edited:
I've got low self-confidence and I'm absolutely useless when it comes to confrontation. It might be one of the reasons I've ended up with an alcohol problem as I use alcohol to try and be the party animal and try to be crazy and entertain people.

I've just turned 37 (two days ago) and I've been punched a couple of times and ended up in various scrapes but I've never hit anyone back. Even when ex-girlfriends have had an argument with me I've ended up sitting on the end of the bed with tears in my eyes. I just don't know how to stand my ground and argue or confront anyone. I've shouted at people a couple of times and once pushed my verbally abusive, drunken father against a wall when I was in my teens but them's the only times I've shown aggression and immediately afterwards I felt like running away.

I'm not sure if I need to learn and this might be a key factor in breaking the cycle of my drinking.
 
RedLeader said:
I think we need a thread about our sources for self-confidence (or self-esteem, self-worth, etc). I imagine that a lot of us started (ab)using drugs and alcohol to momentarily obtain some type of synthetic self-confidence. It might have been to meet new people, to be better at a job, to fit into a society that tells us we need to be this way, to not end up in tears at night, to even be able to look in the mirror. But once we try and quit the drugs that deliver that fake confidence, we need to be able to find other ways to feel good about ourselves if we don't want to go back to using (or alternatively we don't want to feel as worthless in our recovery as we did in our past). And then the guilt/shame/stigma that comes with being an addict, or a "recovering-addict" in society is also a force to be reckoned with when trying to move forward with our lives, and a force that can eat away at us if we still don't like who we are (I was bad enough before the addiction, but now I'm an even bigger loser because I screwed my entire life up with drugs).

So where do you find self-confidence? What has helped you feel good about who you are, despite where you have been? What advice would you have for people who are fresh into recovery and struggling to find healthy ways to be comfortable in their own skin? Or to those who may be limited in resources due to having lost everything to addiction?
Click to expand...

excellent thread redleader,i found my self confidence by telling all[which at first destroys your confidence but afterwards you realize most people dont care and appreciate your honesty so much so it gives you a natural high] oh and to put it bluntly not giving a fuck also helps
 
LaserHosen said:
I've got low self-confidence and I'm absolutely useless when it comes to confrontation. It might be one of the reasons I've ended up with an alcohol problem as I use alcohol to try and be the party animal and try to be crazy and entertain people.

I've just turned 37 (two days ago) and I've been punched a couple of times and ended up in various scrapes but I've never hit anyone back. Even when ex-girlfriends have had an argument with me I've ended up sitting on the end of the bed with tears in my eyes. I just don't know how to stand my ground and argue or confront anyone. I've shouted at people a couple of times and once pushed my verbally abusive, drunken father against a wall when I was in my teens but them's the only times I've shown aggression and immediately afterwards I felt like running away.

I'm not sure if I need to learn and this might be a key factor in breaking the cycle of my drinking.
Click to expand...

Well by getting a higher self confidence you would probably be more willing to stand up for yourself. It's easy for us to pick out all of the things we don't like about ourselves,but how healthy can it really be? You need to find a balance between using your faults as things to work on,rather than thinking how bad they makes us. Sure there are things that we can never change, so why even let them bother you? I have a low self confidence about my swollen nasal cavity, because it puts me in embarrassing situations and in a way has an effect on people's opinions. I could focus on how much that bothers me or I could just accept it as a part of my life and push it away so it doesn't affect my self esteem, and instead I use that energy to work on finding things I like about myself or improving my life.
 
This is a worthy idea for a thread, RL. Personally, exercising to look and feel good were "ups" in lieu of hard drugs. Also, learning - using my mind as an edge in conversation/debate. However, I realized the best way to build esteem is to do esteem-able acts: to be good to your fellow humans.
 
the only thing I feel even a slight bit of strength from is all the pain I have gone through in my life both physical and mental.
That and i lost over 250 pounds... which I think is cool
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top