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Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

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chicpoena

chicpoena

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Hello darksiders! We in TDS are introducing substance-specific MEGA threads. This is the Heroin/Opioid MEGA Thread. This thread will focus the unique challenges and problems caused by opioid dependence. Having a substance-specific thread allows us to create a wider discussion to provide greater, more focused support to the opioid-dependent community. Write about your struggles with addiction, overdoses, and all the other bad shit that goes along with opioid addiction.
 
Thanks for coming over you two :)

I've been clean for a while and I like being sober most of the time but damn, do I miss opiates. Like, all the time :(
 
alright ive been off heroin for 4 months now... and i just started drinking again... i was going to NA meetings and ive been catching a whole bunch of shit for it... its driving me fuckin crazy... and i want to kill everyone at meetings now







but other then that im great!
 
^ That is one of the problems, maybe, with 12 step programs; if you are not ready to be 100% clean & sober then it can be a difficult paradigm to cope with/adjust to ... but, on the other hand, maybe they are right ... Know Thyself, right? Recovery is an individual process, not something that be pigeonholed or put into a neat little box. Addiction is not defined by what we put into our bodies but rather how that affects our functioning in all the dimensions in which we live.




So this weekend I am going to be downstate, which is usually equated in my mind & experience with obtaining cheap, high quality heroin and binging out for a few days. Only thing is I can't do that, not only 'cause I don't wanna and am trying to get with some lifestyle changes, but also because I have a fucking JOB INTERVIEW on Friday that i'm not trying to be all smacked out for...
 
yeah i get that... i just think its funny because ive always gone out and had a couple beers with friends... i havnt heavily drank since i was 18... if it leads me back to my DOC then ill stop... but i dont think it will

goodluck on the job interview ;)
 
Good luck SKL!

When I quit opiates in January I drank more heavily than I have during any other point in my life. The funny thing is that alcohol is so much worse than opiates so I could really feel the toll alcohol was taking on my body. It made me feel so much more resentful about opiates being illegal. Luckily I stopped drinking, relapsed on morphine few times over the summer, and am not opioid-dependent any more. I really like being sober all day.
 
I have been clean for a little less than 3 weeks. It's doable :). From what I gather you & I have pretty similar patterns of use ... not exactly strung out but not exactly without addiction? Sound about right? I feel you. Keep busy.
 
Hey all, I've been away from BL for a good while (trying to get clean/sober-er). Right now I am on Sub maintainence and have been for awhile. I really don't ever want to get off but I know I will have to sometime. It's just that's works perfect for me and I've even been on a long time. I get ZERO craving for opiods, literally none, so so far it's been a godsend, but I know that its just simple substitution in the end.
 
Suboxone is a wonder drug for many people. Myself included. Being totally substance free is an admirable goal but don't hurry things. Quitting sub can be a real bitch in itself, not just physically, but emotionally, for quite a while afterwards ... my reccomendation would be to wait until you are in a place in your relationship with your drugs and your place in the big, wide world ..
 
Hey CG! I'm so happy to see you in here! You better bring some lolwuts next time ;)

Good on you for getting clean for a few days. The longer you're sober the easier it gets. You'll be going long stretches (like 2 weeks) before you know it. Plus you'll get really high when you use again. Wow I sound like a bad TDS mod :\
 
Well, hey there fellow opi-heads....


I had to sign in to add to this thread.


I'm so addicted that I went through detox, and came out looking for drugs. Now I'm using Kratom to control my jones a lil.

Last night, I dreamed I found a beautiful bag (about the size of a 5 lb bad of flour), and the bag was all sparklie and ecorated. I was trying to hide it under my clothes so no one could see it, but it was too heavy.

When I opened it, thinking it was drugs, it was shit.

Think on that dream for a while.

Hello, I'mnot DAve, but I'm a fuckin junkie.
 
SomeKindaLove said:
I have been clean for a little less than 3 weeks. It's doable :). From what I gather you & I have pretty similar patterns of use ... not exactly strung out but not exactly without addiction? Sound about right? I feel you. Keep busy.
Click to expand...

Yeah its weird. Using infrequently enough to avoid the physical withdrawal but just enough to have that mental craving when your not using.
 
I'm almost off suboxone (again). =D

It's been just over 60 hours now since I last dosed. I've think I've taken .3mg total in the last 89 hours. Even on such a low amount I still feel kind of crappy. Not sick, not by a long shot, but quite unmotivated, slightly depressed, a little achy, and stuffed up.

I'm just telling people I got a cold and that's the main thing that's preventing me from dosing again (even though it would be a rather tiny dose). It almost feels like only a cold at this point, so might as well just think of it that way. I figure I could always do a light dose weekly or every few weeks, just so any PAWS don't drain me too much.


It saddens me the number of times I bought H over the last few months and how much money I spent on it. Ah well, can't change that now, haven't bought it in over a month, so that's good. :)


ClubbinGuido said:
Yeah its weird. Using infrequently enough to avoid the physical withdrawal but just enough to have that mental craving when your not using.
Click to expand...

I don't think I could do that, it would drive me crazy. I guess it's good I still had suboxone from when I was prescribed it or else I would have been buying a lot more this summer.
 
chicpoena said:
Hey CG! I'm so happy to see you in here! You better bring some lolwuts next time ;)

Good on you for getting clean for a few days. The longer you're sober the easier it gets. You'll be going long stretches (like 2 weeks) before you know it. Plus you'll get really high when you use again. Wow I sound like a bad TDS mod :\
Click to expand...

Thanks lol. I look forward to going long stretches without using. I'm need to go for it so I don't fall into that use everyday fuck all attitude. My main reason for wanting to get my shit together is my girlfriend. I don't want to hurt her with the burden of my addiction. I mean I'm not physically addicted, just psychologically, but I'm an addict. Everytime I use I always tell myself I need to stop, its strange.

Your not a bad TDS Moderator. I lurk in here a lot and from what I have read you are very supportive and you do a damn fine job. I already know I'm going to use again but who knows, the day might come, and I hope, that I will never have to pick up the needle again. I do feel it coming. And good shit making this thread, I appreciate it.
 
I'm done dawg...i'm done

Fuck. here i am again sitting in agonizing pain as i withdraw for like my 66th time off the devil of oxycodone. Last dose was EXACTLY 24 hours ago. I don't know what i'm doing, i'm still living at home even though i'm in college and i can't pick up ne girls cuz i have nowhere to take them to. i get really good grades and work hard but haev no social life and am in SEVERE debt from oxycontin (75 cents a mg and up where i am from).....damnit....ill get 5 6 days under my belt (just starting to get over wd's), then bam i'm out using again. I've tried NA i've tried everything...fucking shit.
 
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