Your parents views on your drug use.

Ive been taking various drugs for about 2 years now, nothing hard just ectasy/dxm/speed occasionaly and I used to smoke weed everyday but its more like every 2 days now, Im sick of hiding my habbits because I see nothing wrong with them. Im 18 so im an adult and I shouldnt have to live in fear that my parents are going to find out I take drugs. I was wondering if anyone here has just gone outright and confronted there parents about there recreational use of drugs and what was the outcome/reations of parents and such? If people could offer there advice it would be much appriciated.

don't assume your parents don't know already

Parents can have a tendency to play dumb and turn a blind eye until they think it warrants action

Thats some parents of course... the fact that I'm still living proves my parents had no idea when I was living at home :D

As far as coming out and telling them - well that all depends on how well you know your parents and what kind of people they are.

Let me put this to you - why do you feel so compelled to tell them? Will it make any real difference in the end?

Nothing hard? Only Ecstasy DXM Speed Weed [/b] Then what the hell is hard? Just Smack and Crack Cocaine?

Wake up to yourself. You use hard drugs.

If your parents trust your judgment, tell them and they will get pissed off

If your parents dont trust your judgment, tell them and they will get pissed off

They are parents. If you become a parent one day you will more than likely do the same thing. I told mine... they got pissed off. They mostly got pissed off because they knew i was doing drugs already and thought i was an idiot for 1)doing more drugs than they thought i was doing and 2) assuming that they didnt know i was doing drugs. My parents are not the run of the mill uninformed propaganda-washed parents. If they see something on TV or in the paper about drugs they ask me about it. They trust me to give them a balanced view. You know when your friends are off guts, your parents are even MORE receptive to the moods and whims and day-to-day changes of their own children... they raised you from day 1, of course they are going to know that you are/have been out of your skull.

Let me tell you now, wether you tell them or not, its going to make absolutely squat difference. You will have a nasty argument and probably not speak to eachother for a while, but you will still keep taking drugs and they will still keep wishing you werent... just the way it was before you told them. Dont be so quick to think that just because you are 18 and legally an adult that telling your parents about your habits is an adult thing to do. causing an argument and alot of pain is a teenage thing to do, walking your way around the truth until it really needs to be known is the adult thing to do.

Dont tell them. If they feel that something is wrong, then trust that they will ASK you. Then its up to you to decide wether to tell them or not.

Andromeda

im tipping they already know. you're kind of selling them abit short to assume otherwise i think.

Yep they know - They have known for a long time.

I came out and told them. I told them for many reasons - I was 23 years old and felt that I was old enough to speak to them as an adult and face the consequences of my actions. I had thought about if for along time and hated it how other parents saw their kids in an angelic way eventhough they are devils inside.
I couldn't handle the lying and hiding anymore. I also wanted them to know what I did, so if in case something 'bad' happened they would be able to deal with the issue at hand and not run around in denial, blaming themselves for being a bad parent.

My parents of course were not happy but accepted it with an opened mind. Mum was probably from one of the strictest families i've ever known so she was happy that I was éxploring' new horizons... Mum is very curious about it and i'm sure if she was younger I probably could get her to try it. Her biggest worry is having a bad e that kills me. I told her don't worry.. I always use my friends as guinea pigs before I take it! That makes her laugh.

Her view on my drug use though has changed a tiny bit now that I'm soon to be unemployed. She doesn't want me to waste money on them and thinks they should be a luxury - and she's right. She's also pretty happy that I can go months without taking stuff and that it's all under control and it hasn't effected any other facets of my life.

When I was living at home, or if I go home b4 a party she always tells my friends to make sure I don't take too much and to look out for me. MUM ROCKS!!!!

One thing she can't stand though is drug dealers. She wishes the whole thing was legalised or at least some body was monitoring it all. She's warned me that if I was stupid enough to blow my career and education to make a few quick dollars by selling stuff she would disown me - and i'm sure she would!

Dad on the other hand...

I remember one such incident.. I was at the hospital with a severe fever and flu.. my dad is on his mobile phone talking to mum telling her how concerned he is.. Mum then told him 'that i'm probably taking drugs again and that's why i've fallen sick...
My dad's view turns from worry to anger as he starts yelling at me in the middle of the emergency room. Áre you back on drugs!? If you are i'll leave you right here and you can walk home!'
I'm begging him to keep quiet and turn his phone off. He keeps yelling at me.. EVERYONE in the emergency ward is now staring at us. I'm too sick to even argue and I almost begin crying cause I feel that sick... He then gives me a lecture (waving his arms around) how i'm destroying the family and if I want to take drugs and be a junkie I can do it but don't call them (my parents) for help!
Finally he stop (I have tears in my eyes) and I tell him no I haven't done that for a while now and just collapse on to the ground - At least that shut him up!! (BTW I hadn't had anything for about 2 months)

Dad's pretty much tolerant about it.. until something pisses him off. Then everything's the drug's fault. For example, me losing my job (the company closed down) is the drug's fault. My HD's at uni not being in the 90's - The drug's fault. My car breaking down - The drug's fault! It's pretty funny sometimes..

I'm glad they know and understand my use.. and i'm glad i'm not doing it as some form of rebellion against them.


F

that was a great post friskk. I enjoyed reading that.

wow thanks for all your replys, and lately I have been thinking my mum knows I take drugs recreationaly, I mean I have left cone piece's lieing around my room before, and my bottole of Clear Eyes appeared in the bathroom one day and I saw one of my homemade bongs without the hose in it, in the kitchen sink when I went to wash the dishers, oh and last week when I walked into the house stoned my mum came up to me put her finger on my eyelid and said "I know my boy", which freaked me out...

Prehaps she is in denial, and prehaps im in denial about her knowing, but from what has been said I think its best not to tell my parents, atleast for awhile...

^^^ she knows.

i think you should use your judgement about htis and do what feels right.

I never told my parents about my drug consumption freely, but when dad asked me a little while ago, i told him without qualms. He has been where i am at, so i guess he understands. But hten again, we have a very good relationship, so i guess that's not something common to every parent-child relationship.

I think the most important thing is to not lie. You can build up the trust of your parents by being honest with them when they ask. This is best because it means that should you ever need help from them regarding this kind of thing, they will not be as shocked, and will probably have already done their research and know what is going on (to a certain extent)...

Oh, and judging by the drugs you take, you do do "hard" drugs... having done my research on erowid, i personally wouldn't touch DXM with a 20 foot pole. But each to their own...

Thank Nezo

Hi Elicid....

Just a bit of an after thought...
I'm sure your mum is in denial. I bet she will be pretty upset not only with you but with herself. Parents take things personally and they usually see their children as a direct reflection of themselves and their ability to raise a 'good' kid.

If you decide to confront or even just approach them with your drug use then make sure you are ready for the worst possible scenario. If they totally flip out and decide to kick you out of their house (they are legally allowed to) what will you do? I assume you are still in some form of education or if you are working are just getting your groundings and you don't need this added pressure. Can you afford to live alone? How will you suppliment your income? Who will you go to for help? No matter how much you know(or think you know) you will have to go to your parents for help in the future. I assume they still help pay for things for you and can you really do without that money? Don't think living out of home will be a piece of cake.

It's much more easier to live at home to wake up to a freshly cooked breakfast, to open your cupboards and wear clean and ironed clothes and to come home after a hard night of partying to a warm bed and a roof over your head. Don't get me wrong - this is just a generalisation - your parents might do shit for you apart from give you a room - don't take that for granted.

If you do confront them - make sure you stress that you are being SAFE. May be even print out some research you have done through bluelight/erowid and explain to them to understand the risks and you are trying to take as many precautions as possible (I hope you are). Show them that all other areas of your life are not being in away way stuffed.. This will help them to deal with the pain of being a 'bad' parent. This is not going to guarentee you an easy journey.. but it MAY help soften the blow.. I don't know... this is just my opinion.


I personally think at 18 I was still a kid. There was no remarkable difference between 17 and 18. When I turned 18 I didn't suddenly become an ádult'. What I thought was important I don't give a fuck about now. At the ripe old age of 26 I realise how immature and irresponsible I was when I was younger. I also realise how much I really did depend on my parents at 18.. Again each person is different.. and I can only talk from personal experience.

As my parents have always said 'Grey hair is a sign of age and not wisdom'.....

Please don't think i'm being negative as i'm not. I just want to try and give you as clear a picture as possible as to what may happen. Hope the info helps you to make an informed decision.

F

Excellent point about being 18 and thinking you know what's up. Ask just about anyone over the age of 21 to rate their maturity level in hindsight from when they were 18, and they'll tell you that it was surprisingly low. I'm only 22 now, and the amount of real growing up that occurs between 18 and 21 is remarkable. Back at 18 I thought I knew it all - now at 22 I know a hell of a lot more, and I also know I still have a lot to learn...

So in regards to your question - I wouldn't tell them. At risk of passing judgement on a situation I only know very little of, it sounds to me as if you think you have things under control and want to test that somehow. I did exactly the same thing - told dad about what I get up to. Luckily he's a very rational person, and I was able to justify it all to him by giving him the facts that the media leaves out and stuff like that. But now I think back, I don't know why I told him because it's not something he needed to know. And the feelings of freedom and clear conscience that I expected to get didn't really come at all - my main emotion was guilt for making him worry about something that he couldn't change and didn't need to worry about at all.

There is a lot to lose by coming clean to your parents, and virtually nothing to gain. Decide if it's worth the risk and proceed with caution if you choose to tell. Maybe it might be better to wait for them to ask you first, rather than approach them yourself - at least this way you know that they are ready to hear it and you won't catch them off guard.

Good luck whichever way you choose to go...

I know my parents and I know that they're better off living in ignorance of what I get up to on my weekends. My mum would take it extremely personally and blame herself for my decisions. Infact I moved out shoretly after I started taking drugs because I knew that it was going to be too much stress trying to hide everything.

I love my mum and dad to death.. they're great parents. But they are conservative and happy with things they weay they know it. I would prefer to keep the good relationship I have with my parents than destroy it by telling them something they dont need to know. But I dont live at home so I dont have to deal with it day-to-day.. especially the coming home scat on weekends....

Sometimes things are better left unsaid. Like other have mentioned.. what harm is done in not telling about something you were never asked about?

stace.

i've considered telling my mother about my drug use, but it's very much out of the question, at least until i move out.

it's kinda wierd reading other people's posts regarding the 'rational' responses their parents gave upon hearing about their drug use. my mother came from a very strict upbringing, she is the most antidrug person i've ever met, and brings up every negative thing she reads about drugs in the media (the few positive articles written never get a mention). my mum laps it all up, her belief seems to be that any one who touches drugs has no chance at life.

top this off with comments like ""i hope you never choose to do drugs" and... my favourite "if you ever did drugs you'd break my heart"... i get that one several times a year. i do wonder if she knows deep down. if she does, she's oblivious to it, deep denial.

it shouldn't be such a big deal! my drug use is very minimal... i have pot occassionally (perhaps once a month or 2), ecstasy even less often (3-5 times a year) and mushrooms occassionally.

i think the main issue that makes me want things to be out in the open is the fact that i am forced to lie and hide things. it'd be nice to be able to not worry about my mother finding out.

sorry if this post has turned out being a big whinge, and isn't really helpful at all, but i suppose the point i'm trying to make is that all parents are different. you probably know at which end of the scale your parents are at, and if they're like my mother, i'd highly recommend you don't tell them... for your own sake, and especially for their sake. they don't want to know. they're better off not knowing.

cheers,
jimbu

Parents ALWAYS know.

I'd advise against telling your parents.

It's not like they are going to see it from your point of view... they are more likely to base their opinions on what the media tells them.... drugs are bad, evil, the devil, the cause of all problems, and creates losers. In most cases, I'd advise denying everything unless they find something.

I could never admit shit to my dad. He's a pharmacist, and as far as drug users go, he only gets to see the worst of the worst.

My mum, on the other hand, would be pretty lenient. Unless it became a problem, in which case, she'd step in.

In the end, do what is best for you. Be wary that your parents reaction may not (probably won't) be what you expect it to be.

never underestimate the power of denial, but i think that after a big night out most parents would know something is different about their darling child. this is no problem for the lucky ones who don't live at home, but i live in fear of coming home in a messy coming-down state and turning my mother's doubts into certainty.

joke about it with them when you're 35, married and have stopped indulging (presumably). but i think unless there's a pressing reason (or they ask directly) then there's no reason to burst your folks' bubble.

i was just talking to dad about this actually,


he was shattered at first but knew that i would not go overly crazy.. mind you by that stage i had gone crazy and was educating my self to the dangers and associated risks i never knew of,...

he respected me for being honest but did not agree with recreational drug use, almost the same story as my mother.

they knew i was the most likely candidate of the three children to use drugs and was happy that i turned some bad experiances into positive ones..... such as start a HR group in canberra, and have supported me since

To be completely frank with you Elicid, while I'd keep the experiences that others have posted here in mind, I wouldn't act on any of the advice. Not because any of it is invalid or illogical, but because no one ever has the same experience with telling their parents. This is because you, your parents and the relationship between ya's holding the family together is unique, and will react differently to everyone elses.

My parents know everything... They know I've got HPPD, they know about my messiest moments, they know everything. As long as I'm doing something with myself (studying/working), they don't mind what I do with my weekends.