What is your perception of Adddiction?

Hi Everyone.
Been reading alot of stuff in bluelight for a while now. Never posted anything before though. All the reading I have done, has lead me to beleive there is alot of people doing drugs out there. Drugs of all sorts. Downers to Uppers to all the inbetweens. I myself do drugs, though I now don't abuse them. I know everyone has there reasons for drug consumption I was just wondering instead of people posting reports about how hard they peaked, rocked, flew etc etc. What are the reasons for your drug taking, and how you percieve addiction.
I my self started off on Heroin when I was 14. Not plugging the stuff up, just a burn here and there. It wasn't till I was introduced to Ecstasy 4 years later that I got off Heroin - Downer scene. I am now 20 and take the occasional pill every couple of months. I look forward to each time, like it was my birthday. I give about two weeks preparation into the night I decide to drop a pill, and try to be as happy as I can leading up to that date, eliminating all the worries off my head in Business and Pleasure. I guess MDMA being psychoactive it helps to be naturally happy before taking the pill, to make it that much better. I been taking pills in this manor for about 2 1/2 years now, and I can't say I have ever had a shit time. I guess it's like clock work. Every couple of months I will prepare a night I will never forget. Ecstasy has shown me that addiction can never be possible. I guess I never get the urge to have a pill or go out an rock, though when I am naturally happy in life I will take the pill to amplify that natural feeling. I don't take pills when I am unhappy or stressed as this I guess would lead my brain to thinking it can only have fun on Ecstasy. Just wondering if there are any people out there that don't pop pills every week for the sake of it but wait till everything in there life is naturally in place for them to take a pill. How do you perceive addiction?
Thanks for listening!

Silencer.. firstly.. welcome aboard
I guess your view on MDMA use is similar to mine, I try to keep it special, although amongst my friends there is the occasional time where it is fun to get rather messy but there is no compulsion or need to have MDMA, I've never felt that way and I dont think MDMA being a vastly unified and uplifting experience will ever transcend to that point.
I guess because I truley believe I have never been addicted to anything can only be looked at from a scientific point of view for me. A place in your life that your body or life cannot function without the need and use of a specific want. Whether that be chemical or physical activity is up to the person I guess.
Addiction to the expierence or simply because if you don't have it the negative affects on your mind and body will be detrimental to your health (or so the mindset lets you believe).
[ 17 February 2002: Message edited by: ruski ]

hmm, i wish i stayed like u guys. but i didn't. I started eating pills every week, all the time. However, i DIDN'T need them to have a good time. They distracted me more then anything... i just did out of habit and because my friends that i was out with kept on popping too. i guess it was also pushing myself, out of curiousity more then anything, to c how 'fuct up' and twisted i could get by more benders with more drugs.
Now, i'm seriously coming to the end of my relationship with drug usage. I don't really enjoy mdma anymore. i had some pills the other week, and was looking forward to it (mainly just to get smashed with my bf). i believe i was probably enjoying it... well i was out on the stairs completely mashed for the majority of the night. but the come downs are a killer for me now and so not worth being 'up'. i don't think the feeling has changed, of how high i get, i guess i just have diff. appetite now. i don't need to push those barriers anymore. i really enjoy being sober and having my head together all the time now.
i have to admit that alot of this has most likely to do with the fact that i have found true happiness and am in love with a fantastic guy. the feelings of everyday, knowing that he is there is such a more real, fulfilling hapiness. No drug comes close. (sorry to make u puke.)
Alot of my friends seem to be addicted to 'needing e to have a good time'. they haven't even given it a go - going out straight. sad.
well, c u at transmission. I'll prob be the only one who will have there head together...
Cheers

I guess both of you are right. It's not till you see the world with open and true eyes you know how blinded regular drug usage makes you. I know after getting off Heroin such a difference it made going out drug free, even doing the simple things in life, how enjoyable it can be. Esspecially the way addiction blinds you to the real world. Let's face it. Drugs no matter what they are, no matter what you get out of them, they are always holding you back. Because it's a healthy mind that gets you through stress and hard times. Drugs just disguise problems I guess. I'm not knocking drug users but hey, after those four years of shit. It feels good to wear a true smile. Not the smile of false pre-tences. I just take the occasional pill on top of true happiness to amplify that happiness because I know I will only ever 'come down' to the happiness I had before I popped that pill. I will never abuse that. That will always remaim special to me.
Thanks for replying guys. I like hearing stories of people wanting to live reality rather then a dreamworld through the eyes of a blind man.

Good thread!
One of the hardest things you'll ever do is admit you're addicted or at least dependent on drugs. Maybe not physically addicted, but in a lot of cases you don't need to be. You might not even be doing drugs (on a break or something), but you could still be addicted to the "drug culture". Next time you're out at a party, have a think about the amount of conversations you have that are about drugs. With some people you talk to there's a good chance that's all you have in common. In some cases if we're not doing drugs we're talking about them, thinking about them, or even wishing we were doing them. Drug dependance isn't just about uncontrolable drug use, it's about the needing and wanting to do it even when you know you shouldn't.

I agree, that's exactly right Pleonastic. Just because you don't do drugs everyday, doesn't mean your not addicted to them. You cross the line when drugs needs to be a part of your life so as you can function. Even if you think about'em all day, everyday but don't pursue it. Addiction is need. Ask your self these questions. How is my life before I take drugs? How is my life on drugs? How is my life after drugs? The before should be exactly like the after. You shouldn't take drugs thinking, you will come out benificial. It must be a one off thing, and a line must be drawn. You should come out after taking drugs the same way you went in. This way it won't play with your life, as I now have come to realize. Drugs no matter what you gain will always hold you back. It's hard enough dealing with stress and everyday life with out having these hickups along the way. A healthy mind can get you through everything no matter how hard the situation is. It is through this conditioning of the mind and getting through all the hard times that True happinness will shine upon you. MDMDA will never compare to true happiness. It's just a false taste of it. Because when it's over and a new day arrives, your back where you where before you popped that pill. So are your problems and worries. But there is one difference. Is your mind in the right state & condition to deal with these problems and worries?
You know I used too look at people on the train, on the way too scoring some heroin to burn. I used to think to myself, every hard working person out there living a drug free life, why are they doing it? It is now I know. They take the long hard road to true happiness. I used to laugh at straight people, people never taking drugs. Question there motives. I guess when we take drugs we look for a short cut to true happiness. How can we get happier quicker? This is wrong. In the real world it doesn't work like that. It is threw the long hard road of life unaided by drugs that we will strive our best to live in Ecstasy. There are no shortcuts!

I apologise to those I have irritated with my comments, I just thought I would post my first thread about what life means to me, and not just the usual thread I see about drugs abusers etc etc. Thanks for listening. God bless your hearts.
My thought to you.
Think of drugs as a dream, the longer you sleep the harder it will be to wake up.

Nice one silencer.
It is so true, the whole drugs hold u back thing. i used to always say that ecstacy have helped me evolve and become a better person, enjoying the finer points, like a sunset or something.
Maybe it has, but i'm a little more sceptical now. i look back over the last few years, the years where i have really developed. For the majority of all of last year, i was quite the TRASHBAG! i seriously c like my development was put on pause for the entire year. I guess i had to grow up and look after myself a fuck load more, mainly because my lifestyle got me into so much shit.
I remember, nearly every heavy bulb trip, a truth would show it self. i perceived this to be the whole superficiality of drugs. i finally understood. it was like a weapon used by the devil to let us believe we are happy, give us false pretences (fucking NO2!). it's funny that i was so high when i could c this. but that's it -
people are too ignorant when they are straight, and only choose to believe things they want. When ur bent, ur so much more open and willing to c things on a larger, more truthful scale. It's only when ur straight again, u have to decide whether the truths and revelations u learnt hold any value now.
Sorry about the ranting... i just wonder if anyone else has come to this point too, and if in fact, if u open ur eyes enough, everyone would c the whole drug thing in this way...

I can understand where your coming from. When you say that people are too ignorant when they are straight. I used to say the same thing while on Heroin. But remember, it is this ignorance that puts them one step ahead of you in life. For like I said, a straight person with a healthy mind can achieve anything. Though they havn't experienced the downside to life in the way of drugs, they will eventually through other circumstances. eg. Going broke and being bankrupt can be percieved as 'a real bad come down'. People who don't do drugs sometimes hit the lower points then those on drugs do. Though with a clean stable mind and 100% clear thought which you certainly cannot have under the influence of any drug, anything is possible. I know you might be thinking drugs make you think better, do things better etc etc but I guess look at it in this way. You can't do drugs all day, everyday for the rest of your life. Someday it will have too stop. Then how will you cope? A drugged mind is no mind in the world of reality. I guess this thread might lead onto another thought of mine.
Question to you.
Is it a healty mind or an unclean one, that leads some many people into suicide?

I disagree that you should come out of drug taking the same way you came in... If this were to happen, then we wouldn't be able to improve ourselves... I know many people who have used the mdma experience to become more open, more compassionate, and generally nicer people, and this change continues even when not under the influence of mdma...
Could anyone answer that a healthy mind could lead someone to suicide? I doubt it... How would you define 'healthy' tho? A physically healthy mind might be mentally quite unstable...
As for addiction, I agree with Pleo, I always find myself thinking I want to join in whenever I'm around people who are taking drugs (which is every weekend if not more frequently) ...However I don't consider myself addicted because I can resist, and if I believe I have reason to resist I will... Sometimes its too easy to convince myself that a reason to resist isn't really a good reason tho...
Btw, there's a couple of older threads about addiction, have a search for them if you want, don't bump them tho, 'cos then one thread will have to be closed and all have some good replies...

i can see what ur saying silencer but i don't think that an "unhealthy" mind always has to do with substance abuse.
there are many people who suffer from mental illness/emotional problems, with or without the aid/hinderance of drugs.

God bless there souls. People born with an illness or a deprived mental state don't choose that. I know what you mean Tarsalan when you say people have come out more clearer thinkers after taking MDMA. It cleared my mind of Heroin so I totally agree with ya there buddy. It replaced a selfish drug(Heroin) with a loving outward drug(MDMA). So yes your right when you say that. Though taking drugs to try and the course of your life is wrong. It is allways wrong. I don't care what ya say. MDMA for me amplifies my natural happiness. I don't take it too peak or have a good night cause the day before was shit. It's always been a one off thing. No regrets. Everything leading up to me dropping that pill has to be in the right place and I have to feel on top of the world naturally to take the pill. It is this amplified state of happiness that I decide to take the pill. I will as I said above never ever abuse that. What I meant by an unhealty mind, was a drug induced mind. I didn't mean mentally uncapable, or impaired disablities that many unfortuante people are born with. Sorry if you mistook it. When I brang up suicide, it was meant to try and link a person who is mentally capable with dealing with there problems, and some one who is not, taking the easy way out. I agree that people are born with impairments or have been in situations resulting in there impairments. But unless your God, you will face problems everyday of your life, big or small. It is facing these problems with a drug free and open mind that you can conquer anything. Taking MDMA to open your mind might do that but It's a falsified state. You can't take a pill everytime you wanna open your mind. You must condition your mind to think naturally. Don't be an ignorant person and say I take drugs while I am young and I will give'em up when I am older. It's the decision you make as a young person that set the foundation for a good future. You don't need me to tell ya that. I hear many people say 'Oh I'm just havin fun'. Not good enough in my books. I prefer busting my balls in work and to know that, Yes, I have earned the right to be happy. I strive for natural happiness. As I know that anything else is false and will always remain that way. I like my mind clear. Drugs are a blindness. I don't need them to stay happy and I never will. All MDMA does is take my natural happiness which I have earned to a higher level. I earned that right to be happy. No one can ever take that away from you. But popping pills to bring about happiness is wrong. You didn't earn it. I don't care what you say. Because if your in a natural state of happiness then pop the pill, the worst thing that can happen is you will come back down to that natural happiness you where at before the pill. Not suicidal come downs like I have read in some posts. These are the minds of ill-prepared people. You should never have to think to yourself, why am I living, is it all worth it. You don't need that shit in your life. How do people like that put up with it. Get your life in a natural state of happiness and well being, then please, I will be happy to shout you a pill because YES, you earned it. Everyone deserves to live a happy life, but not if you need MDMA or any other drug to make you happy, it is then you don't deserve shit.
Again, sorry if I offended any people out there.

How would you define 'working hard'? Does that have to be the common view, ie a paying job...
So if someone worked 9-5 five days a week, do they have a right to be happy? Or is there more to it? ...I'd think so...
Regardless I think everyone has a right to be happy, and whatever means they use to achieve that happiness is ok, as long as they don't harm anyone ...It becomes a little more confusing and unclear when the chosen means of achieving happiness harms no-one else, but does harm themselves... This can often be the case with drugs...
Unfortunately its hard in this world to achieve natural happiness and maintain it as you say you have Silencer... I'm sure everyone would like to, but the pressures of the world make it difficult...
That said, I do agree that the times when you are really happy completely are the times when mdma gives the best experiences, the fullest rewards... *reminices about Wilds Things 2*

My career choice is what makes me happy. Though you must understand something Tarsalan. The only thing, and I mean the only thing that can pick you up from the gutter is an ambition, an aim, a goal. Some light at the end of a dark tunnel. What do you want to be or do? It's a simple philosphy from High School. Our teachers used to say it, our parents used to say it. Again, what do you want to achieve in life. I guess everyones answer used to be 'I just wanna be happy'. The cop out answer. I say. What makes you happy? Happiness isn't about money or jobs rather about interpersonal pleasure of succeeding. Wether it's succeeding in Business or Pleasure or just what makes your 'fit' mind naturally happy. I am not talking about a Serial Killers getting off on killing people, as by Law and Social Unacceptance, this is not 'normal' and is an altered or deprived state of mind. Happiness isn't measured in volume, infact I guess it can't be managed or summed up like money. As the rich go through shitty stages aswell. If you have no aim in life, but to go and take drugs & rock and jump around and think that is true happiness then you live in the world of darkness. This is a happiness that is induced by taking drugs and not naturally built around the mind. Happiness I guess must be built on a strong foundation naturally with out the aid of drugs, but rather by thought and process. Even if it includes suffering construction problems toward building that foundation. Think of drugs like termites. The foundation will last, but for how long? Once the termites multiply and eat through your foundation then all you know to be happy in life is gone.
True Love I guess is something built deep in the mind where no drug can go or even compare too. It's naturally built and thought up by the mind. I guess that's a state of true happiness for many people out there. Yes, it is real. Not induced by any drug!
Basically I will give you a really easy example. You know the saying you gotta crawl before you walk. Well, lets just say taking drugs skips the crawl bit and goes straight onto walk. One day while your walking, you trip over. If you havn't been taught to crawl then stand up then buddy, you will be at your knees for the a very long time. As all you know in life is how to Walk.
Everyone has shit they have to deal with. Wether it's work, or what ever you think makes you happy, where there is happiness there will always be sadness. I'm not saying I am always Happy. I go through all types of shit, from head fuck problem solving IT Work, to social problems. Though it's the overcoming of my problems that puts me one step ahead to true happiness. It is during these problems I guess I have figured that drugs even the ones that make you happy such as MDMA are worthless. They are false situations. A deterant. You should be able to cope and or approach anything in life drug free, and with clear thought.
A natural truly happy person on MDMA will experience the full effects of such a Psychoactive drug 1,000,000(Sarcasm) times more then what a person with problems on there mind will. You can try to block out all your problems and and take drugs. Your problems will always remain in the back of your brain waiting to hit you like a cancer growing. What I am saying is there is a time and a place for drugs. I have gone ages with out a pill at some stages. I havn't seen my life fit enough or in a position to have such a drug let alone think about it. I guess that's just the way I am. If you question your life at anystage, you are not mentally fit for drugs. I always remind my self of that. It's taken me 6 years to figure that out. I will never look back at how I was, rather look forward at how I can be.
Though Tarsalan I can see you have great knowledge in what you do, so I guess you should know what stage of life your going through at the moment. I respect people willing to give there opinions. For we all learn off each other in some way or another. Even if it's stuff you don't wanna hear. I didn't really think anyone out there would actually take this thread seriously. I appreciate all your comments.
Thank you Bluelight for letting me express myself. It's sites like these that I guess we take for granted. Keep up the good work.

I think you are generalising a bit though. It's important to draw a distinction between people that use drugs to escape, and those that use drugs to enhance. You can't say that all those people that use drugs are experiencing a false sense of happiness which should be properly attained through motivation and direction. It might be the case that someone doesn't know exactly where they are heading, but are still quite happy - with or without drugs.
Those that use drugs to escape are usually the ones that get the false sense of happiness, because they are in fact using artificial means to replace that void in their life. But those that use drugs to enhance are usually already happy. Their drug use is basically just fun - it's not a tool to replace a void, or some magical cure for their problems. They just do it because they enjoy it, and then get on with their lives which they are already happy in to begin with.
I say this from experience, because I have no real direction at the moment. I'm not at uni, and I don't have a job. When I do work it's in telemarketing - which I'm seeing as a job not a career. And yes, I take drugs. But not because drugs make me happy - and definitely not because I need them to be happy or to escape. I'm happy already, and I do it because I enjoy it. I don't take MDMA, or anything psychoactive at all - so I don't even experience any mental changes while under the influence.
It sounds like you're happy now. You seem to have your shit sorted and are content with the direction you're heading in. But everyone's different, and for me I know I won't find happiness in a career. Humans tend to forget that we're really just animals - not something greater than that. The meaning of life isn't your job or your status - they're just ego games that have no relevance in the grand scheme of things. So I think it's ok to have a goal in life to just "be happy", because if that goal is enough to actually make you happy then it's doing the trick...

My perception of addiction is ME
Cheers

I guess your right. Totally agree with you there Pleonastic. I can tell you know the difference between people using drugs to stimulate there already up feeling in life, and those using it to hide downer feelings in there life.
I hope everything works out for ya buddy. You sound like someone with a head on ya shoulders, not just the abusers I tend to read about more often.
We all need a little luck to bring about happiness. I guess it's luck that favours the prepared mind.

Silencer- Just hypothetically...Imagine an artist, he/she can be any sort of artist you want. They can be a visual artist, a musician even a writer...anything. Now imagine that their career as an artist isn't going to well, they lack inspiration and they feel that all their ideas are stagnating. As a last resort this artist drops acid(or something psychoactive) and has the most different 8 hours of their life. Suddenly they have something to draw about, they have abstract ideas to weave into their plots, they have different emotions to capture in song. They become very popular and 'succeed' in life. They are happy.
Is this good or bad. I mean, you place so much emphasis on succeeding in life. What if you finally reach your goal and that's it. You feel nothing. No satisfaction just a hollow empty feeling, a kind of 'is this all their is feeling?'.
I don't know what point I'm making now but, I don't like the way silencer has place so much emphasis on succeeding. What is forces beyond your control fuck with your life, and your goal, inches away, is ripped away from you. You are left feeling like a failure. Teachers have told you all through school to acheive goals and now you've failed. You are a loser. What then.
I'm going to stop now.

Inspiration is form of happiness believe it or not. Inspiration is a trigger. You don't need drugs for inspiration. Inspiration can be gained from such forums as this. It's thought process unlike any other, I guess to feel inspired you must love what you are doing. It's no point doing things you hate as you will never get any inspiration out of it. Inspiration drives you naturally. Don't use needing inspiration as an excuse to take drugs because as long as your doing what you love naturally in life, inspiration will show as you see fit. So in your case of the artist, if he truly loves what he is doing inspiration will never leave him, the only time it might leave him, is if he finds another love in life, something else that inspires him naturally. And like you said when all has come down to achieving everything in life and no inspiration is left. Thats a cop out question with no real deep thought. No matter what, if your doing what you love in life, then inspiration is no problem. Inspiration is from the heart, not the mind. It's the mind that balances inspiration into thought. It transfers inspiration into idea's. So I can't really say I agree with ya there buddy. Do what you love in life what ever it may be and inspiration will follow. It doesn't have to be a job or hobby, but I guess, what ever makes your twenty four hour day seem like 1 second, and I know some of you out there no what I am talking about when I say that. Problem is, how many people are truly doing what they love in life? I leave you with that thought, As Inspiration, Ambition and Love will never be found in any drug.