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Could you be friends with someone offline whose online persona shits you?

Raz

Raz

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 11, 2002
Messages
7,330
Simple question...could you be friends with somebody in real life even though their online persona shits you to tears? And how do you reconcile it?
 
Dunno, some people don't act like their offline selves online.

I think i act pretty close to myself online.
 
Probably not. But then i havent met anyone who is different online to what they are like offline.

If someone shits you online then why would you want to know them offline???
 
It depends.

If it's their primary values that I disagree with online [to the point where I think they're not good people,] then chances are I won't see eye to eye with them in person either.

I mean, sure, people are generally more civil when in the flesh, but that doesn't change the situation. No sense of humour, attractive appearance, connections, etc. will mask their values, and I just CANNOT get along with people if I think their deepest, inner-resources are lacking.

Otherwise, yeah. I'd probably bring it up how much their online persona shit me though ;).
 
Originally Posted by MazDan
If someone shits you online then why would you want to know them offline???
Click to expand...

What if they had a water slide at their house?
 
Online personalities don't mean shit. Whether they're like preacha and purposely different, or whether their text abilities are just different to the personaity they exhibit offline, I generally won't write off anyone until I've met them.

There are three people who I can think of straight up who are quite different online to offline. Two of these are people I like IRL and not online and the other is the opposite.

The things that are discussed online aren't often brought up in everyday conversation and so I can even gloss over differences of opinion in certain areas.

I guess I like people in general, and it would have to take something fairly significant for me to dislike them IRL.
 
up all night said:
There are three people who I can think of straight up who are quite different online to offline. Two of these are people I like IRL and not online and the other is the opposite.
Click to expand...

Yeah, good point. It works both ways!
 
Rated E said:
What if they had a water slide at their house?
Click to expand...

Id totally want to be bestest friends forever. do you have a waterslide? can we be friends?

But seriously if someone is different online to offline, then it meens in one of the scenarios they arent being their real self, therefore i dont trust them.
 
^ I don't know if that's necessarily the case. Sometimes people just express themselves differently when they write something than when they speak something. When you're having a conversation with someone, you can convey meaning in so many different ways. Online it is easy to misinterpret what you actually meant.

Although, that said, some things can only be meant one way, so I do see what you mean.
 
Many Of You May Symbolise Why Aus Is Fucked....

Hope to find out after killin' a bottle of Cranberry Juice
(mine may be full of vodka)
with Preacha,
as you're all ghey fo' not understandin' tolerance.

Well, maybe Yarni,
but she should love me already... I'm cool...
an' a few others.

:\
 
the_ketaman said:
But seriously if someone is different online to offline, then it meens in one of the scenarios they arent being their real self, therefore i dont trust them.
Click to expand...

mm, not really. Talking face to face with someone is way different to writing stuff down. If you read an instant messenger conversation say, between you and a friend out loud like a script.. chances are you wouldnt talk like that normally.
 
"A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."
"In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends."

I take my (close) friendships very seriously, i distance myself from people with weak moral fibre. If someone behaves in such a way as to actually shit me (nearly always due to the 1st quote) without even being under any adversity ... not worth my time
 
iwish said:
mm, not really. Talking face to face with someone is way different to writing stuff down. If you read an instant messenger conversation say, between you and a friend out loud like a script.. chances are you wouldnt talk like that normally.
Click to expand...

True.

I can be more witty and articulate on instant messenger than in real life. I believe this is mostly to do with my introverted nature.
 
Offline and online persona's are never exactly the same. Some people are more comfortable with what they say online so they come across more confident and out going where as if you met them in real life they may not even say two words because they have no key board to hide behind.

I think it depends mainly on how much you are willing to get to know someone. I admit i have been quick to judge just by going on what peoples online persona's are like...but when ive met them in real life ive found i actually got along with them even better.
 
m4dd0g said:
"A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."
"In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends."

I take my (close) friendships very seriously, i distance myself from people with weak moral fibre. If someone behaves in such a way as to actually shit me (nearly always due to the 1st quote) without even being under any adversity ... not worth my time
Click to expand...

Ok, but how do you apply this to the online/offline dilemma?

I ask because I have experienced a few different situations

1. See someone post on bluelight. Person shits me. Meet person though not out of intention (eg. BL meetup, through friends etc). Like person. Change opinion.

2. See person post on bluelight. Person seems ok to good. Meet person, no connection. Change opinion.

3. See person post on bluelight. Person seems ok to good. Pursue further friendship with person (either extended online ie. msn or in person) and this goes well. That person begins to post things on bluelight that are completely incongruous with their actual personality, or at least, present a completely skewed view without the context of knowing them in a greater capacity. You realise if you had seen things this person had posted since knowing them, before knowing them, you wouldn't have bothered - however I keep opinion.
 
Hmm, well not many people actually shit me per se. A lot may bore me, but thats just cos they arent articulate or imaginative through writing - they still may be interesting people in rl.

The ones that shit me are due to moral (lack thereof) boundaries regardless of whether they are interesting, intelligent, insightful, creative, funny, whatever. Even then its usually caused by me being protective, not an act against me
As far as inconsistencies go, i'd expect that - i see that with everyone ive met.

In reality (or online) its shared emotional experience thats builds knowledge and trust, which is the true basis of real friendship. Anything else is really just like a primary school crush - 'Duh, I like ew, lets be bestest friend in the worldz'

What usually happens is people liking people who like them.
Its nice and safe ego protection
 
m4dd0g said:
'Duh, I like ew, lets be bestest friend in the worldz'
Click to expand...

Um, are you making fun of me? I'm pretty sure I sent that exact same message to you in a pm once.
 
No, im pretty sure you said (forgive me if i dont get the wording right):
'I dont care how big it is or how much you give me, im not going to dance for free glasses of wine'


Naturally you were just playing hard to get, much like the pool pony

(damn you pool pony! I'll plunder your goodness if its the last thing i do)
 
up all night said:
Online personalities don't mean shit. Whether they're like preacha and purposely different, or whether their text abilities are just different to the personaity they exhibit offline, I generally won't write off anyone until I've met them.

The things that are discussed online aren't often brought up in everyday conversation and so I can even gloss over differences of opinion in certain areas.

I guess I like people in general, and it would have to take something fairly significant for me to dislike them IRL.
Click to expand...


I think that was really well said, and because I am lazy I edited it a little and quoted it.
 
Maybe. But then, it takes a long time for me to become friends with someone, like d4wg, though shared experiences, trust... really getting to know someone. People shit me all the time, so if the person shits me online, i doubt i'd go out of my way to meet them, but if i did, i'd give it a chance.

However, if i really dislike someones online persona (different from my interpretation of someone shitting me), i won't make an effort, because they would have consistently shown me, via posting, that they're the type of person i wouldn't want to associate with in rl. Even if they weren't being nasty to me, but to other people, i wouldn't want to know them. For me, i don't want a friend that intentionally posts nasty things about other people. Stirring up a debate, i'm all for, but being rude for the sake of it? Fuck off.

Like UAN said, sometimes people can come across differently online due to the whole "no ton" issue, or they have trouble transferring their thoughts to text, and can come across as unintentionally rude, or whatever. I understand that. They're not the people i have an issue with.

It's all relative though.
 
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