Stupid movie plots that irritate you, please share them here

Does a nonsensical plot in a supposedly serious movie really irritate you?

I was just wondering how many other people had picked up on this.

So the Titanic is sinking. Jack gets Rose onto a lifeboat but bravely stays behind. Rose decides that she can't leave him like that and gets off the lifeboat to be with Jack. The Titanic sinks and both Jack and Rose end up in the water. There is a door floating in the water but only one of them can safely float on it. Once again Jack bravely lets Rose get on the door while he freezes to death in the water. Rose peels him off the door and watches him sink.

If Rose had stayed on the lifeboat in the first place, then Jack would have been able to float on the door and they both would have survived.

To further defy logic, Rose throws that necklace into the water. Rose is clearly very stupid but lives to be a very old woman.

I hate that movie.

The one where the hero is demonised by the villain, then he regains his bearings and finds a sidekick who has also been a victim to villain. Then together, they fight their way into [insert location, system, fortress, building] kill 500 men (always men), then finally kill the villain and the hero gets the woman, who had nothing to do with the story.

--The fact that time bombs are always discovered a few seconds before they blow up.

--Movie dialogue scenes (usually from action flicks) like this:

Man: I'm going to fight the bad guys.
Woman: I'm going with you!
Man: You can't, it's too dangerous.
Woman: You can't stop me!
Man: Okay.

--The supervillian usually has a British accent.

--Movie goons who can't hit the broad side of a barn with a machine gun, but heros who hit the bad guys with single shots.

--Token black characters will *always* get killed in action or horror movies.

--Roger Ebert's "Impregnable Fortress Impregnated": Scenes where the heroes (always a mere handful, at best) are plotting how to storm a fortress, which is shown in distant shots with ominous music. Of course, they're able to succeed with ridiculous ease.

--Completely alien biologies are always biologically compatible.

--Whether they come from another planet, another time, or another dimension, they're sure to speak American English.

Etc., etc.

I was watching weekend at bernie's the other day cause i had no work and there was nothing better to do than watch TV. I Wanna know where the hell they got the idea for that movie? Hey lets have 2 of the most frantic actors drag this dead guy's body around. All while wearing hawaiian shirts.

What I never thought about the movie before was how did the body of bernie not start to smell or even decompose. lol there was even one seen where bernie's dead body was sweating like a pig. I guess if your heart and brain turn off you body still have to regulate its temperature.

This plot drive me bonkers!

Let's take a fucked up inner-city youth crowd, pair them up with a hard working, understanding, yet I-take-no-bullshit type leader and show everyone what they can do!

examples:
Dangerous Minds: probably the worst out of all of these. If Michelle Phiffer came into a classroom in my school noone would be talking about Mr. Tambourine Man they'd be talking about her boobs... and how they were going to touch them after class.

Sister Act II: At the end of this movie I thought you've GOT to be kidding me... that other school was so much better. What inner city youth that you know raps seriously about God in a choreographed choir shitfest. If you missed out on it, here:
Joyful, Joyful
Lord we adore Thee
An' in my life
I put none before Thee
'Cause since I was a youngster
I came to know
That you was the only way to go
[switch rapper]
So I had to grow an' come to an understandin'
That I'm down with the King so now I'm demandin'
That you tell me who you down with, see
'Cause all I know is that I'm down with G-O-D
You down with G-O-D?
(Yeah, you know me)
You down with G-O-D?
(Yeah, you know me)
You down with G-O-D?
(Yeah, you know me)
Who's down with G-O-D?
(Everybody)
The only good thing about this movie was hearing Lauryn Hill singing.

Stand and Deliver: I realize this is supposedly a true story but they cheezed the hell out of it. Besides, I don't care what anyone says, Edward James Olmos is a bad actor.

To Sir With Love: though this movie is absolutely amazing, mostly due to Sidney Poitier being the lead, its plot does sadly fall in this section.

Bring it On: I think we all know this movie. 8(

Coach Carter: The newest of the bunch. Sigh, I'm not sure why Samuel L. Jackson is putting himself in this role as a hardass basketball coach. Let me guess, they win in the end? The only good basketball miracle movie is Hoosiers.

Meet Joe Black has got to have one of the SUCKIEST plots EVAR . I hate that movie.

Belisarius said:

--The fact that time bombs are always discovered a few seconds before they blow up.

Click to expand...

...along with the conundrum of whether to cut the red or blue wire. (Speed, Fight Club, Die Hard 3)

Ignorance of zero gravity physics (Armageddon, et al)

Wolves on oil tankers. (The Day After Tomorrow)

you want a REALLY stupid plot? watch omega code 2, where michael biehn plays the heroic US president/jesus figure who saves the world (with a little help from the chinese) from satan (who had been masquerading as the presidents brother, who happens to be secretary of state) at armeggedon/from joining a UN type world organization.

for an even bigger laugh read the imdb reviews and see that there are actually people twisted enough to think that it was a great movie.

Minority Report has some HUGE plot holes which always bugged me the fuck out. C'mon Steven, you sure have gotten lazy.

Yes - movies that deal with time travel are always hard to put up against logic, but this one is ridiculous. In this case, all that Max Von Sydow had to do was hire some guy to take pictures of Tom Cruise's dead son and spread them out all over a bed, and somehow, that would lead to Tom Cruise wanting to kill him. Cruise had never met this man before, yet just the act of having him lay out the photos would somehow, cosmically put Tom Cruise on his trail so that in some future time, he's kill him.

what i can't stand are the typical characters that most movies seem to have...

the high-strung, pissed off boss of a loose cannon type employee
the constantly smoking, profusely sweating foreigner bad guy
the know-it-all, one-man-army, fearless hero that never gets hurt

it gets very lame

1. If a character is an old cop the movie will ALWAYS open on his last day on the force.

2. Again with copflicks: if the renegade cop is white & young the captain of the squad will be a black guy who yells all the time.

3. In a movie about the civil rights era ALL the main characters will be white & either be do gooders or klansmen, while the blacks are in the background & are like teenagers in a slasher flick (ie they stand around bug eyed waiting to be lynched). MISSISSIPPI BURNING, one of the most rascist movies of the past 20 years is a prime example of this hateful "white angels saving the day" bullshit (see also CRY FREEDOM).

4. Mistaken identity plots. UUUGGGG!!! We desperatley need a moratorium on these.

5. Men who cannot change a diaper. Only a complete fucking moron cannot figure out how to change Pampers or 99.999% of the other brands out there which 99.999% of parents use (the cloth diaper craze of the 1980s never took off).

6. Men who find it necessary to revert back to childhood & the women who still love them. See the insufferable OLD SCHOOL...actually don't bother, #1 the movie is a bunch of old & recycled gags from better movies & #2 this is the exact type of shit that will be cloggging Comedy Central's late night scedule for years to come.

7. Retards as being just as good parents/citzens/surgeons as you & me. Sean Penn is one of the best actors around but I couldn't help but break into mocking laughter during the deleriously dopey I AM SAM. Luckily I saw it during a bargain matinee here in NYC & the few other folks in the theatre were stoners like me so we all spent the flick immitating Penn's hilarious "retard" mannerisms & speech. This crap should've premiered on Lifetime & should've starred Harry Hamlin.

8. NO MORE FUCKING DIGITAL COUNTDOWNS!!! I can pretty much figure out how much time 5 seconds is, I don't need a closeup of the red numerals on the digital readout on the bomb.

9. The next person to outrun a fireball onscreen MUST be doused with kerosene & set alight FOR REAL. It was neat the first time this happened in LE FEMME NIKITA (the French film not the US tv series). It was campy & fun when Gina Davis & Sam Jackson did it in THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT. But by the time Tom "I'm Not Gay Dammit!" Cruise did it in MISSION IMPROBABLE this fucking plot device was a stale as Robin Williams' jokes.

10. The adorable but unwanted kid who softens the heart of the reluctant & cranky adult, who turns out to have a heart of gold. Just once can't one of these brats end up with John Wayne Gacy? Or at the very least suffer some good old fashioned abuse?

cydonorb said:

MISSISSIPPI BURNING, one of the most rascist movies of the past 20 years is a prime example of this hateful "white angels saving the day" bullshit (see also CRY FREEDOM).

Click to expand...

for some reason i feel it's important here to interject that mississippi burning (which i haven't seen in years) is based on a true story.

I dislike the movies where the current it teeny-boppers go off to become famous. They always come from a small town and go to some school for gifted performers (in the city) where they are made fun of by their classmates. But in the end they get discovered and "make it". The end scene is always them singing some truly horrid song. *gags*

Think Hillary Duff type movies.

Cheese. Pure cheese.

Lost in Translation: man thinks about having an affair. goes home. end.

All of the 6 or so permanently recycled hollywood movie plots annoy me to no end.

Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets girl back. Happy ending.

I hate the current crop of adolescent angst AND chick (puke) flicks movies....(current meaning, came out in the past five years or so)....ten things, i know what u did,serendipity, yaya sisterhood whatever the fuck that hideous movies' real title is, and SO MANY MORE ) with the exception of Jawbreaker and Mean Girls, all of them suck major ass.
I like John Hughes tho, and most 80's teen movies like Fast times at Ridgemont high, et al.
But so far, all the teen movies in the 90s SUCKED.

^^
John Hughes movies were great.

I so agree with you on teen movies. It's sad what the teens of today are expected to look upto.

HAHAHA I thought Jawbreakers was so much better than a "teen movie" though it was marketed as such.. in reality it almost tried to make fun of them and their lives.

Another one is M. Night Shyamalan's Signs.

Turns out the invading aliens one big weakness is water.
Why did they invade a planet that was 90% water then? 8)

I hate Joe Black too