Your opinion matters in this situation. It's about this girl..

[HumbleYogi]

So.. I just spent my first weekend with a yogi friend of mine. She was kind enough to let me crash at her apartment for the weekend and she happened to be very open about it. So in order to fully understand the position I am in, let me explain.

I'm a twenty year old male who is partaking in a teacher training program in order to become a certified yoga teacher. I live more than an hour away from the location of the training area and my first weekend I had stayed at an aged and moldering hotel. I knew little of the twenty two year old girl, other than her and me both obtaining a scholarship for the yoga teacher training.

We began to talk the second day at training (It is a 200 hour training and it is usually every other weekend Friday through Sunday) and we began to talk and I mentioned how my hotel room was terrible. Surprisingly, she immediately mentioned there was room for me to stay at her apartment. I didn't know what to think of this. So I put it away as her being a nice friend wishing to help another person and maybe that's what is was and nothing more.

I just spent this previous weekend at the second week of training. I stayed at her apartment and met her female roommates, all nice people. We had the second night to ourselves so I offered to cook for her since she was kind enough to let me stay. We began to cook and she asked me earlier on the way to the store what music I liked and I told her I'm a big fan of Radiohead. She ended up getting on her lap top to play music and she picked Radiohead. While Radiohead was playing in the background it was a good way to just break the ice and get past the small talk and get to know each other. I have to say it went quite smoothly. I was able to connect with her very easily. It seemed as if she could with me too. We talked about life and have some deep conversations, laughed, cooked together, and then we watched a movie. (I don't know if that could get any cheesier) I enjoyed her company very much. I had moments where I wanted to sit closer to her during the movie but I had to just tell myself that would be weird and too soon. I know for a fact that I have a crush on her and I usually never feel this way.

I'm not a man that likes to get around with females, I actually really want to get to know someone and form a bond with them. She makes me truly laugh a lot which is hard for most people to do. But there is still this thought in the back of my head that she may just think of me as a friend. (The friend zone. . . the last thing I wish to hear right now.) BUT, there are moments when we are at the training together and we will be gathered around in a circle while we (group of other yoga students) are just lecturing and I will bring my gaze over to her and I will catch her looking at me and quickly glance away. This has happened more than three of four times. It's not just that but we get a long just fine. We laugh at each others lame jokes, we always find something to talk about whatever it is. We hit it off.

Except I don't know what the hell to think of this!! We talk a lot in person and I'm not much of a texter but when we text there are times where she seems interested in texting but I usually have to do most of the talking. Brining up the ideas if you will. Which is fine but then I get to the idea if maybe she just doesn't really want to text me. So I don't text her... (bad idea?) I'm usually the one that will text her first, but do keep in mind when we do text we talk about anything and everything but we just don't text as much. She works a lot and I'm finishing up my college classes. If you have any advice on me texting her let me know!

So you may be thinking why don't I just tell her I like her. Well one, I know it's waaaaay to soon to mention anything. We just became friends. Two, if she doesn't like me the same way I like her, staying at her house on the weekends has a high chance of becoming extremely awkward and may not even happen at all. lol I'm just nervous that she thinks of me as a friend. I don't have a lot of evidence for this it's just one of those, ""What if" moments. Maybe she does like me as a friend and that's it. What if she doesn't, what if she likes me more than a friend? I feel that she does sometimes but I realize that I HAVE to be completely fragile with all of this. So this is why I have come to BL, in search of wise help for this pickle I'm in.

So if you're still reading this long description of my confused situation I would LOVE to hear your feedback. Just give me the honest truth. What should I do, everyone? Should I tell her how I feel when I see her again. . . or should I just wait.. Lend me your advice on what I should do. Thank you everyone for getting this far and wishing to help me.

Namaste.

 

[matt2012]

dont' know how long you plan on staying with her or if this was just a one time thing....if it was a one time thing or you have a plan to get out of her place.....


IMO it is too early to go blurting out " I like you" just yet. you know there is something worth while there at least that warrents some more attention. I would say, get some time apart where you don't stay there for a few weeks. keep everything the same, just don't stay there...then hit her up for a real date. if she says yes and you have a good night...then it may be time to find out if it is more than platonic for her as well.

 

[lola]

Right... so you're both 20 (e.g. adults), she's glancing at you, you're doing something together which can be physical and sensual (yoga) and she likes chatting and texting and she remembers your favourite band AND invites you to stay at her place and you're even asking???

Dude, she's clearly into you. She can't send any more messages of interest without making the first move tbh, and we all know that unfortunately (for men) most women still expect the guy to make the first move. She's probably already obsessing to her girlfriends that YOU don't like her and she's been friend-zoned. I know I would, in her shoes.

I wouldn't follow matt2012's advice personally - leaving her alone for a few weeks will be total proof you're not interested to most 20 year old girls and you're at risk she'll move on. But you don't have to say "I like you" either! Just ask her if she'd let you take her out for dinner. This clearly shows interest. Have wine with dinner and if the signs are right kiss her after. I'd be verrrry surprised if she turns you down

 

[skittlesxo]

^excellent advice by lola

 

[HumbleYogi]

Lola, very well put. That's awesome advice so I'm going to go for it. I won't be seeing her for another week so I'll have to keep in contact with her. Having her think I don't like her is the last thing that should happen. I'm most likely over thinking this but when we talk via text I usually have more to say than she does. I sometimes feel she may not want to talk.. I don't want to lay off on the texting because it's the only way we communicate till the weekend comes. So from a women's opinion do you think she may just not be a big texter? Or is it something else?

 

[gm777]

She is clearly interested in you. Just make your move. I know you may be nervous but please, for the love of god...bust a move! Whenever your alone with her and can feel the tension between you building, just kiss her. Or tell her I'd really like to kiss you right now, then kiss her. You get the point...

Also, some people hate to text and would rather talk, myself included. Dont overthink this part too much.

 

[mrflowers00]

my best friend and i click on like every level she tells me she loves me we kiss on the cheek hug all the normal greetings for a person of the opposite sex you're close to but i feel like she is perfect for me i'm probably not the best thing that could happen to her but she is to me so i asked her to be my gf and i've been questioning myself ever since she just had surgery about a month ago and still feels pretty bad so i'm hoping the reason she doesn't want to talk about us being a couple is because of how ill she feels women are hard to read i suppose dudes are too i know i certainly am not i just kinda say what i think and i'm wishing i hadn't on this one but thats yet to be seen if she does heal up and say yes i will be so happy if she heals up and says no lets stay friends i'm gonna be sad but i guess it's not that bad since we're such good friends i would wait at least a month of getting to know this woman before you mention anything about you crushing on her but also don't wait too long or she will become accustomed to having you as a friend and may not want to risk that changing

 

[HumbleYogi]

mrflowers00, I hope things do work out for you two. You seem to really enjoy this girl from what it sounds. Give her some time to heal up and when she seems alright see how things are and maybe ask her when the time is right. I want to get to know the girl more before I approach her about this, but I don't want to keep her waiting too long. I keep thinking to myself, "when is the right time?" I think that one will have to just happen...maybe next weekend when I visit again. I'm ready to get this off my chest.

 

[ilikestims]

you need some game, bro. without game you will crash and burn almost regardless of how "into" you she is.

you don't just "approach" her about this. women don't really give a shit about your words. it's your actions and how you handle the subtext. double entendres. touching. let me ask you: have you been touching and flirting with her a lot? body language?

if there is no sexual escalation, you have no shot. if there is sexual escalation, i feel like you wouldn't be making this thread, ya know? i

in any case , i would abort abort abort. do not mix relationship feelings with your job / potential career.

i also work at a yoga studio and obviously there are tons of hot women. and i am one of the few men. i get hit on all the time but you know what? it's a bad look. especially since you're a YOGA instructor. yoga has a holistic philosophy that i'm sure you're learning all about now. you are in (or will be soon) in a unique position of authority. don't fuck it up by thinking with your dick.

just my two cents

 

[HumbleYogi]

I see where you're coming from. I disagree though. I can still contain brhmacharya and have an intimate relationship with someone whom I care about. I'm not in this for pleasure, I'm in this to form a relationship with someone. But thank you for the two cents.

 

[lola]

For ilikestims - I agree (as a yoga student with a hot male teacher, hehe!) but please note the OP is referring to a fellow trainee and so a fellow instructor. Not a student. So no power dynamics to consider or position of authority. So not sure it applies in this case.

OP - look. You're waaay overthinking this. Maybe she doesn't like to text. Maybe she has a shitty phone and it makes texting difficult. Maybe she has dyslexia and is worried about spelling. Maybe too many planks and down dogs made her wrists sore. Maybe she has an overpriced price plan making texting expensive. Maybe she likes to hang around her girlfriends and sitting texting and staring at her phone all night is a bit rude. Maybe she prefers being face to face. Maybe she's very busy. Either way, who gives a damn? All the other signs are right so stop obsessing about the one thing that isn't perfect. And for someone who's supposed to be good at transcending ego, bear in mind that not everything is about you - so her texting behaviour probably has little to do with you either and more likely to be just how she is...

 

[ilikestims]

For ilikestims - I agree (as a yoga student with a hot male teacher, hehe!) but please note the OP is referring to a fellow trainee and so a fellow instructor. Not a student. So no power dynamics to consider or position of authority. So not sure it applies in this case.

i am aware of that and that wasn't what i was referring to.

in the end you just don't shit where you eat. i understand a ton of people meet their spouses/SOs from their work environment. if it works for you, more power to you. i'm never going there, though, even as i continue to be "propositioned" . too much awkwardness when it (almost inevitably) goes haywire.

I see where you're coming from. I disagree though. I can still contain brhmacharya and have an intimate relationship with someone whom I care about. I'm not in this for pleasure, I'm in this to form a relationship with someone. But thank you for the two cents.

i'm sorry you felt threatened by my post.

brahmacharya wasn't necessarily what i was referring to. because neither you nor i am pattabhi jois and we're not gonna be friggin perfect in any of that.

to further elucidate my point, essentially i feel that you're already entering a relationship with yoga. that's what yoga is to me, anyway: a tremendous spiritual relationship. if you take it even half as seriously as i do, then imo you're doing yourself a disservice by trying to enter two serious relationships at the same time.

how long have you been practicing? how many more hours do you need to finish? i mean the teacher training is pretty rigorous. you can't really afford any distractions.

sounds like you've already made up your mind. i hope you come back in a few weeks/months/years and keep us posted

 

[HumbleYogi]

I wasn't threatened, friend. Haha I know exactly what you mean... Trying to practice yama and niyama are very difficult at times, but it's what ashtanga has led me too. I see where you're coming from but there could be many different opinions on it. Yoga has been part of me and always will be part of me. But I don't think I'm doing myself a disservice to yoga. There were many yogi's who would still gave their lives to yoga and had wives and many many children while some chose to give just themselves to yoga. Which is something I wish to do later in life. As of right now I wish to form a connection with this person, which seems to be happening now I finally asked her out to dinner and she said yes. If things don't work out, I'll move a long and continue with my journey. I hope you understand I don't go hitting on every yoga girl that walks into a class, I would just be a false virtue to the truth of yoga. But every day I give myself to my practice and I take it off the mat with me. It's something that has changed me and realized who I really am. So whatever stand point you have, there are different ways to take the spiritual path of yoga.

I have been practicing yoga for two years now, and I have began practicing ashtanga (Primary) since May. I feel that ashtanga was my calling. I have over than a hundred hours left, we have just finished two weekends so that averages out to only seventy-three hours. I understand that I can't afford any distractions, I've thought this over a lot.

But I will keep in touch. I'm going to add you if that's alright. I'd like to see what type of yoga you practice and what got you involved in yoga. Thanks for your opinions, ilikestims.

 

[verso]

So.. I just spent my first weekend with a yogi friend of mine.

What should I do, everyone?

A yogi friend, you say? Bring her a picnic basket, maybe?