Your feelings about your drug use

[Sprout]

I'm just a bit fucking bored with it now, if I'm honest.
I generally suck as a person as an addict or not, but I tend to suck a little less when I don't have a hypodermic needlepoint buried in my calf.
I tend to have more money, even when I tell myself I'm not materialistic the lie becomes clear even to me. I enjoy materialism, I just enjoyed Heroin more, it was a choice masquerading as a "personality trait".
I'm just bored of throwing £200+ a day away, I legitimately cannot remember a single one of the days I should have enjoyed most simply based on the financial clusterfuck they tended to cause at the end of the month.
I'm sick of covering up track marks, of dirty looks from medical professionals, even having to take extra precautions to prevent contamination when working with pathogenic microbes - "sorry Professor, a little C. sporogenes solution got spilled and entered the hole I made in my arm with a rigfull of Smack, on my lunchbreak, so I'm gonna have to leave".
I'm sick of waking up alone every single day, knowing those I love are miles away and years removed but every Junkie bumfuck I've ever met pretends to be my bestest of buddies.
I'm sick of being a constant source of shame for my family.
I'm sick of being a mark, just as dark as the Heroin/venous blood slush I dream of, on the tapestry of life.
I'm sick of risking everything, even though I lost all that mattered years ago.

I'm just... bored with it all, really.

 

[belligerent drunk]

Sprout, that was depressing to read. I wonder though, how do people manage to spend >$100 a DAY on heroin? Where does the money come from?

 

[SluttyPeach]

I generally feel no guilt about my drug use, except not being able to quit because it makes me feel weak. No matter how hard I try man. But I just push it back in my mind like I do everything else.. I've done this my whole life. Why should I feel bad about doing drugs anyway? Because someone else says so? Fuck it and fuck them too. We all have our vices.

By the way OP, you shouldn't be ashamed of your stuff. Hell, I have crappy stuff too but I'm grateful for it because there were times where I didn't even have a pot to piss in, let alone worrying about fancy clothes and gadgets.. Then again I've never been the materialistic type.

The way I see it is, nobody should have to feel bad about doing drugs. It's the our actions and decisions we make while dope sick/under the influence and the consequences thereafter that most feel guilt over. But at the end of the day, all you can do is move forward and don't do anything you aren't able to live with. That's all I can say.

 

[TheRapperGoneBad]

Sprout, that was fairly depressing to read. I wonder though, how do people manage to spend >$100 a DAY on heroin? Where does the money come from?

Jobs hustles connects..

In my state anything over 1/4th g of black tar herion is greater then 100$ habit street level.

Damn sprout that's some real shit bruh bruh I feel you

 

[WashedCNDL]

Anyways, I feel guilty living this way, somewhat. . I am a decently functioning addict, but I get really fucked up and nod out / get too euphoric in situations.. i guess, what I'm asking is, if I'm truely happy doing this taboo thing
Is it all that wrong? Should I feel this guilt? Are you guys cool with being a junkie, do you have hobbies other than dope? People ask me what I like to do.. And other than a shot , I don't know what to say... And I'll say that if I'm a feeling a little sarcastic, and now my normal work friends think I'm a stressed out alcoholic

I found the more I got into drugs the less I cared about certain hobbies (videogames) and cared more about religious practices and mysticism. I'm also the black sheep, so I feel you. As long as your drug use doesn't harm others (driving under the influence, stealing, etc.) then I think you're fine to go on as you like, as long as your usage isn't hurting you.

If you feel guilty perhaps you should see a therapist and discuss your feelings?

Personally, I have issues with my parents related to my drug usage. I've abused psychedelics in the past and made some terrible decisions and that has created a whole nest of problems with my family. They're hung up on my cannabis usage (chronic pain) and that's an issue at the moment, trying to negotiate financial support, but it's not fun...I also miss the psychedelics, but I know going back would probably lead to either psychosis again or shit decisions or over usage...sigh

 

[Sprout]

Jobs hustles connects..

In my state anything over 1/4th g of black tar herion is greater then 100$ habit street level.

Damn sprout that's some real shit bruh bruh I feel you

It took me reaching this point to give the shit up, at least in the almost professional sense.

Shoot me a PM sometime brospeh, I've been missing me some DC luvvvv.

 

[gmlifer]

It took me reaching this point to give the shit up, at least in the almost professional sense.

Shoot me a PM sometime brospeh, I've been missing me some DC luvvvv.

How long have you been clean now and when did you change your screen name? Congrats bro, you definitely win the will power award.

 

[SmokingAces]

Sprout, that was depressing to read. I wonder though, how do people manage to spend >$100 a DAY on heroin? Where does the money come from?

By buying it on the streets of Great Britain.


My thoughts about my drug use is there is not enough of it recently :D