Your favourite bits of dialogue from films or TV Shows

[Mugz]

I'm reading the American Psycho script at the moment and although the whole thing is almost flawless dialogue, I just got to this part and it made me laugh.

Price and Bateman finally get a stall and rush in. Price is
sweating.

PRICE
I'm shaking. You open it.

Bateman opens a tiny packet of coke.

PRICE
Jeez. That's not a helluva lot, is it?

BATEMAN
Maybe it's just the light.

PRICE
Is he fucking selling it by the milligram? (He dips
the corner of his Amex card in the packet and takes a snort)
Oh my God...

BATEMAN
What?

PRICE
It's a fucking milligram of Sweet'n Low!

Bateman dips his Amex in the envelope and snorts.

BATEMAN
It's definitely weak but I have a feeling if we do
enough of it we'll be okay.

PRICE
I want to get high off this; Bateman, not sprinkle it
on my fucking All-Bran.

The GUY IN STALL next door yells at them in an effeminate
voice:

GUY IN STALL
Could you keep it down, I'm trying to do drugs!

Price pounds his fist against the stall.

PRICE
(screaming)
SHUT UP!

BATEMAN
Calm down. Let's do it anyway

PRICE
I guess you're right...
(Raising his voice)
THAT IS, IF THE FAGGOT IN THE NEXT STALL THINKS IT'S OKAY!

GUY IN STALL
Fuck you!

PRICE
(Trying to climb up against the aluminum divider)
No, FUCK YOU!!
(He collapses, panting against the stall door)
Sorry, dude. Steroids...Okay, let's do it.

BATEMAN
That's the spirit.

They both dig their platinum Amex cards into the envelope
of white powder, shoveling it up their noses, then sticking
their fingers in to catch the residue and rubbing it into
their gums.

 

[23536]

you should read the American Psycho novel. It's a real and unexpected work of art. It begins with Dante's, "ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER" and ends with, "THIS IS NOT AN EXIT". It's the only book I've read three times--besides the Bible.

My favorite "bit" of dialogue is the entire script of Scarface. Oliver Stone wrote it. Even though Al Pacino fails miserably at replicating a Cuban accent (like we never pronounce you "JOO"), everything that comes out of his mouth is golden.

 

[AmorRoark]

This is random but NOBODY in my trivia group believed that I knew the first sentence from fucking American Psycho thus LOSING. And I fucking told them so ... they were like 'that's not his name'. Why would the first sentence have the character's name in it? They went with The fucking Devil's Advocate. 8( Yet another forgettable Pachino role.

Anyway, one of my favorite bits is obviously from Glengarry Glen Ross:

Alec Baldwin: Let me have your attention for a moment. 'Cause you're talkin' about what...you're talkin' 'bout...bitchin' about that sale you shot, some son of a bitch don't want to buy land, somebody don't want what you're selling, some broad you're trying to screw, so forth, let's talk about something important. Are they all here?
Kevin Spacey: All but one.

Baldwin: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important. (sees Lemmon pouring coffee). Put that coffee down. Coffee's for closer's only. You think I'm fuckin' with you? I am not funkin' with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and Murray. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Levine?

Jack Lemmon: Yeah.

Baldwin: You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch.

Ed Harris: I don't gotta listen to this shit.

Baldwin: You certainly don't pal 'cause the good news is you're fired. The bad news is you got all you got, just one week to regain your job, starting with tonight, starting with tonight's sits. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this month's sale contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is your fired. You get the picture? You laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them. You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shit, you are shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out.

Lemmon: The leads are weak.

Baldwin: The leads are weak. The fuckin' leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business 15 years ...

Harris: What's your name?

Baldwin: Fuck you, that's my name. You know why mister? Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an 80,000 dollar BMW. That's my name. (To Lemmon) And your name is you're wanting. You can't play in the man's game, you can't close them? Then go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life. Get them to sign on the line which is dotted. You hear me you fuckin' faggots.
(Flips the blackboard)

ABC. A, Always, B, Be, C, Closing. Always be closing. Always be closing. AIDA. Attention. Interest. Decision. Action. Attention. Do I have your attention? Interest. Are you interested? I know you are 'cause it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks. Decision. Have you made your decision for Christ? And action. AIDA. Get out there. You got the prospects coming in, you think they came in to get out of the rain? A guy don't walk on the lot lest he wants to buy. They're sitting out there waiting to give you their money. Are you going to take it? Are you man enough to take it? (To Harris) What's the problem, pal?

Harris: You, boss, you're such a hero, you're so rich, how come you're coming down here and wasting your time with such a bunch of bums?

Baldwin: You see this watch? You see this watch?

Harris: Yeah.

Baldwin: That watch costs more than your car. I made 970,000 dollars last year, how much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father. Fuck you, go home and play with your kids. You want to work here, close. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cock-sucker. You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit. If you don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight, the materials you got, make myself 15,000 dollars. Tonight. In two hours. Can you? Can you?

Go and do likewise. AIDA. Get mad you son-of-a-bitch. Get mad. You know what it takes to sell real-estate? It takes brass balls to sell real estate. Go and do likewise, gents. The money's out there, you pick it up, it's yours, you don't, I got no sympathy for you. You want to go out on those sits tonight and close, close, it's yours, if not, you're going to be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying. Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar: ''Oh yeah, I used to be a salesman. It's a tough racket.''

These are the new leads. These are the Glengarry leads. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They're for closers. I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (To Harris) And to answer your question, pal: Why am I here? I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fuckin' ass because a loser is a loser.

 

[23536]

only David Mamet can make a movie about realtors fun to watch.

Chris Rock orders a rib:

 

[shreddedlettuce]

The Big Lebowski

Jesus Quintana: You ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.

The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

%) Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click." %) - (This quote on it's own is a gem).

The Dude: Jesus!

Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.



Nothing has come close to the above scene and dialogue for me.

 

[Pharcyde]

This is random but NOBODY in my trivia group believed that I knew the first sentence from fucking American Psycho thus LOSING. And I fucking told them so ... they were like 'that's not his name'. Why would the first sentence have the character's name in it? They went with The fucking Devil's Advocate. 8( Yet another forgettable Pachino role.

Anyway, one of my favorite bits is obviously from Glengarry Glen Ross:

Alec Baldwin: Let me have your attention for a moment. 'Cause you're talkin' about what...you're talkin' 'bout...bitchin' about that sale you shot, some son of a bitch don't want to buy land, somebody don't want what you're selling, some broad you're trying to screw, so forth, let's talk about something important. Are they all here?
Kevin Spacey: All but one.

Baldwin: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important. (sees Lemmon pouring coffee). Put that coffee down. Coffee's for closer's only. You think I'm fuckin' with you? I am not funkin' with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and Murray. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Levine?

Jack Lemmon: Yeah.

Baldwin: You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch.

Ed Harris: I don't gotta listen to this shit.

Baldwin: You certainly don't pal 'cause the good news is you're fired. The bad news is you got all you got, just one week to regain your job, starting with tonight, starting with tonight's sits. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this month's sale contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is your fired. You get the picture? You laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them. You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shit, you are shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out.

Lemmon: The leads are weak.

Baldwin: The leads are weak. The fuckin' leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business 15 years ...

Harris: What's your name?

Baldwin: Fuck you, that's my name. You know why mister? Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an 80,000 dollar BMW. That's my name. (To Lemmon) And your name is you're wanting. You can't play in the man's game, you can't close them? Then go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life. Get them to sign on the line which is dotted. You hear me you fuckin' faggots.
(Flips the blackboard)

ABC. A, Always, B, Be, C, Closing. Always be closing. Always be closing. AIDA. Attention. Interest. Decision. Action. Attention. Do I have your attention? Interest. Are you interested? I know you are 'cause it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks. Decision. Have you made your decision for Christ? And action. AIDA. Get out there. You got the prospects coming in, you think they came in to get out of the rain? A guy don't walk on the lot lest he wants to buy. They're sitting out there waiting to give you their money. Are you going to take it? Are you man enough to take it? (To Harris) What's the problem, pal?

Harris: You, boss, you're such a hero, you're so rich, how come you're coming down here and wasting your time with such a bunch of bums?

Baldwin: You see this watch? You see this watch?

Harris: Yeah.

Baldwin: That watch costs more than your car. I made 970,000 dollars last year, how much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father. Fuck you, go home and play with your kids. You want to work here, close. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cock-sucker. You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit. If you don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight, the materials you got, make myself 15,000 dollars. Tonight. In two hours. Can you? Can you?

Go and do likewise. AIDA. Get mad you son-of-a-bitch. Get mad. You know what it takes to sell real-estate? It takes brass balls to sell real estate. Go and do likewise, gents. The money's out there, you pick it up, it's yours, you don't, I got no sympathy for you. You want to go out on those sits tonight and close, close, it's yours, if not, you're going to be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying. Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar: ''Oh yeah, I used to be a salesman. It's a tough racket.''

These are the new leads. These are the Glengarry leads. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They're for closers. I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (To Harris) And to answer your question, pal: Why am I here? I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fuckin' ass because a loser is a loser.

All of Alec Baldwins dialog was added for time and was never in the play iirc



anyway heres mine

Wayne Campbell: Am I supposed to be a man? Am I supposed to say, "It's OK, I don't mind, I don't mind"? Well, I mind! I mind big time! And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ.

Cassandra: Is that true?

Wayne Campbell: Yes, everything except the reading part.

Waynes World has some classics in it