NOVEMBER 20th, 2004, age 20 - Proof I'm A Pedantic Bitch When Hooked On P
Okay well I've been slack about writing over this past week. To be honest it's a fairly hard week to recall. I binged.
On Wednesday I slept all day since I'd been up all day Tuesday night writing in here. I was still fairly exhausted from last week's binge so with a mixture of morphine, Phenergan and good old mary jane I slept all that night as well. Marika always tells me I need to not use any drugs other than weed until the weekend because otherwise I start binging during the week, or I end up using during the week anyway - I really should start taking her advice. Of course the pills made me wake up tired and of course being tired made me crave stimulants. Since my main drug of choice is...well...a stimulant, giving in was inevitable. Especially when I had to drive around on Thursday morning with five grams of beautiful crystalline pure, of the best quality Pete can cook, in the glove-box, and with Graeme puffing away beside me. So that's how early on a Thursday morning I ended up on the P...and of course once I'd started I didn't stop because that's just how it works with me and P.
By Thursday night I was through nearly two grams and needed more. I don't understand this - I was in detox just two weeks ago!
I was also out of weed...so I went round to Alannah's to see if I could score a fifty bag off Andrew, or maybe his dealer, Carl (and I guess, deep down there was a slice of hope that she'd have a bit of meth to keep me going), however it turned out that Andrew was in Australia this week, taking part in a giant crystal meth haul. Not a big dilemma - maybe he'll be nice and bring Alannah back some crystal, which in turn she'll share with me?
She'd texted Carl but then she'd gone and crashed her car by putting the steering into lock and running over the kerb in a fit of rage because her loser methhead friends (okay maybe I can't talk...) wouldn't give her any P when she'd chipped in towards a communal gram. Of course her phone charger was in the car and the phone's died before Carl could get back to her.
Instantly I formed the perfect plan in my racing head - I told Alannah that if she helped me find some weed (since she always goes on about all these tinniehouses she knows in Otara) I'd hook her up with some P. Easy solution.
She was eager and since even though she reckons she doesn't have a methamphetamine habit she was crashed-out big-time and looking pretty stressed about not scoring, she was an easy fish to bait. I have to laugh at how Alannah and I use each other - we'd never be friends if it wasn't for weed and meth. We're not really friends - she annoys the shit out of me...she's a compulsive liar and over-exaggerater (like Harley but worse) and of course smoking P makes that ten times worse! She's ditzy, stupid, egotistically vain and totally selfish - she's like May with red hair.
Not to mention the shit she puts other people through - she's stringing along, like, ten nice guys (who all think they're her boyfriend) at once, and her little daughter, Trinity (who I'm actually, admittedly, becoming quite fond of) gets toally neglected. All the power's off in her house because she hasn't paid the power bill for months, yet she still goes out buying P! Now if she was like that because of her little addiction to P I wouldn't judge her for being like that but she's always been like that. Also she thinks she's so gorgeous, and she always did used to have an attractive figure (not too fat, not too thin, and with decent tits), not to mention a gorgeous olive complexion, but really other than that she's fairly average. In fact now she's a little underweight with those saggy little tits you get from abusing stimulants (John calls them 'meth tits') plus she has that typical pale grey shade across her skin, super-visible veins and dark circles under her eyes that also come with the territory. Still she's the only person I know who actually thinks everyone's jealous of how beautiful she is.
Okay I'll stop bagging her there.
So I drove us all the way down to Otara, expecting to be driving round all these new tinniehouses, then we stopped outside the first one, and it was a block of council flats. Alannah couldn't remember for sure but she thought it was flat B - but she wouldn't come in with me! So there I am in the middle of the seediest side of Auckland, not even knowing whether the place I'm outside is really a tinniehouse or not - of course I didn't go in! I lost my switchblade to the pigs when they busted me - remember...
I was so pissed off because Alannah had made out that she was going to hook me up. Then it turned out she didn't even know any other tinniehouses. In the end I drove on to Papakura in a fairly shitty state. I was starting to come down from my last hit of P and I didn't feel good. Luckily my favourite Papakura tinniehouse was open and well-stocked with some decent shit.
I drove back, picked up Trinity (who we'd dropped at Mark's place) and, because I was feeling nice (and fiending) took us to Pete's place so Alannah could score some P. Now I've hooked Alannah up with a reliable dealer when it was supposed to be her hooking me up! Oh well, at least I got another ounce of P. I'm hoping that will do me for two weeks. Maybe I'd better get back on the needle since my tolerance is building up so fast again.
NB. - Marika was my drug and alcohol counsellor for nearly 5 yrs - tbh she helped save my life
- Pete was a gang member I used to cook/deal/distribute for (methamphetamine only)
- Graeme was a friend I used to cook/deal with (also a gang member - same gang) now doing time for cooking P
- Alannah was a drug buddy, who has now moved to Sunshine Coast to escape the drug scene, give her daughter a chance at life and escape her abusive ex-partner who always tried to fight for custody of her daughter
- Andrew is Alannah's brother, now doing time for Ecstasy importing
- Carl was the guy cooking/supplying P/E to Andrew
- Harley is my ex
- May is one of my friends, but shes still a heavy stimulant user
- Trinity is Alannah's daughter; she was about 2 wen this was going on, so she'd b bout 6-7 now
- John is one of my friends, one of those lucky guys who can use P without getting hooked! (he does like the booze a bit much tho....)
- Mark is Alannah's violent gang-affiliated meth-addled ex, the father of Trinity
- tinniehouses (to u non-kiwis) r basically underground tinnie ($20 worth of weed wrapped in tinfoil - can vary in size and strength/quality of the weed itself) shops that stoners learn of by word of mouth
- as usual, not all the names i hav used here, for obvious reasons, r real names...some r definitely aliases, as if those ppl got on BL for any reason and saw my pic/read my entries in this blog, theyd know who i was straight off!
Okay well I've been slack about writing over this past week. To be honest it's a fairly hard week to recall. I binged.
On Wednesday I slept all day since I'd been up all day Tuesday night writing in here. I was still fairly exhausted from last week's binge so with a mixture of morphine, Phenergan and good old mary jane I slept all that night as well. Marika always tells me I need to not use any drugs other than weed until the weekend because otherwise I start binging during the week, or I end up using during the week anyway - I really should start taking her advice. Of course the pills made me wake up tired and of course being tired made me crave stimulants. Since my main drug of choice is...well...a stimulant, giving in was inevitable. Especially when I had to drive around on Thursday morning with five grams of beautiful crystalline pure, of the best quality Pete can cook, in the glove-box, and with Graeme puffing away beside me. So that's how early on a Thursday morning I ended up on the P...and of course once I'd started I didn't stop because that's just how it works with me and P.
By Thursday night I was through nearly two grams and needed more. I don't understand this - I was in detox just two weeks ago!
I was also out of weed...so I went round to Alannah's to see if I could score a fifty bag off Andrew, or maybe his dealer, Carl (and I guess, deep down there was a slice of hope that she'd have a bit of meth to keep me going), however it turned out that Andrew was in Australia this week, taking part in a giant crystal meth haul. Not a big dilemma - maybe he'll be nice and bring Alannah back some crystal, which in turn she'll share with me?
She'd texted Carl but then she'd gone and crashed her car by putting the steering into lock and running over the kerb in a fit of rage because her loser methhead friends (okay maybe I can't talk...) wouldn't give her any P when she'd chipped in towards a communal gram. Of course her phone charger was in the car and the phone's died before Carl could get back to her.
Instantly I formed the perfect plan in my racing head - I told Alannah that if she helped me find some weed (since she always goes on about all these tinniehouses she knows in Otara) I'd hook her up with some P. Easy solution.
She was eager and since even though she reckons she doesn't have a methamphetamine habit she was crashed-out big-time and looking pretty stressed about not scoring, she was an easy fish to bait. I have to laugh at how Alannah and I use each other - we'd never be friends if it wasn't for weed and meth. We're not really friends - she annoys the shit out of me...she's a compulsive liar and over-exaggerater (like Harley but worse) and of course smoking P makes that ten times worse! She's ditzy, stupid, egotistically vain and totally selfish - she's like May with red hair.
Not to mention the shit she puts other people through - she's stringing along, like, ten nice guys (who all think they're her boyfriend) at once, and her little daughter, Trinity (who I'm actually, admittedly, becoming quite fond of) gets toally neglected. All the power's off in her house because she hasn't paid the power bill for months, yet she still goes out buying P! Now if she was like that because of her little addiction to P I wouldn't judge her for being like that but she's always been like that. Also she thinks she's so gorgeous, and she always did used to have an attractive figure (not too fat, not too thin, and with decent tits), not to mention a gorgeous olive complexion, but really other than that she's fairly average. In fact now she's a little underweight with those saggy little tits you get from abusing stimulants (John calls them 'meth tits') plus she has that typical pale grey shade across her skin, super-visible veins and dark circles under her eyes that also come with the territory. Still she's the only person I know who actually thinks everyone's jealous of how beautiful she is.
Okay I'll stop bagging her there.
So I drove us all the way down to Otara, expecting to be driving round all these new tinniehouses, then we stopped outside the first one, and it was a block of council flats. Alannah couldn't remember for sure but she thought it was flat B - but she wouldn't come in with me! So there I am in the middle of the seediest side of Auckland, not even knowing whether the place I'm outside is really a tinniehouse or not - of course I didn't go in! I lost my switchblade to the pigs when they busted me - remember...
I was so pissed off because Alannah had made out that she was going to hook me up. Then it turned out she didn't even know any other tinniehouses. In the end I drove on to Papakura in a fairly shitty state. I was starting to come down from my last hit of P and I didn't feel good. Luckily my favourite Papakura tinniehouse was open and well-stocked with some decent shit.
I drove back, picked up Trinity (who we'd dropped at Mark's place) and, because I was feeling nice (and fiending) took us to Pete's place so Alannah could score some P. Now I've hooked Alannah up with a reliable dealer when it was supposed to be her hooking me up! Oh well, at least I got another ounce of P. I'm hoping that will do me for two weeks. Maybe I'd better get back on the needle since my tolerance is building up so fast again.
NB. - Marika was my drug and alcohol counsellor for nearly 5 yrs - tbh she helped save my life
- Pete was a gang member I used to cook/deal/distribute for (methamphetamine only)
- Graeme was a friend I used to cook/deal with (also a gang member - same gang) now doing time for cooking P
- Alannah was a drug buddy, who has now moved to Sunshine Coast to escape the drug scene, give her daughter a chance at life and escape her abusive ex-partner who always tried to fight for custody of her daughter
- Andrew is Alannah's brother, now doing time for Ecstasy importing
- Carl was the guy cooking/supplying P/E to Andrew
- Harley is my ex
- May is one of my friends, but shes still a heavy stimulant user
- Trinity is Alannah's daughter; she was about 2 wen this was going on, so she'd b bout 6-7 now
- John is one of my friends, one of those lucky guys who can use P without getting hooked! (he does like the booze a bit much tho....)
- Mark is Alannah's violent gang-affiliated meth-addled ex, the father of Trinity
- tinniehouses (to u non-kiwis) r basically underground tinnie ($20 worth of weed wrapped in tinfoil - can vary in size and strength/quality of the weed itself) shops that stoners learn of by word of mouth
- as usual, not all the names i hav used here, for obvious reasons, r real names...some r definitely aliases, as if those ppl got on BL for any reason and saw my pic/read my entries in this blog, theyd know who i was straight off!