Mental Health Years of treatment with no progress - advice needed

[StriaTerminalis]

First thread - hope this is being posted in the correct section.

I've never posted anything online in regards to my situation due to privacy concerns, but as the title implies, I have reached a point where it seems that all conventional methods of treatment that I am aware of have been exhausted. I'm looking for advice on what I can consider next, or maybe something I'm not seeing in myself can be brought to my attention.

Male, mid 20s, university student. Not even sure when I'm going to graduate based on my downhill academic performance over the past few years... but I do know that I am capable of doing very well based on past performance and accomplishments during the early years at my university. Don't drink or smoke. In good physical health as far as I know. One of my main problems is that I have a strong trait of avoiding social situations. I am generally well received by others, but very quickly start to become anxious and make excuses to avoid any further interactions unless there is no other option. I actually do want to connect with other people, and there have been very rare exceptions where I have, but I rapidly develop this strange and disorienting anxiety that almost completely removes me from the present moment. It seems like a type of social anxiety disorder that is almost to the extent of avoidant personality disorder. I also have a lot of fatigue that interferes with my ability to concentrate and stay motivated. Controlling the fatigue is critical for me because of school. It has seemed like both of these issues revolve around each other and are simply destroying the quality of my life.

Now on to my attempts to try to improve: persistent exercise, reading motivational material, extensive research, 4 therapists, blood work, and many other resources. Continuous attempts to desensitize myself to social situations seem to have just pushing me into isolation. No progress. Eventually I gave in to the idea of taking medication. Diagnosis between medical professionals has always pointed towards dysthymia. After all of these years I have been on around 15 different medications - mostly all varying in dose. Here are some that I can remember right now:

Prozac - no effect
Wellbutrin - no effect
Zoloft - caused extreme depression, discontinued
Lexapro - caused extreme depression, discontinued
Luvox - some positive improvements in mood that did not last very long, did not help with motivation at all
Provigil - no effect
Abilify - akathesia, discontinued
Klonopin - helped with sleep but developed tolerance, will discontinue
Lamictal - worked great until klonopin dose was increased....? Did not have same effect once klonopin was lowered again.
Adderall - works great for short period of time, then horrible crash
Vyvanse - works great for short period of time, then horrible crash
Concerta - works great for short period of time, then horrible crash

Currently take Lamictal, Klonopin, Vitamin D, and Vitamin B complex.

tl;dr - extreme social anxiety and fatigue that has lead to isolation and declining cognitive function. Resorted to various medications (see list) and have not still not improved.

 

[Markomarkh]

Hi there, I'm 35, been depressed, asbergic and schizophrenic most my adult life, been to the doctors on and off, seen lots of different therapists and support workers, I'm on APs and ADs and they are all ineffective, iim seeing the doctor soon to see if I can come off them or ween off them as sometimes that can do good if done right.

 

[cook]

Hello and welcome to bluelight,

Only treatment I didnt see in your list of tried things was group threrapy, but if you truly are close to avoidant personality type it might be too painful yet possibly the most helpful approach. Have you ever considered it or could you even imagine doing it? We draw so much of our energy from social interaction if its totally missing or very disturbed for some reason it causes lot of problems other than missing social life. I am avoidant too (diagnosed) and what you are describing could be my description also, except the fatigue part.

I actually do want to connect with other people, and there have been very rare exceptions where I have, but I rapidly develop this strange and disorienting anxiety that almost completely removes me from the present moment.

This is dissociation. You would need to get to the bottom of this reaction which is easier said than done as it may have roots very far away, most likely in the early childhood. The best possibility for it would be in group therapy setting. Youve tried lot of meds already and I have the same experience, no drugs are really effective for this except for the drugs that completely detaches you from your emotions, but this is an emotional problem. Wish I had some solution.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Try something other than drugs.

The fact that you have been through that shopping list without having first been through group therapy is an indication of how fucked up the medical system can be. Find a local support group for people with the same problems as you and go to it, safe in the kknowledge that no one will be judging you because they are all the same as you. Even if you just go along and don't say anything that's fine.

You need help from others in your position, not more drugs.

 

[n00bsaibot]

I have never had therapy, but have an extensive list of medications that I have used also.
Doctors refused to work with my condition and it has lead me to self-medication.
I know how you feel, your anxiety prevents you from seeking treatment.
Have you tried drugs besides prescription medication.

 

[bees_knees]

Don't slam meds even if they're made by evil conglomerates, I'm just beginning to have my life turned around thanks to Abilify. Have you tried Abilify with an anti-akasthesia agent? It has a way of numbing those fucked up feelings. It's also very activating, since you're fatigued.

Sometimes it's just the brain. In my case it's schizophrenia with too high dopamine, and you take a dopamine suppressing or modulating agent called an antipsychotic and duh your symptoms improve.

 

[n00bsaibot]

Does abilify suppress libido?

 

[kx_]

Just a side question: do you masturbate to porn?

I am not even kidding, this is a serious issue that a lot of people know nothing about. Yet this harmful habit can destroy a person's life.

more on: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

 

[bees_knees]

Abilify doesn't suppress my libido even on the high 30mg dose I'm on, still spanking it frequently, probably due to it modulating dopamine not suppressing it, which leads to less side effects in general. YMMV

Speaking of spanking it I really need to stop looking at porn as the above poster has suggested. Might do the nofap challenge etc. I always feel unnatural after watching it.

 

[herbavore]

Welcome to Bluelight.

Have you read anything by Gabor Mate? While much of his writing is centered around addiction and ADD, he has amazing insight into anxiety and a general sense of disconnection to others that runs through much of his work. Check out all his interviews and talks on youtube--they may lead you to some new avenues to explore.

Many people your age and in your current situation feel similar to you. Rather than see this as some kind of epidemic I see it as a mash up between a very normal and natural stage of life (uncertainty, anxiety about the future, questions about the self) and a culture which does absolutely zilch to embrace this phase of adult development.

Are you engaged with your education or are you just doing it because you "should"? If it is the latter, I suggest making sure that your chosen course of study is right for you. What excites you? What are your passions and what drives you? If you don't know then that is a great starting point. You need passion and you need activities that relate to those passions.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

^^^^^

Thanks for this post. I'm at uni, mid 20s, currently have undiagnosed ADHD (given to my reluctance to engage with psychiatric services) but everyone around me is sure I fit the bracket (including my secondary school teacher mother who deals with similar kids on a daily basis) and I'm hopefully getting an official diagnosis soon, have long standing issues with addiction and depression....

Going to look in to Gabor Mate for sure.

OP: Seriously, please seek help from the experience of others and take strength from them. I honestly feel medication is not the answer. I know you might feel this will be very difficult because of your anxiety but I really believe this is you route to success. You need to escape from isolation.

PM me if you want to chat or something, we're in a similar sort of position.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Prozac - no effect
Wellbutrin - no effect
Zoloft - caused extreme depression, discontinued
Lexapro - caused extreme depression, discontinued
Luvox - some positive improvements in mood that did not last very long, did not help with motivation at all
Provigil - no effect
Abilify - akathesia, discontinued
Klonopin - helped with sleep but developed tolerance, will discontinue
Lamictal - worked great until klonopin dose was increased....? Did not have same effect once klonopin was lowered again.
Adderall - works great for short period of time, then horrible crash
Vyvanse - works great for short period of time, then horrible crash
Concerta - works great for short period of time, then horrible crash

IMHO this list is useless if you do not include at least an estimate of how long you were on each drug before quitting it.

 

[n00bsaibot]

Just a side question: do you masturbate to porn?

I am not even kidding, this is a serious issue that a lot of people know nothing about. Yet this harmful habit can destroy a person's life.

more on: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

Very interesting, I'll definitely read that.
In the mean time . . . . . .. . .LOL
Actually this gives me an idea for a new topic.